One-sided relationship

What Is a One-Sided Relationship?

Are you putting more effort into your relationship than your partner? Are you investing more energy and time into making the relationship work? Are you always the one reaching out, doing all the texting, calling, and planning of dates? If the answer is yes, you're probably in a one-sided relationship. 

A one-sided relationship is a situation where one partner is carrying most of the responsibilities; financially, physically, emotionally, and mentally. It is also a situation where one partner has strong feelings or affection for someone who does not share those feelings with them. 

An imbalance in action, emotional investment, and mutuality of feelings between partners characterised a one-sided relationship. 

It is emotionally challenging and potentially toxic for one partner in a romantic relationship to shoulder most of the shared activities, or take care of most of the duties the couple should share equally. For a relationship to be healthy and balanced it requires effort from both partners. 

Because of this imbalance, the person doing all the work often feels resentful, which can be emotionally and physically draining. 

A mutual, and satisfying relationship provides stability and security. But a one-sided relationship lacks the healthy balance required for stability. 

When one partner works harder than the other to keep the relationship afloat, with time the connection, the amount of effort, energy, communication, emotional, or financially input will dissolve because the imbalance is only sustainable for a while. Loneliness, frustration, resentment, anger, insecurity and other emotions will surface with time.

Twelve signs that show you're in a one-sided relationship:

Unequal Effort: One partner always puts in more effort, starts contact, plans activities, or shows more affection, while the other partner shows little emotion and put no effort to make the relationship vibrate. When the other person doesn’t seem to care or doesn't put in much effort, you feel you're forcing a connection. It leaves you doubting their intentions, commitment, and investment in the relationship. 

Lopsided Communication: One partner dominates conversations, and always dismisses or ignores the other's opinions, feelings, and interests. Or one partner is constantly initiating activities and communication because the other partner expects you to start interactions, and make plans for what you do together. Though some people are better at communicating and planning than others it doesn’t mean you should be the only one putting effort to keep the relationship alive. Your partner should at least put in some effort and show commitment.

Lack of Reciprocity: One partner consistently seeks emotional or practical support, but rarely provides the same level of support when the other partner needs such. Also, when affection, care, or support is mostly or entirely one-sided, with little or no reciprocation from the other partner. When you constantly crave their attention and care and never get it. 

In a balanced relationship, you don’t need to work for time and attention from your partner. Instead, both should want to connect physically and emotionally if the interest is mutual. 

One-Way Sacrifices: One partner consistently makes sacrifices or compromises to accommodate the other's needs or desires, while the other is indifferent. You sacrifice everything to make your partner happy; you ignored your wants and needs just to hold up the relationship and you make excuses all the time to exonerate your partner’s behaviour. That's a sign you are compromising and sacrificing too much for someone who doesn't value you or the relationship as much as you do. 

Emotional Unavailability: One partner is emotionally distant, avoids sharing feelings, or minimises the importance of the relationship, leaving the other partner feeling unsupported. Or where your partner uses your emotions or feelings to manipulate you to their advantage, without genuine care or commitment. They are never emotionally available.

Self-Centeredness: One partner primarily focuses on their own needs, goals, and interests, while disregarding or undermining the other partner's aspirations. They rarely initiate anything that would be to your benefit. If the other partner is insecure, they try to control the other by limiting their contact with family and friends and dictating how they should live their life.

Limited Time and Attention: Your partner consistently prioritises other activities, hobbies, or friendships over spending quality time with you, making you feel unimportant and unwanted in the relationship. They never have time enough for you or pay attention to your feelings and moods.

Lack of Appreciation: Your partner rarely acknowledges or expresses gratitude for the efforts and contributions you made in the relationship. They show a lack of interest, disinterest, or indifference toward your feelings or well-being.

Decision-Making Disparities: Your partner consistently makes important decisions without consulting or considering your opinions, leading to feelings of exclusion. This often leads to emotional distress, insecurity, and frequent fluctuations between hope and disappointment. Or maybe you are the one to make most major relationship decisions while your partner doesn’t care either way or shrug off the responsibility of making important decisions altogether. So you carry the weight of almost all the important decisions on your shoulder with little or no input from your partner.

