Building Friendship In Marriage.

Just like any friendship and relationship, marriage needs nourishment to grow. Integrating friendship in marriage requires practice and intentionality. If you are not intentional about it, it will not just happen.

Relationship expert John Gottman, a professor at the University of Washington, says, “Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship.”  Gottman’s research shows that a high-quality friendship in a marriage is an important predictor of romantic and physical satisfaction.

Also, Paul Coleman, Psy.D., author of The 30 Secrets of Happily Married Couples, says, “Friendship is a form of intimacy. It represents a sharing, an openness, a willingness to be vulnerable. It requires a degree of trust. Friends show caring to one another by their availability, their thoughtfulness.”

Building and nurturing friendships strengthen a marriage because friendship establishes emotional and physical intimacy in marriage. Friendship helps married couples feel safe and more open with one another without worrying about being judged or feeling insecure. 

Nurturing and building friendships in marriage requires practice, time and effort. Work hard to establish a great friendship and become your spouse's best friend in your marriage. Friendship promotes healthy, happy, and lasting marriages.

Ways to foster and build friendship in your marriage:

Effective Communication:

Open and honest communication is the foundation of any strong friendship. Endeavour to actively listen to your partner and respectfully express your thoughts and feelings.

Talk and share your everyday life and experiences, highs and lows, to create a sense of connection. It helps to build emotional intimacy.

Frequently talk with your partner. Silence in marriage builds resentment, but communication can resolve this problem. Communicate over everything – your friends, relatives, workmates, goals, children, money, responsibilities, etc. 

Excellent communication is a key to building a good friendship with your spouse. Marriages that speak honestly about challenging matters, build stronger connections.

Also, communication helps with conflict resolution. If you want friendship and romance to grow in your marriage, you must communicate to resolve your conflicts.

Spend Quality Time Together:

Dedicate time to be with your spouse without distractions. This could be a night date, a weekend getaway, or even simple activities like cooking together or walking.

The fact that you make time out of your busy schedule to spend time with your partner shows you value them and care for their happiness. Take some time every day when you can reconnect with one another. If it is at the end of a busy day, find out how your partner spent the day. 

Also, as you begin your day, share your plans. Praying together is a shared activity that keeps couples together. 

Shared Interests:

Find common interests. Have fun with one another. Laugh together. Make lasting memories through shared activities. Engaging in activities you both enjoy strengthens your bond and creates shared memories.

Do and try new things together. Cultivate shared hobbies or interests. Finding common ground can bring you closer and provide opportunities for bonding.

Explore each other’s interests. Intentionally study the things that interest your husband or wife and enthusiastically join them, even if they do not interest you. It may take some sacrifice, but the results are worth it because they demonstrate a willingness to invest in your relationship. 

Establish daily habits,  like praying together, cooking, walking or working out.

Shared interests and values are keys to building a friendship with your spouse.

Support Each Other:

Be supportive during good moments and times of challenges. Offer encouragement and celebrate each other's successes.

During tough times, provide a listening ear and be a source of comfort. Knowing that your partner has your back fosters a deep sense of trust and friendship.

Encourage each other. Help one another excel. Also, nudge or boot each other along.

Laughter and Playfulness:

What fun things do you do together regularly that would encourage friendship with your spouse? Do you make the time to be together or have your other priorities pushed your spouse to the bottom of the list of important things in your life? Making your spouse feel like a top priority and engaging in an activity together are sure ways to build friendship into your marriage. 

Maintain a sense of humour in your relationship. Laughter can lighten the mood and strengthen your connection. Laughter and fun are keys to building a friendship with your spouse.   

Incorporate playfulness into your interactions. Play games, tease each other affectionately, and don't take yourselves too seriously.

Make fun of one another as you remember some sweet memories to enhance the bond. Be humorous with no malice or offence. It is a great way to strengthen companionship in your marriage.

Respect and Empathy:

Treat your partner with respect. Understand and appreciate their perspective, even if you don't always agree.

Practice empathy by trying to understand and validate your partner's feelings. It creates a safe space for open communication.

Celebrate each other’s differences, accept and allow each other to be themselves without judgment.

Promote openness and forgiveness in your relationship. It helps build trust between you and your partner. Trust gives you the freedom to share your challenges and achievements with your spouse. Trust is the foundation of friendship in marriage.

Shared Goals and Values:

Identify common goals and values. It could include career aspirations, family planning, or personal growth. Let it be something you both enjoy because if you aren’t excited about the activity, you won’t continue. Working together toward shared objectives can deepen your connection and create a sense of unity and friendship.

