UNFETTERED AFFECTION

Love,

Unwithered and Unbroken

A moving sea between the shores of our souls

Bright as the starless night sky

Woven into the beats of life

The plant that never blooms

 But carries in itself

The seed of hidden flowers

Unending legacies

Living long in eras we haven't fortuned

Just like the cry of an infant

Rattling the love of its mother

The swift passing of beautiful memories

Blooming out on a petal of grace and phase

The glittering light of love

Dripping from the heart

With moist longed by all with breath

Even to the glorious future unseen

CHUKWUJEKWU CHINENYE JUDITH (guest writer)

Pawns In The Hand

 Love is so illogical and full of pains and heartache, so Naomi discovers when she finds herself at a crossroad. Where she has to make a choice between her true love Godfrey, who after three years of absence reappeared into her life to claim her back and Tony, the father of her unborn child and the man she is set to marry.

What is the right thing to do, to listen to her conscience or follow her heart?

Challenges Of Long-Distance Marriage/Relationship

 

When you got married, you looked forward to building a home together with your spouse, taking care of your family and watching your children grow up together. But along the way life happened, and you got separated. It might happen if one spouse is posted to another city or country and the other chooses or is forced to remain behind due to financial constraints or for the sake of their children to continue schooling in a familiar environment.

Or one partner decides to move to another city or country in search of better opportunities, in this case, circumstances in life have forced the couple to make hard decisions which they never expected from the onset.

Probably, both of you are working in different cities and met, fall in love and braced the odds by getting married. After the wedding you remained apart until one was finally able to join the other, this may take months or years to achieve.

It may be that one partner is still in school in another city while the other is either working or doing business in a different city which made it impossible for them to live together as a couple for a duration of time. They are compelled to live apart for a purpose.

In some cases, you married an abroad husband or wife and it has not been easy to get a visa for your partner to join you and so you're forced to live in different countries.

All these different scenarios are what is referred to as long-distance marriages/relationships. A long-distance marriage/relationship is an intimate relationship between partners who are geographically separated from one another and so does not relate face-to-face  

It is also a situation whereby both partners in a marriage are living in different geographical locations and see little of each other. In some cases, the decision to live apart is by choice and in some cases, the couples are forced to make that choice by circumstances of life.. They may agree to make such a sacrifice as a family in order to meet the family’s needs adequately.

Education and the search for a better income are mostly the reason for couples to live apart. It is a known fact that many couples today experience marriages in which to keep their employment means they spend most of their time apart. Such couples have a hard time balancing their relationships and their work apart from each other. The pressure to cope with the emotional strain of separation can be hard especially on newly married/younger couples who are still establishing their family. 

However, whichever way the separation came about, it is not always an easy pill to swallow and it always leaves a bitter residue in the mouth. In addition to the normal difficulties of being in a relationship. Long-distance marriage takes an extra emotional and physical toll on couples, 

Some challenges of long-distance marriage/relationship

Lack of physical intimacy

It is the most common challenge couples in long-distance marriage endure. Aside from the loneliness, lack of physical intimacy includes No touching. No cuddling and, No sex. All the things that fan the flames of a romantic relationship are made impossible by the distance.

Also, when you are apart, you miss out on all the non-verbal communication that tells you the mood and feelings of your spouse with just a glance. 

When you’re together. You share tidbits of information about your day, about happenings in your workplace or business environment. This daily exchange gives you an inkling into how your spouse is feeling even when they don’t tell you all the details. Couples in long-distance marriages don’t enjoy such privilege in their relationships.

Lack of real-time intimacy

When you and your partner stay together and go through the daily routine and demands of sharing your personal space with each other, rifts between you both are invertible and there will be arguments and small fights now and then. Such daily interactions are sometimes obnoxious and sometimes unpleasant. But they create moments of bonding as the couple strive to learn and accommodate each other's differences. 

With time they will understand each other and develop a certain nonpassionate intimacy towards each other. This will lead to a situation where one partner will start a sentence and the other completes it, they think and speak like synchronised apps, this only happens when two people have spent too much quality time around each other to build real-time intimacy.