Weaponised Incompetence: Your partner intentionally put up actions designed to burden you with responsibilities they don’t want to deal with. It is a situation where your partner feigns an inability to perform basic tasks and so shifts the burden of responsibility to you and conveniently gets out of contributing or investing their time and effort in the relationship.

Making Excuses: You are the one to apologise, whether or not you are at fault, after a conflict or argument, in other to keep the relationship going without your partner taking responsibility for their actions. If your partner is always twisting your words or making you feel guilty for expressing your feelings or resentment, you're most likely in a toxic, one-sided relationship. 

You should never have to apologise or feel ashamed for seeking support, especially from your partner.

Lack of Intimacy. How do you connect intimately with your partner? Does your partner shower you with physical affection like cuddling or holding hands? Do you share an intellectual connection over books or movies? Intimacy is not just sexual. If your partner is not interested in sharing intimate moments with you, it means the relationship is probably a one-sided one.

Causes Of One-Sided Relationships

Sometimes relationships are one-sided because one partner is manipulative or toxic. In other cases, however, a variety of factors can contribute to a relationship becoming one-sided.

Poor Communication Skills

One or both partners struggle with sharing their feelings, needs, and preferences. Practising and improving communication skills can help increase clarity, and proffer solutions, responses, and opportunities to repair and rebuild the relationship if that is the desire of both partners.

Insecurity

One partner is afraid of losing the relationship if they don't take care of everything themselves. This leads to them taking on an imbalanced share of responsibility in the relationship.

Conflicting Expectations

Each partner has a set of ideas about what a relationship means and what they hope to get out of it. If you are more committed and dedicated to the relationship than your partner is, it is bound to feel one-sided. Sometimes one-sided relationships occur because of a lack of communication and clarity about expectations, hopes, and feelings.

Personal Problems

If one partner is dealing with stress or battling symptoms of a mental health condition, it can play a role in how they act in a relationship. They may not give their partners the attention they need because they are grappling with personal issues.

Attachment Syndrome

Attachment syndrome can play a role in how people behave in romantic relationships. Someone with a serious attachment problem may worry that the other person does not feel as strongly as they do.

This can lead to one partner becoming clingy and enmeshed in the relationship while the other tries to get away from it as best as possible. In romantic relationships, this type of behaviour often leads one partner to become emotionally dependent on the other.

Impact of One-Sided Relationship

One-sided relationships are toxic, especially when one partner is intentionally taking advantage of the other. Some of the damaging effects of this type of relationship include:

Increased stress: The stress of being in this type of relationship takes a toll on both your physical and mental health. While healthy relationships act as protective buffers against stress, research has found that some relationships create stress that is harmful to your health. Issues like insomnia, anxiety, depression, and decreased immunity are a few of the potentially detrimental effects of excessive stress. 

Feelings of loneliness: Besides the stress of doing most of the work in the relationship, the lack of mutual effort can leave one partner feeling isolated. They might not be able to talk to the other partner about their feelings or the problem they are dealing with.

Low self-esteem: The disappointment one partner experiences in a one-sided relationship leaves them feeling rejected, unsupported, and unloved. This can make it hard for them to feel confident and secure in the relationship. Constantly pursuing someone who does not reciprocate your feelings can take a toll on your self-esteem, leading to feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness.

Unhealthy Obsession: Disproportionate preoccupation, and investing a significant amount of time and energy into someone who does not feel the same can be detrimental to your well-being. You may unintentionally neglect other relationships or essential aspects of your life while obsessing over unrequited love.

Frequently worrying about the relationship, and craving more connection but accepting the crumbs of affection your partner offers, diminishes your worth in the relationship.

Inability to Move On: Finding it hard to let move on from the person, even when it is clear they do not share the same feelings, shows a toxic attachment.

Emotional Dependency: Relying heavily on your partner for happiness or emotional fulfilment, rather than finding it within yourself contributes to a one-sided relationship. If you find yourself in a toxic one-sided love situation, prioritise your well-being by distancing yourself from the person and focusing on your growth and happiness.

