Qualities of a good husband

 

Every woman wants a good husband. Most mothers with grown-up daughters spend hours in prayer at home or in churches, praying for their daughters, not just to marry, but to marry a good husband.

What are the ‘goods’ in a man that qualifies him as a good husband? 

Does a good son make a good husband? Not always. And there is a difference between being a good man and a good husband.

For a man to be a good husband, he has to be intentional and knowledgeable about what it takes to build a peaceful and lovely home for his family.

Marriage is a beautiful relationship if you understand the tenets of handling your ‘marriageship’ and exhibiting qualities that will make you a good husband.

Qualities of a Good Husband?

An emotionally matured man.

It takes an emotionally intelligent man to confront conflict in marriage constructively while remaining resilient and supportive of his wife. The difference between a good husband and a bad one is the management of conflicts.

It takes a man who is emotionally mature, well-grounded and with a sense of balance to control his impulses and respond to challenging issues sensibly, rather than reacting impulsively.

A mature man should have the capacity to deal with the challenge, disappointment, and stress of marriage. That is why it is said that marriage is for men, not for boys.

A cheerful man: 

Women love men who are witty and have a sense of humour. A husband who knows how to make his wife smile at the right time; is a good husband. 

A man who comes home with a cheerful face despite having a bad day at work is a husband to hold on to. Women love men who could differentiate between the office environment and their homes. A good husband leaves the mean and grumpy face at the door and put up a cheerful disposition as he crosses the threshold of his home. 

Try to enter your home as cheerful and light-hearted as you can, even if you had a bad day at the office or are physically exhausted after driving through traffic.

There’s nothing a good husband loves more than making his wife and family happy. 

A Faithful man. 

Loyalty and faithfulness are prime qualities of a good husband. A man who has a sense of honour and duty remembers the sacred vows he took on his wedding day and respect them. 

A good husband knows that no matter how many beautiful women he meets in a day, there is only one woman who owns his heart, and that is his wife. 

A good husband is loyal to his wife. He never let her feel she is not good enough for him. If you love your wife, be loyal to her. Never make her feel you are not true to her, else it will break her heart.

A Responsible man. 

Biblically and culturally, it is the duty of a man to provide for his family. A good husband takes his marriage as his responsibility and is responsible for his financial obligations in the house. A good husband knows his family needs must always come before his own and, as such, use his money wisely.

Even if your wife works, it is an act of irresponsibility for a man to depend on his wife's salary. Good husbands prefer to have that as a backup rather than a major part of their family expenses.

A reliable man

 Every woman wants a man she could rely on. A good husband is there for his wife when she needs him. He provides her reassurance when she stumbles or is feeling down. He is available for her when she needs a shoulder to lean on when life hits her.

A good husband is never too busy for his wife. When it matters, he drops everything to give her attention and affection.

When a husband does what he says; when a husband does not lie; when a husband is consistent with positive qualities, then he is dependable and a husband a woman can rely on.

A supportive man.

A good husband supports his wife in all stages of her life. He does not belittle her or hurt her ego. If she is a working woman, understand she has work pressures too. Understand when she needs to stay late at work and give her your support. 

A good husband supports his wife by taking some weight off her shoulders and helping her with housework. Never leave your wife to handle the smooth running of the household alone, even if she is a stay at home mom.

A good husband is proud of his wife’s accomplishments and compliments her. A good husband supports his wife, even when the going gets tough, he always sees the good things in life and stays positive when faced with adversity to cheer the wife up. Support from a good husband challenges the wife to put in her best efforts and grow as a person. 

If a man is supportive, values you as his equal and loves you just the way you are, you have a good husband or a good husband material.

A sensitivity man. 

Be sensitive to the needs of your wife and try to meet them. Not just physical needs but emotional needs as well. Do not let your feelings toward life's changes affect your feelings toward your wife. A good husband needs to be sensitive to the requirements of his wife, treat her as an equal.

 If your wife has a goal she wants to work towards, do everything that you can for her. Don’t laugh at her dreams because that will break her spirit. 

You are the one man in the world she feels will understand her when the rest of the world thinks she is silly. Women appreciate men who make an effort to like things she does, either hobbies or passions. 

As a good husband, stand up for your wife, make her believe she can do anything she wants to do. She will love you even more for that.

A respectful man: 

A good husband speaks lovingly to his wife and refrains from using harsh words. A good husband never chooses to belittle, strike, humiliate or harm his wife in private or in public. A good husband watches what he says and thinks his thoughts through before speaking because he wouldn’t want to offend his wife in words or actions. 

A good husband treats his wife with respect in front of others and at home.  A good husband considers his wife’s opinion when making important family decisions. 

A good husband never makes his wife feel silly for what she believes in, if you don’t believe in the same, respect her beliefs.

Understanding, accepting and respecting the fact your wife is a separate being, who has different ideas, dreams, and opinions, is important in a marriage. 

A good husband respects his wife’s wishes and her needs. A good husband does not force his wife to give up on her dreams to follow his, but talks things out and sees what works for both of them.

A non-judgmental man. 

A good husband never judges his wife for her flaws. A golden rule in life is that you need to walk in someone else’s shoes to understand what they are going through before you judge them. Marriage is part of life. The rule is applicable here as well.