You don’t get a sense of this type of real-time intimacy in a relationship until you’re in it, in person and have a good number of years of togetherness. Couples in long-distance relationships never have this bonding or real-time intimacy with each other. Distance prevents this type of intimacy bonding from forming  between them

When two people are apart, it’s easy to idealize and overlook the mundane, and little gestures that build up their relationship. And when they eventually come together, staying together might require adjustment.

 The Effect On Family Dynamism

Long-distance marriage negates the meaning of coupling in a relationship, it creates an imbalance in the home. Instead of the couple to strive together side by side to build their family, they strive individually in separate locations. In some cases, the burden of responsibility tends to tilt more towards one partner which might cause discord over time.

Long-distance relationships affect the dynamics of the family setting. Having an absentee partner is difficult for the family especially when children are involved.  The left-at-home spouse takes responsibility for all the family’s needs. In some cases, the partner had to juggle family responsibilities and work/business.

In addition to being left behind with the children. The partner also has to play a double role to cushion the imbalance the absence of the other partner might cause in the family. The transition from having both parents together to now having one around can be traumatic. Children tend to experience emotional problems when such changes occur in the family.

In some instances, some women had to go through childbirth and rearing alone, having visiting husbands who contributed little or nothing in the practical upbringing of the children and so share no physical or emotional bonding with their children.

Growing apart

Couples in a long-distance marriage develop two separate lives. When they’re away from each other, they grow individually; instead of being part of a team, they’re each solo player. People change and grow and sometimes one partner may not be compatible with the others' change and growth. This is because they did not make the changes together like couples living together. Doing things alone all the time can start to feel normal and natural. 

When they eventually come to live together, ten or twenty years later they each discover they have to relearn what it’s like to live alongside each other. Absence, they say makes the heart grow fonder. Sure! But prolonged absence can make the heart grow sour and apart.  Out Of Sight Can Still Be Out Of Mind.

Trust 

Trust is another problem in a long-distance/ relationship that pulls couples mentally and emotionally apart causing rift more than the physical distance.

Long-distance relationships thrive upon trust. If you both live apart from each other, you must have a very clear understanding of where you stand in each other's life.

Insecurity 

Another downside of long-distance relationships is uncertainty, especially where trust is an issue. Most especially for those still in the courtship stage of their relationship.

Because you have not yet taken the vow, it’s likely that you will experience uncertainty towards each other, being far away. From time to time questions will arise in your heart, “Is this all worth it?” “Does she/he still feel the same way about me as she/he did before?” “Is he/she secretly meeting another woman/man without me knowing?” “Am I fooling myself waiting for the person?” “Will it really work out between us?.”

The longer you stay apart, the more these uncertainties grow and it can snowball into a crisis that can undermine your relationship, 

Married couples are not exempted from uncertainties. Infidelity is a big issue for couples living together, how much more when they live apart from each other. “Body no be firewood”, is a slogan used by people living apart to justify their act of infidelity.

Yes, we cannot deny the fact that long-distance relationships are hard. Some couples suffer problems those living together might not encounter... 

Every relationship requires hard work to survive though, but couples in a long-distance relationship have to work smarter to keep their marriage going. When you're with the right person and you truly love and care about each other, you will definitely find ways to make your relationship work and survive the distance. If your love is genuine, nothing, not even distance can separate you.

LOVE AND TEMPERAMENT

Concepts of Love 2

Your perception of love and your style of loving are all rolled up with your temperament. Your personality, your disposition and natural inclination make up who you are and determine the attitude you portray and the vibes you exude in your love and sexual relationship. Everything about your personality is rolled up into a mould termed temperament.


Temperament is your fundamental nature and mood. It is the way you respond to challenges and restraints, and to stimuli like fear, irritation, anxiety, etc. It is also about your emotion, attentiveness to details, attention span, and sensitivity to love and sexual activity.

There are four basic temperaments, Sanguine, Choleric, Phlegmatic and Melancholy. Each of these four temperaments exerts influence on the way a person exhibits love and seeks sexual gratification in a relationship.


THE SANGUINE LOVER

The Sanguine people are fun-lovers, playful, entertaining, easily amused, and easily bored, too. They have an optimistic nature and are enthusiastic and animated about life and the activities around them. Yes, they’re affectionate, generous and open-minded. They have sociable manners; being approachable and trusting of others, they build relationships effortlessly in contact with others. Sanguines have personable personalities; engaging smiles, smooth talkers, and are very fluent with words.

