The Newcomer to Istanbul - Ikenna Okeh

Solomon came awake, slowly at first, and then as though realizing that he was in an unfamiliar environment, his eyelids snapped open, blinking repeatedly as his mind adjusted to the strange room. Everything began to piece together. He had slept on the couch in the living room where he had passed out, tired, last night. The chilly air that wafted in through the open balcony smelt heavy with the same brand of cigarette that had hit his nostrils yesterday as soon as he had stepped out of the Istanbul Ataturk Airport building. Obviously, that was the smell of Istanbul, and everybody seemed to carry it about them. 

Istanbul! Yes, he was here finally, he said to himself, but the smile froze on his face. Gone was the euphoria of yesterday that came with the realization that he had at last succeeded in leaving Nigeria for good. Finally, I don japa he had posted on his Facebook page, accompanying it with a photo of himself at the airport after being cleared by Immigration. He was yet to attend to the flood of comments that the post garnered immediately.

Propping himself to a sitting position, he heaved a sigh as he took in the sight of the living room with its sparse decor. The empty bottles of beer from last night littered the small centre table and the floor around it, a reminder of the little welcome that Chido and his flatmate, Ejiro, had given him. But now, the flat was still and quiet except for the occasional honk or rev of a car engine from the narrow street below.

What now? Solomon asked himself. There was no plan for the day, and meanwhile, Chido was probably still asleep or he may have gone out already, to work or elsewhere. Getting off the couch, Solomon made for his luggage set aside to one part of the living room. He got out his toothbrush from the small zipper on his knapsack he got out his toothbrush and left in the direction where he calculated that the bathroom would be.

It was a surprisingly spacious bathroom equipped with a shower and modern toilet facilities. In the bathroom mirror, he regarded himself, observing how tired he looked from the trip of yesterday during which he had worried over so many things including the possibility of missing his connecting flight in Dubai or being turned back by immigration at Istanbul. At the airport in Nigeria, the immigration officers had fleeced him and the flight attendants had made insinuations that made him fear that he would not be allowed to board. He had parted with some money and everything had been alright between him and them afterwards.

Pressing some toothpaste onto his brush, he smiled to himself, told himself that he had made it, and then turning the faucet on, he slurped some water into his mouth, spat it out, wetted the toothpaste on his brush and then began to brush. An approaching presence in the bathroom made him turn to see Chido stifling a yawn as he came through the open door. 

“Bros, good morning,” Solomon greeted. 

“Why you leave the tap on like that?” Chido asked, sounding serious. “This place no be Naija o. Them dey bill you as this water dey rush so.”

“Sorry,” Solomon said, hastily turning off the faucet and continuing with his brushing while ignoring the splashing sound that was Chido peeing into the toilet.

Presently, Solomon finished in the bathroom and returned to the living room to find Ejiro lounging in one of the sofas and smoking a stick of cigarette that Solomon would have thought to be a weed but for the coffee flavour which he considered repugnant. He threw Ejiro a greeting to which he nodded his acknowledgement and then threw his head back to blow out a stream of smoke. Chido joined them at the moment, taking a seat on the sofa across from Ejiro. 

“Solo,” he said. “Make you sidon, I want reason you something.” 

There was no mistaking the hint of urgency in Chido’s tone even though he tried to hide it, and this made Solomon’s heart skip a beat. He took a seat, toothbrush in hand. “First of all, welcome to Istanbul, Turkey.” Solomon thought to mutter a ‘thank you’ but he was not sure that it came out alright. “So now, you don come, wetin be your arrangement?”

Solomon opened his mouth but his mind was too jumbled to hazard a reply. “I … I no know as e dey be. I don come make una carry me along.”

Chido chuckled. “Bros, no be so. Na Istanbul be this. Nobody dey carry anybody along. Na one one leg wey everybody take stand for this town. As e be like this now, person no dey know another person house. Na for outside wey men dey meet to coordinate business, after business finish, all man go find their way. Na special grace wey I give you so, to bring you come my crib make you sleep for one night before you find your way. After all, me and you no get any arrangement. The only arrangement wey we get na to arrange visa for you and I don do am. My work suppose don finish.”

Solomon held back the tears of frustration that stung his eyes but he couldn’t stop the tightening knot in the pit of his stomach. He looked to Ejiro who carried on with his smoking, unmoved by the discussion going on around him.

“Chido,” Solomon said, hoping that his voice didn’t betray him. “Abeg na, no do me this kind thing. Remember as we take sabi from Obigbo. Na brothers we be o. I no get another person for this place.”

