CREATIVITY. ROMANCE. BOOKS. RELIGION. EVENTS. LIFESTYLE. RELATIONSHIP. HEALTH.
Is she cursed or what? If not, why will unhappiness and rejection trail her life from her father to the man her heart falls in love with?
Ulioma discovers the man who bestrides her dreams and waking hours is a prince destined to marry a princess. She is just a palace maid, yet fate brings them together and entangles their hearts.
Ikeobi knows fate has plans for Ulioma in his life, but he is not yet certain if he will play along or not.
Ten ways to attract love and make it last.
Ten ways to keep your man.
Ten ways to have a perfect relationship.
Ten ways to make a man happy.
Ten ways to please a woman.
Ten ways to build the perfect marriage.
And so forth.
Yet, despite all the thousand ten proving ways and the magic of getting it right, people are still not getting it right. Relationships are in shambles, and divorce and break-ups are increasing alarmingly. And I wonder, is it that the ten ways are not working or that people are not reading and practising the expert’s advice?
Lots of hearts are broken and bleeding. More and more people sleep at night and hug their pillows for comfort and warmth. One is tempted to ask, “what is wrong with the modern world?” Despite all the enlightenments and books on relationships, people still lost their sense of direction on how to make committed relationships last.
It is just proof that there is no single tested and approved recipe for love and successful relationships. No one book can teach people how to love and have a successful relationship. There are no strict guidelines for a lasting relationship. People have different approaches to relationships.
However, we know society is plagued by factors fighting to box committed relationships out of existence. These factors are sociological, moral and economic and have contributed to the brevity of committed relationships in today’s world.
Also, there are attributes and character flaws that contribute to making relationships short-lived.
Factors working against lasting relationships.
People have lost respect and love for each other, both as a person and as lovers. Social and moral values are being flagrantly trampled upon daily. People no longer have respect for values and traditions.
Relationships have become a rat race activity, with no moral standards and marked guidelines. People do not adhere to due processes and protocols when seeking and expressing romantic intentions.
People do not take time to cultivate relationships, only an instant flare of passion that goes off as fast too because it lacks depth and no root. In today’s society, intolerance and impatience are the norms. Some want their desires fulfilled without the emotional toll of commitment with exclusivity.
Love is no longer a requirement for sex to take place. Today, casual sex is the norm rather than the exception. More often than not, people took sex for granted and performed it in an emotionless environment and without tact or affection. The sexual act has become a crude activity, stripped of charm and prudence and performed without finesse but a soulless gyration of the body for release.
Mutual integrity and trust were values held high in relationships in past generations, but now people get together under superficial attractions. Mistrust and insincerity have become the order of the day because you can no longer distinguish between lies and truth.
Most men and women have an arsenal of tricks and deceptions they bring into relationships, and when these are exhausted, what else is there to keep the relationship together? Nothing except resentment that will eventually kill it.
Lies, deceptions, pretentiousness, and dishonesty breed mistrust and without trust in a committed relationship, the union is in serious jeopardy.
Some people go into a committed relationship with some expectations of what they want and what they hope to achieve or gain. Most often, such expectations are unrealistic.
When you enter into a relationship with sets of unrealistic high expectations, the chances of the relationship lasting are slim. Expecting your partner to solve all your physical, emotional and financial problems is burdensome. It means you went into the relationship because you need a problem solver, not a partner.
Invariably, you find yourself hoping in and out of a relationship because you’re seeking that which is not obtainable.
Most people change their values and personality just to trap someone in a relationship. Then, you build a relationship with the person. What happens next? You can’t live a lie for long. With time, your real colour shows, and your partner becomes wiser and takes off.
In today’s world, people don’t have long-term plans for relationships, hence the use of deception. They are after the here-and-now thrills, and when their deceptive acts burst to the surface, they move to their next victim.
Some people have never been genuinely in love. When they experience a butterfly-in-the-stomach feeling, they label it love. People have bastardised the word love so much that it is no longer appreciated, and its true meaning has lost its value that most people don’t even believe in its existence.
• People label every affection as love and come together to confess loving each other.
• Two infatuated adults momentarily obsessed with each other announced they love each other.
• People attracted into a relationship for looks or money will confess love to achieve their desires.
• People with an instant spark of lust build a relationship around it and call it love.
And when these relationships fail, they blame love - when, in fact, there was no love in the union in the first place.
• You cannot claim to love someone if you cannot respect the person. Love is respectful.
• You cannot claim to love someone if you cannot protect their interest. Love protects.
• You cannot claim to love someone and not be able to tolerate their flaws. Love is patient.
• You cannot claim to love someone and talk down on them with hateful words. Love is kind.
• You cannot claim to love someone if you cannot put their interest above yours. Love is selfless.
• You cannot claim to love someone and use them to achieve your selfish desires. Love is not manipulative.
• You cannot claim to love someone and only think of what you will gain from them. Love is not greed.
Some people think love is not enough because they are yet to appreciate and understand the true meaning of love. Genuine love is beautiful and rare and doesn’t come cheap.
That is why many people think it doesn't exist. Most people are into false relationships because they fake love or create a counterfeit version as a coping mechanism.
Hearts are bleeding because people go for fake love instead of waiting or seeking genuine love. People marry out of desperation, for wrong reasons, and many are intimidated or coerced into relationships/marriage by peer/family pressure or circumstances.
The whole point of a relationship/marriage is to be with someone who loves you and who you love. Be patient and find true love. You are not in a competition with anyone.
Stop building relationships/marriages not rooted in love because you will only hurt yourself. You need to be in a relationship with someone you love, not just someone available at the moment. Though the fact you’re in love with the person is not a guarantee your relationship/marriage will be trouble-free. No, but you have a good chance at making the relationship work with someone you love and want to be with than with someone you don’t have any feelings for.
Author's Hangout with Zizi Mr Omoruyi Uwuigiaren, popularly known as Ruyi, is a former freelance cartoonist at Vanguard Newspapers. He ...
