Building Friendship In Marriage.

Just like any friendship and relationship, marriage needs nourishment to grow. Integrating friendship in marriage requires practice and intentionality. If you are not intentional about it, it will not just happen.

Relationship expert John Gottman, a professor at the University of Washington, says, “Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship.”  Gottman’s research shows that a high-quality friendship in a marriage is an important predictor of romantic and physical satisfaction.

Also, Paul Coleman, Psy.D., author of The 30 Secrets of Happily Married Couples, says, “Friendship is a form of intimacy. It represents a sharing, an openness, a willingness to be vulnerable. It requires a degree of trust. Friends show caring to one another by their availability, their thoughtfulness.”

Building and nurturing friendships strengthen a marriage because friendship establishes emotional and physical intimacy in marriage. Friendship helps married couples feel safe and more open with one another without worrying about being judged or feeling insecure. 

Nurturing and building friendships in marriage requires practice, time and effort. Work hard to establish a great friendship and become your spouse's best friend in your marriage. Friendship promotes healthy, happy, and lasting marriages.

Ways to foster and build friendship in your marriage:

Effective Communication:

Open and honest communication is the foundation of any strong friendship. Endeavour to actively listen to your partner and respectfully express your thoughts and feelings.

Talk and share your everyday life and experiences, highs and lows, to create a sense of connection. It helps to build emotional intimacy.

Frequently talk with your partner. Silence in marriage builds resentment, but communication can resolve this problem. Communicate over everything – your friends, relatives, workmates, goals, children, money, responsibilities, etc. 

Excellent communication is a key to building a good friendship with your spouse. Marriages that speak honestly about challenging matters, build stronger connections.

Also, communication helps with conflict resolution. If you want friendship and romance to grow in your marriage, you must communicate to resolve your conflicts.

Spend Quality Time Together:

Dedicate time to be with your spouse without distractions. This could be a night date, a weekend getaway, or even simple activities like cooking together or walking.

The fact that you make time out of your busy schedule to spend time with your partner shows you value them and care for their happiness. Take some time every day when you can reconnect with one another. If it is at the end of a busy day, find out how your partner spent the day. 

Also, as you begin your day, share your plans. Praying together is a shared activity that keeps couples together. 

Shared Interests:

Find common interests. Have fun with one another. Laugh together. Make lasting memories through shared activities. Engaging in activities you both enjoy strengthens your bond and creates shared memories.

Do and try new things together. Cultivate shared hobbies or interests. Finding common ground can bring you closer and provide opportunities for bonding.

Explore each other’s interests. Intentionally study the things that interest your husband or wife and enthusiastically join them, even if they do not interest you. It may take some sacrifice, but the results are worth it because they demonstrate a willingness to invest in your relationship. 

Establish daily habits,  like praying together, cooking, walking or working out.

Shared interests and values are keys to building a friendship with your spouse.

Support Each Other:

Be supportive during good moments and times of challenges. Offer encouragement and celebrate each other's successes.

During tough times, provide a listening ear and be a source of comfort. Knowing that your partner has your back fosters a deep sense of trust and friendship.

Encourage each other. Help one another excel. Also, nudge or boot each other along.

Laughter and Playfulness:

What fun things do you do together regularly that would encourage friendship with your spouse? Do you make the time to be together or have your other priorities pushed your spouse to the bottom of the list of important things in your life? Making your spouse feel like a top priority and engaging in an activity together are sure ways to build friendship into your marriage. 

Maintain a sense of humour in your relationship. Laughter can lighten the mood and strengthen your connection. Laughter and fun are keys to building a friendship with your spouse.   

Incorporate playfulness into your interactions. Play games, tease each other affectionately, and don't take yourselves too seriously.

Make fun of one another as you remember some sweet memories to enhance the bond. Be humorous with no malice or offence. It is a great way to strengthen companionship in your marriage.

Respect and Empathy:

Treat your partner with respect. Understand and appreciate their perspective, even if you don't always agree.

Practice empathy by trying to understand and validate your partner's feelings. It creates a safe space for open communication.