Sanguines want to be involved in everything going on around them because they hate solitude and boredom. Their attention span is short-lived if the activity or person is not excitable. They can change their focus or interest in an instant if they become bored.

The Sanguine lovers are emotionally versatile and so can adapt to almost any relationship situation. Because of their adventurous nature, a relationship with a Sanguine person can be a rollercoaster of fun.  They’re free-spirited and don’t desire to control others, but don’t try to clip their wings.

Sanguine lovers are good listeners and very attentive to their partners... Though talkative, Sanguine people find self-expository difficult, though they can talk about themselves or their attitude in a jocular, non-serious manner.

They don’t store their thoughts and emotions nor hide their feelings; if they think it or feel it, they express it. They bear their hearts out without restraint or conscious thought to their partner’s feelings.

Sanguine people have a relaxed attitude towards sex. Most sanguine doesn’t link sex to love; to them, sex is a recreation and a fun ride. They can engage in a one-night stand just for the fun of it. They can be both erotic and ludic lovers.


THE CHOLERIC LOVER

Choleric people are extroverts with independent minds and good analytical skills. They are bold, strong-willed, self-confident, self-sufficient and ambitious. In their dealings with others, they are firm and direct to the point when communicating with others. Cholerics can be ruthless and decisive. They lack empathy for the feelings of others and show no compassion when they decide to take action, especially when offended.

They are domineering, opinionated and controlling freaks, so they tend to enjoy being in charge and always want to have their way in everything. They enjoy discussing and planning activities upfront, they don’t like surprises. They’re purpose-driven and goal-oriented in nature.

People with a choleric temperament don’t play shenanigans in a relationship as sanguine people. They don’t easily fall in love; Choleric people approach a relationship in a calculative and analytical manner. They’re Shopping List Lovers, It’s important to them that their potential partner shares the same aspirations and interests with them and so they choose partners cautiously. But once they find someone who they think is worthy of their time and effort, they will focus intensively on that person. They can be very romantic and deeply committed to their partners. They don’t easily change their minds. they are not so expressive of their emotion with words rather they use actions and acts of kindness, care and attentiveness to show their love. They are tenacious and can hold on to a relationship even if it wasn’t going in their favour.

Most have a high sex drive and so are sexually active, but they don’t hop from one partner to another; once they are in a committed relationship, they constantly demand sex from their partners. They’re full of energy and passion.


THE PHLEGMATIC LOVER

Phlegmatics are introverts, calm, unemotional, passive, easygoing, indecisive, accepting, receptive, kind, self-content and faithful. They’re curious, observant, persistent and consistent at whatever they do. Because they are slow and indecisive, they don’t make quick decisions and tend to procrastinate easily.

Phlegmatics are not outgoing or pushful in whatever they do. They don’t make things happen; they are the laid-back types that just let things happen. They are shy but warm and affectionate in their response to others; They don't have a large network of friends but are possessive of their friendships and very loyal to their friends. When they choose lovers, it is always within their circle of friends, someone on the same emotional ground as them. They’re friendship lovers; they tend to choose partners within their circle of friends, someone who has been around them for some time.

They find it difficult to break long-standing relationships regardless of the odds because they always go for a long-term commitment where they seek bonding, nurturing, and intimate attachment. However, once a relationship is broken, they seldom return. They can hold a grudge.

Phlegmatics lovers are very sensitive and can be deeply hurt by rejection, though they usually hide their true feelings behind their stoic expressions. Phlegmatics are slow to warm up to people or things but will be accommodating once they do and they will truly give themselves and work on maintaining intimacy with their significant others. They will avoid conflicts and confrontations; they will likely make adjustments and sacrifices to keep their relationships going.

They prefer a relaxed and routine life, free of anxieties and stresses. The real Phlegmatic will avoid getting too involved with people and life in general. They don’t want anything that will rock their lifeboat.

Of the four temperaments, they’re the most romantic. They fall in love most often and want a romantic and cosy relationship. They plan romantic evenings and weekends. The types that send you romantic cards or write love letters, and send romantic love messages to your phone. They're affectionate, love to cuddle, hug, to give gifts and will not be abashed to confess their love. To them, sex and love are interconnected and sexual activity has to take place in a romantic setting and style, though they don’t seek sexual activity early in a relationship and when they eventually engage in sex, they will expect that a meaningful relationship will develop because they like to uphold tradition.



