Concepts of love

CHAPTER ONE

The Institution of Love

We cannot talk of love without going way back to the very beginning of it; the creation of man in the Garden of Eden; for man was created out of love and for love.

The concept of love begins with God. When God breathed on man, he breathed not only life but love as well. That is the double L. that makes up a man; Life and Love.

God initiated the first institution of love when he created Adam and Eve. After He created Adam, He discovered it was not good for man to be alone, so He made Eve as a companion. From then, the concept of love and togetherness came into existence.

Therefore, since the beginning of man, love has existed and will continue to exist and be the recurring decimal in any relationship, especially that between a man and a woman.

The same awe and astonishment Adam felt when he first beheld Eve, is still being re-enacted in every relationship today. Because, even though love is an old phenomenon, it will be forever new. People fall in love every day and when it happens, you feel its freshness, its newness and the euphoria that goes with it.

What is the true definition of love?

What is love or what is the true definition of love? I went out to sample opinions and discovered that the definition of love is as varied as the number of individuals I asked.
At the end of my research for the true definition of love, I came to acknowledge there has never been and will never be a consensus on the appropriate definition of love. The definition of love could be likened to the story of the six blind men and the elephant. Six blind men were taken to the zoo to feel an elephant. On their return, they described the elephant from the angle each was able to touch and their interpretations of what they felt an elephant is, were neither wrong nor right.

Let’s just say people define love based on their feelings, beliefs, experiences and even intellectual perspectives. For instance, Anthropologists, Sexologists, Philosophers, psychologists, Psychologists, Social behaviourists, Social scientists, Sociologists, etc., all have defined love from their disciplinary perspectives and have all put forward arguments to support their definitions. Well, they are neither wrong nor right too.

Even Poets, and great Scholars, both ancient and modern, have written wonderful and glowingly things about love. In addition, Love has been and is been celebrated in songs daily.
Scientists are not left out at all, they put love into the test tube and came up with the term ``Chemistry of love`. They argued that love and loving are because of a certain chemical reaction in the body. They talk of hormones, testosterone, progesterone etc., but to date, they are yet to discover the exact chemical that induces or breeds love between two people to the exclusion of others. Well, we are still waiting for that breakthrough in the scientific study of love.
All I am trying to say in essence is, love is not limited or confined to one definition. The truth about love is, it is a feeling and so defiles one accepted definition. All the same, I can still add my own definition to the myriad of others already propounded.

WHAT IS LOVE? Love is a feeling, an emotion, a passion, a state of mind, and a condition of the heart, which seeks expression and interaction with someone else.

WHAT IS LOVE? Love is a feeling of great passionate intensity directed towards another person. At the height of it, the emotion of passion is so very intense, so fierce, even to the point of jealousy. Yes, what is mine is mine alone, a monogamous feeling.

WHAT IS LOVE? Love is an emotive expression of our humanity, our inner self, and our heart desires.

WHAT IS LOVE? Love is a feeling, which involves the passion for pleasure and the passion of pain.

I can go on and on because the definition of love is inexhaustible. However, one established fact about love is that it is a feeling within us, that we extend to another through the act of loving. And loving comes with expression, acting and action.

Therefore, loving is shown through expression. It’s through action and acting that you create awareness of your love. It’s only through the means of loving you reveal your emotion and passion. Someone will not be aware you love them except through demonstration with actions and words.

People fall in love the ways they conceive love to be. Before going further let us explore the various perceptions of love for love can be felt from different perspectives.

LOVE AS A FEELING
we feel things. When we feel hungry, we eat; when we feel thirsty we drink water, when we feel sleepy we sleep. `FEELING` is a stimulus that arouses some form of action. Love is a feeling of emotional hunger which we satisfy through companionship with another.

We feel love in the heart, that's why the heart is used to symbolise love. So when love goes sour we experience heartbreak figuratively because we don't see the heart to know if it's actually broken or not, we just assumed it is.

Anyway in the beginning when the feeling comes over you, you cannot understand, explain or define what you are feeling. You just know it’s love because you feel it in your heart.

Such a feeling comes with tenderness, affection, caring, sharing, etc. These are soft but powerful emotions that go with love. These emotions are deep-sited in us. They are feelings we want to give out and have the same returned back to us.

LOVE AS A PASSION
Love as a passion is an intense and irresistible urge to communion with another human. It is not just a mere feeling now but a compelling impulse, hard to ignore or resist. There is a difference between feeling hungry for food and having the urge to eat a particular kind of food.

It is a strong desire you have for another person, there is that inclination to explore, the quest to conquer, and the zeal to possess. Therefore, love as a passion is a force that at times is dangerous, when not contained; it can push a person to the brink of emotional insanity.

