Monday 27 December 2021

Ifeanyi Omeni, The Tale Weaver and A.C.E professional


Author's Hangout With Zizi

What piqued my interest in her was her doggedness as a writer. I followed her through many groups' writing contests and watched her emerge at the top. She knows her worth and place as a writer and never shies away from boldly staking her talents with ease and enthusiasm that showcases her love for the written words.

Ifeanyi Omeni is a multi-talented and prolific creative writer, book editor and motivational writer/speaker, as well as a Christian writer too. She has birthed many interesting and educating books, both fiction and non-fiction, in her fifteen years writing career.
She is indeed a tale weaver, reading any of her books, gets you hooked into reading others.

Tell us about yourself.

My name is Ify Omeni, also known as the Tale Weaver and ACE(Author, Communication coach and Editor) professional. I’m a graduate of English and Literature from the University of Benin and a holder of a master’s degree in Media and Communication from Pan-Atlantic University in Lagos.

How did you become a creative writer or did writing come to you?

I have been writing since primary school. I used to rewrite every story I read in a storybook. Then I began to write animal stories and my own imaginative stories about young children. I progressed from there to writing adult stories. 

Is there any author or book that influenced you either growing up or as an adult?

There are several authors that influenced me. Zulu Sofola made me love playwriting. I read her plays, King Emene and Wedlock of the Gods and Wole Soyinka’s The Lion and the Jewel, and began to write plays. During my university days, I was taught by two lecturers - Professor Egudu and Professor Yesufu, who made poetry develop wings and fly. Poetry came alive as they taught. Creativity exploded within me. I composed some poems under their tutelage. Wole Soyinka and JP Clark also made me love poetry. Years later, I met someone, Ben Ijeoma Adigwe, whose poetry made me revise my poetic pieces. Chimamanda Adichie and Chinua Achebe influenced my prose writing, while Francine Rivers and Karen Kingsbury made me discover my love for Christian Fiction and become a Christian Fiction Writer.

Did your environment & upbringing colour your writing? 

My upbringing did not colour my writing. My parents did not encourage me to write. Most parents of the era I grew up, were more interested in their children studying professional courses like Law, Accountancy, Medicine and others, so talents like writing were seen as a distraction. 

As for my environment. Maybe the few authors I have mentioned made me delve into the world of writing.

What is your writing process(es) like? 

My preferred place of writing is my library, seated in front of my laptop. And my preferred time is late at night, usually from 1 p.m to the early hours of the morning. My inspiration is at its peak, at these times. Like the scriptures state in Psalm 19:2, ‘Day unto day uttereth speech and night unto night showeth knowledge.’ I believe there’s something about the night season that oils creativity.

You write different genres, what’s the secret of your versatility as a writer? How did you choose the genre to write?

I don’t know the secret. I think my being able to write different genres is a divine gift. I just discovered that I’m interested in several genres and can write in those areas.

What inspired you to write motivational/Christian books?

I’ve been a Christian almost all my life, and this has made me interested in that area of life. I read books by Bishop David Oyedepo and began to write my own Christian books, which I call Christian literature. Years after, a friend gave me books by Francine Rivers and I got interested in that genre. Then I discovered Karen Kingsbury’s creative spread and dived into the world of Christian Fiction writing.


How do you gather information and ideas for your books?

For my non-fiction books, I get information from the Internet, other books, discussions with people and stories I hear.

For my fiction books, I get divine ideas that are dropped in my spirit. I get inspired through books I read, watching television and films, stories I hear and discussions I engage in. It got to a point that people were scared of discussing with me because I can turn practically anything into a story. That’s why I’m called The Tale Weaver. Because I can weave a tale at the drop of a hat.

You are a graduate of English and Literature. How did you get into banking before retracing your step back to the literary world?

I guess it was the desire for survival that pulled me into the world of banking. I tried to turn an idea into a business venture and when it didn’t work; I took up an offer for a job in the bank, rather than become a financial burden on anyone.

What were the challenges in writing and publishing your first book while still working in the bank?

I didn’t have any challenges. I had already written the book before I became a banker. All I had to do was create the time to edit and prepare it for publication.

Do you consider any genre more difficult to write than the other? 

