Why You Must Never Lose Your Identity As a Woman

Often a woman becomes a mosaic of everyone else’s expectations.  She is a professional, a wife, a caregiver, a friend, a sister, or a parent. She moves through her days fulfilling these vital roles, often pouring so much of her energy into others that she forgets to check in on the person who remains when the noise fades: “ herself”.

As a woman, keeping your identity isn't about being selfish; it is about preservation. It is the act of keeping your internal compass calibrated so that no matter how chaotic the external world becomes, you always know which way is home.

The Subtle Erosion of Self

A woman lossing her identity rarely happens in a dramatic explosion; it happens in quiet, gradual increments. It happens:

when she stop pursuing the hobby that makes her feel alive because she "don't have time." 

when she compromise her values to keep the peace in a relationship. 

when she mistakenly equate her utility—what she provide to others—with her true worth, which is her genuine self.

When a woman lose her identity, she lose her ability to advocate for her needs. She become a vessel for everyone's needs, which would eventually lead to her burnout, resentment, and exhaustion.

But when a woman embraces her identity, it empowers her to effectively express her needs! It allows her to thrive while also supporting others, creating a harmonious balance that invigorates rather than depletes her worth. By staying true to herself, she can radiate positivity, nurture her passions, and maintain an abundant, energised spirit! 

Strategies to Reclaim and Protect Your Identity

Reclaiming yourself is an intentional, daily practice. It requires courage to pause and ask yourself, "Is this what I want, or is this what is expected of me?"

Here are ways to maintain your connection to your self:

 Establish Non-Negotiable Boundaries: Your identity is protected by the fences you build around your time, energy and emotions. Say "no" to things that drain your spirit and "yes" to things that feed your soul.

 A secret anchor within:  Have a part of your life that belongs solely to you.  pursue a creative outlet, a study, or a fitness routine. Something that is not tied to your productivity, your career, or your relationships.

 Prioritise Solitude: In the silence, the voices of others fade, allowing your intuition to be heard. Spend time alone without the distraction of technology or social obligations.

 Clarify Your Values: Take not of values that matter most to you, independent of your career or social standing. When life gets complicated, measure your decisions against these values. If an opportunity or request doesn't align with them, it isn't for you.

Growth vs. Erosion

There is a difference between losing your identity and evolving it. It is important to differentiate the two. 

Woman, you are not a statue but a living, breathing entity. Your identity should grow, adapt, and expand as you learn more about the world. You might change your career, your marital status, or your beliefs. This is not losing yourself. this is refining yourself.

The difference lies in the driver’s seat. If you are changing because you have discovered a new truth or passion, you are growing. If you are changing because you feel pressured to fit into a mould that makes others comfortable, you are eroding your own identity.

The Takeaway

At the end of the day, you are the only person who will be with you from the first breath to the last. Your relationships, your work, and your social roles are significant, but they are just chapters of your life. You are the author of your life.

Nurture the voice that speaks when no one else is listening. When you honour your identity, you don't just become happier; you become more capable of showing up for everyone else in a way that is authentic, sustainable, and powerful.

Never apologise for being a whole person. Never let anyone guilt-trip you for wanting what is best for you.

The strong man

The man groaned like an old generator running out of fuel in the middle of the night. Perhaps he had been crying for years and nobody noticed. 

Every morning, he wore his suffering like a freshly ironed shirt, buttoned it to the neck, and stepped into the Lagos sun.

He met friends who asked “How far?”

“We dey manage,” he replied.

That was all. Nobody asked what exactly he was managing.

Was it hunger?
 Was it debt?
 Was it the landlord’s knock?
 Was it school fees waiting
 at the end of another term?

Or the shame of returning home with empty hands to children who believed their father could solve everything?

He became a man before he learned how to be afraid.

They told him: “A man does not cry.”

So he buried his tears where nobody could find them.

They told him: “Be strong.”

So he carried everybody until his own knees buckled.

His mother called, there were pills to buy.

His brother called, there was help to render.

His wife looked up to him, there were bills to pay.

His children ran to him, there were dreams to fulfil.

Everybody came with an empty cup and he kept pouring.

Nobody noticed that the cup was becoming empty.

At night, when NEPA took the light and darkness filled the room,
he would sit beside the window listening to generators and arguing with the silence.

Sometimes he wanted to cry, but even his tears had learned discipline. So he stared into the darkness and whispered, “God, abeg.” Two words that became a whole prayer.

