LOVE AND TEMPERAMENT

Concepts of Love 2

Your perception of love and your style of loving are all rolled up with your temperament. Your personality, your disposition and natural inclination make up who you are and determine the attitude you portray and the vibes you exude in your love and sexual relationship. Everything about your personality is rolled up into a mould termed temperament.


Temperament is your fundamental nature and mood. It is the way you respond to challenges and restraints, and to stimuli like fear, irritation, anxiety, etc. It is also about your emotion, attentiveness to details, attention span, and sensitivity to love and sexual activity.

There are four basic temperaments, Sanguine, Choleric, Phlegmatic and Melancholy. Each of these four temperaments exerts influence on the way a person exhibits love and seeks sexual gratification in a relationship.


THE SANGUINE LOVER

The Sanguine people are fun-lovers, playful, entertaining, easily amused, and easily bored, too. They have an optimistic nature and are enthusiastic and animated about life and the activities around them. Yes, they’re affectionate, generous and open-minded. They have sociable manners; being approachable and trusting of others, they build relationships effortlessly in contact with others. Sanguines have personable personalities; engaging smiles, smooth talkers, and are very fluent with words.

Sanguines want to be involved in everything going on around them because they hate solitude and boredom. Their attention span is short-lived if the activity or person is not excitable. They can change their focus or interest in an instant if they become bored.

The Sanguine lovers are emotionally versatile and so can adapt to almost any relationship situation. Because of their adventurous nature, a relationship with a Sanguine person can be a rollercoaster of fun.  They’re free-spirited and don’t desire to control others, but don’t try to clip their wings.

Sanguine lovers are good listeners and very attentive to their partners... Though talkative, Sanguine people find self-expository difficult, though they can talk about themselves or their attitude in a jocular, non-serious manner.

They don’t store their thoughts and emotions nor hide their feelings; if they think it or feel it, they express it. They bear their hearts out without restraint or conscious thought to their partner’s feelings.

Sanguine people have a relaxed attitude towards sex. Most sanguine doesn’t link sex to love; to them, sex is a recreation and a fun ride. They can engage in a one-night stand just for the fun of it. They can be both erotic and ludic lovers.


THE CHOLERIC LOVER

Choleric people are extroverts with independent minds and good analytical skills. They are bold, strong-willed, self-confident, self-sufficient and ambitious. In their dealings with others, they are firm and direct to the point when communicating with others. Cholerics can be ruthless and decisive. They lack empathy for the feelings of others and show no compassion when they decide to take action, especially when offended.

They are domineering, opinionated and controlling freaks, so they tend to enjoy being in charge and always want to have their way in everything. They enjoy discussing and planning activities upfront, they don’t like surprises. They’re purpose-driven and goal-oriented in nature.

People with a choleric temperament don’t play shenanigans in a relationship as sanguine people. They don’t easily fall in love; Choleric people approach a relationship in a calculative and analytical manner. They’re Shopping List Lovers, It’s important to them that their potential partner shares the same aspirations and interests with them and so they choose partners cautiously. But once they find someone who they think is worthy of their time and effort, they will focus intensively on that person. They can be very romantic and deeply committed to their partners. They don’t easily change their minds. they are not so expressive of their emotion with words rather they use actions and acts of kindness, care and attentiveness to show their love. They are tenacious and can hold on to a relationship even if it wasn’t going in their favour.

Most have a high sex drive and so are sexually active, but they don’t hop from one partner to another; once they are in a committed relationship, they constantly demand sex from their partners. They’re full of energy and passion.


THE PHLEGMATIC LOVER

Phlegmatics are introverts, calm, unemotional, passive, easygoing, indecisive, accepting, receptive, kind, self-content and faithful. They’re curious, observant, persistent and consistent at whatever they do. Because they are slow and indecisive, they don’t make quick decisions and tend to procrastinate easily.

Phlegmatics are not outgoing or pushful in whatever they do. They don’t make things happen; they are the laid-back types that just let things happen. They are shy but warm and affectionate in their response to others; They don't have a large network of friends but are possessive of their friendships and very loyal to their friends. When they choose lovers, it is always within their circle of friends, someone on the same emotional ground as them. They’re friendship lovers; they tend to choose partners within their circle of friends, someone who has been around them for some time.

They find it difficult to break long-standing relationships regardless of the odds because they always go for a long-term commitment where they seek bonding, nurturing, and intimate attachment. However, once a relationship is broken, they seldom return. They can hold a grudge.

Phlegmatics lovers are very sensitive and can be deeply hurt by rejection, though they usually hide their true feelings behind their stoic expressions. Phlegmatics are slow to warm up to people or things but will be accommodating once they do and they will truly give themselves and work on maintaining intimacy with their significant others. They will avoid conflicts and confrontations; they will likely make adjustments and sacrifices to keep their relationships going.