LOVE AS A STATE OF MIND.
At times, your mindset and your conception impinge on your attitude towards love. To some people, love is neither a feeling nor a passion, but something they have to accept or reject based on their state of mind. When their minds tell them is time to get someone into their lives, they go for someone, most often someone that has been around for long as a friend and they don't have to confess love.

It is a docile acceptance of love. They don`t lose control, no push, no urge. It's more 'let me go into a relationship because it's the right thing to do or what is expected of the person. They are neither hot nor cold towards love.

LOVE AS A CONDITIONING OF THE HEART
This is setting your heart tuned to certain attributes in another person. It's only when these attributes are present that you are incited to love. It is an induced kind. of love.

In most cases, these attributes are physical, for it is what the eye sees that impresses the heart and sets it in motion. In this kind of love, the impression is of utmost importance. Some like them big, slim, fair, or black. Like a guy who met a girl, he liked so much but couldn’t fall in love with her because she was busty and he never liked busty ladies.
He couldn`t strike a relationship with her even though the attraction was there but just because he has conditioned his heart against busty ladies it became a problem he couldn`t surmount.

However, if your love comes as a result of feelings or passions or it is based on your state of mind or induced by the conditioning of your heart, the basic fact is, if you believe it`s love then it is love. Love is what you believe it is and it is what two people accept it to be.

STYLES OF LOVING

We show love by loving. The way we fall in love reflects the way we express that love to others. Therefore, the degree of loving differs from one individual to another. Some people are more passionate and romantic when they are in love. A passionate lover is `crazily or madly in love, this state of mind shows the degree of his/her emotional involvement. While some are not highly emotional; and are not easily moved by passion, they are calm and cool about it and some others even appear emotionless.

That doesn’t mean they don’t love, they love in their own ways and only exhibit love through actions rather than flowerily expressions.
The different ways people express love form the different styles of loving. Often, one's concept of love determines the person’s style of loving.


EROTIC LOVERS
Erotic lovers believe in love, at first sight, they are not interested in getting to know their partners well before they seek intimacy. Eros lovers lack patience and control, so when they are in love they want immediate intimacy and rapport. To them love is a passion, they are always passionately involved with someone.

Erotic lovers are fascinated with beauty, which is why they easily fall in love; they are susceptible to physical attractiveness. Eros lovers are characterized by two things; immediate physical attraction and a belief in adventurous sex. They are erotomania hence the name, their sex impulse is always on the high side.

And often they are good lovers and good in bed also. But one defect is, they love intensely, and when offended or betrayed, they hate intensely as well.


LUDIC LOVERS
Ludic or game-playing lovers have two characteristics, hedonism and lack of commitment. They are the types that take love to be a playful game in which obtaining pleasure is their main aim. To them, sex is not a consummation of love but another form of amusement.

They are usually lustful and their love affairs never last because they shun any kind of situation that would make them be seriously committed to any person. They move from one affair to another in search of good times and variety. They are passionate also though not with love but with passion itself.


FRIENDSHIP LOVERS
Love that develops between friends; it is a relationship that evolves from friendship. In the beginning, there was no falling in love; rather with constant interaction, they develop a love for someone they have been friends with for a long time. To friendship lovers, passion does not count; all they seek is affection and companionship - a friendly type of love relationship. Love as a state of mind, the person has been around; I have known him/her for a long time, so we can as well hit it off.

The fact that they are not passionate about love, account for the reason such lovers take time in choosing a partner and are slow in seeking intimacy in any new relationship. They allow the relationship to grow to maturity before they become committed. However, they make lasting partners whenever they find an ideal mate, one they admire very well.

MANIA LOVERS
The strongest and the most dangerous type of lovers, love is a dangerous obsession for them. Because they are passionate to a higher degree, they are highly possessive and jealous. Mania lovers love to almost the point of insanity; they are often dangerous to themselves and their loved ones.

Mania lovers are prone to extremes; they are either in a high state of excitement or in a high state of nervous agitation over their relationships. Therefore, they often swing between blissful joy in the presence of their lovers and anxiety in their absence. Because manic lovers love to the extreme, they suffer enormously in the event of separation or break up. Some go as far as attempting suicide or manslaughter.

SHOPPING LIST LOVERS
Called shopping list lovers because they choose partners cautiously and according to a preconceived notion of what they want in a lover. In their mind, they have a list of what they want in a partner and they try to adhere to that list. Love as a conditioning of the heart, they have a preconditioned notion of what they want and they look for that.

They are realistic and practical, not easily moved by passion, sentiment or physical attributes if it’s off the list. Their heads govern them not their hearts, what they seek in a relationship is compatibility. They believe in showing their love in practically reasonable ways rather than talking about it.

GIVING LOVERS
They are duteous, faithful, patient, supportive and selfless in their loving. They are called Agape lovers, they are altruistic; they are known to put the happiness and comfort of others first, most often to their own inconveniences without complaining.

