Life is still happening even though you are apart from the one you want to share life with. You can live your life normally and still enjoy your marriage. It’s a choice.
Though being in a long-distance relationship often means operating within a set of limitations. Like being married and living single without the freedom of singleness.
But there are things you can do to counteract the downsides. And that is constantly working to improve your intimate relationship and leave no room for strife.
There are many ways in which you can make your partner happy and strengthen the overall relationship. The ways in which individuals act and react to situations have a major effect on the satisfaction and the durability of the relationship.
Conflict management
There is no hiding it, every relationship experiences conflicts once in a while. Whether you live on another side of the world or you live together. You will face challenges in your marriage/relationship, all it requires is for you to work together to overcome them. Couples in a long-distance relationship face almost the same challenges as couples who live near each other,
We all go through tough times which are normal, couples who are together can resolve conflict quickly than long-distance couples because distance can mask the effects of some significant relational issues and as such prolong them.
If you’re in a long-distance relationship, it’s important you’re aware of the causes and solutions of these conflicting issues, so you can catch them earlier and deal with them.
Openness in sharing feelings & activities
When you are apart most of the time, you don’t get to have the advantage of non-verbal communication to gather information on how your partner is feeling without being told. This means that you and your spouse need to be more open about sharing your feelings and activities. You will also have to listen more carefully to each other and show empathy more overtly to build your intimacy. Romance is not only a physical thing. It incorporates the emotional side of a couple.
Try conveying your feelings openly and do not assume your partner will know, always be explicit to avoid miscommunication. When you learn to openly share your feelings and activities with your partner, then your long-distance relationship will be healthy and stronger.
A woman told me her twenty-five years of marriage so far has been long distance, she and her husband are not good in sharing their feelings, I love you or I miss you is never in their communication repertoire. But they are transparent when they talk about their daily activities, the family and the children. Initially, her husband did the visiting, now her children are all grown and schooling in the East where her husband works and lives, they stay with him during the holidays and she visits.
When she moved to a new neighbourhood, she made sure all her new friends and neighbours knew she has a husband she loves and respects, who is constantly a part of her life. Though he rarely visits. If you did give her something no matter how insignificant the gift was, her husband must hear of it and will call the person to express appreciation. Also, if she has issues or is in dispute with anybody, she will report to her husband and he will call the person involved to resolve it. In the event of anything before she takes action she must let her husband know.
Despite the distance, she said she felt closer to her husband more than most of her friends that are living together with their husbands. It wasn’t easy initially, especially when she was still giving birth to the children, staying awake most of the night to nurse a child. Waking up early to prepare the ones going to school, doing school runs and still running her business because the husband’s salary couldn’t carry the family responsibilities.
Regular visits are important.
I wrote earlier that absence makes the heart grow fonder. But prolonged absence can make the heart grow sour and apart. To avoid this from happening, try to visit as often as possible. If you can’t physically visit, then try to communicate daily. But don’t assume daily communication will provide enough connect to hold the relationship together. Some will claim I used to call always. Bah! That’s not enough. Spending physical time with each other is still important, your relationship may thrive on communication, but it’s not the same as actually being with one another.
When you visit, try to share house tasks with your partner, let your presence be felt within and around the house. Some men when they visit their families, they don’t help with house chores and child care. They claim they’re home to rest and so should not be disturbed. As if the woman is a workhorse who doesn’t deserve rest too.
While growing up I have a friend who had a visiting dad, whenever the man was around they walk on eggshells around the house to avoid disturbing the man and getting punished, they only breathe with ease when he leaves. They dreaded their father’s visits.
Spend quality time together
When you visit, make the moment count. Don’t use your precious moments to quarrel or engage in petite power tussles. Instead, focus on creating memorable moments with your partner and fun time with your children. Do activities together as a family that will strengthen the family connection and enable your children to get to know their parents better. It will also make them look forward and eagerly to your next visit.
You can raise a happy and healthy family even when geographically separated from your family. All it requires is commitment and a great deal of effort from both parties.
Have positive interactions with each other
Let your interactions with your better half be positive, supportive and appreciative. One emotional need of every individual is the need to be supported and appreciated for all their efforts whether small or big. Such actions will prompt them to do more.
In particular, couples living physically apart from each other need lots of appreciation, assurances to love and commitment either in words and gestures, from each other to live the life of singles happily
When you are away from your partner, struggling to meet life's demands, the least you can do for each other is to appreciate one another’s efforts towards keeping the relationship afloat..
Set A Timeline
There must be a timeline that points to the possibility of living together as a couple in the future. Hope is the lifeline of a long-distance relationship. Long-distance relationships are easier to endure if there is a plan to be together. If possible, have a plan on how long the separation will last, set goals and work towards an agenda that will make spending time apart as short as possible.
But this hope and anticipation are for couples who have a healthy and happy relationship, not for those who see the separation as a blessing because of insurmountable relational issues that had made it impossible for them to co-exist peacefully under the same roof.
Trust Each Other
A long-distance relationship cannot survive without trust.
The key to fostering and maintaining trust in a relationship is for both partners to be completely transparent and vulnerable: remember, both of you are miles away physically, it’s likely you will go through problems of trust when such happens, react in the right manner, resolve it with wisdom and understanding.
Pray for each other
It will take humility, self-discipline, love, and commitment to each other and prayer, to tackle long-distance issues. Having the fear of God and committing your relationship into His hand; praying for one another constantly is necessary. Often, it takes the grace of God for couples to survive the temptations inherent in living apart.
Use social communication methods
Couples are taking advantage of technology to help them bridge the gap of separation. Writing letters is how couples exchange meaningful information long distances in the olden days. Today, communication is easier and faster with the popularity of the internet, cell phone and social networks such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and the rest
Don’t give up hope
Problems in a long-distance relationship can be manoeuvred with the right levels of maturity.
Maturity is a key to maintaining a long-distance relationship
If you are not mature enough to handle issues in a calm and collected manner, you will hurt each other adversely,
If you’re experiencing some long-distance relationship problems, don’t give up hope. While serious issues are unavoidable, know that every problem has a solution. Your relationship will survive if both of you really work hard to make it a success. Once you're married you share something precious, something eternal, don’t lose it or allow the distance to rob you of its joy. If you love each other genuinely, no distance can separate you.
It is all in your hands. Even if you are miles apart or close to each other, only YOU can make your marriage a happy and healthy one.
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