Avoid judging every action or opinion of your wife. A good husband understands his wife differs from him and that her experiences and likings differ from his, too.

If your wife did something or said something you didn’t agree with, show understanding by applying the golden rule, rather than making her feel she does not measure up or has goofed big time. People have their flaws and faults. A good husband accepts the bad with the good of the woman he married. 

A man with excellent communication skills: Communication is the key to a healthy marriage. A man who has healthy communication skills makes a good husband.

A man with excellent communication skills does not bottle up his feelings or emotions, it’s unhealthy and could lead to conflicts. 

A man who shares his thoughts and feelings with his wife without reservation; a man who talks things out with his wife; a man who discusses difficult subjects with his wife; they can disagree or argue, and yet still come to some kind of resolution later, is a good husband.

A good husband is a good listener, too. He listens when his wife talks and listens to his wife's complaints and empathises with what's going on in her life. Good communication helps in building trust and strengthens marriage. 

An honest man. Trust is paramount to a healthy marriage, and what builds trust in a relationship is honesty. A good husband is a man who is open to his wife at all times and does not keep her in the dark about what is going on in his life, business or workplace.

Being a trustworthy man is a proactive role. It requires a conscious effort, affirmed continuously by the decision and actions the man takes.  

A good husband ensures he gains the trust of his wife. He never gives his wife a chance to doubt him or feel insecure. He never gives her any reason not to trust him. And he let her know she can trust him with anything.

An honest man makes a good husband. Telling your wife the truth, not hiding things from her and involving her in every aspect of your life will earn her trust and will ensure you gain respect and honesty right back from her.

A Loving and affectionate man. 

Nothing trips a woman like when her man shows her love and affection as often as possible. Women are a sucker for affection. Every woman likes to be pampered.  A good husband pampers and appreciates his wife and notices her at all times. And compliments her when she spots a new hairdo or dresses up nice and cute.

Most women love romance and like it when their husbands’ shower love on them, so remember to be romantic with your wife once in a while. A good husband knows how to pamper his wife and indulge her in the things she loves. It shows her how much you care about her and will win you some points with her, and she will indulge you in the things that you love as well.

A good husband is mindful. It's important for a man not to neglect his woman. A good husband never forgets the special days in his wife’s life, like birthday and wedding anniversary.

A Protective man: 

A woman needs to feel secure around her man. A good husband makes his wife feel that when she is with him, no one can harm her. You don't need to be Mr Macho, but at least when you are with her others should not take advantage of her or insult her. 

A good husband is protective and never abusive to his wife. A good husband doesn’t tolerate others disrespecting his wife. He never allows someone to insult or say mean jokes about his wife. He let people know he is always at his wife’s side, come what may.

An understanding and appreciative man. A good husband understands his wife has a life other than being his wife. She has her parents, friends and colleagues who are part of her life too. She may have hobbies or passions outside you. Don’t expect her undivided attention. Don’t stop her if she wants to go out and hang out with her friends sometimes, engage in a hobby or spend some time with her parents.

A good husband understands everything about his wife- her thoughts, ambitions, opinions, her friends, her job. He doesn’t make her feel bad about her life circumstances, and he appreciates the person she is and the choices she has made.

As a good husband, be warm, kind, positive, and understanding to everyone around you, and appreciate your wife. 

A selfless and kind man

Kindness in a man is a very appealing quality to women. It assures a woman that the man will never hurt her and will always do what is best for her and the family. 

Kindness towards others makes a wife proud of her husband enough to brag about it to all her friends. Nobody likes an arrogant man. A good husband is pleasant and kind to friends and family. 

A good husband is up and doing and helps his wife with housework. As her husband, your wife will appreciate it so much if you were more active in the home, cleaning up after yourself and helping out with some chores. 

Just because your wife doesn’t work doesn’t mean her work at home is less strenuous. She might have struggled with children and housework all day.

A sexually capable man: 

Sexual intimacy is essential to marriage. Good sex helps to strengthen your emotional and physical attraction to your wife. A good husband satisfies his wife in bed and is faithful to her. Good sex plays a vital role in a satisfying and healthy relationship. Sexual frustration makes a nagging wife and can cause conflict at home.

A good husband is not just passionate when it comes to the physical aspect of marriage, but he is also passionate about small things that concern his wife and family. 

A compassionate man.

A man who can feel for others is very appealing to women, so be a compassionate man and show you care. It can be towards your wife and others as well. The more compassion you show, the more of a hero you will be to your wife.

Your marriage vows, in sickness and health, should not be taken lightly. A good husband would do anything to look after his wife in sickness and in health and do his best to look after his wife’s needs.

A Good Team Player

A good husband is also a team player. As a husband, you must realise you and your wife are a team. Being a good team player is vital in a marriage. It shouldn’t always be about you, you need to think about your wife as well. 

A good husband never undermines the decisions of his wife in front of the children or his relatives. If she errs, he talks to her in private. Showing people that the two of you are a team will prevent them from disrespecting your wife or taking advantage of her. 

LOVE IS NOT SO IMPORTANT:

... YOU DON'T NEED TO LOVE A PERSON TO MARRY HIM OR HER!

Image from pexels.com

How would you know the right person for marriage?

Simple.