Then morning came, and the world demanded of him again. So he rose. Again and again and again. Until one morning, he didn’t.

Outside, life continued.

Danfo conductors shouted destinations.
Traders opened their shops.
Children hurried to school.
Somebody complained about traffic.

The world did not stop because one tired man finally did.

At his funeral, people say beautiful things about him.

“He was a good man.”

“He was hardworking.”

“He never troubled anybody.”

“He was always smiling.”

Yes, always smiling. As though a smile has ever been proof that a man is not drowning or in need of help.

They lowered him into the red earth. Men stood around the grave with their hands behind their backs, fighting the tears they had been taught to fear.

And somewhere among them stood another man, with rent to pay, a mother to care for, children expecting miracles, wife demanding attention and a storm inside his chest.

Someone touched his shoulder.

“Be strong.”

He nodded.

Of course he had to be.

That was what killed the other man.

To be strong, he had lived silently, suffered silently, cried silently, broken silently and died silently.

And perhaps that is the tragedy: we heard the sound of the earth falling on his coffin, but we never heard the sound of him falling apart.

Davy Fidel, Author And Poet

Author's Hangout With Zizi

Davy Fidel is a talented Nigerian author and poet whose writing is deeply influenced by personal experiences and the realities of everyday life. He lost his father at the age of seven and was raised alongside five siblings by his mother. Financial constraints truncated his university degree ambtion, but that did not stop his pursuit of knowledge.

Davy educated himself through literature and, over time, he transformed his love for reading into a passion for writing, and it became an outlet to express his experiences and the world around him. He uses poetry, fiction, and essays to explore life, hardship, resilience, and everyday experiences.

His book, Street Tears, a collection of poems, was submitted for the Nigeria Prize for Literature in 2022. The poems in the book reflect many life realities, including his childhood experiences. In the poem Died Without A Word, he revisits the painful memory of his father’s death. 

Can you tell us a little about yourself and how your journey into poetry began?
 
I may want to respond to the question this way. Being that I was born into an Igbo and Catholic family before I chose a different orientation and philosophical thinking to interpret life, society, and the psychology of human beings and their behaviour towards the things they react against or not. I have always preferred to use a pseudonym that I am comfortable with, and it is Davy Fidel.

I am a writer, poet, novelist, essayist, and short story teller. My poems, "Alone on the Big Sea" and "Squirrel," were published in The Apollonian and Global Writers’ Project first-quarter edition in 2026. My short story, "Ekwensu Left Behind a Note," was selected for the Nigeria Contemporary Writers’ Anthology.

Do you remember the first poem you ever wrote and what inspired it?
 
Yes, I remember correctly. I was a teenager then. What inspired me to write my first poem was what happened to me in 1997 in Saint Mary’s Catholic Church in Lagos. It is something I am not sure I can forget. I wrote the poem six to seven years after 1997 because the memory of it breathes deeply in me, and I cannot dismiss or bury it. ‘‘Loneliness’’ caused it, and that’s the title of my first poem. I wrote it in a notebook and several other poems thereafter. To this day, I still have the notebook. I also can’t forget how I felt that day. The ordeal was an immovable flask in my heart.
 
What initially drew you to poetry rather than other forms of writing?
 

Being that I do other forms of creative art lately, like writing novels that are fiction, short stories, and essays that I spend a lot of time writing daily. After I wrote my first poem, I talked about it. My interest in poetry grew. I began reading other poets – old and new – that I could lay my hands on so I could see how they do it, since I didn’t study literature in College when I finished up in 1999. A few of them I met through their works were William Blake, William Butler Yeats, Niyi Osundare, and others that I read so I can learn. I also attended a few poetry gatherings and workshops. These processes aided my poetry writing journey.

 
How would you describe your poetic voice or style?
 
I would say it is philosophical, metaphorical, and, more importantly, uses what I see, think, and evaluate to interpret and say things about humanity through the device of poetry that is at my disposal.
 
What themes or ideas do you find yourself returning to often in your poetry?
 
Just to mention a few themes, they are nature, life, humans, death, love, politics, and others. This question also reminds me of fire, air, water, and earth. So, when I sit down to write or think of something. I always try to use the concept of dialectical materialism to interpret little things and objects around me that catch my eye. Even when I sometimes write prose poems, fiction, and short stories, I practice daily. I endeavour to caption these things in the social context of life, death, humans, love, and nature. Using Psychology and Philosophy also aids me in writing my poems.
 
What does your writing process look like? Do you write daily, or only when inspiration strikes?
 