Celebrate each other’s differences, accept and allow each other to be themselves without judgment.

Promote openness and forgiveness in your relationship. It helps build trust between you and your partner. Trust gives you the freedom to share your challenges and achievements with your spouse. Trust is the foundation of friendship in marriage.

Shared Goals and Values:

Identify common goals and values. It could include career aspirations, family planning, or personal growth. Let it be something you both enjoy because if you aren’t excited about the activity, you won’t continue. Working together toward shared objectives can deepen your connection and create a sense of unity and friendship.

Continual Growth:

Set and work towards life goals with one another. Dream together. Plan together.

Encourage each other's personal development. Support your partner's goals and aspirations, and take an interest in their growth.

As individuals evolve, adapt and grow together as a couple. Embrace change and see it as an opportunity for mutual development.

Express Gratitude:

Respect each other and treat one another equally. Cheer on each other’s successes. Lean on one another in times of need. Appreciate your spouse. Be considerate of each other. Be forgiving of one another- don’t hold grudges.

Regularly express gratitude for the positive aspects of your partner and your relationship. Acknowledge the little things that make your connection special.

 Appreciate Each Other:

You feel appreciated when your spouse makes it a habit to consult you before making any major decision. It means your opinion counts in their lives. Besides, it gives you a sense of responsibility in case of any plan failure.

Feeling appreciated and valued enhances friendship within a marriage.

Marital success is the work of two friends who have unconditional love for one another and are willing to sacrifice for their marriage. Being there for each other, being in constant touch, enjoying the relationship, being honest, making each other a part of one’s future, and making them a priority, form a strong bond of friendship with a spouse. 

Building friendship in a marriage is an ongoing process which requires both partners' effort. By consistently investing time, energy, and emotional support into your relationship, you are creating a strong foundation of friendship that will contribute to the long-term success of your marriage. Friends share the joys and sorrows of life. Having your spouse as your best friend is a great benefit to your marriage. 

Friendship is one of the characteristics of a happy and lasting marriage, as well as the foundation of a healthy marriage. Couples who are genuinely friends look forward to spending time together. Their activities and interests are enhanced because their spouse is their favourite person who shares life experiences with them.

The friendship between a couple can make the bonds of marriage stronger. They can share things with each other while feeling no fear of judgment from their partner. Their relationship will flourish because of this and grow stronger over time.

Friendship in marriage is cultivated and nurtured through years of married life. If you feel emotionally and physically apart, you can still nurture your friendship to desired levels. 

The benefits of cultivating friendship in marriage?

1. Increased marital satisfaction

Research shows that having your partner as a great friend in marriage significantly increases marital satisfaction.

The benefits of marital friendship are long-term and last well into the mature years.

2. Improved intimate communication.

Being a good listener promotes intimacy in relationships helps build clarity and avoids marital conflicts.

3. Increased emotional and physical intimacy.

You build intimacy through the sharing of personal information.

You achieve intimacy when you open up to the other person and let them into your life.

The key to achieving intimacy is trust– you must be comfortable with the other person to share intimate information.

Intimate relationships are more fulfilling when built upon a strong friendship. Great relationships enhance physical connection and emotional intimacy.

4. Increased forgiveness for your mistakes.

Being mindful of your manners can help to promote peace in your relationship.

As humans, making mistakes is in our DNA. The important thing is to apologise and make amends sincerely when you make mistakes. It shows you’re taking responsibility for your actions and are willing to change.

Have a  forgiving heart to accept apologies from your spouse in your relationship.

5. Increased trust in your marriage.

Building a friendship with your partner helps to build trust and respect.

Friendships in marriages help couples discover each other’s personality and interests, fostering a strong connection. It also allows spouses to weather their difficult seasons together.

You build a healthy marriage on mutual trust and respect. Couples who cultivate these qualities in their relationship have a better chance for happiness and longevity.