The person who values you the most is the right person for marriage.
The person who respects you more; accepts you for who you are, irrespective of your age, tribe, location or religion, or even disability, is the right person for you.

That one that does all he can to make you happy, even though he isn't perfect, is the right man for you.
That one that goes out of her way to put you first, even when you don't already treat her right, is the right woman for you.
That person who feels like home, that makes you feel at peace, is the one you should marry.

It can be hard sometimes. I know.
If it were so easy, you probably won't need to buy and read this book.
If it was very easy, I won't be a Relationship and Marriage Counselor.
There is a common dilemma that envelopes us and threatens to suffocate us.

THE ONES WE LOVE USUALLY DON'T LOVE US THAT MUCH.
AND THE ONES WE DON'T LOVE ARE THE ONES THAT PURSUE US ALL DAY LONG.

Life can be so funny!

This dilemma paralyses us. It makes it difficult to choose or even know whom to choose for marriage.
We pursue love. We want love. We want to give love and we become obsessed with finding people that will love us in return.
Within the context of preparing for marriage, love is good, but it is not so important, especially at the beginning.
In fact, love can cause you to make a bad or wrong decision for marriage.

Love characteristically makes us believe the best in people, stick with them for long as we expect them to change, even when they don't treat us well.

Love makes us see rainbows in everything.
This is good, but it can also be terrible.
In trying to choose whom to marry, love should sometimes be the last thing to consider.

If it is to be considered at all, it should come last.
Check thoroughly if the person on your marriage radar is good for you emotionally and mentally.
It has to be more than their good looks and bank statement!
Do they treat you well?
Do they create time for you, even when they get very busy?
Do they still give something to you, even from the little they have sometimes?

Maybe you don't love this person, but at least, he or she loves you.
This should be enough at the start.
You can marry someone that loves you even if you don't love them yet.

As long as they value and respect you and want to be with you, your love for them will come later.
It always does, as long as your heart stays open to them.
Love is wonderful. It is important, but it is not everything.

I wrote more about this in one of my Hot Best-Selling Books titled BLESSED BUT BLIND.
Get this book. You'll thank me later.

The secret to knowing the right person for marriage is in looking out for what will not kill you tomorrow or cause you stress and unhappiness later in a marriage.

The marriage game for a single man differs from what it is for a single woman.

A man is everything that a woman is not.
What a man needs, differs from what would sustain a woman.
Men and women, historically and emotionally, rarely want the same things.

To be fair, it is really hard to know what women want.
I feel that a lot of times, women are very unstable creatures.
What they pursued yesterday with vigour suddenly doesn't seem to interest them anymore today.

What they want now will become entirely different from what they will want tomorrow.

I usually have a hard time understanding them!
In fact, most women don't even understand themselves.
Men don't usually behave that way. Men are quite basic.
Give a man constant sex, a steady supply of good food and make him feel like a don and he will stay sweet on you forever.
I believe you can get and keep any man with these three things:

1. Sex.
2. Food.
3. Respect (The strategic massaging of his ego).

Pexels.com

Apart from these three important things, the rest is not so important for men.
Men are so simple. They understand themselves well.
A woman that will get and keep the right man needs to understand this too.

A lot of women don't know this secret.
Men all over the world have always known this secret.
It is a surprise that it has remained a secret for a very long time.
Whenever a single woman is finding it hard to get or keep a man, she is probably failing in one or more of those three secrets I shared with you.

To get a man, a woman needs to understand a man and what he wants.
Like I wrote earlier, men are simple beings.

Check very well. I didn't add love to the list.
I wouldn't dare try that if I made a list of what women want.
As unpredictable as women can be, every woman (pardon the generalisation) would always add love to what she wants from a man.
Men need love, but most men are not so hung up on love as women.
This means that a man can easily marry a woman that gives him those three things I mentioned earlier, even if he doesn't love her.
For example, when I married my wife years ago, I didn't do so for love.

I married her because she fucked me well, cooked like a chef, and treated me respectfully like a king.
The loving kind of "grew up on me," so to say.

And the truth is, you can grow to love anyone if you open your heart to them, even if you didn't love them at the beginning.
So, dear single man, even if you don't love her or feel anything special for her now, as long as she is good in those three areas I listed, MARRY HER!
The love will grow on you later if you open up your heart to her.




~BRIGHT U. NKWOCHA
(Relationship & Marriage Counselor)
08164137531

Bright Nkwocha, a Relationship/Marriage Counsellor and an Author

Author's hangout with Zizi

Months back, Bright Nkwocha was just a Facebook friend, of whom I love reading his posts. As a relationship coach too, I love reading the writings of others in the same field as me.

However, our relationship changed when I stumbled on the price slash of his books, which he did to mark his wedding anniversary. I bought the books, first to read more about his works and secondary to show solidarity towards his wedding anniversary celebration.

When I called him for the books; that was the first time we spoke with each other; his enthusiasm and response was heartwarming. I paid for the e-books and received them. 

His titles and covers were captivating, though some of his ideas were radical. But I love the simplicity of his writing style and the fact he used his life and marriage experiences as a rich source to educate single and married people on relationship matters. 

Who is Bright Nkwocha?

Bright U. Nkwocha is a happy man. He is a father, son and husband. He wants to enjoy more of what life has to offer.