Yes! I find fiction more difficult to write. For non-fiction, the writer gathers materials together and a book is born. But fiction is spun from the imagination, which makes it more taxing to create. There is also that need to ensure the story makes sense, so the writer has to put in intrigue, suspense and other elements that will keep the reader engaged till the last page.

God has given me the creative ability to write novels, short stories, poems, creative essays, songs, screenplays, drama, documentaries, memoirs/biographies/autobiographies, operas, proverbs & wisdom verses, children’s fiction, teenage fiction, Christian literature, motivational books and textbooks.

How many books have you written? Which is your favourite?

I have written eight books. Pearls are not For Pigs and Footprints of Note are motivational books, Letter to Thilda, Wind of Change and Song at Sunrise are novels, The Ship of Dreams is a memoir, Tales of Our Time Volume One is my first collection of short stories and Spring of Life Book One is my first collection of articles which I call creative essays
Do I have a favourite? Not exactly. I love all of them but prefer my fiction books.


How do you promote your books and are they yielding dividends?

I do the book promotions mainly on Facebook. I advertise my books and post my write-ups on my Facebook Timeline. I take part in writing contests and spread my writing on various Facebook groups, both those created by Nigerians and by foreigners, to create an awareness of my writing skills. I also pay for special adverts on Okada Books, to give the books I have published on the platform more visibility. 

Dividends are trickling in. I still have not discovered my tribe of readers, who will buy whatever I write, but I refuse to let low patronage of my books discourage me. I will keep writing until Jesus comes.

What do you consider your best accomplishment as a writer and a writing coach?

As a writer, being able to release the writing gift God gave me, to bless a waiting world. 

As a writing coach, mentoring people to become better writers. I teach adults and children how to write, for a fee. I also look through manuscripts of upcoming writers who reach out to me and show them how to write better, without charging a dime.

Give us an interesting, fun fact about the writing of any of your books.

Writing The Ship of Dreams was a lot of fun. I went on a boat cruise and started out by writing a report of the trip, which was a dream voyage. What started as a report turned into a book and I soon had my first memoir in my hands. That book made my dreams come true and I believe that people who read it will walk into their cherished dreams.

What were your aims of setting up Touch of Gold Media? And so far, have you achieved it?

Touch of Gold Media is my dream company. I set it up to fulfil my writing dream of polishing my many manuscripts, to create the next generation of writers by teaching upcoming writers the rudiments of English grammar and writing, and to ensure that writers produce error-free manuscripts, through my proofreading and editing services.

I have achieved it to some extent, but there is still room for improvement.

What impact has your company made in the literary world?

I have helped several writers fulfil their dreams of being authors through my book-editing services. I partnered with a company, Poise Nigeria, to train lots of young graduates and professionals in English Grammar and writing. 

As a writing coach, who coaches people on how to write, are writers made or born?

I believe writers are both made and born. For me, I was born a writer. I started writing as early as the time when I could hold a pen. Writers are made by the people who coach them. People have testified about how my coaching made them skilled writers. 

I have also met people who studied the writing styles of others and taught themselves how to write.

You’re referred to yourself as A.C.E professional. (Author. Communication coach. Editor) besides being the C.E.O of a company, a poet, and a public speaker. How do you juggle these responsibilities? 

I have learnt how to organize my time. I believe people can accomplish what they want if they create time for it. In the year 2015, I gave myself a target to finish four novels whose ideas were swimming in my head. I set an alarm for one hour every day and before I knew it, I finished all four within that year. Two have been published, one is in the final stages of publication and I will publish the other next year. I did the same when my workload became almost overwhelming. I found myself in a situation where I was helping people publish their books, while my book ideas were gathering dust. I took a swift decision. I work better in the early hours of the morning, so I chose the early hours of Saturday, Sunday and Monday and settled down to type manuscripts on my laptop. The volume of stories I churned out when I created this schedule stunned me. I tell people who want to write, to create schedules or timetables. It works wonders.

What advice will you give to aspiring writers, especially those who would want to toe your footsteps?

I will tell aspiring writers to go for training, to become better writers and utilise the services of editors, who will help them produce error-free manuscripts. I am saddened by the level of mediocrity around because many people are not ready to take time to produce well-written and professionally edited books.