They prefer a relaxed and routine life, free of anxieties and stresses. The real Phlegmatic will avoid getting too involved with people and life in general. They don’t want anything that will rock their lifeboat.

Of the four temperaments, they’re the most romantic. They fall in love most often and want a romantic and cosy relationship. They plan romantic evenings and weekends. The types that send you romantic cards or write love letters, and send romantic love messages to your phone. They're affectionate, love to cuddle, hug, to give gifts and will not be abashed to confess their love. To them, sex and love are interconnected and sexual activity has to take place in a romantic setting and style, though they don’t seek sexual activity early in a relationship and when they eventually engage in sex, they will expect that a meaningful relationship will develop because they like to uphold tradition.



THE MELANCHOLIC LOVER

Melancholies are introverts, reserved, timid and moody. Though they have logical, analytical minds and are quality-oriented individuals. Melancholies are perfectionists. This tends to make them conscientious, cautious, anxiety-prone and sensitive to others' opinions of them.


Melancholies fear taking risks, making wrong decisions, and being criticised, so they take time to think about their options before deciding. Also, they need enough information, time alone to process the information, and a detailed plan of action to function well in whatever they do.

They are creative, gifted and capable people. Because of their creative nature, they can be oversensitive to details, for they always want to do things right.


Melancholic lovers are more pragmatic and down-to-earth in their relationships. They don’t choose their lovers impulsively rather, they do it cautiously, based on common sense and compatibility. Also, Melancholics choose their life partners considering the opinions of their friends and family members. Because they’re loyal to family and care much about people’s opinions of the choices they make, they tend to need friends and relatives to approve of their partners before they make a commitment to them.


Intimacy with Melancholics develops slowly, however; they can be very romantic and passionate when in love. Sex for Melancholics is for relaxation but not as a playful adventure in the case of sanguine people. Because they are reserved and suspicious of people’s intentions, they usually have fewer sexual experiences before marriage. they are the least sexually active of the four temperaments.

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Soup for the Soul

Often, we lay more emphasis on our body, we try to please it and make it look attractive much to the neglect of our soul. What we fail to realise is that what we do with our body impinges so much on our souls; to the point of distress, All the bad decisions, all the mistakes and all the worries trouble not our body but our soul. When the soul is ill and distressed, it definitely affects the body. There is a synergy between the body and the soul that we can not afford to treat one well to the neglect of the other.

To live a balanced lifestyle, you need to feed your body as well as your soul. The beauty of life is in living it and living it in a simple way that it will not impound so heavily on your soul as to weigh it down.

WAYS TO LIVE A SIMPLE LIFE

Curb your inordinate desires. It is a heavy clog on your soul when you have an unhealthy and insatiable desire for material things; especially those that are not necessities. Desire gives rise to a lot of soul-wrenching emotions like greed, jealousy, covetousness and avarice.
Inordinate desires and lack of contentment deplete your finances. You went shopping for a dress or a shoe and end up leaving the shopping mall with several unplanned and unbudgeted stuff because you couldn’t control your covetousness. Everything stuff there call to you and you couldn’t resist the clarion call, you purchase them, only to get home and realised you don’t actually need them.

Because a friend brought it and you said why not you. Then you went extra miles, cut corners to get it. Sometimes, people plot and lie just to acquire things that feed only their vanity and make their soul remorseful down the line. Whatsoever that feeds your vanity and does not uplift your soul is not worth having.

You hear of people going on binge buying when they’re unhappy just to improve their emotion. Don’t torment yourself with the belief that the acquisition of material things means happiness and a fulfilled life, stuff will never make you happy, the feeling you get is instant and fleeting, it vaporizes and you’re back to the starting point again, wanting more, seeking more, it becomes a circle that turns into a habit.

Take a breath and slow things down. Always we’re on full throttle, chasing things, doing heroic things to please people. Being the hub of everything around you just to be counted among the Jones’s. What do you get out of it at the end of the day? Empty recognitions, attract a crowd of friends that will further drain your time, resources and energy, for sure you will want to keep up the act. What does your soul gain from all these avarice of goody-goody? The stress of course!.

Stress is a killer and it affects so many parts of your life. Forgo things that don’t serve any useful purpose in your life; focus on what is important to you. It will reduce your stress level and improve your health and make your body looks better, less worry lines and premature wrinkles. Be firm and decisive in making choices and accepting responsibilities

Dejunk your life. Too many possessions clutter up our life. I have a friend, to dress for any occasion is a search party to agony land. Her wardrobe was stuffed to the hilt, her shoe rack has overspilled. She had to burrow and scatter to get out a single dress to wear. All that energy and time wasted just to get dressed isn’t really necessary. If she had fewer clothes dressing up wouldn’t be such a stress. some clothes there have not come anywhere near her body for years.