What inspired you to become a relationship counsellor?

Problems inspired me to be a Relationship and Marriage Counsellor. I never planned to be one. I always say that it found me. I was more interested in teaching personal and organisational leadership, but people kept asking more questions related to relationships and marriage. I had to rise up to the challenge. It's been fun so far.

Which came first, the writing or the counselling?

The writing came first while the Counselling came very much later. I discovered my love for writing in secondary school.

What is your mission and vision as a marriage/relationship counsellor?

To help couples and singles in Africa solve tough relationship and marriage issues.

You have captivating titles. How did you come up with them?

I learned that from the great thought leader, Emeka Nobis. He advocates that in a field where there are over a million voices, you must find a way to be heard. Catchy titles fulfil that. I had to hone the craft over time.

 Where and how do you get inspiration for your literary works?

Life inspires me a lot. I draw greatly from my daily interactions with singles and couples in counselling sessions, too. I read a lot but the greatest source of inspiration for me is my life. I write about my life a lot.

What was one of the most surprising things you learned as a marriage/relationship counsellor?

I learned that most of what people say about relationships and marriage isn't true at all, especially in church. For example, you can do all the right things and still have a failed marriage.

What author or book influenced you either growing up or as an adult?

A lot ooo! It would be difficult to pick one or even three. John C. Maxwell, Steven Covey, Bishop T.D. Jakes and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie would top the list with their books. I read them a lot. I still do.

What do you consider your best accomplishment as a writer and relationship/marriage counsellor?

 Making Counselling accessible to people online on the go.

How many books have you written? What are the challenges you faced in writing and publishing them?

I've written eleven books so far. The major challenge is having more ideas to write about than I have time for.

How do you market your work? What avenues have you found to work best for you?

I market them online via social media marketing. I discovered that those that participate in counselling almost always buy one or more of my books, so I market my counselling services more than I market the books themselves. In fact, I now write books only for counselling purposes.

How do you coordinate all the different parts of your life?

This is one area I still have not been able to handle well. Balance is never easy. I'm still learning. Creating art requires time and concentration and travelling. I'm just glad that I have a very understanding wife. They get to bear the full brunt of the burdens of my dreams.

 How do you promote your books and are they yielding fruits?

Social media marketing and, for now, it works. I'm working on better ways to get my books into the hands of more people.

What kind of feedback do you get from your readers and those you mentor?

As a rule, I don't mentor people. I have a different understanding of mentoring. Feedback from my work usually comes during or after counselling.

Give us an interesting, fun fact about the writing of any of your books.

 I wrote INFIDELITY after I cheated on my wife years ago.

 

What do you consider as the essential role of a relationship/ marriage counsellor?

 A Counsellor is essentially a guide. He or she will not make your decisions for you but will make your options known to you and guide you to what suits you best per time.

What is your view on religion and how much of that influenced your writing?

Well, I was a pastor for years. Ministry took me to seven countries, but in 2018, I closed down a church I was pastoring and left ministry work. I go to church once in a while. I do not consider myself a Christian Counsellor even though most of my clients are Christians. Religion is good, but it takes more from you than it gives to you. I write for Christians, but I don't imbibe most of its principles.

In one of your books, you stated that polygamy is not wrong. What informed your perception of this? 

History, especially the Bible, informed my decision about this.

What is your perception of pre-marital and extra-marital sex in relationships?

I believe and teach that sex is a healthy part of a relationship for mature singles and couples. Sex outside a committed relationship with a person, whether you're single or married, is wrong. I also know that this doesn't stop people, anyway. It's not so simple sometimes.

 What is the best advice for intending couples?

Adjust your expectations. Marriage is a crazy journey. One person cannot give you everything you need. A lot of problems in marriage cannot be solved. They can only be managed.

The rate of divorce in Nigeria is on the increase. What do you think could be the cause?

I personally don't think that the high rate of divorce is necessarily a bad thing. I know many people that got divorced and became happier. More people, especially women, are beginning to realize that they can walk away, that they can get better. Historically, in Africa, people were expected to stay and suffer through a terrible marriage. A lot is changing and I'm happy about this. It would get worse, then it would get better. The high divorce rate is the beginning effect of a huge cultural shift in Africa.

Domestic violence is rampant these days. How do you think people would avoid it?

Domestic violence doesn't just happen. It leaves a lot of clues at the start and usually for a while. If people took these clues more seriously, domestic violence would reduce drastically. Typically, people see the signs but use love as an excuse or tell themselves that they can fix the person. It almost always never ends well.

As a marriage/relationship counsellor, what would you consider the best advice to the youths on marriage and relationships?

 You won't survive it alone. Have a counsellor on speed dial!

What has been the best compliment you have ever received about your work?

 I have been told that I have keen insight into human nature. I understand people a lot without judging them.

What do you consider your best accomplishment as a writer/counsellor?

Staying married till now. I didn't know I'll last this long. My Marriage is the foundation of my writing and Counselling.

Where is the best way to reach you and learn more about your books?

 Facebook via @Bright U. Nkwocha
 And WhatsApp via 08164137531

What makes a Good Wife?

Yes, who is a good wife? And what qualities make a woman a good wife?

Before going into this, let me ask if a man is a good husband, will that make the woman be a good wife?