How your relationship makes you feel is the most important red flag. In one-sided relationships, you’re likely to feel anxious, empty, lonely, misunderstood, insecure, or resentful. If you feel you are more committed to your relationship or investing more time, energy, or effort, do an honest assessment of the situation, look at your options, and decide if the relationship is worth saving or moving on with your life. A one-sided relationship isn't healthy for either partner. 

Relationships require give and take and compromise to achieve balance and function correctly. 

Everything mustn't be shared equally to create a balance in the relationship, but if you are striving harder to make your relationship work, you need to address the issues with open communication or seek professional guidance to determine the best course of action. A lack of communication and clarity about expectations hopes, and feelings sometimes foster one-sided relationships. Open communication also allows you to work through barriers or conflicts to grow stronger as a team. A loving relationship with shared values and commitment makes you feel safe, loved, confident, connected, understood, and secure. 

Ifeanyi Okenwa, Poet and Copywriter

Author's Hang-Out with Zizi

If you don't give up on your dream, your dream will come to pass.

Ifeanyi Okenwa is an author, writer, copywriter, deep thinker and Poet. I followed his writings on Facebook with interest because, despite his physical disability, he churns out engaging content that shows his intellectuality and creative brilliance.

He has proven that physical disability does not equate to an inability to dream, chase your dream and live it. Ifeanyi Okenwa's successful furore in creative writing demonstrated that as long as you are not mentally retarded and as long as you’re focused and determined, you can break limitations to achieve your goals. He set out to be a writer and today he is, with a published poetry book and many yet to publish books in his name.

Ifeanyi is an inspiration to many especially Persons Living with Disabilities, as a Disability Rights Advocate, he has been featured on Solid FM 100.9 Enugu to discuss the Rights of Persons Living with Disabilities. He is a member of the Human Rights Volunteer Corp (HRVC) He was recently honoured by The Super Achiever Foundation with the Staff Matter Business Award 2023. 

Ifeanyi Okenwa with his achievement changed our perception of how to treat Persons with Physical Disabilities in society. He aptly writes in one of his poems in his book: PARADOX OF A DREAM AND OTHER POEMS, that he should not be pitied but encouraged because there's always ability in disability. He always ends most of his writings with “no life is without compensation.”

Tell us about yourself.

My name is Ifeanyi Samuel Okenwa. I hold an OND and HND in Mass Communication From Osisatech Polytechnic Enugu. I'm a freelance copywriter.  I help businesses to make money, by crafting copy that helps power their business to make sales. As a person whose heart beats for Persons Living with Disabilities, I'm a Disability Rights Advocate. I have spoken on a radio station on Solid FM 100.9, Enugu, as a guest to talk about issues on People living with disabilities.  I'm a registered member of the Human Rights Volunteer Corp (HRVC)  I am a Creative Writer, Poet, Author and Deep Thinker.  I am the author of PARADOX OF A DREAM AND OTHER POEMS, My recently published work. I have other unpublished books.

 How and when did your writing journey begin?

My writing journey begins as something of introspection. Let me explain. I'm the kind of person who reflects a lot. One day, I was reflecting on my habits of reflection, and I told myself I wanted to be a writer. Looking inside me I know I have what it takes to write a book and become a published Author. After that thought, I swung into action and started writing. The first book I wrote was a novel. I have not published the novel. I wrote that novel in my Secondary school. So my writing journey started in secondary school.

 What genre do you write?

My writing genre varies, I have dabbled in writing Prose and poetry. I have an unpublished novel. It might interest you to know I have written a non-fiction book, a motivational book precisely. Though the book is yet unpublished. So I'm a fiction and non-fiction writer.

 Where and how do you get ideas for your writing?

The ideas that inspired my writing come from so many avenues. Sometimes from my Quiet moment, and sometimes, I got the idea for my writing while taking my bath. Let me share a brief story to show you how I got the idea to write one poem in PARADOX OF A DREAM AND OTHER POEMS.

The title of this poem I'm talking about is DO NOT PITY ME ENCOURAGE ME!