To them, love is a feeling within them they want to share with someone else without any ulterior motive or attributes of the other person. They just love to love and to give selflessly out of the abundance of their hearts without any self-effacing motives, In addition, though they are the ones often hurt easily in relationships, they forgive easily.

These are the six types of ways people express their love. So we fall in love differently and we express it differently as we feel it based on our personalities and individualities.

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Why Regina Daniels married Ned Nwoko

Recently there has been an uproar about Regine’s Daniels marriage to Ned Nwoko, a man old enough to be her grandfather. Some congratulated her on her bold step, while some are contemptuous of her greed step. Some believe its love; but the question is; on whose part, his or hers?

Many of her fans, youths especially are outraged on her behalf and they believed she didn’t enter into the marriage with clear eyes. She was ‘jazzed’. So they say, as I listened to a group of young guys, her agemates discussing it, and in conclusion, one declared that time will prove if the bedrock of the marriage is pure or shrouded in lust and greed.

And some had wondered. What will make a promising young girl, with fame and money cleave to an elderly man in the name of marriage? And they asked. At seventeen going to eighteen, is she matured enough to take that lifetime decision or is it that those who are supposed to guide her misguided her? The mother who consented to such marriage, was it for her daughter’s sake or for her own benefits?

Well for whatever reasons, willingly or unwillingly, she is now Mrs. Nwoko and for all the negative press and innuendos, it might prove to be a marriage made in heaven. When Bianca and Ojukwu started they came under public attack too, but they prove detractors wrong and lived happily ever after.

Life has a way of getting around, for Regina, a girl who grew up without a father figure, would definitely not find it hard to marry a man like Ned, she needed a man - a father, a husband, a lover - rolled together and so to her Ned Nwoko was a phantasy come true, we should not cast inauspicious remarks at her for wanting to live out her dreams.

My prayer for her. May it continue to be a sweet dream, may she live in her dreamland and many she never wakes up from that dream to face realities.

Every Child Has A Destiny

Every child is created for a purpose, so there is a reason for your life, as a child you’re created and wonderfully made by a good God. You’re created with rights, not just your human rights as a teenager but your natural rights, the one that comes from God which is a right to a great destiny.

The coming of age is a coming into awareness and discernment of what God has created you for. As a teenager, your primary task is figuring out who you are, your individuality, your autonomy, your rights, your belief and your identity, for it is only when you get these into correct perspective that you will know your destiny.

As a child, Jesus was able to answer these questions about himself so he knew what his path in life was at that early stage and followed it through. (Luke 2 vs 42-43, 48-49). What about you? Do you know where you’re heading with your life? Because if you know where you’re going, then you will know how to get there.

Life is a journey from one point to another until you get to your destined port and where that would be is in your hands. All along as a child, you were being led by your parents but now as a teenager, you’re in the driver’s seat, ready to zoom off with the rest of your life. The way you take charge, the way you take control determines how far you will go and how fast you will get to your destination/destiny.

Yes, life is a journey but a short one indeed, and so beware, a person on a tight schedule doesn’t tarry or play around, he makes haste to get to his destination and on time. In this journey, you don’t just set out without an idea of where you’re going or you become a wanderer; you need a master plan, you need a map, and this is where dreams and visions come to play.

What are dreams? Dreams are the tiny seedlings of reality and every teenager has got a dream. But for your dream to come true you need vision to propel you, and without vision, your dreams perish (Proverb 29 vs18).

Vision is like a beacon, it leads you on and shows you all the road maps and signposts to keep you going in the right direction towards the attainment of your dream, which is your destiny. A writer put it, “If you have a dream, don’t sleep until you realise it, then you can catch up on your sleep.” A dream not realised is a talent wasted.

Vision keeps you going even when the road is tough and rough; you persist because you definitely know where you’re going but if you don’t have a vision, you will miss the way or be discouraged along the way. A person who misses his/her way ends up in frustration and goes through like a wanderer (Proverb 27 vs 8).

What is between you and your right to a great destiny is you and the choices you make in life. You’re the one that determines which way to row your lifeboat. You choose which direction to go by choosing the type of values you assimilate and the companies you keep. You should constantly ask yourself what values and beliefs to embrace or reject, what kind of people do I make friends with, who are my role models and why did I choose them as role models?

If you hang with people who don’t share the same values and ideologies or people who are not going in the same direction or destination with you, the tendency to miss your way is assured. Don’t flock with people that are not your own kind.

It’s essential your rights are not trampled upon, it’s necessary you don’t give up your rights to grate future or exchange it with something less than its worth. It’s your right but you have to position yourself to obtain it, achieve it, enjoy it and be glad in it. So, whatever you do, whatever you have passion for, build your life around it for that is your destiny, begin to nurture it now.