Chido laughed. “Solo, make you no dey reason am like that. I dey tell you as e dey be for this town. How you want take tell me say you from Naija dey come and you no arrange your package very well? Anyway, no need to stress the matter. Na man you be. You go surely survive for this jungle. But wetin dey be say you don come be say you don come. Make you arrange yourself anyhow bring out money go find house where you go stay dey cool your head. Once you don arrange that one, the spirit of hustle go enter your body.”

“Chido, abeg make I stay here small so that una go carry me along.”

“Bros, I don tell you finish o. You go find your own place because for this abroad, them no dey pay rent for person. I fit give you only one week make you take arrange yourself. As you see so, no be only me dey for this apartment. Meanwhile, prepare make you follow us go eat. I dey hungry.”

With that Chido got up and left, scratching his crotch. Ejiro lit up another cigarette and smoked on. Disoriented and fidgety, Solomon beat around for his phone on the sofa. Good a thing the battery had not died out. He would have to talk to someone back home before he lost his mind, but upon opening up his messenger app, there were lots of messages waiting to be read, all of them from friends and relatives congratulating him on successfully leaving Nigeria and expressing hope in being privileged to be like him soon.   

Ikenna Okeh. Poet and Novelist

BOUNDARIES IN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP

Few people understand what boundaries are in relationships. That is the reason we rarely see evidence of them working in most relationships.

I asked many people what are the boundaries in their relationships. Some find this a tough question to answer. Those who have something to say are the unmarried ones. They know what they will not tolerate from a partner.

For the married ones, I wonder if they have lost their identities? A woman told me that once married, there is nothing like a boundary in marriage. I begged to differ, and an argument ensued. In the end, I discovered she is one of those women under a manipulative husband. She had lost her identity.

What is a personal boundary in a relationship?

A personal boundary in a relationship is a limit you set on what you can accept or tolerate of another person’s words or actions in a relationship. A boundary is also your bottom line, an invisible field you will not want someone to cross, trespass or tread upon. 

People have “limits,” to how much pain they will endure, how much abuse they will withstand and how far they will go to help others or be responsible for them. “Limits,” to what behaviour they will accept from others and what they will not. Limits on time spent with others, to avoid over-committing.

“Limits” on favours, services or labour they want to offer. Boundaries refer to limits you put in place to protect your well-being. 

 People have “bottom lines,” to how low they will descend to be with you, how far they will lower their standard in life for a person or a cause.

But for you to effectively put a boundary in place in your relationship, be clear with yourself and with your partner about what you want or need. This enables you to know when your boundaries are being crossed or your limits violated. 

People violate your limits because they are not aware of their existence. To establish effective personal boundaries, first, know them yourself. It is only when you know your boundaries that you can communicate them to your partner and follow through with the consequences of the violation. 

Setting good personal boundaries is beneficial to your relationship. Boundaries protect your individuality and self-esteem, they reduce emotional stress, anxiety and depression. They set obvious lines between what you want and what you do not want. What you can accept and what you can not accept. It earns you respect and makes your partner less likely to treat you like a doormat. Setting a good boundary provides you with a template by which others can treat you with respect. 

A lack of boundaries opens the door for control, manipulation, disrespect, and oppression from your partner and those around you. Lack of boundaries allows things like cruelty, abuse, and harassment to slip into your relationships. Setting boundaries safeguard your mental and relational health. A healthy mind and body make for a healthy relationship.

A healthy relationship is not controlling one another’s emotions or feelings, rather, it is supporting each other to grow and achieve self-actualization. 

Boundaries are for you and about you. They are about respecting your needs in your relationship. When you are uncomfortable about something in your relationship but don’t speak up and share it with your partner, resentment can build over time.

Building strong boundaries begins with knowing and understanding your limits. Knowing who you are, what you are responsible for and not responsible for. You are only responsible for your happiness, your behaviour, your choices, your feelings. You are not responsible for others' happiness, behaviours, choices, and feelings.

Healthy boundaries come from accepting yourself just the way you are. You don’t have to change yourself to be liked and you don’t have to depend on others' approval to live your life.

Stop trying to fix your partner or children, stop taking responsibility for the outcomes of their choices or behaviour. Don’t save or rescue them to feel needed in the family. That is neediness, and very unhealthy.

You need to say “no” to acts, actions and words you don’t have to accept from your family. And you have to learn how to accept “no” from them too. They need to protect their boundaries as well.