I will tell aspiring writers not to give up. The publishing landscape in Nigeria especially can be discouraging. Lots of writers have told me they want to stop writing because of lack of patronage, but I always encourage them to hold on. No one achieved anything by giving up. 


What is your assessment of the Nigerian creative landscape today, compared to years ago?

I think the reading culture has dwindled, but this era has the advantage of e-books that the previous generations did not have. People say Nigerians don’t read, but I think that statement is too absolute. There is a generation of Nigerians who feel uncomfortable till they have read a book. The growth of Okada Books and Bambooks is proof that some Nigerians read. Though not as much as they used to, but I believe the reading culture will keep getting better.

What are your other interests outside literature and writing? How do you relax?

I read books and watch television/films. I attend events like class reunions, music concerts, church programmes, weddings, book club events & book presentations, birthday parties and the likes. I love travelling and shopping. 

What feedback do you receive from your readers about your books?

The feedback is always encouraging. The words encourage me to keep writing. I once received negative feedback about a book I wrote, and I still took the advice of the person, even though it was from a place of spite. I believe one can learn a lesson from anything and anyone.

How and where can readers learn more about your books?

Five of my books, Pearls are not For Pigs, Letter to Thilda, Footprints of Note, Wind of Change and Song at Sunrise, are in hard copy format. People can get copies by emailing ifysbooks@gmail.com. Though Pearls are not For Pigs is out of print. The other three, The Ship of Dreams, Tales of Our Time Volume One and Spring of Life Book One, are in e-book format, available on Okada Books and Amazon. Wind of Change and Song at Sunrise are also in soft copy format and are available on Okada Books and Amazon.  


Looking back these fifteen years, what are the setbacks and challenges of being a writer?

On 9th December 2021, was exactly 15 years I published my first book, Pearls are not For Pigs. It was a nostalgic journey, looking back at all the steps I took to become a writer. I look back and have no regrets that I chose the writer’s path. The path has been littered with thorns and there were times I thought of giving up, but I persisted and will continue to persist.


There are many challenges to being a writer, especially in Nigeria. I refer to Nigeria because that is where I live and where the people I’m familiar with also live. One challenge is the funds to publish books. Lots of writers have to self-publish their works because, sadly, most traditional publishers are not eager to take on new writers. It costs a fortune to publish a book in Nigeria, with the cost of printing, because of too much reliance on importation. The cost of organising a book launch to create visibility for a book is also a challenge. Few can afford it.


Thankfully, there is the e-book variant, where people publish on platforms like Okada Books, Bambooks and Amazon, which is cheaper, but the writer still needs money to pay for the ISBN, cover design and e-book formatting. An average cover design that will appeal to the readers(because people have become very visual these days, especially when dealing with authors they don’t know. They usually have to like what they see, before they buy) is N30000, which is costly for most people. 


Another challenge which to me is major is patronage. It’s frustrating to finish writing a book(sometimes I have stayed awake till past 5 a.m with my joints and fingers aching, to finish a manuscript) and no one will buy. People typically ‘look at faces’ when purchasing books, so no matter how excellent your book is, if they don’t consider you an influencer or none of the people they regard as influencers recommend your book, they will not buy. You can advertise on Facebook, do book launches, and your Facebook followers will give you praises like ‘wow,’ ‘congratulations,’ ‘keep soaring.’ ‘You’re doing well,’ but withhold their patronage. They will buy a book that costs N2000 with a less appealing cover design and probably swimming with grammatical errors, written by an influencer who pulls the crowd on Instagram and ignores your book that is as cheap as N200. Some writers have reduced their cover prices and yet did not get patronage. During a Black Friday Okada Books sale, I saw an e-book that was reduced to N75 and no one bought it. It can get that bad! Imagine what that can do to a writer. ‘Frustrating’ is putting the feeling mildly. Despite this bleak writing horizon, there are remedies. For one, I believe if writers buy each other’s books, they can help to cushion this frustrating aspect of writing.


Another challenge is the way society(I use this in a generic sense to refer to the world) looks at writers. You mention you write for a living and those you tell that to, ask you to go and get a job as if writing is not a job. I usually have a ready assignment for such people. I tell them to write a one-page essay and send it to me, to mark. By the time I use my ‘editor’s red biro’ on the essay, they refuse to talk to me. Since they think writing is a walk in the park. They don’t think of Wole Soyinka, Chinua Achebe, Chimamanda Adichie and others who have made Nigeria proud through their writing pens.