At first, it wasn’t smooth. It was rough, frustrating, and full of distractions. But I motivated myself and never surrendered to what I struggled with and the hard parts of life. I never allowed those things to weigh me down. Given this background and knowing what I really need in this life, I practice my writing daily so I can improve
my craft, and I never stop. And as I go deeper into it- I mean, in the kinds of writing I do. I began prioritising it. Inspired or not, I write daily. I don’t have a specific day or hour to write. I think of something, I see something, I hear things; I just write and keep writing.
 
Which poets or writers have influenced your work the most, and in what way?
 
I don’t think I have any major poet or writer I can really say has influenced the way I write. The answer I can provide is that I read different books. I don’t select what I read. I just read because I want to see how it is done and why. I also want to learn the trick so I can craft mine and use what I learn when I read other poets’ or writers’ books to say the things I interpret about life, death, humans, nature, love, and even society through the concept of what I mentioned earlier.
 
Are there any non-literary influences - music, art, film, or personal experiences that shape your poetry?
 
Yes. Life experiences of people around me and the things they say about their lives – good or bad – trigger me to write. Listening to details and interpreting them is another nuance for me. I try to picture them in my mind while I position and envision what they think when they say those things. Listening to music, especially rap, and watching crime movies, medieval history, politics, romance, and others are part of it. Meditation and silence are another brew for me, including memories that have their own bite too.
 
What message or emotion do you hope readers take away from your poems?
 

Life, hope, and the future that they need to act upon. It is also about the kinds of interpretation and meaning they derive from my poems. In other words, it is how they see their lives in the poems. How they feel emotionally when they read them. How they react when life is up and down for them, how they express it, and the impact it may have on them.

How much of yourself do you pour into your work? Do you write from imagination or lived experience?
 
In answering both questions, I would say I put in everything I got – heart, head, and body. I don’t detach myself from what I write. Is it my time, mood, and how I feel? I invest hours into what I write, and I try to think them through. For imagination and lived experience, it is both ways. I see things, I read meaning into them, I envision things, and I deeply think about them. This process reminds me of a work of fiction I completed in 2025 that is unpublished. I never planned it. But because of the things I saw. The scene pushed me, and I began writing, and I completed it — 500-plus pages.
 
Tell us about the challenges in getting your first book published?
 
My dream is to have a publishing deal that would take care of everything while I concentrate on my literary works. That said, such hasn’t become a reality. I just have to deal with what is in my disposal. Publishing my first book wasn’t easy. It was tough, stressful, and time-consuming. Is it finding the appropriate market and readers? This is something the publishing house should be handling, not a writer or poet.
 
How do you market your work? What avenues have you found to work best for you, and has it been rewarding?
 
It isn’t easy for either a writer or a poet to self-publish their work and then market their books through their sweat and blood. Attending literary gatherings and small communities of readers, I endeavour to introduce my book in such spaces and to individuals I know, and who know me. I also try to utilise online communities.
For the reward, I would say it is for me to continue pushing while I search for bigger platforms.
  
Tell us about your recent poetry book, The Sun Laughs at Night, and what inspired the collection?

 

So far, ‘The Sun Laughs at Night’ has had two reviews and several complimentary comments from those who have bought their copies directly from me. I would say that the summary of the book is for people to ask questions about the existing order of things and life. Each poem speaks directly to politics, illusion, the atrocities
committed against humanity, love, fear, ideas, individualism, and other subject matter the book has tried to capture. I wouldn’t have been able to write the fifty-one poems without giving meaning to the little things I see and think about that took place at the time I wrote the book.
 
What’s one lesson poetry has taught you about life or

yourself?

Writing poetry has always taught me to listen with an open mind, think things deeply, and interpret any subject matter clearly while I write. Another thing is language and the use of words. This has taught me to learn the formulation of what I express by using the devices of poetry.
 
How do you overcome self-doubt and maintain confidence in your work?
 
I write, and I don’t stop writing. I set a target for myself, and I don’t allow what people think or say about what I do to wreck the passionate side of me. Instead, I see those things that fall from people’s mouths as oil for me to continue writing. I also don’t run around for validation. I motivate myself by reading, learning, and thinking so I can improve the things I write about and, importantly, my craft. Patience is another thing for me in writing.
 
Which of your poems means the most to you and why?

 

Hmm. This is a serious one [smile]. What I can say is that every poem I have written and am about to write means a lot to me. Saying this is my favourite poem would be difficult for me. [I smile again].
   