Understand that as your feelings are your choices, other people make choices about how they feel too, so they have to be responsible for those choices and the consequences. 

Types of boundaries

Boundaries can be physical or emotional.

Physical boundaries include your body, personal space, and privacy, looking through your personal files or your phone. 

Under this you have: 

Sexual boundaries: Boundaries around sexual frequency, physical intimacy. What sexual acts you preferred or what’s off-limits. Healthy sexual boundaries include mutual agreement, mutual consent, and each other’s sexual limits and desires. If you and your partner don’t know what your sexual boundaries are, one or both of you might spend precious time in fake sexual acts that are unhealthy for your relationship.

Financial Boundaries: Financial boundaries are all about money, and it is an inescapable part of human interactions. When money matters are not probably handled, it poisons a relationship. 

Setting financial boundaries is important. It will help you to know how to handle issues like joint or separate accounts, what to spend on purchases, what to save, and what to invest in. How much each partner will contribute and for what uses. And, who takes care of what bills, in the house.

Time boundaries: time is valuable, and you must protect how you utilise it.

Setting time boundaries at work, at home, and socially helps you to prioritise and set aside time for the many areas of your life to avoid over-committing. When you know your priorities, it is easier to limit the time you allot to people, things, or activities in your life.

Emotional boundaries: emotional boundaries are the ones you set on yourself. Healthy emotional boundaries involve separating your feelings from that of your partner. Your feelings should not depend on your partner’s thoughts, feelings, or moods. 

 Intellectual Boundaries

Intellectual boundaries encompass ideas and beliefs. Showing respect for different views and ideas can keep feelings from being hurt. Dismissing, criticizing, or belittling your partner’s feelings, thoughts, ideas, and curiosity can damage emotional intimacy. 

Healthy intellectual boundaries include respect for your partner’s ideas, thoughts, beliefs, opinions or political views. 

Tips on how to establish boundaries in your relationship:

• Communicate your thoughts to one another. Be honest and truthful about your needs, wants, and feelings. 

• Be respectful and attentive when your partner shares their thoughts and feelings with you. 

• Never assume or guess your partner’s feelings. Making assumptions can create a lot of misunderstandings in a relationship. 

• Never assume you know what your partner wants or needs. Always ask. It is better to ask rather than assume you know.

• When you set boundaries, follow through on what you say. Setting boundaries and not adhering to them will give your partner an excuse to violate your boundaries. 

• You shouldn’t compromise on things that are not acceptable to you, upset or offend you?

Boundaries should not be rigid constrictions designed to suffocate your relationship. And do not use them to build brick walls to keep your partner away. They are to give you and your partner time and space to be real and be yourself within the confines of your relationship.

A relationship with no boundaries is full of arguments, resentment, disappointment, and hurt feelings. Establishing healthy boundaries in a relationship allows both partners to feel comfortable and develop positive self-esteem.

THE SAD NOTES OF A GENERATION (David Onojah)

    

You see me broken,

like the soft hands of a glass,

fix me and let the pains hurt less

We are a sad generation with happy faces

that the world refused to see

but through the blurry images of darkness

we dim in the rays of hope

The sun burned the back of our neck

that hot afternoon, as unarmed protesters, in Lekki

with lips and words that fought for freedom

We watched as a thousand bullets,

swept some from the face of the earth

What sad notes should we not write about

In a season like this?

And that night, it rained heavily

I saw through the broken windows

the suffering of people in the dark streets

Their tears that echoed in the rain

Drained them in the room of leaking tops

As our leaders lay on their bed of paradise, Alas!

It's a sad reality,

that we read like pages in our heart

our notes are as sad as us

And when dawn sleeps on us,

the sounds of freedom awaken our spirits

We are the sad notes of a generation.

- David Onojah

Ikenna Okeh, Poet & Novelist

When I first came across his post on Facebook, I was like this young man is full of anger. I followed his posts and discovered his anger stemmed from the injustice and corruption prevalent in the country. Ikenna Okeh is vocal and unequivocally in stating his opinions about issues ailing the country and humanity. He is such that wants good to always triumph over evil in life and most of his books reflect this ideology.

Having read some of his books, I will say he writes with passion and attention to detail and with a good grasp of his characters. In whatever genre he wrote, his professionalism as a writer always shows forth. His crime novel, The Operative, was a page-turner and his poetry books are incisive. And his children’s books are entertaining and informative to kids and adults alike.

Tell us about yourself?