Some will argue it to the moon and back. Whatever be your opinion, there is a grain of truth there.

A wife responds to her husband the way he treats her. If you treat your wife as worthless, she becomes worthless to you. If you treat her as royalty, she becomes a jewel in your crown, a pleasure and a blessing to you. 

As far as human relationship is concerned, what you give is what you get in return.

According to the Bible, Luke 6:38 (NKJV)

“For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.”

Here are qualities that make a woman a good wife.

Be pleasant. 

As a wife, be warm, kind, pleasant, understanding, and friendly to your husband, his family, and friends. Never be rude to him or his family members.

Welcome your husband home with a smile.

A good wife honours her husband with her pleasant manners and tone. A happy smile on her face, and a neat and clean appearance, go a long way to make her husband appreciate her. 

Be respectful. 

As a wife expects respect from a husband, so does a husband expect respect from a wife? "Respect is reciprocal," is a common saying.

Respect can be reflected in the way she talks and behaves. A good wife talks to her husband respectfully and lovingly, no matter his conditions or status in life.

A good wife does not belittle, criticize, humiliate, or talk down to her husband in private or in public. Doing so will hurt his ego. The quickest way to build resentment in your husband is to criticize or belittle him, especially in front of others. If you don’t agree with him, respectfully let him know you don’t agree with him.

If you treat your husband with disrespect before others, people around you will never respect him. Also, never embarrass him in public, particularly in front of your family or his friends or yours, especially in front of the children.

Be able to communicate. 

Communication plays a very vital role in marriage. In fact, it is the key to a good and solid relationship. Not just communication, but open communication is an integral part of every marriage. It involves your ability to be open, articulate, and free to share your inner thoughts. 

Open communication in marriage means you tell your husband what you think, how you feel and what you expect of him. A good wife does not hide things or keep secrets from her husband. 

If you are the type who bottles up your emotions, especially after a disagreement, then your marriage is in trouble. Your husband is not a mind reader. He acts based on what you say out loud.

Listening is critical for effective communication and as important as talking too. A good wife listens and not only talks; probably, you have lots of important things to tell him, also allow him to talk as well, and you listen. 

Both of you want to be heard. Give him the chance to hear you, and for you to listen to him. Find time to sit and gist with your husband. Listen to him talk about his day, talk to you about his problems, or interest.

Listening is not enough, make a conscious effort to hear, understand and make meaningful contributions. Pay attention during a conversation with your husband. Put away your phone and turn off anything that could be distracting and him your full attention when he is speaking.

Open communication is also the ability to resolve conflict amicably. When issues arise, talk through them with calm words and a calm mind. Talk to your husband – ask, say, and discuss. Not shout at him. Avoid the silent treatment, it will worsen the situation. Don’t leave your husband guessing about your feelings. 

Be supportive. 

A  good wife is always supportive of her husband in good times and in troubled times. A good wife loves her husband not only when he is successful. She should reassure and understand when her husband is feeling down or going through hard times. This is the period to be more thoughtful, supportive and loving as a good wife.

As a good wife, you should be your husband’s number one cheerleader. No matter how difficult the journey or situation, do not discourage your husband from pursuing his dream. Believe in him, assure him and help him in any way you can.

Do not nag. 

No man likes a nagging wife. Ask him nicely, and talk to him respectfully. Some wives think nagging is the only way to get their husbands to do things. The truth is, that nagging can create unwanted tension in the house.

A woman said she wouldn’t get her husband to do things for her if she didn’t nag.

A good husband knows the right thing to do for his wife. 

Don't greet him with complaints and problems early in the morning or the moment he comes back home. Instead of pestering him, talk to him sensibly about issues or your needs.

Constant complaining and murmuring will only push your husband out of the house, and to avoid you, he spends time in bars or at times in the arms of another woman. 

Give him his space.

 As a good wife, it's important to understand your husband has a life outside you and the home. He has family, friends, and colleagues who are also part of his life. He may have hobbies and passions he is involved in. 

Also, a married man needs space at times, even from his wife. Respect that and give him some space, and allow him to pursue his hobbies and interests. Don’t expect his undivided attention at all times. 

Don’t stop him if he wants to hang out with his friends or engage in a hobby or sport or if he wants to go to a viewing centre to watch a football match. An interfering wife is an irritating woman.

Restricting your husband’s freedom and intruding on his space can be suffocating and will negatively affect your marriage.

Keep him happy in bed. 

Sexual intimacy is one of the most essential things in marriage. When you please your man, he will be obliged to please you in return. If you cannot keep your man happy in bed, he may go where he can get it, in the hand of a side chick. 

Also, don’t let the man do all the work on the bed, be an active partner, be adventurous and be outspoken. Most husbands want to hear their wives tell them how to please them during sex.

A man once told me that for 10 years of his marriage, he had been the one initiating sex between him and his wife. One day, he decided to stop and see what his wife would do. One month they didn’t make love, and the wife accused him of having an extramarital affair. He asked her, have you even requested sex from me, and I denied you of it?

Taking the first step in lovemaking does not mean you’re lewd, and neither will it diminish your husband’s respect for you. So if you’re in the mood for sex, go ahead and take the initiative. Get flirtatious, tease him, touch him, kiss him, tell him how you want it. He is your husband. 