If people can patronize writers, stop treating the writing profession with disdain and create an enabling environment for writers to thrive, writing will be a profession that many will strive to be a part of.


Friday 3 December 2021

Qualities of a good husband

 

Every woman wants a good husband. Most mothers with grown-up daughters spend hours in prayer at home or in churches, praying for their daughters, not just to marry, but to marry a good husband.

What are the ‘goods’ in a man that qualifies him as a good husband? 

Does a good son make a good husband? Not always. And there is a difference between being a good man and a good husband.

For a man to be a good husband, he has to be intentional and knowledgeable about what it takes to build a peaceful and lovely home for his family.

Marriage is a beautiful relationship if you understand the tenets of handling your ‘marriageship’ and exhibiting qualities that will make you a good husband.


Qualities of a Good Husband?


An emotionally matured man.

It takes an emotionally intelligent man to confront conflict in marriage constructively while remaining resilient and supportive of his wife. The difference between a good husband and a bad one is the management of conflicts.

It takes a man who is emotionally mature, well-grounded and with a sense of balance to control his impulses and respond to challenging issues sensibly, rather than reacting impulsively.

A mature man should have the capacity to deal with the challenge, disappointment, and stress of marriage. That is why it is said that marriage is for men, not for boys.


A cheerful man: 

Women love men who are witty and have a sense of humour. A husband who knows how to make his wife smile at the right time; is a good husband. 

A man who comes home with a cheerful face despite having a bad day at work is a husband to hold on to. Women love men who could differentiate between the office environment and their homes. A good husband leaves the mean and grumpy face at the door and put up a cheerful disposition as he crosses the threshold of his home. 

Try to enter your home as cheerful and light-hearted as you can, even if you had a bad day at the office or are physically exhausted after driving through traffic.

There’s nothing a good husband loves more than making his wife and family happy. 


A Faithful man. 

Loyalty and faithfulness are prime qualities of a good husband. A man who has a sense of honour and duty remembers the sacred vows he took on his wedding day and respect them. 

A good husband knows that no matter how many beautiful women he meets in a day, there is only one woman who owns his heart, and that is his wife. 

A good husband is loyal to his wife. He never let her feel she is not good enough for him. If you love your wife, be loyal to her. Never make her feel you are not true to her, else it will break her heart.


A Responsible man. 

Biblically and culturally, it is the duty of a man to provide for his family. A good husband takes his marriage as his responsibility and is responsible for his financial obligations in the house. A good husband knows his family needs must always come before his own and, as such, use his money wisely.

Even if your wife works, it is an act of irresponsibility for a man to depend on his wife's salary. Good husbands prefer to have that as a backup rather than a major part of their family expenses.


A reliable man

 Every woman wants a man she could rely on. A good husband is there for his wife when she needs him. He provides her reassurance when she stumbles or is feeling down. He is available for her when she needs a shoulder to lean on when life hits her.

A good husband is never too busy for his wife. When it matters, he drops everything to give her attention and affection.

When a husband does what he says; when a husband does not lie; when a husband is consistent with positive qualities, then he is dependable and a husband a woman can rely on.


A supportive man.

A good husband supports his wife in all stages of her life. He does not belittle her or hurt her ego. If she is a working woman, understand she has work pressures too. Understand when she needs to stay late at work and give her your support. 

A good husband supports his wife by taking some weight off her shoulders and helping her with housework. Never leave your wife to handle the smooth running of the household alone, even if she is a stay at home mom.

A good husband is proud of his wife’s accomplishments and compliments her. A good husband supports his wife, even when the going gets tough, he always sees the good things in life and stays positive when faced with adversity to cheer the wife up. Support from a good husband challenges the wife to put in her best efforts and grow as a person. 

If a man is supportive, values you as his equal and loves you just the way you are, you have a good husband or a good husband material.


A sensitivity man. 

Be sensitive to the needs of your wife and try to meet them. Not just physical needs but emotional needs as well. Do not let your feelings toward life's changes affect your feelings toward your wife. A good husband needs to be sensitive to the requirements of his wife, treat her as an equal.

