Practical relationship advice for women

Every woman wants a perfect man, a responsible man, and a financially capable man for a perfect relationship/marriage. Some never stop to ask if they will be the perfect woman for a man. It is vital for a woman to make herself the person a man wants to marry and live with happily.

Before you think of marriage, try to add value to your life. Check yourself and determine which areas of your life you need to upgrade to become a better version of YOU. There is a saying that if you want to marry a prince, you make yourself a princess. How do you make yourself a princess?

Now that you’re single, it is the best time to focus on what will make you a better person. You can get to know yourself and work to improve yourself to become a worthy woman a man will want to marry and cherish. Now is the time to turn your attention to yourself and invest more in adding value to your life before you decide on the kind of man you want in your life.

When you focus on being the best YOU possible, life will reward you with the right man for that quality relationship your heart desires.

How to add value to yourself

Self-love 

Self-love means loving yourself, but not in self-absorbing narcissistic ways. But being self-assured and confident about who you are and appreciating your self-worth as a woman is self-love.

When you know yourself, know your capabilities, and you’re aware of your aspirations in life, it will help you recognise and accept the kind of man that fits you and your personality. 

When you love and respect yourself, you will attract a man who will love and respect you. You don’t have to compromise your self-esteem or status because of a man. How you treat yourself is how a man will treat you. What you allow into your life is what you get.

Learn to cook

 Food is still a good way to a man’s heart, even though some modern-day women disprove that. Men want a woman who can cook nice homemade meals. They want value for their money and want to come home to a nicely prepared and delicious meal.

Take time to learn how to cook food that will tantalise a man’s taste bud. There are tutorials online for that, so take advantage of them.

Learn something new or do something new. 

Learning is a continuous process. Don’t let yourself become stagnant.  Learn something new always. Read books and watch films that will engage you mentally. Learn a new language, learn a new skill, develop a new hobby, just for the fun of it. Learn to cook new dishes. Surf the net and YouTube for something new to add to your life. Don’t ever be dormant.

Care about something. Go for something that will improve your life, mentally and physically. Be passionate about it and pursue it. Follow your dreams or anything that makes you feel good about yourself.

As a single woman, you can do whatever you want to do when you want to do it since there is no one to answer to yet. So, live your life to your full potential.

Learn how to drive. 

If you have the time and don’t know how to drive, there’s no harm in learning how to drive. It will come in handy one day. Be ready for opportunities. Don’t wait until you marry a man with a car to learn to drive.

Take care of yourself. 

Taking good care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally is essential. Eat good food, sleep well, take care of your health, and go for medical checks periodically. Live intentionally and purposefully. 

Do not neglect your physical appearance. Stay in shape and be fit.  If you don’t love your body, work on it. Try to exercise, and do workouts. Go for walks. Go for runs.

If you have mental health challenges, anger issues or insecurities, work on them and learn how to manger your disabilities and negative habits. When you’re aware of them, it becomes easier for you to tackle.

Have goals.

Responsible men regard women without goals, dreams, or desires as a dead weight. Make sure you have some goals and plans. Don’t enter a relationship with an empty head. Bring something, a ‘brainful’ of ideas, achievable goals and not just your body.

Also, have a financial plan for yourself. You know you will marry one day, start saving up for a wedding now. Who says the man should bear the cost of the wedding alone?

Groom yourself to be the kind of person you desire to marry. Do you want someone healthy? Be healthy yourself. Do you want someone educated? Be educated too. Do you want someone God-fearing? Be God-fearing as well. If you want a man that is financially responsible, be the same too. Train yourself to be a good home manager.

When you add value to yourself and make yourself a woman of substance, then be sure to go into a relationship with a man who has value too, and a man who will see and appreciate your worth. 

If you’re in a relationship already, here are tips on how to have a quality relationship.

How to have a quality relationship

Don’t settle.

If you know your worth and what you want in a relationship, you won’t settle for Mr Available. You will rather wait for Mr Right. Mr Perfect is a mirage because no one is perfect. The man who is right for you and treats you right is your Mr Right.

Due to fear or peer pressure, don’t settle for a man when you know right inside your heart that he is not who you want. You will be miserable in that relationship. Wait for the right man, and try to add value to your life.