THE MELANCHOLIC LOVER

Melancholies are introverts, reserved, timid and moody. Though they have logical, analytical minds and are quality-oriented individuals. Melancholies are perfectionists. This tends to make them conscientious, cautious, anxiety-prone and sensitive to others' opinions of them.


Melancholies fear taking risks, making wrong decisions, and being criticised, so they take time to think about their options before deciding. Also, they need enough information, time alone to process the information, and a detailed plan of action to function well in whatever they do.

They are creative, gifted and capable people. Because of their creative nature, they can be oversensitive to details, for they always want to do things right.


Melancholic lovers are more pragmatic and down-to-earth in their relationships. They don’t choose their lovers impulsively rather, they do it cautiously, based on common sense and compatibility. Also, Melancholics choose their life partners considering the opinions of their friends and family members. Because they’re loyal to family and care much about people’s opinions of the choices they make, they tend to need friends and relatives to approve of their partners before they make a commitment to them.


Intimacy with Melancholics develops slowly, however; they can be very romantic and passionate when in love. Sex for Melancholics is for relaxation but not as a playful adventure in the case of sanguine people. Because they are reserved and suspicious of people’s intentions, they usually have fewer sexual experiences before marriage. they are the least sexually active of the four temperaments.

Links:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07L8KCQ4K

https://okadabooks.com/user/ladyzizi

https://selar.co/blqx

Concepts of love

CHAPTER ONE

The Institution of Love

We cannot talk of love without going way back to the very beginning of it; the creation of man in the Garden of Eden; for man was created out of love and for love.

The concept of love begins with God. When God breathed on man, he breathed not only life but love as well. That is the double L. that makes up a man; Life and Love.

God initiated the first institution of love when he created Adam and Eve. After He created Adam, He discovered it was not good for man to be alone, so He made Eve as a companion. From then, the concept of love and togetherness came into existence.

Therefore, since the beginning of man, love has existed and will continue to exist and be the recurring decimal in any relationship, especially that between a man and a woman.

The same awe and astonishment Adam felt when he first beheld Eve, is still being re-enacted in every relationship today. Because, even though love is an old phenomenon, it will be forever new. People fall in love every day and when it happens, you feel its freshness, its newness and the euphoria that goes with it.

What is the true definition of love?

What is love or what is the true definition of love? I went out to sample opinions and discovered that the definition of love is as varied as the number of individuals I asked.
At the end of my research for the true definition of love, I came to acknowledge there has never been and will never be a consensus on the appropriate definition of love. The definition of love could be likened to the story of the six blind men and the elephant. Six blind men were taken to the zoo to feel an elephant. On their return, they described the elephant from the angle each was able to touch and their interpretations of what they felt an elephant is, were neither wrong nor right.

Let’s just say people define love based on their feelings, beliefs, experiences and even intellectual perspectives. For instance, Anthropologists, Sexologists, Philosophers, psychologists, Psychologists, Social behaviourists, Social scientists, Sociologists, etc., all have defined love from their disciplinary perspectives and have all put forward arguments to support their definitions. Well, they are neither wrong nor right too.

Even Poets, and great Scholars, both ancient and modern, have written wonderful and glowingly things about love. In addition, Love has been and is been celebrated in songs daily.
Scientists are not left out at all, they put love into the test tube and came up with the term ``Chemistry of love`. They argued that love and loving are because of a certain chemical reaction in the body. They talk of hormones, testosterone, progesterone etc., but to date, they are yet to discover the exact chemical that induces or breeds love between two people to the exclusion of others. Well, we are still waiting for that breakthrough in the scientific study of love.
All I am trying to say in essence is, love is not limited or confined to one definition. The truth about love is, it is a feeling and so defiles one accepted definition. All the same, I can still add my own definition to the myriad of others already propounded.

WHAT IS LOVE? Love is a feeling, an emotion, a passion, a state of mind, and a condition of the heart, which seeks expression and interaction with someone else.

WHAT IS LOVE? Love is a feeling of great passionate intensity directed towards another person. At the height of it, the emotion of passion is so very intense, so fierce, even to the point of jealousy. Yes, what is mine is mine alone, a monogamous feeling.