Some people are so committed to a lot of activities and social engagement that they exist on autopilot and adrenaline rush to get through.. Stop and ask yourself, is it really necessary to exert yourself and deplete your strength and weaken your soul vital energy? Anything that doesn’t add to your overall well-being is a junk, be it friends, material possessions or what you eat.
Learn to live a decluttered life, have fewer possessions and lesser commitment.

Work on your relationships. Having the wrong types of friends is a soul killer. When you have so many friends, you have many discordant clatters around you. When you are in a wrong intimate relationship it eats away your soul, it washes away your person and drained your emotional strength.
It’s time to take stock of your friends. The people you call friends, that are around you, do they buoy your soul up, what values are they adding to your life? In your intimate relationship with your partner, is your love and affection reciprocated in equal measure? Is there mutual respect? Above all, are you free to be you? And not hiding your true self to please your partner?
If your answers are not positive, then it’s time to weed out the grass from your life. Grass takes up space, absorb the soil nutrient and produced nothing at the end of the day, and if left unchecked for long they choke up the crop. Exactly the same way wrong friends do, they will be the death of you if you allow them to clutter your life.
Do away with toxic friends, they are more harmful than helpful. Create more meaningful friends, true friends accept you the way your are, you don’t need to exhaust energy or time trying to impress them or trying to get them to like you.


Eat healthy food. Nothing deplete our souls like unhealthy food and poor eating attitude. Unhealthy food is any food that does not sit comfortably with your system, Any food that bloats you out or gives you indigestion. Our body system is built up to know what it needs and what is right for it. God has created all things well for the good of mankind. Eat natural food of any food class and your soul will be healthy and your body will benefit from it. Avoid organic and processed food, they are filled with so many unhealthy ingredients.
Eat in a simple way, eat what your body needs, the right food, the right quantity and at the right time.


Spend quality time with yourself. Some people sometimes mistook aloneness for loneliness. And in this fast-paced world, having free time to oneself is becoming very difficult. We’re cluttered and weighed down with a lot of things that are not really of great importance to our soul. We’re being kept busy with lots of props and pageantries especially on social media, we waste precious hours glued to phones and devices.
Simply because some people are afraid to spend time alone and hear their soul speak out to them, they plugged in the earphone, up the volume and shake their heads in seemly enjoyment. They prefer to clatter their head with noise rather than hear the ministration of their soul. Some surround themselves with people, stuff and possession that keep them on spin always and away from the important things and the important person in their life.
The most important person in your life is you. Spend time with yourself without the many distractions you allow into your life, when you do, you will find there is more space to get to know the real you, to assess, to reflect, rebuild and be grateful enough to say, thank you God for all the great things you have that He has given you.

Take time to live your life. Have relaxation moments, when you put your feet up, watch a good movie, read a good book, probably with your favourite drink in hand. A good life does not come from possession and commitment, most of the times it comes from having peace around you, peace of mind. Peace in your heart, peace in the soul and being surrounded by laughter and love. Without the balance of being true to yourself, you can never achieve what you need to be you, to live a simple life that will gladden your soul and uplift your spirit.

Beyond Repair

 Chapter one

“Stella, wake up and live.” Bola’s voice was full of indignation.

“I’m alive, I’m living.” Stella glared at Bola but mentally cringed inside. She dreaded hearing her girlfriend, or rather girlfriends, talk about her decision to remain unattached.

“No, you’re not,” Bola said in her pithiest voice.

“Come on, Bola; spare me this sermon for today. For God’s sake.” She sounded exasperated.

“No, I will not. I will talk until I get a positive reaction from you.”

“I once had a man in my life; the only good that came out of it was my daughter.”

“That was in the past; over six years now. You don’t have to let the past continue ruling your present.”

“Bola, I wish you will stop pestering me. Having a man will not solve all my life problems, rather it will compound them.” She felt a relationship could be a big boulder in her life and she wasn’t ready to climb it; not again.

“At least you will have someone to share the problems with, someone to share emotional moments with.”

“I can’t put my heart at stake again, it’s risky.”

“Nothing in life is risk-free. If you have never been hurt before, then you have never truly been living. Believe me, you can’t live a normal life without heartaches. It’s all part of the package called life. Give it up, learn to live and love again, that’s the only way to expunge the pain.” Bola was ready to knock some sense into her friend.

“Bola, please….”

“The guy has moved on with his life, why won’t you do the same?”

“God!” Stella muttered and stood, poised to go.

“Running away again?” Bola raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, each time we sit to talk, you bring up the same old song.”