Be affectionate.

Express your love and appreciation to your husband as often as possible. Men like praises and appreciation, and they like to hear the words "I love you" too. 

They also want to hear their wives tell them how good they are in bed. It boosts their confidence and makes them strive to satisfy their wives often as well. 

A good wife gives her husband thoughtful gifts once in a while. She never forgets the special days in his life. Men love surprises too. So surprise him on his birthday, a party, cook his favourite meal or a special night of passion will go a long way to show your husband you love him. 

Do not shift your affection for your husband to your children, it is wrong. It alienates the man from the children and in some cases, made the children lose respect for their father.

Be loyal and dedicated. 

A good wife is honest, loyal, and dedicated. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and the vows you took, in the beginning, should be kept up at all times.

Be loyal to your husband, and stand by him in all stages of his career and life, in health and sickness. Be proud of his accomplishments, and compliment and appreciate him. 

You and your husband are a team, so you should plan together and act in unison. A good wife does not make major decisions about the family without consulting with her husband. 

Good maintenance.

Some women overlook their appearances once married. They will tell you, after all, that they are not looking for another husband. Wives should care more about their appearances because getting a good husband is a battle, and keeping the man and keeping your marriage is a fiercer battle. 

Also, know that a good appearance makes for a cheerful disposition. Taking good care of your appearance makes you feel good and bold as well as makes your husband happy and proud. Men like their wives to look good and smell good. And take care of your health too.

Make yourself look good and healthy, not just for him, but for yourself. 

Be hygienic. Maintain a clean and neat house your husband will feel happy to come home to every day. 

Be a good housekeeper. The family spending expenses need to be handled with thriftiness by the wife. A good wife must be financially intelligent, in order not to waste her husband’s finances. She is a good homemaker and a builder, not a squanderer.

Caring and compassionate.

A good wife is caring and compassionate. She is sensitive to her husband’s needs and understands his moods and knows how to make him happy.

Her care and compassion should not be for the husband alone.  It includes loving and caring for his family and friends. A good wife should care for, and love her husband’s immediate family, show kindness to them, and visit or call them from time to time, especially his parents, if they are still alive. 

A good wife should also know her husband’s friends and treat them as her friends, too. Try as much as possible to join him in activities he's interested in, or invariably allow him to indulge in them. 

Pamper your husband often, men are just overgrown boys who are constantly in the care of a woman. A good wife makes her husband dependent on her by doing things no one else will do for him. This makes him miss you and have you in his thoughts when you are not around him. Your gestures, actions and words will inspire him to do something wonderful for you. 

Be Prayerful.

As a good wife, prayer should be one of your key weapons. Praying for your husband and family daily is the best thing you can do for them. Prayer should be your banner over your family.

A praying wife is a pride to her husband. A man once asked a friend his secret for business success. He told him he has a praying wife. A wife who takes her spiritual life seriously is a blessing to her husband and home. 

Be Honest.  

Honesty builds trust in a relationship. Marriages that are based on honesty are devoid of strives that come with lies and untruthfulness. A good wife does not cheat or lie to her husband. If your husband is honest with you, then he deserves the same honesty and truthfulness from you.

Being truthful should be intentional. At times, honesty hurts and may result in resentment or fights. It’s better, to be honest than to be dishonest. Dishonesty destroys trust in a relationship. But honesty helps to build trust and to strengthen your marriage. 

Develop self-sustaining habits.

Being a good wife is not limited to taking care of your husband and family. As a woman, groom yourself, grow, be industrious, and be an asset to your husband and not a beautiful,  clueless trophy wife.

In your quest to be a good wife, it is also important to develop positive attributes and self-sustaining habits. These qualities will help you to play your role as a good wife and also maintain a healthy and balanced relationship with your husband.

You have to be at peace with yourself, love yourself, be proud of yourself and above all, have a personal identity. When you have these attributes, exhibiting them towards your husband, family and friends comes naturally to you.

Be submissive and obedient

A good wife is submissive and obedient, but not to the level of servitude. Marriage is not a master/servant relationship. NO. Marriage is a mutual partnership of individuals who complement each other and contribute equally to the marriage.

A wife is an equal partner in the marriage. If you want a submissive and obedient wife, then be a loving and respectful husband. A man will have to love his wife to the point of earning her obedience and submissiveness.

Wives are the nucleus, the dots that connect every member of the household. It is a wife that sets the tone and mood in the house. Men are merely glorified over-lords. A happy wife makes a happy home.  A wife who knows her worth and nurtures her home with wisdom, love, and care is a good wife indeed.

A good wife makes a good husband. If a woman is a good wife to her husband and treats him right, he will cherish her, love her, and be a good husband to her in return.

Remember, there are two people in this relationship, and each has to play their roles to make their marriage an ideal one.

The Boy and Nature(Elijah Gabriel Akpan)

 

I cherish the morning breeze,

As I wake to see the morning birds

All around the mango trees here and there.

Making joyful and melodies music as 

That of the choristers.

"Let\"s go to the river in the morning";

The word is my joy booster

Oh, it drives me to smile

For I know I will have fun 

With flowers, plants and fishes in there.

And happy to chase butterflies 

The riverbank is full of fun

At all times.