Continual Growth:

Set and work towards life goals with one another. Dream together. Plan together.

Encourage each other's personal development. Support your partner's goals and aspirations, and take an interest in their growth.

As individuals evolve, adapt and grow together as a couple. Embrace change and see it as an opportunity for mutual development.

Express Gratitude:

Respect each other and treat one another equally. Cheer on each other’s successes. Lean on one another in times of need. Appreciate your spouse. Be considerate of each other. Be forgiving of one another- don’t hold grudges.

Regularly express gratitude for the positive aspects of your partner and your relationship. Acknowledge the little things that make your connection special.

 Appreciate Each Other:

You feel appreciated when your spouse makes it a habit to consult you before making any major decision. It means your opinion counts in their lives. Besides, it gives you a sense of responsibility in case of any plan failure.

Feeling appreciated and valued enhances friendship within a marriage.

Marital success is the work of two friends who have unconditional love for one another and are willing to sacrifice for their marriage. Being there for each other, being in constant touch, enjoying the relationship, being honest, making each other a part of one’s future, and making them a priority, form a strong bond of friendship with a spouse. 

Building friendship in a marriage is an ongoing process which requires both partners' effort. By consistently investing time, energy, and emotional support into your relationship, you are creating a strong foundation of friendship that will contribute to the long-term success of your marriage. Friends share the joys and sorrows of life. Having your spouse as your best friend is a great benefit to your marriage. 

Friendship is one of the characteristics of a happy and lasting marriage, as well as the foundation of a healthy marriage. Couples who are genuinely friends look forward to spending time together. Their activities and interests are enhanced because their spouse is their favourite person who shares life experiences with them.

The friendship between a couple can make the bonds of marriage stronger. They can share things with each other while feeling no fear of judgment from their partner. Their relationship will flourish because of this and grow stronger over time.

Friendship in marriage is cultivated and nurtured through years of married life. If you feel emotionally and physically apart, you can still nurture your friendship to desired levels. 

The benefits of cultivating friendship in marriage?

1. Increased marital satisfaction

Research shows that having your partner as a great friend in marriage significantly increases marital satisfaction.

The benefits of marital friendship are long-term and last well into the mature years.

2. Improved intimate communication.

Being a good listener promotes intimacy in relationships helps build clarity and avoids marital conflicts.

3. Increased emotional and physical intimacy.

You build intimacy through the sharing of personal information.

You achieve intimacy when you open up to the other person and let them into your life.

The key to achieving intimacy is trust– you must be comfortable with the other person to share intimate information.

Intimate relationships are more fulfilling when built upon a strong friendship. Great relationships enhance physical connection and emotional intimacy.

4. Increased forgiveness for your mistakes.

Being mindful of your manners can help to promote peace in your relationship.

As humans, making mistakes is in our DNA. The important thing is to apologise and make amends sincerely when you make mistakes. It shows you’re taking responsibility for your actions and are willing to change.

Have a  forgiving heart to accept apologies from your spouse in your relationship.

5. Increased trust in your marriage.

Building a friendship with your partner helps to build trust and respect.

Friendships in marriages help couples discover each other’s personality and interests, fostering a strong connection. It also allows spouses to weather their difficult seasons together.

You build a healthy marriage on mutual trust and respect. Couples who cultivate these qualities in their relationship have a better chance for happiness and longevity.

Eneji Stephen Toluwalashe( Public Speaker, Author & Entrepreneur)

Author's Hangout With Zizi

Eneji Stephen Toluwalashe, popularly known as Soul’e Rhymez; is a Modern Educator,  Lecturer, Entrepreneur, Professional Public Speaker, Author and Philosopher. He is a specialist in Self-discovery And Development, which has been regarded as the soul of basic formal education. 

Born in Ilorin, Kwara State, Nigeria in the late 20th century, he grew up in his state of origin, Kogi State where he had his secondary school education in Titcombe College, Egbe, before crossing to Lagos in the year 2008.

He got admission to UNILAG to study English Language in 2014 but opted out as he could not find the type of education he desired in a school.

Soul’e Rhymez discovered a lot of loopholes in the system of education and spent more than 8 years doing research that led to the creation of what he thought was the missing link in the system of education: Self Discovery And Development. He then created the solution: Science of Self-discovery And Development (SOSAD). which comes in three different categories and has 8 faculties, each accompanied by a course. 

He has authored many books such as “How to Become a Genius through Sex”, Single & Smart Man, Single & Smart Lady, “How We Became Narcissists” and many more.