Have a life of your own.

No matter how much you love your partner, that shouldn’t stop you from having a life of your own. 

Have some independence and an identity of your own. Don’t abandon your friends or your routine because you’re in a relationship. Don’t become too dependent on the man, physically, emotionally, or financially. Also, don’t play couple when the guy has not proposed yet. 

Don’t revolve your life around the man. Take care of yourself, pursue your hobbies or career or whatever makes you happy outside your relationship. You need to enhance your life in other ways, or else you won’t have any value to add to your relationship.

Don’t be needy.

Having a life of your own ensures you’re not needy and that your life doesn't revolve around the man.

Needy behaviour is suffocating in relationships. Being needy will not endure you to your man, nor will it help you to hold on to him. Rather, it has the opposite effect of pushing him away. The desperation to hold on to a man is because you have found nothing deserving in yourself.

Many women exude confidence at first but show dependent tendencies as the relationship progresses. Being needy belittles you and makes you lose your self-esteem.

Love yourself.

If you love yourself, then you will automatically take care of yourself. Stay healthy, get enough sleep, and do what makes you happy and fulfilled. Look at all your good qualities and decide to love yourself exactly the way you're right now.

Believe in yourself, stand tall, and don't let anyone put you down or put you on a shelf. Love yourself wholeheartedly. If you don’t love yourself enough, you will not attract the level of love you want in your relationship. How you carry and treat yourself is the exact way a man will treat you.

A high-quality man can not love and value you until you love and value yourself as the amazing woman you are. 

Speak out.

When you’re hurting or going through stuff, please speak out. Don’t suppress your emotions, negative or positive. Air them out and let your partner be aware of them. Nobody is a mind reader. To have your voice heard, speak out and speak your mind.

Talk to your partner about your problems. As a team, two of you should find a solution or decide how to solve the problem together. Speak to family or close friends and seek advice when you have issues in your relationship. Don’t bottle it up or cover it up.

Don’t change him.

Never go into a relationship with someone hoping you will change his character. Don’t try to force your opinions on him regarding how he dresses, his friends, his work situation, hobbies and habits. 

If you don’t like cigarettes, don’t befriend a smoker. If you don’t like alcohol, don’t go into a relationship with a winebibber, thinking you will get him to drop the habit.

Women make that mistake a lot. They get into a relationship with a man, hoping to influence him to change. Or that loving and showing him love will make him drop his bad habit. Probably he will stop for a while just to please you, and the moment you settle into the relationship, he returns to his old ways.

If you don’t like how he is or who he is now, you shouldn’t be with him. If you choose to be with him to change his lifestyle to fit yours, you will never be happy in the long run.

Because you can’t change a grown man. It will be easier to effect changes in your life than to change another person.

Set boundaries.

You must set boundaries in your romantic relationship. It allows you to express your needs and expectations to your partner. Make sure your partner understands and respects your boundaries. 

The behaviour you allow is the behaviour that will persist. So from the onset, put your foot down and don’t accept intimidation or disrespectful attitude from your partner.

Tolerate no kind of abuse. Abuse isn’t just about the man hitting you, beating you, or yelling at you during a conflict. Abuse is also mentally and emotionally inflicted, too. Don’t allow your partner to belittle you, degrade you, or insult you. If a relationship does not make you feel happy, secure, or valued, walk away. Every woman should be able to walk away from a relationship that she feels is not healthy.

Many people will take advantage of you when you don’t enforce your boundaries. Learn when to compromise and when to stand your ground. Strive for a healthy balance of being selfless and selfish. Make decisions that align with your inner peace, that support your self-care, self-value, and self-worth.

Show appreciation.

When you appreciate someone, the person does more for you. Bear in mind that everyone wants to be appreciated by their partner. Never take your partner for granted. For every kind gesture and action, learn to say thank you. Even if he does little things like help you in the kitchen, thank him for it. When you appreciate him, he will probably do more for you in the future to keep you happy.

However, the appreciation should go both ways too. A relationship is a two-way street. Your partner should be appreciative too and never take you for granted. 

Don’t be jealous or possessive.