 If your wife has a goal she wants to work towards, do everything that you can for her. Don’t laugh at her dreams because that will break her spirit. 

You are the one man in the world she feels will understand her when the rest of the world thinks she is silly. Women appreciate men who make an effort to like things she does, either hobbies or passions. 

As a good husband, stand up for your wife, make her believe she can do anything she wants to do. She will love you even more for that.


A respectful man: 

A good husband speaks lovingly to his wife and refrains from using harsh words. A good husband never chooses to belittle, strike, humiliate or harm his wife in private or in public. A good husband watches what he says and thinks his thoughts through before speaking because he wouldn’t want to offend his wife in words or actions. 

A good husband treats his wife with respect in front of others and at home.  A good husband considers his wife’s opinion when making important family decisions. 

A good husband never makes his wife feel silly for what she believes in, if you don’t believe in the same, respect her beliefs.

Understanding, accepting and respecting the fact your wife is a separate being, who has different ideas, dreams, and opinions, is important in a marriage. 

A good husband respects his wife’s wishes and her needs. A good husband does not force his wife to give up on her dreams to follow his, but talks things out and sees what works for both of them.


A non-judgmental man. 

A good husband never judges his wife for her flaws. A golden rule in life is that you need to walk in someone else’s shoes to understand what they are going through before you judge them. Marriage is part of life. The rule is applicable here as well.

Avoid judging every action or opinion of your wife. A good husband understands his wife differs from him and that her experiences and likings differ from his, too.

If your wife did something or said something you didn’t agree with, show understanding by applying the golden rule, rather than making her feel she does not measure up or has goofed big time. People have their flaws and faults. A good husband accepts the bad with the good of the woman he married. 

A man with excellent communication skills: Communication is the key to a healthy marriage. A man who has healthy communication skills makes a good husband.

A man with excellent communication skills does not bottle up his feelings or emotions, it’s unhealthy and could lead to conflicts. 

A man who shares his thoughts and feelings with his wife without reservation; a man who talks things out with his wife; a man who discusses difficult subjects with his wife; they can disagree or argue, and yet still come to some kind of resolution later, is a good husband.

A good husband is a good listener, too. He listens when his wife talks and listens to his wife's complaints and empathises with what's going on in her life. Good communication helps in building trust and strengthens marriage. 

An honest man. Trust is paramount to a healthy marriage, and what builds trust in a relationship is honesty. A good husband is a man who is open to his wife at all times and does not keep her in the dark about what is going on in his life, business or workplace.

Being a trustworthy man is a proactive role. It requires a conscious effort, affirmed continuously by the decision and actions the man takes.  

A good husband ensures he gains the trust of his wife. He never gives his wife a chance to doubt him or feel insecure. He never gives her any reason not to trust him. And he let her know she can trust him with anything.

An honest man makes a good husband. Telling your wife the truth, not hiding things from her and involving her in every aspect of your life will earn her trust and will ensure you gain respect and honesty right back from her.


A Loving and affectionate man. 

Nothing trips a woman like when her man shows her love and affection as often as possible. Women are a sucker for affection. Every woman likes to be pampered.  A good husband pampers and appreciates his wife and notices her at all times. And compliments her when she spots a new hairdo or dresses up nice and cute.

Most women love romance and like it when their husbands’ shower love on them, so remember to be romantic with your wife once in a while. A good husband knows how to pamper his wife and indulge her in the things she loves. It shows her how much you care about her and will win you some points with her, and she will indulge you in the things that you love as well.

A good husband is mindful. It's important for a man not to neglect his woman. A good husband never forgets the special days in his wife’s life, like birthday and wedding anniversary.


A Protective man: 

A woman needs to feel secure around her man. A good husband makes his wife feel that when she is with him, no one can harm her. You don't need to be Mr Macho, but at least when you are with her others should not take advantage of her or insult her. 

A good husband is protective and never abusive to his wife. A good husband doesn’t tolerate others disrespecting his wife. He never allows someone to insult or say mean jokes about his wife. He let people know he is always at his wife’s side, come what may.

An understanding and appreciative man. A good husband understands his wife has a life other than being his wife. She has her parents, friends and colleagues who are part of her life too. She may have hobbies or passions outside you. Don’t expect her undivided attention. Don’t stop her if she wants to go out and hang out with her friends sometimes, engage in a hobby or spend some time with her parents.