“Then make me sing a new song.” Bola’s eyes sparkled with mischief.

“Listen Bola, I can’t just go out there and pick a man randomly because my friend said I needed a man in my life, for whatever reasons you’re propounding.”

She pursed her lips and her cheeks puffed out in frustration. She had more responsibilities to take care of than trying to connect with a man for whatever purposes a man could serve a woman.

“There you go again, Stella. You and I know you need a man in your life not because I said so but because it is the truth.” A slight smirk curved Bola’s lips.

Stella released an ironic half-laugh. “Bola, you and I know that I have a daughter. Being a mother and a breadwinner is time-consuming. Now tell me, when do I have the time for a man?”

“Do you need time to have a man in your life?” Bola asked silkily.

“Definitely!” Stella scowled at her, hating that she had a point.

Bola barked out a laugh. “Then create the time.”

Exhaling slowly, Stella said in a low voice, “yes, girlfriend.” Picking her bag off the table, she strode to the door, her back ramrod straight.

Stella would always become uptight whenever her relationship or lack of relationship was broached up by any of her friends.

****

In the sanctuary of her bedroom, Stella remembered her discussion with Bola, and her fury rekindled. “Why won’t she leave her alone?” She fumed. “Why would she cry more than the bereaved?” It’s her life. If she wants to be alone, her friends should respect her decision.

Must she be in a relationship for people to consider her normal? She shook her head. No, she’s not lonely, and she’s not alone. She has a daughter as a companion. Living and raising her daughter was enough stress without adding relationship issues into the mix.

She had lived her life so far, avoiding men and not depending on someone to take care of her.; not again. She wanted to live her life free and not caged in or forced to live to please a man. Her freedom and her independent lifestyle, she wouldn’t want to compromise. It left her uncluttered to live her life in peace, pursue her goals and dreams; she didn’t want any man to mess up her life again. She didn’t need a man to live happily. Or did she?

Not that she was without feeling or that her emotion was dead, just that she had become an expert at hiding her feelings and ignoring her loneliness.

She wouldn’t deny it or lie to herself that she never thought of having a man in her life. There were days, and periods she craved for a man’s presence, days she felt like the world was on top of her, and she wouldn’t mind being cuddled, and sweet words whispered into her ear. Days she would want to be all soft and weak and have a strong hand holding her up or a strong chest to lean on.

Yes, at times she longed for a physical and emotional companionship with someone mature, but would she dare let go of her fear? She took a deep breath and exhaled to blow off the weight of her frustration.

At her age and a single mother to boot, how would she compete with younger girls in the game of fishing for the perfect man? She’s what? After One, Tokunbo or whatever the society labelled people like her. Who would want her?

She examined her sexless and unromantic life. Her friends were not helping matters. They barged her at every encounter, stuffing words into her head. They were making her feel like she was committing a faux pas by not being in a relationship with a man.

Not that she had not shown up at the blind dates her friends arranged for her. After some disastrous dates, she had given up on that. It’s either they were not suitable or they came with the wrong expectation. Of the men who tried to hook up with her, the ones she despised most were the married ones who saw her as an easy lay, or rather a standby generator in case of passion failure at the home front or for variety’s sake; to spice up the dull monotony of making love to one woman all the time, as one man had the audacity to tell her.

Did she stand to gain anything from any liaison with a married man? No! If she must go into a relationship, she would need a man who would be there for her all the time, not at an appointed time; be with her at any place, not at an appointed place. Clandestine relationships were a waste of time, a waste of energy, a waste of emotion, and then add the fear of being caught to the equation. The picture was grim enough for her to decide she wasn’t ready for such games and had no time to play emotional Yo-Yo with her heart.

And she’s too old to play the side chick. At her age, she should look forward to a rewarding and fulfilling relationship; not go on a passion rollercoaster.

She had seen what reckless passion did to some women, and she wanted none of that. She preferred living in a protected bubble of loneliness, to plunging into the turbulent sea of a relationship just because she needed the fun a man was supposed to bring into her life. She preferred being single to dwelling in the doldrums with a man because she wanted to be ‘normal’ and ‘fulfilled’.

To her, men were overrated and more troublesome than their worth in a woman’s life. Severely, she had been tempted to go for a Battery-Operated-Boyfriend, code-named; Bob. Most single women are embracing Bob because looking for the real thing has become emotion-wracking and energy-consuming. But with the ever-faithful Bob, there’s no game-playing.

After Obinna’s betrayal, she had sworn off men. She gave a frustrated sigh. “Obinna, wherever you are, may your life be a bundle of frustration and pain.” She cursed. And damned her friends for trying to wear out her resolve to remain celibate for life.

She had been foolish when she married Obinna and lived as a grass widow for six years; she would not be foolish over a man ever again.