Possessiveness gives room for jealousy. And jealousy is a monster that gives birth to cruelty and other toxic acts in a relationship.

Understandably, every woman wants to keep her man. However, there is a fine line between wanting to keep him for yourself and being overly jealous and possessive about him. Don’t smother your partner with your jealousy. It will kill the relationship fast.

Insecurity and lack of self-confidence is mostly the root cause of overly possessive attitude. Try to be more secure with yourself, and build your self-confidence, so you don’t worry about losing a man. And even if he walks out of the relationship, you need to know that you’ll be okay and capable of taking care of yourself.

Be kind and loving.

To have a quality relationship, you must love your man consciously, kindly, compassionately, and without suspicion or distrust. To love consciously means having your eyes wide open, loving with your head and not only your heart. And be able to discern when to walk away from situations that are feeling one-sided. 

Kindness and love are enduring qualities that build up quality relationships. Love your man, show him respect, and never insult him. Be his ego booster.

Relationships are wonderful, sometimes complicated, and in some cases, difficult. As a woman, you need to be emotionally intelligent to have a quality relationship.

What makes a Good Wife?

Yes, who is a good wife? And what qualities make a woman a good wife?

Before going into this, let me ask if a man is a good husband, will that make the woman be a good wife?

Some will argue it to the moon and back. Whatever be your opinion, there is a grain of truth there.

A wife responds to her husband the way he treats her. If you treat your wife as worthless, she becomes worthless to you. If you treat her as royalty, she becomes a jewel in your crown, a pleasure and a blessing to you. 

As far as human relationship is concerned, what you give is what you get in return.

According to the Bible, Luke 6:38 (NKJV)

“For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.”

Here are qualities that make a woman a good wife.

Be pleasant. 

As a wife, be warm, kind, pleasant, understanding, and friendly to your husband, his family, and friends. Never be rude to him or his family members.

Welcome your husband home with a smile.

A good wife honours her husband with her pleasant manners and tone. A happy smile on her face, and a neat and clean appearance, go a long way to make her husband appreciate her. 

Be respectful. 

As a wife expects respect from a husband, so does a husband expect respect from a wife? "Respect is reciprocal," is a common saying.

Respect can be reflected in the way she talks and behaves. A good wife talks to her husband respectfully and lovingly, no matter his conditions or status in life.

A good wife does not belittle, criticize, humiliate, or talk down to her husband in private or in public. Doing so will hurt his ego. The quickest way to build resentment in your husband is to criticize or belittle him, especially in front of others. If you don’t agree with him, respectfully let him know you don’t agree with him.

If you treat your husband with disrespect before others, people around you will never respect him. Also, never embarrass him in public, particularly in front of your family or his friends or yours, especially in front of the children.

Be able to communicate. 

Communication plays a very vital role in marriage. In fact, it is the key to a good and solid relationship. Not just communication, but open communication is an integral part of every marriage. It involves your ability to be open, articulate, and free to share your inner thoughts. 

Open communication in marriage means you tell your husband what you think, how you feel and what you expect of him. A good wife does not hide things or keep secrets from her husband. 

If you are the type who bottles up your emotions, especially after a disagreement, then your marriage is in trouble. Your husband is not a mind reader. He acts based on what you say out loud.

Listening is critical for effective communication and as important as talking too. A good wife listens and not only talks; probably, you have lots of important things to tell him, also allow him to talk as well, and you listen. 

Both of you want to be heard. Give him the chance to hear you, and for you to listen to him. Find time to sit and gist with your husband. Listen to him talk about his day, talk to you about his problems, or interest.

Listening is not enough, make a conscious effort to hear, understand and make meaningful contributions. Pay attention during a conversation with your husband. Put away your phone and turn off anything that could be distracting and him your full attention when he is speaking.

Open communication is also the ability to resolve conflict amicably. When issues arise, talk through them with calm words and a calm mind. Talk to your husband – ask, say, and discuss. Not shout at him. Avoid the silent treatment, it will worsen the situation. Don’t leave your husband guessing about your feelings. 

Be supportive. 