A good husband understands everything about his wife- her thoughts, ambitions, opinions, her friends, her job. He doesn’t make her feel bad about her life circumstances, and he appreciates the person she is and the choices she has made.

As a good husband, be warm, kind, positive, and understanding to everyone around you, and appreciate your wife. 


A selfless and kind man

Kindness in a man is a very appealing quality to women. It assures a woman that the man will never hurt her and will always do what is best for her and the family. 

Kindness towards others makes a wife proud of her husband enough to brag about it to all her friends. Nobody likes an arrogant man. A good husband is pleasant and kind to friends and family. 

A good husband is up and doing and helps his wife with housework. As her husband, your wife will appreciate it so much if you were more active in the home, cleaning up after yourself and helping out with some chores. 

Just because your wife doesn’t work doesn’t mean her work at home is less strenuous. She might have struggled with children and housework all day.


A sexually capable man: 

Sexual intimacy is essential to marriage. Good sex helps to strengthen your emotional and physical attraction to your wife. A good husband satisfies his wife in bed and is faithful to her. Good sex plays a vital role in a satisfying and healthy relationship. Sexual frustration makes a nagging wife and can cause conflict at home.

A good husband is not just passionate when it comes to the physical aspect of marriage, but he is also passionate about small things that concern his wife and family. 


A compassionate man.

A man who can feel for others is very appealing to women, so be a compassionate man and show you care. It can be towards your wife and others as well. The more compassion you show, the more of a hero you will be to your wife.

Your marriage vows, in sickness and health, should not be taken lightly. A good husband would do anything to look after his wife in sickness and in health and do his best to look after his wife’s needs.

A Good Team Player

A good husband is also a team player. As a husband, you must realise you and your wife are a team. Being a good team player is vital in a marriage. It shouldn’t always be about you, you need to think about your wife as well. 

A good husband never undermines the decisions of his wife in front of the children or his relatives. If she errs, he talks to her in private. Showing people that the two of you are a team will prevent them from disrespecting your wife or taking advantage of her. 


Tuesday 16 November 2021

LOVE IS NOT SO IMPORTANT:


... YOU DON'T NEED TO LOVE A PERSON TO MARRY HIM OR HER!

Image from pexels.com

How would you know the right person for marriage?


Simple.

The person who values you the most is the right person for marriage.
The person who respects you more; accepts you for who you are, irrespective of your age, tribe, location or religion, or even disability, is the right person for you.

That one that does all he can to make you happy, even though he isn't perfect, is the right man for you.
That one that goes out of her way to put you first, even when you don't already treat her right, is the right woman for you.
That person who feels like home, that makes you feel at peace, is the one you should marry.

It can be hard sometimes. I know.
If it were so easy, you probably won't need to buy and read this book.
If it was very easy, I won't be a Relationship and Marriage Counselor.
There is a common dilemma that envelopes us and threatens to suffocate us.

THE ONES WE LOVE USUALLY DON'T LOVE US THAT MUCH.
AND THE ONES WE DON'T LOVE ARE THE ONES THAT PURSUE US ALL DAY LONG.


Life can be so funny!

This dilemma paralyses us. It makes it difficult to choose or even know whom to choose for marriage.
We pursue love. We want love. We want to give love and we become obsessed with finding people that will love us in return.
Within the context of preparing for marriage, love is good, but it is not so important, especially at the beginning.
In fact, love can cause you to make a bad or wrong decision for marriage.

Love characteristically makes us believe the best in people, stick with them for long as we expect them to change, even when they don't treat us well.

Love makes us see rainbows in everything.
This is good, but it can also be terrible.
In trying to choose whom to marry, love should sometimes be the last thing to consider.

If it is to be considered at all, it should come last.
Check thoroughly if the person on your marriage radar is good for you emotionally and mentally.
It has to be more than their good looks and bank statement!
Do they treat you well?
Do they create time for you, even when they get very busy?
Do they still give something to you, even from the little they have sometimes?

Maybe you don't love this person, but at least, he or she loves you.
This should be enough at the start.
You can marry someone that loves you even if you don't love them yet.

As long as they value and respect you and want to be with you, your love for them will come later.
It always does, as long as your heart stays open to them.
Love is wonderful. It is important, but it is not everything.