WHAT IS LOVE? Love is an emotive expression of our humanity, our inner self, and our heart desires.

WHAT IS LOVE? Love is a feeling, which involves the passion for pleasure and the passion of pain.

I can go on and on because the definition of love is inexhaustible. However, one established fact about love is that it is a feeling within us, that we extend to another through the act of loving. And loving comes with expression, acting and action.

Therefore, loving is shown through expression. It’s through action and acting that you create awareness of your love. It’s only through the means of loving you reveal your emotion and passion. Someone will not be aware you love them except through demonstration with actions and words.

People fall in love the ways they conceive love to be. Before going further let us explore the various perceptions of love for love can be felt from different perspectives.

LOVE AS A FEELING
we feel things. When we feel hungry, we eat; when we feel thirsty we drink water, when we feel sleepy we sleep. `FEELING` is a stimulus that arouses some form of action. Love is a feeling of emotional hunger which we satisfy through companionship with another.

We feel love in the heart, that's why the heart is used to symbolise love. So when love goes sour we experience heartbreak figuratively because we don't see the heart to know if it's actually broken or not, we just assumed it is.

Anyway in the beginning when the feeling comes over you, you cannot understand, explain or define what you are feeling. You just know it’s love because you feel it in your heart.

Such a feeling comes with tenderness, affection, caring, sharing, etc. These are soft but powerful emotions that go with love. These emotions are deep-sited in us. They are feelings we want to give out and have the same returned back to us.

LOVE AS A PASSION
Love as a passion is an intense and irresistible urge to communion with another human. It is not just a mere feeling now but a compelling impulse, hard to ignore or resist. There is a difference between feeling hungry for food and having the urge to eat a particular kind of food.

It is a strong desire you have for another person, there is that inclination to explore, the quest to conquer, and the zeal to possess. Therefore, love as a passion is a force that at times is dangerous, when not contained; it can push a person to the brink of emotional insanity.

LOVE AS A STATE OF MIND.
At times, your mindset and your conception impinge on your attitude towards love. To some people, love is neither a feeling nor a passion, but something they have to accept or reject based on their state of mind. When their minds tell them is time to get someone into their lives, they go for someone, most often someone that has been around for long as a friend and they don't have to confess love.

It is a docile acceptance of love. They don`t lose control, no push, no urge. It's more 'let me go into a relationship because it's the right thing to do or what is expected of the person. They are neither hot nor cold towards love.

LOVE AS A CONDITIONING OF THE HEART
This is setting your heart tuned to certain attributes in another person. It's only when these attributes are present that you are incited to love. It is an induced kind. of love.

In most cases, these attributes are physical, for it is what the eye sees that impresses the heart and sets it in motion. In this kind of love, the impression is of utmost importance. Some like them big, slim, fair, or black. Like a guy who met a girl, he liked so much but couldn’t fall in love with her because she was busty and he never liked busty ladies.
He couldn`t strike a relationship with her even though the attraction was there but just because he has conditioned his heart against busty ladies it became a problem he couldn`t surmount.

However, if your love comes as a result of feelings or passions or it is based on your state of mind or induced by the conditioning of your heart, the basic fact is, if you believe it`s love then it is love. Love is what you believe it is and it is what two people accept it to be.

STYLES OF LOVING

We show love by loving. The way we fall in love reflects the way we express that love to others. Therefore, the degree of loving differs from one individual to another. Some people are more passionate and romantic when they are in love. A passionate lover is `crazily or madly in love, this state of mind shows the degree of his/her emotional involvement. While some are not highly emotional; and are not easily moved by passion, they are calm and cool about it and some others even appear emotionless.

That doesn’t mean they don’t love, they love in their own ways and only exhibit love through actions rather than flowerily expressions.
The different ways people express love form the different styles of loving. Often, one's concept of love determines the person’s style of loving.


EROTIC LOVERS
Erotic lovers believe in love, at first sight, they are not interested in getting to know their partners well before they seek intimacy. Eros lovers lack patience and control, so when they are in love they want immediate intimacy and rapport. To them love is a passion, they are always passionately involved with someone.

Erotic lovers are fascinated with beauty, which is why they easily fall in love; they are susceptible to physical attractiveness. Eros lovers are characterized by two things; immediate physical attraction and a belief in adventurous sex. They are erotomania hence the name, their sex impulse is always on the high side.