How To Handle Betrayal In A Relationship

 

Betrayal in a relationship is the breaking of trust through dishonesty, infidelity, or a breach of commitment. It is a painful and challenging experience that causes hurt, anger, and disappointment. Betrayal is a bitter experience that shakes the foundation of relationships and kills the ability to trust and without trust, relationships cannot function.

A relationship is a bond created out of mutual trust. We engage in some forms of relationships. It can be with friends, partners, family or intimate relationships. All these relationships are based on trust; when one breaks that trust, the other person gets shattered. Some relationships are never forever, however, when the reason for severance is betrayal, it causes emotional distress and trauma. 

Romantic relationships are one part of social acceptability which everyone craves, they give a sense of belonging. As a result, when betrayal occurs, there is a sense of loss and emotional shock that make one vulnerable to heartbreak, depression, mental disorder, and even suicide. 

Causes of Betrayal

A variety of factors, both internal and external causes betrayal in a relationship. Here are some common causes of betrayal:

High Expectations: 

High expectations and unmet needs can lead to frustration. When one or both partners feel unheard or neglected, and when their expectations or needs are not realised in the relationship, they may seek connection or fulfilment outside, resulting in betrayal.

Infidelity: 

One of the most prominent forms of betrayal is infidelity. When one partner cheats by engaging in a romantic or sexual relationship with someone else, it shatters trust. Cheating in a relationship is caused by dissatisfaction, a desire to try something/someone new, a lack of contentment or personal issues like excessive ambition, greed, lust or passion.

Emotional dissatisfaction: 

When a person feels emotionally unfulfilled in a relationship, they may seek emotional support or intimacy with someone else. Sharing deep emotional connections with someone other than your partner can lead to a breach of trust and a sense of betrayal.

Unresolved conflicts: 

Unaddressed conflicts and unresolved issues can create resentment, frustration, and emotional distance between partners. If these conflicts are not effectively addressed, one or both partners may become more vulnerable to seeking validation or emotional satisfaction elsewhere, resulting in betrayal.

Individual factors: 

Personal issues such as low self-esteem, greed, lust, unresolved past trauma, or a tendency towards impulsivity can contribute to the likelihood of betrayal. These factors can lead individuals to seek excitement or escape from their current relationship, often without considering the consequences.

External influences: 

External factors, such as peer pressure, societal expectations, or the influence of friends or family, can play a role in betrayals. Sometimes, people succumb to external temptations, and social or family pressures which encourage them to act against the values and commitments they made with their partners. 

It's important to note that while these factors can contribute to betrayal, every situation is unique, and the causes of betrayal can vary significantly from one relationship to another. Understanding and addressing these underlying causes can be crucial in rebuilding trust and healing a relationship after betrayal occurs.

How to Handle Betrayal in Relationships: 

Acknowledge what has happened: 

Do not avoid the situation. Accepting difficult conditions and the emotions that come with them will help you calm down your internal turmoil. You may feel anxiety, stress, sickness, grief and other emotions.  Air them out and do not feel ashamed. You must work out ways to help you recover from the trauma faster and get your life back on track.

Take time for self-care: 

Betrayal will make you feel hurt or angry. Allow yourself to experience and process your emotions without judgment. 

Focus on self-care and self-healing. Engage in activities that give you joy, reduce stress, and promote well-being. It can include exercise, hobbies, spending time with friends and family. Turn to others for support. Many people just shut their doors of trust and thus do not tell anyone. This attitude can cause depression and emotional stress. Talking with your family or friends is always a good option.

Open Communication: 

When ready, have an open and honest conversation with your partner about the betrayal. Share your feelings and concerns, and allow them to explain their actions. Effective communication is crucial for understanding each other's perspectives and working towards a resolution if the possibility exists.

Seek support: 

Going through betrayal is a distressing experience. Seeking support from trusted friends, family members, or even a therapist is necessary. They can provide a listening ear, offer guidance, and help you navigate the healing process.

Set boundaries: 

Rebuilding trust after betrayal requires establishing clear boundaries. Determine what is acceptable and what is not in the relationship. It may involve discussing expectations, commitments, and behaviour that both partners will abide by.