My name is Ikenna Okeh. I write contemporary fiction and poetry in an attempt to capture the human experience, especially within contemporary settings. I also write music reviews and follow up on artistic trends in the global music scene. You can find all my music-related writings on the Ubuntu FM website, which I co-founded with some other professionals and contributors in the Netherlands, South Africa and Canada. 

What inspired you to become a writer?

I wasn’t exactly inspired by writing. In an actual sense, I was drawn and sucked into it. Sometimes I consider myself a victim of circumstances where it concerns writing.  At the age of eleven, I read a short story and was gravely dissatisfied with it, I told myself I could do better than what I had read. I did, and afterwards began crafting pieces of drama and incomplete short stories, and my siblings became keen readers of my works. But because I never wanted to be a writer, I stopped writing, purely in defiance. I graduated from university, travelled to Lagos to find work. It was one of the most disappointing moments of my life and that got me thinking about what to offer to the world in exchange for the life I desired and which I believed I deserved. To put things in context, after I defied writing as a boy, I intended to become a doctor, but I ended up studying Food Science & Technology at university; I couldn’t worm my way through the barriers of entry into the medical departments of Nigerian public universities. My knowledge in Food Science hasn’t been used in any professional way and I am not pressured about it. 

You write different genres, what’s the secret of your versatility as a writer? How did you choose the genre you write in?

As every writer progresses along their journey towards recognition for their works, it is normal for them to experiment with different forms and styles until they find something they can stick to that offers the greatest reward for their effort. This is my story. Narrative poetry earned me some measure of recognition which I am very much not content with. Contemporary fiction holds great promise for me and that is why there is work ongoing with World Arts Agency whom I am signed, to find a home for my works. 

Is anything in your books based on real-life experiences or purely all imagination?

My story plots are fictionalized but mostly based on isolated events that happened in real life. For example, I am currently polishing off a novel manuscript about a Nigerian deported from Northern Cyprus who then has to deal with the stigma associated with being a deportee. The story offered the reader an insight into the realities of the life of a young African in Northern Cyprus and the many challenges they have to contend with. So many people can relate to this and I am certain some will argue on many fronts it is biographical because every Nigerian knows someone close to them who has been deported at some point from overseas. So, yes, my stories are based on events that are obtainable, relatable and as much real.

How did you come up with your titles?

I am someone who loves to experience and observe, and this affords me so much insight into things. It helps me in this regard.

What is your work schedule like when you\"re writing?

I don’t have a strict work schedule but I prefer to write first thing in the morning and sleep off the afternoons, especially now that it is summer. It is always different in winter, though. In springtime, I prefer to sit in a park in the company of blossoming plants and greenery to write. My present location offers me that, and I am eternally grateful for this.

How/where do you get information or ideas for your books?

My ideas for books come from keen observation. Sometimes I see a recurrent event of social importance that goes unnoticed and then I take it as a responsibility to build an engaging plot around it to entertain as well as to enlighten my readers. When I encounter an aspect that I am not too familiar with, I reach out to people who have experience in that area. A lot of my friends are used to having me call at odd hours to interrogate and compare notes with them on certain aspects that I am writing about. 

What was one of the most surprising things you learned in writing your books?

Truly, I learn surprising things constantly, and one outdoes the other. Professionally, I learn a lot from my agent, Jeremy Warren Rourke, whose wealth of experience daily appears bottomless. Recently, I learned how to use chapter outlines to test the quality of my plot so that I can see what’s needed to be weeded out. 

Is there any author or book that influenced you either growing up or as an adult?

She, by Rider H Haggard, is one book that has never ceased to amaze me. It influenced me from much earlier. You see, I love tight plots and fast-paced works that can do something to your adrenaline. Besides, we live in an era where so many things compete for our attention, so if any work of literature can hold onto my attention from the beginning, all through to the end, then it is surely my thing. Recently, I have been thinking about Sex Is A Nigger by Naiwa Osahon. Memories of Our Recent Boom is one book I read as a boy that has stuck in my head ever since. You know, I miss the Nigerian literature of the 1970s. That, to me, was the golden age of African writing. But so much has happened, and I think it is the Biafran war that changed everything.

What do you consider your best accomplishment as a writer?

To be honest with you, my greatest accomplishment so far as a young writer is in sustaining the hope I can someday offer literary entertainment that will serve the taste of a vast audience cutting across continents. You know how it is being an African writer with no indigenous systems to sustain and encourage literature. Instead, we have dictatorial African governments who would rather chase writers from pillar to post in a bid to stifle art and the freedom of expression that it portends; hence the reason we creatives look to Western establishments for sustenance. 