I got the idea to write that poem while listening to the radio. It was one radio station in Anambra state, I can't remember the name of the station. There is one bus that conveys visually impaired students. In one school like that, the bus has an inscription written on it “DO NOT PITY ME ENCOURAGE ME.”

The words appealed to me, so I picked it up. Before then, I wanted to write a poem that would convey the challenges people living with disabilities are passing through, but I was looking for a suitable or catchy title that I would use. So immediately I heard about that inscription, I had to take it up, to write a poem using that inscription. Just like Chinua Achebe's immortal book Things Fall Apart was inspired by W.B Yeats's poem titled The Second Coming. So I get my ideas from the happenings in society, reading books and meditation.

 Is there any author or book that influenced you either growing up or as an adult?

I have read a couple of books ranging from fiction and non-fiction books. But talking about the books that influenced me, I will say Chinua Achebe books. Most especially Things Fall Apart. That book will forever remain a classic. Other authors are Cyprian Ekwensi, Wole Soyinka and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.

 What are the challenges you encountered in getting your first book published?

The challenges are merely finance. Initially, the book I wanted to publish was my novel. I aborted the idea because of a lack of funds at the time to publish the book. Even while I was in secondary school, and after I was through with Secondary school. While in high institution, I tried to publish my poetry collection, but the publisher I met at that time gave me a fee I couldn't afford which was in 2017. All efforts to seek assistance from people to raise the money to publish the book didn't work out. In 2019, I made another effort to raise the 260,000 Naira charged by another publisher, but still, I couldn't raise the money. All this while, I wanted to publish the book as a hard copy but the fund to do that was not there. So I have to leave it. It was in 2023 that I finally published my book PARADOX OF A DREAM AND OTHER POEM as an E-book even though it took me time to raise the money to publish the book as an e-book.

 Tell us about your recent poetry book, PARADOX OF A DREAM AND OTHER POEMS and what inspired the collection of poems in the book.

PARADOX OF A DREAM AND OTHER POEMS is a fourteen-poems collection that's well crafted and arranged for easy understanding and comprehension.

It is a collection of poems with thought-provoking and highly philosophical poetry that will leave you deep in thought.

Like a thread, the poems in the book touch on many aspects of life that are of utmost importance to man.

Some poems will make you smile.

Some poems will make you think and ponder. 

Some poems will make you see this life from a new perspective

Some poems will make you think about legacy and let you know that all our achievements, wealth, and what have you only ended here on earth. 

PARADOX OF A DREAM AND OTHER POEMS is a mixed-grilled collection of poems that will set you up for deep introspection.

Many things inspired the Poems in the collection. Like Societal injustice, reflection on the moral decadence in the world. Reflection on this very Earth that we are living in. Like the poem in the collection titled, The Gluttonous Earth. When you read that poem, you will see the reason I said the Earth is gluttonous.

 How long does it take you to write a poem?

To write a poem takes me up to 5- 7 days at a maximum. I don't rush my writing. I like to take my time to craft a piece that would interest readers. My poems are long, maybe that informed the reasons it takes me up to 5 -7 days to come up with one. I have to think deeply and critically about whatever I'm writing.

 What are the most important lessons you’ve learned in your writing journey?

In my writing journey, the most important lesson I have learnt is that it pays to have a perseverance spirit inside of you and never give up on your dream of whatever you want to achieve. I’m saying this because I remember when I wanted to publish my poetry collection, and there was no money, I contemplated selling the manuscript out of frustration. But I have to say No. I promised myself to publish this book no matter how long it took me to achieve it. Today, I'm a published Author. If you don't give up on your dream, your dream will come to pass.

 Give us an interesting fact about the writing of your poetry book, PARADOX OF A DREAM AND OTHER POEMS.

Hmm, interesting fact. I started writing this poetry book immediately after I finished secondary school. I completed my secondary school in 2009. Between the period I was writing JAMB and looking for admission to a high institution. I was writing the poetry book, and by the time I got admission in 2015 to Osisatech Polytechnic Enugu, the book was ready to be published. Just like I narrated my attempts to get the book published in 2017 and 2019 all failed, the book was finally published in 2023 through my perseverance.