I wrote more about this in one of my Hot Best-Selling Books titled BLESSED BUT BLIND.
Get this book. You'll thank me later.

The secret to knowing the right person for marriage is in looking out for what will not kill you tomorrow or cause you stress and unhappiness later in a marriage.

The marriage game for a single man differs from what it is for a single woman.

A man is everything that a woman is not.
What a man needs, differs from what would sustain a woman.
Men and women, historically and emotionally, rarely want the same things.

To be fair, it is really hard to know what women want.
I feel that a lot of times, women are very unstable creatures.
What they pursued yesterday with vigour suddenly doesn't seem to interest them anymore today.

What they want now will become entirely different from what they will want tomorrow.

I usually have a hard time understanding them!
In fact, most women don't even understand themselves.
Men don't usually behave that way. Men are quite basic.
Give a man constant sex, a steady supply of good food and make him feel like a don and he will stay sweet on you forever.
I believe you can get and keep any man with these three things:

1. Sex.
2. Food.
3. Respect (The strategic massaging of his ego).

Pexels.com
Apart from these three important things, the rest is not so important for men.
Men are so simple. They understand themselves well.
A woman that will get and keep the right man needs to understand this too.

A lot of women don't know this secret.
Men all over the world have always known this secret.
It is a surprise that it has remained a secret for a very long time.
Whenever a single woman is finding it hard to get or keep a man, she is probably failing in one or more of those three secrets I shared with you.

To get a man, a woman needs to understand a man and what he wants.
Like I wrote earlier, men are simple beings.

Check very well. I didn't add love to the list.
I wouldn't dare try that if I made a list of what women want.
As unpredictable as women can be, every woman (pardon the generalisation) would always add love to what she wants from a man.
Men need love, but most men are not so hung up on love as women.
This means that a man can easily marry a woman that gives him those three things I mentioned earlier, even if he doesn't love her.
For example, when I married my wife years ago, I didn't do so for love.

I married her because she fucked me well, cooked like a chef, and treated me respectfully like a king.
The loving kind of "grew up on me," so to say.

And the truth is, you can grow to love anyone if you open your heart to them, even if you didn't love them at the beginning.
So, dear single man, even if you don't love her or feel anything special for her now, as long as she is good in those three areas I listed, MARRY HER!
The love will grow on you later if you open up your heart to her.




~BRIGHT U. NKWOCHA
(Relationship & Marriage Counselor)
08164137531


Saturday 13 November 2021

Bright Nkwocha, a Relationship/Marriage Counsellor and an Author

Author's hangout with Zizi

Months back, Bright Nkwocha was just a Facebook friend, of whom I love reading his posts. As a relationship coach too, I love reading the writings of others in the same field as me.

However, our relationship changed when I stumbled on the price slash of his books, which he did to mark his wedding anniversary. I bought the books, first to read more about his works and secondary to show solidarity towards his wedding anniversary celebration.

When I called him for the books; that was the first time we spoke with each other; his enthusiasm and response was heartwarming. I paid for the e-books and received them. 

His titles and covers were captivating, though some of his ideas were radical. But I love the simplicity of his writing style and the fact he used his life and marriage experiences as a rich source to educate single and married people on relationship matters. 

Who is Bright Nkwocha?

Bright U. Nkwocha is a happy man. He is a father, son and husband. He wants to enjoy more of what life has to offer.

What inspired you to become a relationship counsellor?

Problems inspired me to be a Relationship and Marriage Counsellor. I never planned to be one. I always say that it found me. I was more interested in teaching personal and organisational leadership, but people kept asking more questions related to relationships and marriage. I had to rise up to the challenge. It's been fun so far.

Which came first, the writing or the counselling?

The writing came first while the Counselling came very much later. I discovered my love for writing in secondary school.

What is your mission and vision as a marriage/relationship counsellor?

To help couples and singles in Africa solve tough relationship and marriage issues.

You have captivating titles. How did you come up with them?

I learned that from the great thought leader, Emeka Nobis. He advocates that in a field where there are over a million voices, you must find a way to be heard. Catchy titles fulfil that. I had to hone the craft over time.

 Where and how do you get inspiration for your literary works?