How many books have you written? What are the challenges you faced in writing and publishing them?

I have written and published six works of poetry, two children’s books, including Saving Mungo Park, which I co-authored with Onyeka Nwelue. I have also published a crime novella, The Operative which is set in Nigeria, as all of my novels. We are about to pitch my novel, A Whisper of A Thing Forbidden, to publishers and I am very hopeful about the outcome, considering my agent maintains the work is a classic. As for challenges, I am at the stage in my career where I am dealing with everything that stands in the way of getting noticed by structures and gatekeepers to reading audiences. The most challenging part lies with writing and putting together a piece of literary work that will be worth the time and attention of agents and publishers. After then, a lot of other things come into play. It’s an uphill journey that demands patience and dedication.

How do you coordinate all the different parts of your life to leave room for writing?

I live a very simple life with writing at the centre of it all. I’m not yet married nor do I have any dependant, so this offers me a lot of freedom to pursue writing with patient dedication.

What is your best work so far? Or is the best yet to come?

My works are like dear children to me and it is very hard to favour one over the other. Yet I am certain that the best is yet to come and the choice will have to be made by my readers.

What are the challenges of being a writer in Nigeria, as compared to being a writer outside the shores of the country?

I will have to be personal with this one. The challenge for me is that it is not so easy to maintain an intuitive connection as one finds in Nigeria. Maybe it is because my works are set in Nigeria and somehow it feels tough trying to maintain a psychological connection from abroad. Aside from this, it is easy to find calm and quiet out here as long as you are not sucked into the pressures of keeping up with bills, being adopted into a social system. If this is the case, gradually you begin to lose focus. This is the case with many Nigerian music celebrities who relocated to the US.

How do you promote your books and are they yielding fruits?

Social media remains my best tool. I have sold more on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram than on any other platforms and it is helpful when readers made comments on their feeds about my books, thus helping to sustain the buzz around it. Also, I have sold very reasonably at literary events. I remember selling out all my book copies at Sound of Poetry, which is annually held in Yenagoa, Bayelsa State.  

 What kind of feedback do you get from your readers?

Sometimes I stumble upon social media tags where a reader has something pleasant to say about my book. This is mostly the kind of feedback I get and it is greatly enriching.

Give us an interesting, fun fact about the writing of any of your books.

I remember travelling to my village in 2017 and listening to our community head laments the feud between our local Anglican cathedral and the community over a vast expanse of ancestral lands which the church was laying claim to, even going on to assemble an intimidating team of high-profile lawyers which the community couldn’t afford. The whole story amused me when I considered that the cathedral was built by the community and sustained by their tithes, offerings, and donations. I had to sit back and begin to write the narrative verse A Tale To Twist which, upon publication, was described by the Country musician, Roger D’Arcy, as being Homeric.

If you had to go back and do it all over, is there any aspect of your novel or getting it published that you would change?

Yes. I would actually have started out much earlier in my pursuit of writing as a career and got a related undergraduate degree instead. This would have changed everything concerning my writing and publications.

 Where is the best channel to reach you and learn more about your books?

My books are all available on my author website www.ikennaokeh.com.  They are also available on Okadabooks. I am also very much active on social media.

Do you have any advice to give to aspiring writers, especially in your genre?

I will tell any aspiring writer to keep writing and reaching out to industry contacts. There is no other way around this thing.

 When did you start writing and promoting music?

I started promoting music in 2017 when Peter Hesen, a Dutchman who was a fan of my poetry, invited me on board the Ubuntu FM team. By then he and King Mavuthela from South Africa had already set up the groundwork and put things in motion. Together, we launched the online radio stations, drafted out a promotional plan, and took things off the ground. So far, we have continually offered promotional services for record labels, PR firms and indie artists from Europe, Africa and the USA.

What’s your favourite music/film?

I love a good number of movies, and it is hard to make a list of them. However, Mr Johnson comes to mind for its flawed representation of Nigeria in the 1930s. It doesn’t mean I don’t love the movie. As for music, anything by MI Abaga is my favourite. At Ubuntu FM, most of us share the belief that MI Abaga is the best hip-hop artist of all time; his music is ingenious, poetic, and it has class. 

How do you relax and what are your hobbies aside from writing?

I watch a lot of movies and I love conversations over wine or beer, depending on the company. Doing the latter while seated out at the beach at night has become my recent pastime.