 As a copywriter, how do you get your content?

As a copywriter, I get my content from reading other people's content as it pertains to copywriting, reading books on copywriting and reading articles from Quora. All these serve as inspiration that enables me to craft my content.

 How has being a writer helped your personality growth, and where do you see yourself in the coming years with your writing?

Being a writer has helped my personality grow in so many ways. It has made me more reflective about things, calmer in how I relate with people, and take personal development seriously. Where I see myself in the coming years with my writing, I would like to see my work in the hands of many readers, and I would also like to earn money from writing.

 What are your other interests besides writing?

Outside Writing, I would like to venture into the real estate business one day. Everything about real estate investment interests me a lot. Another interest is entertainment. Let me not divulge my plan for this entertainment idea. 

 What challenges do you face as a writer with a physical disability?

As a writer with a physical disability, I face so many challenges like inaccessible environments; it is not every place that my wheelchair will access. People’s attitude and lack of understanding, some see physically challenged people as beggars. Unemployment is higher for people living with disabilities. I graduated in 2019 and tried looking for a job but there was none. I wrote a letter to the Ministry of Gender Affairs and Social Development and Enugu state Government in 2021, I submitted the two letters by myself to the Ministry of Gender Affairs and Social Development and Government House. Till today, I have not gotten any response from the Government House or the Ministry. I have a copy of the letter I wrote to the Government House, specifically to the Governor. 

 As a Disability Rights Advocate, what would be your advice to people with physical challenges in life?

My advice to People Living with Disabilities is that they should be strong in the mind, even though they are weak in the body. Wherever they find themselves, they should allow their innate abilities to shine forth. Show more abilities even when people see more of your disability. Let me say it, your disability does not in any way cancel your innate skills. You can succeed despite your physical disability. Don't permit anyone to tamper with your self-esteem.

 You’re a member of the Human Rights Volunteer Corps (HRVC). What is it all about?

Yes, I am a registered member of Human Rights Volunteer Corp(HRVC) the organization founded by Larry Oguego to educate people on their Fundamental Human Rights and how to defend themselves using the instrumentality of the law as their weapon. You know not many people know their rights in this country, even when their rights are enshrined in the Constitution. That's why you will see the police intimidate people, lock people up unnecessarily, and later collect money for bail. When you enter the police station, you will see the bold inscription BAIL IS FREE. We all know how police in this country have turned that assertion upside down. But to get bail for free, you need to know your rights and be steadfast in defending them. When you come to HRVC, the organisation will equip you to know, and defend your rights. I have learnt so many things since joining the organisation. You know the law enforcement officers use intimidation to subdue people because most Nigerians do not know their rights. Even those who know their rights do not have the patience to defend themselves in the eyes of the law. 

 What’s your family's reaction to your writing career?

My family's reaction to my writing has been a positive one. Even though they are not that financially buoyant to finance my writing dreams, their moral support has been encouraging. They give me a conducive environment to write whenever I want to write.

 What else are you great at that few people know about?

On this very question, I will say that I am very quick-witted, in a flash, I can come up with thoughts that can wow you. I can come up with thoughts that are highly philosophical and make sense to anyone who listens to it. If you read my Facebook posts, you will attest to that. My username on Facebook is Ifeanyi Okenwa, in case you want to check me out on Facebook. I'm highly philosophical in my conversation. One of my friends gave me the nickname Philosopher. I can wax philosophical at times.

 What’s your favourite music/film?

I love music and film very much especially interesting and educative film and music. I love Tuface music, Asa music, highlife music, Rhythm and Blues music and Jazz music. I love action films and historical films. 

 How do you relax, and what are your hobbies aside from writing?

I relaxed by listening to cool songs, watching football, and wrestling. Some of my hobbies include reading and playing Ludo.

If you want to get a copy of my book, here are the links.⬇️

SELAR:

https://selar.co/Paradox

OKADABOOKS:

https://store.okadabooks.com/book/about/paradox_of_a_dream_and_other_poems/54401