Life inspires me a lot. I draw greatly from my daily interactions with singles and couples in counselling sessions, too. I read a lot but the greatest source of inspiration for me is my life. I write about my life a lot.

What was one of the most surprising things you learned as a marriage/relationship counsellor?

I learned that most of what people say about relationships and marriage isn't true at all, especially in church. For example, you can do all the right things and still have a failed marriage.

What author or book influenced you either growing up or as an adult?

A lot ooo! It would be difficult to pick one or even three. John C. Maxwell, Steven Covey, Bishop T.D. Jakes and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie would top the list with their books. I read them a lot. I still do.

What do you consider your best accomplishment as a writer and relationship/marriage counsellor?

 Making Counselling accessible to people online on the go.

How many books have you written? What are the challenges you faced in writing and publishing them?

I've written eleven books so far. The major challenge is having more ideas to write about than I have time for.

How do you market your work? What avenues have you found to work best for you?

I market them online via social media marketing. I discovered that those that participate in counselling almost always buy one or more of my books, so I market my counselling services more than I market the books themselves. In fact, I now write books only for counselling purposes.

How do you coordinate all the different parts of your life?

This is one area I still have not been able to handle well. Balance is never easy. I'm still learning. Creating art requires time and concentration and travelling. I'm just glad that I have a very understanding wife. They get to bear the full brunt of the burdens of my dreams.

 How do you promote your books and are they yielding fruits?

Social media marketing and, for now, it works. I'm working on better ways to get my books into the hands of more people.

What kind of feedback do you get from your readers and those you mentor?

As a rule, I don't mentor people. I have a different understanding of mentoring. Feedback from my work usually comes during or after counselling.

Give us an interesting, fun fact about the writing of any of your books.

 I wrote INFIDELITY after I cheated on my wife years ago.

 


What do you consider as the essential role of a relationship/ marriage counsellor?

 A Counsellor is essentially a guide. He or she will not make your decisions for you but will make your options known to you and guide you to what suits you best per time.

What is your view on religion and how much of that influenced your writing?

Well, I was a pastor for years. Ministry took me to seven countries, but in 2018, I closed down a church I was pastoring and left ministry work. I go to church once in a while. I do not consider myself a Christian Counsellor even though most of my clients are Christians. Religion is good, but it takes more from you than it gives to you. I write for Christians, but I don't imbibe most of its principles.

In one of your books, you stated that polygamy is not wrong. What informed your perception of this? 

History, especially the Bible, informed my decision about this.

What is your perception of pre-marital and extra-marital sex in relationships?

I believe and teach that sex is a healthy part of a relationship for mature singles and couples. Sex outside a committed relationship with a person, whether you're single or married, is wrong. I also know that this doesn't stop people, anyway. It's not so simple sometimes.

 What is the best advice for intending couples?

Adjust your expectations. Marriage is a crazy journey. One person cannot give you everything you need. A lot of problems in marriage cannot be solved. They can only be managed.

The rate of divorce in Nigeria is on the increase. What do you think could be the cause?

I personally don't think that the high rate of divorce is necessarily a bad thing. I know many people that got divorced and became happier. More people, especially women, are beginning to realize that they can walk away, that they can get better. Historically, in Africa, people were expected to stay and suffer through a terrible marriage. A lot is changing and I'm happy about this. It would get worse, then it would get better. The high divorce rate is the beginning effect of a huge cultural shift in Africa.

Domestic violence is rampant these days. How do you think people would avoid it?

Domestic violence doesn't just happen. It leaves a lot of clues at the start and usually for a while. If people took these clues more seriously, domestic violence would reduce drastically. Typically, people see the signs but use love as an excuse or tell themselves that they can fix the person. It almost always never ends well.

As a marriage/relationship counsellor, what would you consider the best advice to the youths on marriage and relationships?

 You won't survive it alone. Have a counsellor on speed dial!

What has been the best compliment you have ever received about your work?

 I have been told that I have keen insight into human nature. I understand people a lot without judging them.

What do you consider your best accomplishment as a writer/counsellor?

Staying married till now. I didn't know I'll last this long. My Marriage is the foundation of my writing and Counselling.

Where is the best way to reach you and learn more about your books?

 Facebook via @Bright U. Nkwocha
 And WhatsApp via 08164137531


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