He is also the CEO of Soul of Life Enterprise, out of which, Soul of Life Academy, where vital courses such as Science of Self-discovery and Development (SOSAD) and many other special courses are being offered. He is also the founder and CEO of Soul of Life Capacity Builders and Soul of Life Publishers, both of which are subsidiaries of Soul of Life Enterprise.

Soul’e Rhymez is the founder of the Soul of Life Foundation, which is dedicated to two things, namely, the Self-Discovery And Development of adolescents and the integration of sex education into schools and colleges through his books, also with a focus on adolescents.

     Who is Eneji Stephen Toluwalashe and what are your philosophies?

I have a lot of philosophies that I live by, but the best of them is “live and let others live”, which is the same as “do unto others as you will like them to do to you.” It is the same reason I follow Jesus Christ. He is the author of the quote. About the philosophies I created, the next generation will talk about them

     How did come up with the name the Soul’e Rhymez?

I coined it when I was in Secondary school. Soul’e was coined from my surname “Sule” while the Rhymez came from people saying I resemble Busta Rhymes an American rapper. So, I chose to be Soul’e Rhymez, instead of Busta Rhymez.

    What inspired you to choose writing?

I never liked writing. I was notorious for not writing notes when I was in secondary school. I hated writing, but as time went on in my life, I had to write. My desire to know more about myself through self-discovery and development and eventually make the world a better place than I met inspired me to write. I did not plan to become a writer; it was just the easiest way to express myself at a time. But now, I have authored more than 20 books

  Is there any author or book that influenced you in any way growing up or as an adult?

The personality of Jesus Christ inspired me a lot. I fell in love with him. It was sincerely not about religion. I did not care about religion because as far as I am concerned Jesus Christ did not create a religion. In fact, religious people went against him all his life. They killed him too. Another person who inspired me was Napoleon Hill. I have the audio version of his book Think & Grow Rich. I would have listened to it more than 5000 times over the last 7 years. Another person I love to listen to is Les Brown.

    How will you describe yourself and your writings?

The Evidence of God’s Supremacy. The stupid thing that God uses to confound the wise.

    You have an academy that encompasses a lot of training in writing, and leadership roles. What are people’s responses to it?

That is Soul’e Rhymez Leadership Academy (SRLA), formally Soul of Life Academy (SoLA). It has been great. The response has been fantastic. We have trained 100s of people in the different departments of self-discovery and development and leadership over the years. We are still growing.

   How/where do you get information or ideas for your books?

Searches and research. I search for the truth. I keep searching until I find them. If I cannot find them, I look within.

   How did you become so knowledgeable about sex and relationship issues? 

It has been explained in the previous question. I search for the truth until I find them. If I cannot find them, I look within. HOW TO BECOME A GENIUS THROUGH SEX took me more than 6 years to begin and complete. If I just wanted to write to make money or cause controversy, it would not take me two months to complete the same book. But I needed to know the truth and let people have it. That book is currently the best book on adult sex education. It can compete with any book of its nature anywhere in the world. If anyone feels otherwise, they should put the knowledge in that book to the test.

   Do you have any training as a relationship coach or is it all self-discovery?

The question is – who trains people in romantic relationships? In which Government school is it taught? If I saw one, I would have gone there to be certified. I became a Love Life Coach through self-education. I combine experience, with observations, and studies to become a Love Life Coach. If tomorrow, I need certification to perform, I will acquire it, but it will be just about that. Certification!

  In your School of Sex, what do you teach your students? Is it having an impact on their lives?

Sex Education. About impact, yes, it does. Sex covers 95% of our lives. And anyone who controls people’s sex education can control 95% of their lives. With that, they will drop the rest 5% for the person. If you think the foregoing statement is not true, then why do nearly all religions consider what they refer to as sexual sins as some of the worst sins?

It is a conspiracy! It is about power play. They know what they are doing. Once you hear about immorality in the realm of Christianity, do not think about murder, stealing, or killing, they are talking about what they refer to as Sexual Sins. Why is that? If you look for the answer, then you will find out that what I said is true.

  In your SOLF-Soul of Life Foundation, are people imbibing your teaching on Self-Discovery and Development?

Soul of Life Foundation is about service to humanity, not necessarily about my teachings only. It is to make self-discovery and development courses available to those who cannot afford to pay for them. Activities are currently on hold, but we will resume soon when we have enough weapons in our arsenal.

 How does one get into any of your academies? Any criteria?