A  good wife is always supportive of her husband in good times and in troubled times. A good wife loves her husband not only when he is successful. She should reassure and understand when her husband is feeling down or going through hard times. This is the period to be more thoughtful, supportive and loving as a good wife.

As a good wife, you should be your husband’s number one cheerleader. No matter how difficult the journey or situation, do not discourage your husband from pursuing his dream. Believe in him, assure him and help him in any way you can.

Do not nag. 

No man likes a nagging wife. Ask him nicely, and talk to him respectfully. Some wives think nagging is the only way to get their husbands to do things. The truth is, that nagging can create unwanted tension in the house.

A woman said she wouldn’t get her husband to do things for her if she didn’t nag.

A good husband knows the right thing to do for his wife. 

Don't greet him with complaints and problems early in the morning or the moment he comes back home. Instead of pestering him, talk to him sensibly about issues or your needs.

Constant complaining and murmuring will only push your husband out of the house, and to avoid you, he spends time in bars or at times in the arms of another woman. 

Give him his space.

 As a good wife, it's important to understand your husband has a life outside you and the home. He has family, friends, and colleagues who are also part of his life. He may have hobbies and passions he is involved in. 

Also, a married man needs space at times, even from his wife. Respect that and give him some space, and allow him to pursue his hobbies and interests. Don’t expect his undivided attention at all times. 

Don’t stop him if he wants to hang out with his friends or engage in a hobby or sport or if he wants to go to a viewing centre to watch a football match. An interfering wife is an irritating woman.

Restricting your husband’s freedom and intruding on his space can be suffocating and will negatively affect your marriage.

Keep him happy in bed. 

Sexual intimacy is one of the most essential things in marriage. When you please your man, he will be obliged to please you in return. If you cannot keep your man happy in bed, he may go where he can get it, in the hand of a side chick. 

Also, don’t let the man do all the work on the bed, be an active partner, be adventurous and be outspoken. Most husbands want to hear their wives tell them how to please them during sex.

A man once told me that for 10 years of his marriage, he had been the one initiating sex between him and his wife. One day, he decided to stop and see what his wife would do. One month they didn’t make love, and the wife accused him of having an extramarital affair. He asked her, have you even requested sex from me, and I denied you of it?

Taking the first step in lovemaking does not mean you’re lewd, and neither will it diminish your husband’s respect for you. So if you’re in the mood for sex, go ahead and take the initiative. Get flirtatious, tease him, touch him, kiss him, tell him how you want it. He is your husband. 

Be affectionate.

Express your love and appreciation to your husband as often as possible. Men like praises and appreciation, and they like to hear the words "I love you" too. 

They also want to hear their wives tell them how good they are in bed. It boosts their confidence and makes them strive to satisfy their wives often as well. 

A good wife gives her husband thoughtful gifts once in a while. She never forgets the special days in his life. Men love surprises too. So surprise him on his birthday, a party, cook his favourite meal or a special night of passion will go a long way to show your husband you love him. 

Do not shift your affection for your husband to your children, it is wrong. It alienates the man from the children and in some cases, made the children lose respect for their father.

Be loyal and dedicated. 

A good wife is honest, loyal, and dedicated. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and the vows you took, in the beginning, should be kept up at all times.

Be loyal to your husband, and stand by him in all stages of his career and life, in health and sickness. Be proud of his accomplishments, and compliment and appreciate him. 

You and your husband are a team, so you should plan together and act in unison. A good wife does not make major decisions about the family without consulting with her husband. 

Good maintenance.

Some women overlook their appearances once married. They will tell you, after all, that they are not looking for another husband. Wives should care more about their appearances because getting a good husband is a battle, and keeping the man and keeping your marriage is a fiercer battle. 

Also, know that a good appearance makes for a cheerful disposition. Taking good care of your appearance makes you feel good and bold as well as makes your husband happy and proud. Men like their wives to look good and smell good. And take care of your health too.

Make yourself look good and healthy, not just for him, but for yourself. 

Be hygienic. Maintain a clean and neat house your husband will feel happy to come home to every day. 

Be a good housekeeper. The family spending expenses need to be handled with thriftiness by the wife. A good wife must be financially intelligent, in order not to waste her husband’s finances. She is a good homemaker and a builder, not a squanderer.