And often they are good lovers and good in bed also. But one defect is, they love intensely, and when offended or betrayed, they hate intensely as well.


LUDIC LOVERS
Ludic or game-playing lovers have two characteristics, hedonism and lack of commitment. They are the types that take love to be a playful game in which obtaining pleasure is their main aim. To them, sex is not a consummation of love but another form of amusement.

They are usually lustful and their love affairs never last because they shun any kind of situation that would make them be seriously committed to any person. They move from one affair to another in search of good times and variety. They are passionate also though not with love but with passion itself.


FRIENDSHIP LOVERS
Love that develops between friends; it is a relationship that evolves from friendship. In the beginning, there was no falling in love; rather with constant interaction, they develop a love for someone they have been friends with for a long time. To friendship lovers, passion does not count; all they seek is affection and companionship - a friendly type of love relationship. Love as a state of mind, the person has been around; I have known him/her for a long time, so we can as well hit it off.

The fact that they are not passionate about love, account for the reason such lovers take time in choosing a partner and are slow in seeking intimacy in any new relationship. They allow the relationship to grow to maturity before they become committed. However, they make lasting partners whenever they find an ideal mate, one they admire very well.

MANIA LOVERS
The strongest and the most dangerous type of lovers, love is a dangerous obsession for them. Because they are passionate to a higher degree, they are highly possessive and jealous. Mania lovers love to almost the point of insanity; they are often dangerous to themselves and their loved ones.

Mania lovers are prone to extremes; they are either in a high state of excitement or in a high state of nervous agitation over their relationships. Therefore, they often swing between blissful joy in the presence of their lovers and anxiety in their absence. Because manic lovers love to the extreme, they suffer enormously in the event of separation or break up. Some go as far as attempting suicide or manslaughter.

SHOPPING LIST LOVERS
Called shopping list lovers because they choose partners cautiously and according to a preconceived notion of what they want in a lover. In their mind, they have a list of what they want in a partner and they try to adhere to that list. Love as a conditioning of the heart, they have a preconditioned notion of what they want and they look for that.

They are realistic and practical, not easily moved by passion, sentiment or physical attributes if it’s off the list. Their heads govern them not their hearts, what they seek in a relationship is compatibility. They believe in showing their love in practically reasonable ways rather than talking about it.

GIVING LOVERS
They are duteous, faithful, patient, supportive and selfless in their loving. They are called Agape lovers, they are altruistic; they are known to put the happiness and comfort of others first, most often to their own inconveniences without complaining.

To them, love is a feeling within them they want to share with someone else without any ulterior motive or attributes of the other person. They just love to love and to give selflessly out of the abundance of their hearts without any self-effacing motives, In addition, though they are the ones often hurt easily in relationships, they forgive easily.

These are the six types of ways people express their love. So we fall in love differently and we express it differently as we feel it based on our personalities and individualities.

Links:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07L8KCQ4K

https://okadabooks.com/user/ladyzizi

10 Reasons this generation is finding it hard to be in love.

Ever wonder what our GENERATION will be known for in the decades to come? I ponder the question regularly. There are so many great things we could be remembered for, but if history has taught us anything, it’s the negative that tends to last the test of time, not the positive. My greatest worry is our generation will be looked at as the generation that gave up on love. We date for the sake of dating. The generation that forgot how to love — which is ridiculous. Most people have never had a good understanding of love, just a poor interpretation of it. Generation-Y seems to be the first generation moving away from conventional takes on romantic, loving relationships. The only question that remains is whether we’ll be remembered for being the first generation to accept a more logical and rational take on love or the generation that gave up on it altogether. I guess you’ll be the one to decide.

1. WE CARE MORE ABOUT INSTANT GRATIFICATION THAN WE DO ANYTHING ELSE. The most common trend amongst Generation is our need for instant gratification. We grew up and continue to thrive in a culture that allows us instant access to just about anything. If we want food, we have it delivered with the click of a few buttons or we walk a block or two and grab dinner. If we are bored, we have endless distractions in the form of phone apps. If we need directions or a question answered, it only takes us a couple of seconds. Such convenience is entirely a modern-day perk — previous generations never experienced anything even remotely close to it. The problem is instant gratification is addicting and often becomes a habit, a habit that tends to seep into our love lives. Love isn’t meant to be experienced in an instance but in a lifetime. 