The basic criterion is the willingness to learn and improve one’s life. Other criteria are the ability to read and write, hear, speak, and pay the token demanded as registration and tuition fees.

 How do you contend with your critiques on some of your ideas on sex and relationships?

I respond angrily many times because I am irritated about people’s contentious ignorance. I respond very harshly, and as time goes on, I realize that the best way to do it is to ask them intelligent questions to tackle their criticisms; that has never failed me. When they cannot answer my questions, they keep quiet.

Enjoy Sex and Miss Hell and How To Become A Genius Through Sex, are titles of some of your books on relationships. What is your concept of premarital sex?

Did you mean what is my take on premarital sex? My take is simple – if your religion is against pre-marital sex, then avoid it! One of the cores of my sex teaching, Sex Transmutation, helps people to stay off sex until they are married, so I am not against it. None of my teachings induces or forces people to engage in premarital sex.

I tell people what I found out about it, and it is up to them to take it or leave it. Religion is man-made and one of the best ways to control people is to do so through strict laws on sex. Nearly all the religious leaders in the world know this and this is why they have a uniform stance – prohibition and silence.

You’re always bashing women. Can you tell us why?

Correction – I am not always bashing women. I only do my job as a self-help specialist. I expose women’s weaknesses and call on them to work on them. People call me a misogynist for it, even today. Someone called me a misogynist, but it does not matter. I will do my job. I understand why it happens.

I am a straight man; which means I am getting married to a woman. How can I want to get married to a woman if I hate women? I do not hate women; I love women, but women do not love themselves. This is why they think I hate them. I have written more books and organized more seminars for women than men. How can a man who hates women do that?

I wrote a book titled HOW TO MAKE ANY MAN EMPTY HIS WALLET FOR YOU. How can a misogynist write such a book?  The only thing I do not do is to pet women for their weaknesses instead of helping them to correct these weaknesses. Men before men do that, but I will not!

I have seen the damage it did to my ancestors; I have seen many men lose their lives for this. I will not make the same mistake. A woman who wants to live with me must be willing to accept she has weaknesses and be willing to work on them. Not feel attacked when I point out her weaknesses that need to be worked on.

I do not bash women, I just expose women’s weaknesses, which they use as weapons to destroy men while playing the victims, and I am not about to stop. Watch out for my book titled WOMEN'S WEAPONS OF MEN’S DESTRUCTION. I will expose many of these weaknesses through which a lot of great men have died because they did not want to be seen as misogynists by pointing them out to be corrected.

What do you consider your best accomplishment as a writer?

Being able to solve problems that many people who came before me can’t solve. Being able to say the truth when other folks prefer to be silent. I learned that from Christ. Through my writings, a lot of my followers now know the following.

·       The difference between schooling and education.

·       The difference between religion and godliness

·       The difference between greatness and mediocrity.

Being able to do these means the world to me; I feel accomplished when I hear people’s feedback. They are worth more than money and awards to me.

 How many books have you written? Any fafavourit end why?

I have written and published 23 books, or more. My favorite is HOW TO BECOME A GENIUS THROUGH SEX. I love the knowledge it conveys; no one will read that book and not have a mind shift in the right direction. It contains more than sex education. Like I said, sex consists of 95% of our lives. So, when one has the right sex education, that person has taken 95% control of his life. Once that is done, the rest 5% will be easy to retrieve if it has been handed over to people already.

 What are the most important lessons you’ve learned as a writer?

That life is controlled by popular ideologies. Those who speak the truth will remain hidden, but they will be valued from one generation to another as they are discovered.

 What are the challenges of being a writer in Nigeria?

The number one challenge from day one has been that Nigerians in Nigeria do not like reading to learn. This is not the same as people do not like reading. Nigerians read, in fact, they read a lot, but for entertainment. When it comes to reading to learn, you can hide a secret in a book and keep it in Nigeria. It will be hidden forever unless the Government recommends it for schools.

For this reason, investors are sceptical about investing in books and it affects our sales and standard of living. We have to diversify into speaking and creating courses to pay our bills and keep things going. We are doing well, whether Nigerians read or not.

 What are your other interests outside reading and writing? 

Oratory! I am a fantastic orator. In fact, I write to have the opportunity to speak. One day, the world will know how great I am as a speaker. That day is dawning and it will be a dream come true for me.

How do you relax?

Play video games, and I have added seeing movies recently. And sometimes, I sleep as a way to relax and regain lost energy to go again.

You can also connect with him for more of his works by clicking on this link: link:https://www.facebook.com/groups/schooloflifeacademy/ to join his Facebook group.