What advice would you give to aspiring poets who want to find their voice?

 The simple advice I would give to them, which I have always given to myself, is that they shouldn’t wait for validation or the best time to come. They mustn’t also let their status discourage them, especially those below the ladder. Rather, they should motivate themselves by taking the step to do it. They must erase all iota of doubt within them. They must also be original; especially now, the noise of Artificial Intelligence tools is destroying those who think it is the best way to explore creative writing. I may need to say that consistency is an important nail for them to be alive in writing. There is no shortcut to express this passion. Importantly, learning is endless, and it is what can keep this original part of creative writing meaningful. That’s the summary.
 
Give us an interesting fact about any of your books.
 
Hmm. [smile]. This question puts me on the hot seat. [smile again]. In simple words, I would say life, hope, and the future. These three put me on the pedestal of thinking widely.
 
How has being a writer impacted your personality growth, and where do you see yourself in the coming years with your writing?

In these few words, I would say writing has stolen me away from the world’s distractions. Writing has rebuilt, shaped, and positioned me to listen closely and carefully to the details of life. It could be small or big. Writing has also taught me to manage my time and every other thing I do. Importantly, it has kept me moving despite the ups and downs of life. Quantifying the stage I am in right now. I don’t think I am ready to let any form of unnecessary distraction come between why I write about the future and where I see myself or where this field takes me. I can’t really say. I could only say it is my consistency that would lead me to what I envision achieving while I continue doing what gives me relief, joy, and happiness despite the ruthless world we live in.
 
What do you consider your best accomplishment as a poet?
 
I would say they are consistent, self-motivating me without people’s validation, and never giving up on me in this journey of writing and never stopping writing. These armouries relieve me. Another accomplishment is my sense of humour, patience, and my daily practice so I can remain original in what I write. The final calabash for me is discipline. Through the latter, I have been able to consolidate every unrecognised effort I am putting in so I can be better in my literary works despite the challenges.
  
What has been the most powerful reaction you’ve received from someone reading your work?
 
Oh. [I smile]. I may need to say that since ‘The Sun Laughs at Night’ was released in March 2026. A few of the reactions I received when I introduce my book to individuals in the places I go are: ‘‘You are a deep thinker.’’ ‘‘You have a sense of humour.’’ ‘‘You have done a great job.’’ ‘‘This is a great achievement. I am proud of you, Fidel.’’

These words are from those who bought a copy directly from me. One of them is a German I met in a book club on the island, and it was June 30, 2026. Their words refill the gallons of water in my body. This is apart from others I have received that made me wonder.

  
What can readers expect from your future work?

Prose or poetry; the expectation shall be something imaginative, illuminating, and creating a passage in our minds.
 
Where can people read your poems and connect with you online?
 
The Sun Laughs at Night is available on Selar - https://selar.com/77b2195691. It will come out soon on other online platforms. My handle is on Instagram — davynovich. For a talk, send an email. lifeinslums@gmail.com [Please no links]

Thank you for this wonderful opportunity to talk briefly about my writing journey.

Not Drinking Enough Water Can Raise Your Blood Pressure.

Most people do not connect hydration with blood pressure, but the relationship is real. When the body is low on water, blood becomes more concentrated, making circulation less efficient. The heart may have to work harder to move blood through the vessels. At the same time, the body can respond to reduced fluid volume by narrowing blood vessels to help maintain blood flow to the brain and other vital organs. That compensatory response can contribute to higher blood pressure.

It is a survival mechanism. The body is trying to preserve function, but the pressure reading may rise in the process.

Many people live in a state of mild, chronic dehydration without realizing it. They drink tea and coffee, which can contribute to fluid loss in some people. They rely on sugary drinks that do not hydrate as effectively as plain water. They eat salty processed foods that increase the body’s demand for water. And throughout the day, they replace very little of what they lose through sweat, breathing, and urination.

The result may be low-grade dehydration that places extra strain on circulation and may influence blood pressure.

What to do:

Drink enough plain water consistently throughout the day, not all at once. A common target is about eight glasses daily, though individual needs vary based on climate, body size, activity level, and health conditions.

Start the morning with a glass of water.

Eat water-rich foods like cucumber, watermelon, oranges, and fresh tomatoes.

Pay attention to your urine color. Pale yellow usually suggests good hydration. Dark yellow can be a sign you need more fluids.

Hydration alone will not fix every case of high blood pressure, but it is one simple habit that supports healthier circulation—and many people overlook it.