2. WE’VE BUILT A CULTURE DRIVEN BY DRUGS AND BOOZE. This goes hand in hand with our culture’s need for instant gratification. Drugs and booze are the most common form of self-medication. When we feel sad or unhappy, we go out for drinks. When we’re stressed or unable to handle our lives, we may turn to more intense substances. of course, not everyone drinks alcohol and/or does drugs, but it is a trend among our generation. Drugs and alcohol often end up being love’s worst enemy. These substances give us the  illusion of an alternate reality — a reality in which our emotions are heightened, and the love we experience becomes exponentially intense. Unfortunately, all this does is confuse us, making us believe love is little more than the feelings we experience. Nothing could be further from the truth. 

3. WE SLEEP AROUND — A LOT. Some less than others, but most individuals have multiple partners every year. Don’t get me wrong, I like sex just as much as the next guy, but sleeping around ends up leaving us feeling empty. It starts out feeling exciting and gratifying but ends up making us feel even more alone. Worse yet, it makes finding someone to love infinitely more difficult. You’re wasting your time with people who mean nothing to you and, to top it all off, you are likely to turn sex into a sport. When that becomes the case, good luck trying to make love. Good luck enjoying sex when sex is no longer a special or unique experience, but just another trivial evening.

 4. WE’RE BECOMING EVEN MORE EGOCENTRIC. Every individual in the world is egocentric; we all think about our needs and ourselves first and foremost. Whether this is good or bad doesn’t really matter; the world is the way it is. It’s part of human nature. The problem arises when our egocentricity overtakes our ability to feel empathy. As human beings, we have no choice but to live and function within society, within communities of different sizes. Relationships are really nothing more than granular communities. When we focus on only ourselves, our needs, our wants and desires, the needs of the others in our community get overlooked. When this happens in a relationship, it all begins to fall apart.

5. WE DATE FOR THE SAKE OF DATING. It’s become a sport — a favourite pastime among Millennials. We date because we believe we’re supposed to date. We’re supposed to find someone to fall in love with and spend our lives with, and we are under the impression that the best way to go about it is to date as often as possible. This backwards logic brings about countless horrible relationships THAT never ought to have been in the first place. Every time you date someone who isn’t right for you, you’re giving up your chance to meet someone who is. Same goes for the rest of the world.

 6. WE AREN’T FANS OF MAKING COMPROMISES. We like to have things our way, always. Why wouldn’t we? If we can have it our way, why would we settle for anything less? This logic makes sense until we find ourselves in a relationship. When we’re a part of a relationship, we are only a piece of a greater whole. What we want and need is not nearly as important as what the relationship needs. And what the relationship often needs is for you to compromise. So you’re left with a dilemma, which is fine, as long as you accept that compromises need to be made. Once we no longer accept that as a necessity, we will lose the ability to create a loving relationship. 

7. WE BELIEVE IN FAIRY TALE ENDINGS. What was our favorite thing to watch growing up? Most people our age will say Disney. We grew up on Disney movies and learned all about love through the stories they told — or at least I did. The problem is such movies are incredibly inaccurate and often end up doing more harm than good. They create impossible expectations — expectations that always leave us disappointed in the end, not to mention confused. How could you not question your love for someone when your story doesn’t line up with what you believe defines a happily ever after? 

8. WE’VE BEEN FOOLED INTO BELIEVING PERFECTION IS ATTAINABLE. It’s not. Never has been, never will be, and yet, we are all looking for that perfect individual. We are all looking to become that perfect individual. Sadly, we’re all going to fail, and it’s going to suck. No matter how unrealistic our expectations are, the disappointment we feel when they aren’t achieved is very real. The grass always seems greener on the other side. But who the hell told you to look for greener grass? 

9. WE’RE GOAL DRIVEN, BUT OFTEN FORGET TO INCLUDE OUR PARTNERS IN THE MIX. I love the fact that our generation is really the first generation to put the focus on the individual, allowing for personal growth and development. I’m proud our generation is the first generation that believes working for ourselves is better than working for someone else. Having dreams and setting goals are both incredibly important; however, what’s more important is setting the right goals. We need to understand the difference between the things and individuals in our life who hold value and those that do not. Sadly, this is an area in which our generation is greatly lacking. Most of us put off finding someone to love until after we get the rest of our life together. Not sure why no one realizes finding a partner is the most important piece of the puzzle. 