Counselling or therapy: 

Seeking professional help can be beneficial if the betrayal deeply affects your emotional well-being and the relationship. A therapist can guide you through the healing process, provide tools for communication, and facilitate the rebuilding of trust.

Rebuilding trust: 

Rebuilding trust takes time and effort from both partners. It requires consistent honesty, open communication, and a willingness to work through the pain together. Setting goals and making mutual commitments to rebuilding trust while remaining patient with the process may be helpful.

Evaluate the relationship: 

While healing from betrayal, it's essential to reflect on the relationship, assess whether it’s healthy, and if both partners are genuinely committed to making it work. Sometimes, rebuilding trust may not be possible or in the best interest of both individuals.

Handling betrayal in a relationship is a personal journey. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to it. The important thing is to prioritise your well-being, take care of yourself and make decisions that align with your values and needs.

Betrayal is a painful experience that causes the person betrayed to lose their ability to trust again. It destroys self-confidence and causes the betrayed to question their judgment in the relationship. 

Let us not lose our confidence or our ability to trust others because of some people’s behaviour. When betrayal occurs, do not feel pressured. Take time and allow yourself to think and heal, then move on. Focus on your goals, what you need and the process to achieve your goals.

Transparency in relationships.

Relationships are crashing faster these days than before. We are shocked at stories flying around, the outrageous things people endure, and the unimaginable experiences they go through in each other’s hands, all for the sake of being in a committed relationship. 

If you must be in a relationship, create a toxic-free environment through transparency to enjoy the benefits of a healthy union. Most causes of mistrust and insincerity are due to a lack of transparency. When people are not outrightly sincere and forthcoming with their emotions, feelings and actions from the onset, their relationships get immersed in games and intrigues that undermine their sustainability.

Transparency in relationships is when partners willingly share feelings, fears, concerns, ideas, thoughts, hopes, ambitions, aspirations and expectations with each other. The keyword is a willingness to share and communicate openly, even when they find it uncomfortable. It also means being honest about your actions, even when you make mistakes or have disagreements. Transparency is vital to the growth of every relationship, whether romantic, friendship or professional.

The Importance of Transparency In Relationships.

Transparency builds trust and credibility, especially in romantic relationships. Being transparent about your actions, decisions, and processes can foster dependability, a feeling of believability and acceptance from your partner. And where both partners practice transparency in their communication and actions, it creates a safe environment where they can feel secure. Being transparent about your experiences, feelings, and goals can help your partner understand you better and build a stronger connection and support system for both of you. 

Honesty is an integral part of transparency, but there is a difference between the two. Honesty simply means you’re not dishonest or lying to your partner. It does not come willingly, like transparency, which requires a willingness to be open and not withhold information or thoughts from your partner to make them suspicious of your intention. Trust and transparency complement and supplement one another in a romantic relationship.

The secret to having a successful relationship is transparency, and it creates stronger bonds. For instance, being open about your feelings and intentions prevents misunderstandings and miscommunications with your partner. Transparency builds intimacy. When partners are transparent, it enhances intimacy and understanding and strengthens their emotional connections. 

Transparency in relationships shows how much you trust your partner. How transparent you are with your partner is proportionate to your trust quotient with them. Partners who trust each other feel safe enough to share things about themselves. They will share their deepest fears, secrets, darkest thoughts and feelings, knowing their partners will not judge them or their actions. If you don’t trust your partner entirely and they don’t trust you, that willingness, desire or sense of security to be open will not be there.

Benefits of transparency in a relationship

1. Emotional intimacy:

The more emotionally intimate two people are, the more likely transparency will occur. Emotional intimacy involves sharing personal thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

When partners build trust and non-judgmental, positive affirmation of each other, they experience a deep comforting sense of support and security. When there is a deep, intimate bond, you find it easy to share everything about your personality, the good, dark, and bad sides, with your partner.

2. Open communication:

We build healthy romantic relationships on mutual respect, trust, and open communication. When partners openly communicate with each other, it ushers in transparency, and this will strengthen the relationship. 