With nature all around me

Great friends, I have in them

They make my day go joyously.

But, take me to the city

The chaos drives my joy afar

How do you expect me to feel happy

The way things are over there?

And nature, far away from me

Oh, dear parents.

I\"m a country boy

Happy with nature and the natural

If you uproot me,

I will not survive

In the soil of civilization,

If you intend to transplant me,

Plant me on loamy soil.

Or by the waterside.

So I will be in touch 

With birds, fishes and nature 

Otherwise, my body will shrivel.

And my joy will extinguish

I know you wouldn\"t wish

This calamity on me.

©Elijah Gabriel Akpan

Elijah Gabriel Akpan, hails from Ikono LGA in Akwa-ibom state in Nigeria. He is an Art student who graduated from Prestige Model College in Ondo state, Nigeria.

 

  

Dillibe Onyeama's Anti-Christ (Book Review)

 

I've always loved and enjoyed books by Dillibe Onyeama. This book is no exception. In the introduction, Mr Onyeama stated that the essence of the book Anti-Christ is an “attempt to open the eyes of those who care to look to the reality of how specific historic and current events are synchronizing exactly with chronological biblical prophecy.” 

He divided the book into two parts.

Book one, titled “Spirit of Deception” has seven chapters and book two titled “Spirit of Evil” has nine chapters. The main theme of the book is the deceptions and evils that have plagued the world since creation and the roles played by Satan and his fallen angels in deceiving the world and causing mayhem on earth.

Mr Onyeama traces the origin of man biblically and the place of the black race and African in the scheme of creation with particle reference to the Igbo people of Nigeria, with facts from different sources to authenticate the claim. According to the author, the emergency of different races, religions and pigments of the human species are all schemes of Satan, an effective ploy to deceive man and bring confusion in the world. He challenges the supremacy attitude of the white race and enthroned the black race as God’s first creatures on earth.

The book weaves its way through many controversial issues like the existence of ghosts, UFO’s, reincarnation theories and sightings of the Virgin Mary, which he sees as the antics of sly tacticians from the world of the fallen angels on earth and part of Satan’s web of deception and manipulation of man. There is a lot of build-up of theories that the antichrist is in the world already, waiting to fulfil its prophecy. The author cited world events and conspiracy theories that pointed towards the emergency of the antichrist with biblical landmarks.

Lots of conspiracy theories have been flaunted about the coming of the antichrist. Conspiracy theories are nothing new. Each generation comes up with its own conspiracy theories and the world has heard many tales of the birth of the biblical beast or antichrist which were quoted in the book. End-time prophesies are not new but with each generation, the story snowballs, and we hold our breaths and wait for the rapture to take place and the antichrist to take over and rule the world for three and half years as foretold biblically.

The book antichrist is a harvest of information on the world’s march toward Armageddon. In glaring words, Mr Onyeama narrates the efforts and plans of world leaders to bring about a new world order that will usher in world peace. However, their efforts seem to be a mirage as each fought for the supremacy of their races and countries, which according to Mr Onyeama is part of Satan’s script to take over the reign of the earth from God and distort God’s plan for humans on earth. 

He writes extensively of events and incidences of the presumed antichrist and Satan’s untiring efforts to deceive humans and set them against their maker. Some of which are the alarming disregard of God in civilized nations,  the rise of devil worshippers and the enthronement of atheist civilization. And then, the aspiration of man to play God through cloning of humans using DNA code.  He notes that the possibility of scientists creating humans with extraordinary superpowers through genetic engineering has only been a work in progress for decades. Though achieved in science fiction films, the world is yet to witness it in reality.

The growing incident of evil in the world, the death of Christianity in developed nations especially in America that is termed “God’s Own Country and computer technology that will produce a micro-chip which will contain financial and personal data of owners are mentioned in the book as part of the events that will herald the coming of the antichrist.

A well-researched book, overflowing with facts that will pique the curiosity of anyone who is interested in the story of man's creation and the conspiracy theories surrounding the coming of the antichrist 

Though engaging, there are some contestable summations in the book. For instance, Mr Onyeama writes that “The myth of reincarnation of human beings has no foundation in reality.” Reincarnation is a controversial topic which one cannot wave away as untrue. There are many cultures that believe in it.

 

And the ending is informative, but it wasn’t the ending I expected. Base on Arnold Schwarzenegger's current status ascribing his life as the prototype of the expected antichrist sounds far fetch. 

The book is an eye-opener,  a warning to the church not to lose its grip and to focus on the coming of Christ. And the world to prepare for the great tribulation that awaits it. The big question is when? Even Jesus couldn’t answer the question.

6-DEADLY-FEARS-THAT-HINDER-EMOTIONAL-INTIMACY

Intimacy is from the Latin word “Intimus”, meaning to have personal knowledge or to reach into the inmost parts of a person. Intimacy is a contact that explores deeply the very core of a person, resulting in extra-ordinary closeness and understanding.

Intimacy is of two types, physical intimacy and emotional intimacy, which is our focus here. It is better to establish emotional intimacy before the physical will be meaningful. In a relationship, it’s far easier to de-nude yourself physically than emotionally. And physical intimacy doesn’t give birth to emotional intimacy. To achieve this, you have to work at it.