Caring and compassionate.

A good wife is caring and compassionate. She is sensitive to her husband’s needs and understands his moods and knows how to make him happy.

Her care and compassion should not be for the husband alone.  It includes loving and caring for his family and friends. A good wife should care for, and love her husband’s immediate family, show kindness to them, and visit or call them from time to time, especially his parents, if they are still alive. 

A good wife should also know her husband’s friends and treat them as her friends, too. Try as much as possible to join him in activities he's interested in, or invariably allow him to indulge in them. 

Pamper your husband often, men are just overgrown boys who are constantly in the care of a woman. A good wife makes her husband dependent on her by doing things no one else will do for him. This makes him miss you and have you in his thoughts when you are not around him. Your gestures, actions and words will inspire him to do something wonderful for you. 

Be Prayerful.

As a good wife, prayer should be one of your key weapons. Praying for your husband and family daily is the best thing you can do for them. Prayer should be your banner over your family.

A praying wife is a pride to her husband. A man once asked a friend his secret for business success. He told him he has a praying wife. A wife who takes her spiritual life seriously is a blessing to her husband and home. 

Be Honest.  

Honesty builds trust in a relationship. Marriages that are based on honesty are devoid of strives that come with lies and untruthfulness. A good wife does not cheat or lie to her husband. If your husband is honest with you, then he deserves the same honesty and truthfulness from you.

Being truthful should be intentional. At times, honesty hurts and may result in resentment or fights. It’s better, to be honest than to be dishonest. Dishonesty destroys trust in a relationship. But honesty helps to build trust and to strengthen your marriage. 

Develop self-sustaining habits.

Being a good wife is not limited to taking care of your husband and family. As a woman, groom yourself, grow, be industrious, and be an asset to your husband and not a beautiful,  clueless trophy wife.

In your quest to be a good wife, it is also important to develop positive attributes and self-sustaining habits. These qualities will help you to play your role as a good wife and also maintain a healthy and balanced relationship with your husband.

You have to be at peace with yourself, love yourself, be proud of yourself and above all, have a personal identity. When you have these attributes, exhibiting them towards your husband, family and friends comes naturally to you.

Be submissive and obedient

A good wife is submissive and obedient, but not to the level of servitude. Marriage is not a master/servant relationship. NO. Marriage is a mutual partnership of individuals who complement each other and contribute equally to the marriage.

A wife is an equal partner in the marriage. If you want a submissive and obedient wife, then be a loving and respectful husband. A man will have to love his wife to the point of earning her obedience and submissiveness.

Wives are the nucleus, the dots that connect every member of the household. It is a wife that sets the tone and mood in the house. Men are merely glorified over-lords. A happy wife makes a happy home.  A wife who knows her worth and nurtures her home with wisdom, love, and care is a good wife indeed.

A good wife makes a good husband. If a woman is a good wife to her husband and treats him right, he will cherish her, love her, and be a good husband to her in return.

Remember, there are two people in this relationship, and each has to play their roles to make their marriage an ideal one.

Will you allow your wife be a bus driver in Lagos?

More and more women are leaving the comfort of homes and sedately jobs to jostle with men in the rough streets of Lagos.

Being a commercial bus driver isn’t an easy job for men how much more for women, but nowadays more and more women are braving the odds, most probably as the economic situation in the country worsens. Some women are taken the lead as bread winners in their family; they are prepared to do any legitimate labour or job to put food on the table for their families.

One woman who is not afraid to go into the rough and tumble world of commercial bus driving is Mrs. Patricia Nnameani. She drives a mini-bus along the Ago-Cele route on daily basis. Being a bus driver was a self made decision but with the support of her husband and children, she is enjoying the job with its challenges and she hopes to raise money from it to get a bigger bus to increase her daily income.

She has been in the business for seven months now and waxing stronger. She advised more women to go in to commercial driving, that it pays better than sitting in a shop with low or no sales and at the end of the year you borrow or beg for money to pay the high rent landlords are charging par shop.

There are others like her who drives ‘keke’, big buses and even school buses. The big question is how many men will allow their wives take up commercial driving in Lagos especially?