Challenges Of Long-Distance Marriage/Relationship

 

When you got married, you looked forward to building a home together with your spouse, taking care of your family and watching your children grow up together. But along the way life happened, and you got separated. It might happen if one spouse is posted to another city or country and the other chooses or is forced to remain behind due to financial constraints or for the sake of their children to continue schooling in a familiar environment.

Or one partner decides to move to another city or country in search of better opportunities, in this case, circumstances in life have forced the couple to make hard decisions which they never expected from the onset.

Probably, both of you are working in different cities and met, fall in love and braced the odds by getting married. After the wedding you remained apart until one was finally able to join the other, this may take months or years to achieve.

It may be that one partner is still in school in another city while the other is either working or doing business in a different city which made it impossible for them to live together as a couple for a duration of time. They are compelled to live apart for a purpose.

In some cases, you married an abroad husband or wife and it has not been easy to get a visa for your partner to join you and so you're forced to live in different countries.

All these different scenarios are what is referred to as long-distance marriages/relationships. A long-distance marriage/relationship is an intimate relationship between partners who are geographically separated from one another and so does not relate face-to-face  

It is also a situation whereby both partners in a marriage are living in different geographical locations and see little of each other. In some cases, the decision to live apart is by choice and in some cases, the couples are forced to make that choice by circumstances of life.. They may agree to make such a sacrifice as a family in order to meet the family’s needs adequately.

Education and the search for a better income are mostly the reason for couples to live apart. It is a known fact that many couples today experience marriages in which to keep their employment means they spend most of their time apart. Such couples have a hard time balancing their relationships and their work apart from each other. The pressure to cope with the emotional strain of separation can be hard especially on newly married/younger couples who are still establishing their family. 

However, whichever way the separation came about, it is not always an easy pill to swallow and it always leaves a bitter residue in the mouth. In addition to the normal difficulties of being in a relationship. Long-distance marriage takes an extra emotional and physical toll on couples, 

Some challenges of long-distance marriage/relationship

Lack of physical intimacy

It is the most common challenge couples in long-distance marriage endure. Aside from the loneliness, lack of physical intimacy includes No touching. No cuddling and, No sex. All the things that fan the flames of a romantic relationship are made impossible by the distance.

Also, when you are apart, you miss out on all the non-verbal communication that tells you the mood and feelings of your spouse with just a glance. 

When you’re together. You share tidbits of information about your day, about happenings in your workplace or business environment. This daily exchange gives you an inkling into how your spouse is feeling even when they don’t tell you all the details. Couples in long-distance marriages don’t enjoy such privilege in their relationships.

Lack of real-time intimacy

When you and your partner stay together and go through the daily routine and demands of sharing your personal space with each other, rifts between you both are invertible and there will be arguments and small fights now and then. Such daily interactions are sometimes obnoxious and sometimes unpleasant. But they create moments of bonding as the couple strive to learn and accommodate each other's differences. 

With time they will understand each other and develop a certain nonpassionate intimacy towards each other. This will lead to a situation where one partner will start a sentence and the other completes it, they think and speak like synchronised apps, this only happens when two people have spent too much quality time around each other to build real-time intimacy.

You don’t get a sense of this type of real-time intimacy in a relationship until you’re in it, in person and have a good number of years of togetherness. Couples in long-distance relationships never have this bonding or real-time intimacy with each other. Distance prevents this type of intimacy bonding from forming  between them

When two people are apart, it’s easy to idealize and overlook the mundane, and little gestures that build up their relationship. And when they eventually come together, staying together might require adjustment.

 The Effect On Family Dynamism

Long-distance marriage negates the meaning of coupling in a relationship, it creates an imbalance in the home. Instead of the couple to strive together side by side to build their family, they strive individually in separate locations. In some cases, the burden of responsibility tends to tilt more towards one partner which might cause discord over time.

Long-distance relationships affect the dynamics of the family setting. Having an absentee partner is difficult for the family especially when children are involved.  The left-at-home spouse takes responsibility for all the family’s needs. In some cases, the partner had to juggle family responsibilities and work/business.

In addition to being left behind with the children. The partner also has to play a double role to cushion the imbalance the absence of the other partner might cause in the family. The transition from having both parents together to now having one around can be traumatic. Children tend to experience emotional problems when such changes occur in the family.

In some instances, some women had to go through childbirth and rearing alone, having visiting husbands who contributed little or nothing in the practical upbringing of the children and so share no physical or emotional bonding with their children.

Growing apart

Couples in a long-distance marriage develop two separate lives. When they’re away from each other, they grow individually; instead of being part of a team, they’re each solo player. People change and grow and sometimes one partner may not be compatible with the others' change and growth. This is because they did not make the changes together like couples living together. Doing things alone all the time can start to feel normal and natural. 

When they eventually come to live together, ten or twenty years later they each discover they have to relearn what it’s like to live alongside each other. Absence, they say makes the heart grow fonder. Sure! But prolonged absence can make the heart grow sour and apart.  Out Of Sight Can Still Be Out Of Mind.

Trust 

Trust is another problem in a long-distance/ relationship that pulls couples mentally and emotionally apart causing rift more than the physical distance.

Long-distance relationships thrive upon trust. If you both live apart from each other, you must have a very clear understanding of where you stand in each other's life.

Insecurity 

Another downside of long-distance relationships is uncertainty, especially where trust is an issue. Most especially for those still in the courtship stage of their relationship.

Because you have not yet taken the vow, it’s likely that you will experience uncertainty towards each other, being far away. From time to time questions will arise in your heart, “Is this all worth it?” “Does she/he still feel the same way about me as she/he did before?” “Is he/she secretly meeting another woman/man without me knowing?” “Am I fooling myself waiting for the person?” “Will it really work out between us?.”

The longer you stay apart, the more these uncertainties grow and it can snowball into a crisis that can undermine your relationship, 

Married couples are not exempted from uncertainties. Infidelity is a big issue for couples living together, how much more when they live apart from each other. “Body no be firewood”, is a slogan used by people living apart to justify their act of infidelity.

Yes, we cannot deny the fact that long-distance relationships are hard. Some couples suffer problems those living together might not encounter... 

Every relationship requires hard work to survive though, but couples in a long-distance relationship have to work smarter to keep their marriage going. When you're with the right person and you truly love and care about each other, you will definitely find ways to make your relationship work and survive the distance. If your love is genuine, nothing, not even distance can separate you.