10. MOST OF US ARE REALLY BAD AT LOVING. Love is confusing. It has layers and is mutable, changing over time and changing with each new partner we let into our lives. Love is so incredibly complex that most people simply haven’t been able to get a grasp of it. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, but it is reason to worry. The real question is: Are we getting better or worse at loving? That’s a question I’m not able to answer, but I fear it maybe the latter. Of course, each individual is different in his or her understanding, but most people seem to be incredibly lost. The issue is if we don’t come to understand love better — its purpose, its boundaries and its shortcomings — we will never be happy. That’s nothing short of fact. – Paul




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How to Make a Guy Fall in Love With You

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Are you tired of being alone and of spending your free time with the girls? Are you thinking of what to do to put an end to your loneliness? Do you know how to find your soul mate? Please read on and find out how to make a guy fall in love with you;

If you are thinking that it is all about sex, stop thinking that way. If you have sex with him, he will only lose respect for you and will leave you for someone with higher morals. Do not use sex as the attraction.

If you are thinking it is about a pretty face, stop thinking that way, too. A man can fall in love with a pretty face, but if the person behind the face is difficult to deal with, he can not fall in love with the woman. A pretty face can attract men, but it can not make a guy fall in love and it can not make him commit to her.

Good dating advice says it is all about the person behind the face. So ask yourself, what sort of person are you? Are there any changes you need to make?

· Male psychology says that a man wants a woman who is kind to him. This is how to make a guy fall in love with you.

· Smile when you see him. Give him a warm, welcoming smile.

· Talk to him. Do not just go on and on about some boring thing that happened to you today; rather, talk about the things he likes to do. Ask him how his day was. Ask his opinion and advice on different things. Good dating advice says to show a warm personal interest in him.

Follow this advice and you will not be sorry. It really works. This is how to make a guy fall in love with you.

shymagazine.com/

THE STORY OF LOVE

We cannot talk of love without going way back to the very beginning of it, which is the creation of man in the Garden of Eden; for man was created out of love and for love.

So,

The story of love begins with God. When God breathed on man, he breathed not only life but love as well. That is the double L. that makes up a man; LIFE and LOVE.

                                                                                                                                   

So,

God initiated the first institution of love, when he created Adam and Eve. After He formed Adam, He discovered it was not good for man to be alone, so He made Eve as a companion. From then, the concept of love and togetherness came into existence.

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Therefore, since the beginning of man, love has existed and will continue to exist and be the reoccurring decimal in any relationship, especially that between man and woman.

The same awe and astonishment Adam felt when he first set eyes on Eve, is still being re-enacted in every relationship today. Because, even though love is an old phenomenon, it will be forever new. People fall in love every day and when it happens, you feel its freshness, its newness and the euphoria that goes with it. To you, it is something new, unique and peculiar.

So what is love or what is the true definition of love? I thought I knew it all until when i went out to sample opinions; I now discovered that the definition of love is as varied as the number of individuals I asked.

 At the end of my research for the true definition of love, I came to acknowledge the fact that there is not and there will never be any consensus on the appropriate definition of love. Therefore, I likened the story of love definition to the story of the seven blind men who went out to the zoo to feel an elephant. On their return, each described the elephant from the angle he was able to touch. Each was neither wrong nor right

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Let’s just say people defined love based on their feelings, beliefs, experiences and even intellectual perspectives. For instance, Anthropologist, Sexologists, Philosophers, Psychologist, Psychoanalysts, Social behaviourists, Social scientists Sociologists, etc, all have defined love from their disciplinary perspectives and have all put forward arguments to support their definitions. Well, they are neither wrong nor right too.

Even Poets, great Scholars, both ancient and modern, have written wonderful and glowingly things about love. In addition, Love has been and is been celebrated in songs daily.

Scientists are not left out at all, they put love to the test tube and came up with the term `Chemistry of love`. They argued that love and loving  happens because of certain chemical reaction in the body. They talk of hormones, testosterone, progesterone etc., but until date, they are yet to discover the exact chemical that induce or breed love between two people. Well, we are still waiting for that breakthrough in scientific study of love.