Emotional intimacy involves being confident enough to share yourself, your heart, your fears, your aspirations, and your desires with your partner. A complete sharing and caring without reservation or hindrance. An unconditional and unrestrained giving of yourself, heart, body and soul to another.

However, emotional intimacy exposes you, makes you transparent, defenceless and vulnerable before another. It is for these reasons that getting real intimate is a tough ordeal for most people. They find it very hard and uneasy to let go of their core belief. They are afraid to expose the very centre of their being to another.

At the beginning of a relationship, it is usually better to give a little of yourself per time. It’s a budding romance and like a blooming bud, you unfold your layers gradually. Getting involved in a relationship is like travelling to an unknown territory. You put your foot forward one at a time because you’re unsure of the ground you’re treading upon.

At the onset of a relationship, there is that tendency to please, to give and to care for each other because each is trying to put up a good front, each is trying hard to make the other feel wanted and accepted, but that’s not intimacy yet, you’re still test driving the union, by the time you’re on full motion, the struggle to achieve real intimacy begins.

The one reason we don’t always realize real emotional intimacy in relationships is FEAR. We are being captivated, dominated, subjugated and intimidated by fear. And what is fear? False-Evidence-Against-Reality, a psychological state of the mind, a situation in which your mind holds court and puts up evidence that is more imagined than real; it tells you a thousand and one reasons why you should not take that bold step and surrender yourself completely to your partner.

Fear imprisoned us and makes us less committed in our relationships. Fear makes us put up facades and hold ourselves in check. What are these fears?

1. FEAR OF REJECTION:

At the beginning of a relationship, people strive for acceptance, so the fear of rejection will make a person hide his/her true self, especially the part they consider being the negative side of them or a defect in their personality.

This is because of the feeling that if you reveal yourself if you allow your partner to know you intimately too soon, it will diminish their love for you. Which is better, to face rejection at the beginning of a relationship or to struggle with it in the middle of it? It’s your take.

2. FEAR OF CRITICISM:

If it’s not rejection you’re afraid of, then it's criticism. Maybe if he/she knows the truth about you, then the person may be critical of what you have or have not. Some of us are not really good at taking criticism, especially from someone we love so much, but is it not those who love and care for us that will give us honest and unbiased critique about ourselves? If we are confident enough to open up to the person, however, we prefer not to risk the person’s disapproval, so we hide our thoughts and actions from the person, making achieving emotional intimacy an arduous task.

3. FEAR OF MISUNDERSTANDING:

Again, we keep our feelings and words in check because we are afraid to be misunderstood. Fear of misunderstanding makes us, at times, keep our opinion and thoughts to ourselves when we need to voice them out. We do this with the assumption that the person may not understand or appreciate the significance of what we will say.

It is better to say it and give the person the benefit of doubt. Being misunderstood isn’t the end of the world or a heinous offence, rather it will also give you an inkling of your partner’s reasoning ability. A healthy debt or argument draws out each person’s inner thoughts and strength of personality and also throws light on the person’s mental capabilities. If you didn’t say it out loud, you will never know how the other person will react.

4. FEAR OF RIDICULE:

We believe that if the other person doesn’t understand and appreciate your words or action, then you will look stupid before them. We are afraid to be ridiculed, which is humiliating, so because of fear of being humiliated, we are always conscious of our words and actions which work against complete openness about our feelings.

5. FEAR OF SUFFOCATION:

Most people see emotional intimacy as a threat to their self-identity and a complete loss of individuality. People want breathing space, so to say; they want to retain part of whom and what they believe they are. So because of fear of suffocation, of being taking over by another person, they cling to themselves by being aloof as a kind of psychological defence.

They don’t want to be dominated or feel sequestered in the relationship. They feel it’s threatening to allow someone else to take over your heart, your thoughts, and your emotions. Emotional intimacy calls for complete surrender and not partial involvement.

It only takes a mature mind to understand this sacrifice and not abuse it. More often, it is the abuse that holds people back.

6. FEAR OF VULNERABILITY:

It is assumed that if you let your defence down, if you’re completely honest and open with your partner, then you will be at the mercy of that person because he/she might use what they know about you as a weapon to hurt, to control, humiliate or even suppress you. Yes, fear of vulnerability makes people cringe from real intimacy. Vulnerability is susceptible to emotional manipulation.

All these fears make intimacy a very expensive venture.

Intimacy is a long-time process that is arrived at gradually but not without some emotional battle and fireworks. Achieving emotional intimacy is a struggle, a battle between you and yourself, your emotion and being, and also between you and your partner. This is because emotional intimacy calls for humility, honesty, trust and commitment towards one another.

Before you could achieve emotional intimacy, there is always a power tussle, or war of supremacy, which is nothing more than a testing of your emotional love boat to find firm anchorage. Mostly, the war is not always verbal but a silent acting out of emotions, where both parties are trying to find out things like does she/he really love and care for me? Can I trust him/her with my life? Can I depend on his/her love, understanding, and acceptance of who I am?

It is only when you assuage your fears that trust and understanding will be established. With a little give and take, intimacy will grow and flourish. You can only achieve complete surrender when you accept your relationship as a precious union, something worth compromising over, something that requires you to back down and surrender to your desires and emotions. But as said, it is not instant. It is a journey, and the distance depends on the individuals involved.