Trust leads to acceptance, non-judgmental behaviour, and understanding. It also reduces the potential and opportunities for miscommunication and misunderstanding.

3. Strengthens trust:

Transparency strengthens trust and reduces misconduct or suspicious attitude or behaviour in the relationship. Having a non-judgmental attitude towards your partner also strengthens confidence, builds intimacy and makes them feel secure. 

4. Spiritual intimacy:

Transparency in romantic relationships paves the way for spiritual intimacy with your partner. It creates an enabling environment for you to share everything with your partner willingly. It will include all those overwhelming or deep emotions you try to suppress and those disturbing memories or thoughts you are afraid to share with someone.

5. Kills fear of vulnerability:

It is instinctual to have one’s guard up, especially at the beginning of a relationship because of the fear of appearing vulnerable. But when you establish healthy boundaries and build trust, open communication, understanding, and respect will bring transparency. So, lowering your guard becomes possible, and the fear of vulnerability will vanish.

How to improve transparency in a romantic relationship?

Openness in relationships is necessary because the lack of transparency in a relationship can have unfavourable outcomes that may affect the sustainability of your relationship.

Building transparency in a relationship is one of the most effective ways to have a secure, supportive, healthy, and fulfilling romantic relationship.

To improve transparency in your relationship, start by building emotional intimacy with your partner. It involves sharing personal stories, discussing feelings and desires that will deepen your emotional connection.

Transparency doesn’t mean you should share everything with your partner without a filter. You don’t just blurt out anything and everything you feel or think in its raw form. Although transparency entails openness and accessible communication, how you frame the words and how you express them to your partner is important. Using discretion is essential for transparency to thrive in a relationship. 

Practical ways to cultivate transparency in a relationship:

Start by sharing feelings, ideas, and thoughts that are easy to share and try to be honest with your partner.

Work on establishing healthy boundaries with your partner from the start so that the standards for transparency become clear.

Cultivate emotional intimacy by sharing your feelings, both pleasant and unpleasant.

Remember to use discretion when you’re open and do not hide or withhold information from your partner.

Why am I a Christian?

At times, it is not that you don’t believe, but some days, events and circumstances make you doubt your faith, doubt the existence of God, and His presence in your life. You wonder, if there is God, why should I lose a loved one at a young age, if there is God why should my spouse die, if there is God, why should he allow an entire family to be wiped out by an enemy.

You may wonder, I am a Christian; I trust God; I believe in Him; I worship Him, so why should he allow evil and calamity to grace my path, and then you ask, what’s the essence of being a Christian.

A woman was once told a car hit and killed her daughter, her first comment was, “but I prayed this morning, I covered all my children with the blood of Jesus.” Then she looked up and asked. “God, Why?”

Yes, God, why? is a question most Christians ask, especially when calamity assaults us. The bible tells us that no one can question God. He owes us no explanation for the things He does and how He does it. He is God, Almighty, omnipotent, omniscient and omniscience. His ways are far above ours. Its either you believe and trust him despite all odds or you don’t.

However, in all situation, the strength of your reliance on God depends on why you are a Christian.

    What is the foundation of your Christianity?

Are you a Christian because you have no choice because you are born into a Christian home? Is your Christianity fueled by fear or by contentment with your worldly acquisitions? Your faith is most tried when you feel you’re drowning in a sea of misfortunes, ill-lucks, tragedies and betrayals. In such circumstances, you felt confused, especially if you feel you are a ‘good Christian’ and in good stead with God.

Well, goodness, piousness and faithfulness are never shields against the doomsday, for surely it will come and the reason you are a Christian, and understanding of God’s word is your armour against the vilest thing life will hurl at you.

Are you a Christian because you love God with all your heart and mind and want to serve Him all your life in any situation and circumstance follow him through every storm without vacillating? There are two things involved if love for God does not drive you to his bosom, then the fear of the unknown, fear of evil will definitely do that for. It is better to choose the love of God as the foundation of your Christianity.