Just like any friendship and relationship, marriage needs nourishment to grow. Integrating friendship in marriage requires practice and intentionality. If you are not intentional about it, it will not just happen.
Relationship expert John Gottman, a professor at the University of Washington, says, “Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship.” Gottman’s research shows that a high-quality friendship in a marriage is an important predictor of romantic and physical satisfaction.
Also, Paul Coleman, Psy.D., author of The 30 Secrets of Happily Married Couples, says, “Friendship is a form of intimacy. It represents a sharing, an openness, a willingness to be vulnerable. It requires a degree of trust. Friends show caring to one another by their availability, their thoughtfulness.”
Building and nurturing friendships strengthen a marriage because friendship establishes emotional and physical intimacy in marriage. Friendship helps married couples feel safe and more open with one another without worrying about being judged or feeling insecure.
Nurturing and building friendships in marriage requires practice, time and effort. Work hard to establish a great friendship and become your spouse's best friend in your marriage. Friendship promotes healthy, happy, and lasting marriages.
Ways to foster and build friendship in your marriage:
Effective Communication:
Open and honest communication is the foundation of any strong friendship. Endeavour to actively listen to your partner and respectfully express your thoughts and feelings.
Talk and share your everyday life and experiences, highs and lows, to create a sense of connection. It helps to build emotional intimacy.
Frequently talk with your partner. Silence in marriage builds resentment, but communication can resolve this problem. Communicate over everything – your friends, relatives, workmates, goals, children, money, responsibilities, etc.
Excellent communication is a key to building a good friendship with your spouse. Marriages that speak honestly about challenging matters, build stronger connections.
Also, communication helps with conflict resolution. If you want friendship and romance to grow in your marriage, you must communicate to resolve your conflicts.
Spend Quality Time Together:
Dedicate time to be with your spouse without distractions. This could be a night date, a weekend getaway, or even simple activities like cooking together or walking.
The fact that you make time out of your busy schedule to spend time with your partner shows you value them and care for their happiness. Take some time every day when you can reconnect with one another. If it is at the end of a busy day, find out how your partner spent the day.
Also, as you begin your day, share your plans. Praying together is a shared activity that keeps couples together.
Shared Interests:
Find common interests. Have fun with one another. Laugh together. Make lasting memories through shared activities. Engaging in activities you both enjoy strengthens your bond and creates shared memories.
Do and try new things together. Cultivate shared hobbies or interests. Finding common ground can bring you closer and provide opportunities for bonding.
Explore each other’s interests. Intentionally study the things that interest your husband or wife and enthusiastically join them, even if they do not interest you. It may take some sacrifice, but the results are worth it because they demonstrate a willingness to invest in your relationship.
Establish daily habits, like praying together, cooking, walking or working out.
Shared interests and values are keys to building a friendship with your spouse.
Support Each Other:
Be supportive during good moments and times of challenges. Offer encouragement and celebrate each other's successes.
During tough times, provide a listening ear and be a source of comfort. Knowing that your partner has your back fosters a deep sense of trust and friendship.
Encourage each other. Help one another excel. Also, nudge or boot each other along.
Laughter and Playfulness:
What fun things do you do together regularly that would encourage friendship with your spouse? Do you make the time to be together or have your other priorities pushed your spouse to the bottom of the list of important things in your life? Making your spouse feel like a top priority and engaging in an activity together are sure ways to build friendship into your marriage.
Maintain a sense of humour in your relationship. Laughter can lighten the mood and strengthen your connection. Laughter and fun are keys to building a friendship with your spouse.
Incorporate playfulness into your interactions. Play games, tease each other affectionately, and don't take yourselves too seriously.
Make fun of one another as you remember some sweet memories to enhance the bond. Be humorous with no malice or offence. It is a great way to strengthen companionship in your marriage.
Respect and Empathy:
Treat your partner with respect. Understand and appreciate their perspective, even if you don't always agree.
Practice empathy by trying to understand and validate your partner's feelings. It creates a safe space for open communication.
Celebrate each other’s differences, accept and allow each other to be themselves without judgment.
Promote openness and forgiveness in your relationship. It helps build trust between you and your partner. Trust gives you the freedom to share your challenges and achievements with your spouse. Trust is the foundation of friendship in marriage.
Shared Goals and Values:
Identify common goals and values. It could include career aspirations, family planning, or personal growth. Let it be something you both enjoy because if you aren’t excited about the activity, you won’t continue. Working together toward shared objectives can deepen your connection and create a sense of unity and friendship.
Continual Growth:
Set and work towards life goals with one another. Dream together. Plan together.
Encourage each other's personal development. Support your partner's goals and aspirations, and take an interest in their growth.
As individuals evolve, adapt and grow together as a couple. Embrace change and see it as an opportunity for mutual development.
Express Gratitude:
Respect each other and treat one another equally. Cheer on each other’s successes. Lean on one another in times of need. Appreciate your spouse. Be considerate of each other. Be forgiving of one another- don’t hold grudges.
Regularly express gratitude for the positive aspects of your partner and your relationship. Acknowledge the little things that make your connection special.
Appreciate Each Other:
You feel appreciated when your spouse makes it a habit to consult you before making any major decision. It means your opinion counts in their lives. Besides, it gives you a sense of responsibility in case of any plan failure.
Feeling appreciated and valued enhances friendship within a marriage.
Marital success is the work of two friends who have unconditional love for one another and are willing to sacrifice for their marriage. Being there for each other, being in constant touch, enjoying the relationship, being honest, making each other a part of one’s future, and making them a priority, form a strong bond of friendship with a spouse.
Building friendship in a marriage is an ongoing process which requires both partners' effort. By consistently investing time, energy, and emotional support into your relationship, you are creating a strong foundation of friendship that will contribute to the long-term success of your marriage. Friends share the joys and sorrows of life. Having your spouse as your best friend is a great benefit to your marriage.
Friendship is one of the characteristics of a happy and lasting marriage, as well as the foundation of a healthy marriage. Couples who are genuinely friends look forward to spending time together. Their activities and interests are enhanced because their spouse is their favourite person who shares life experiences with them.
The friendship between a couple can make the bonds of marriage stronger. They can share things with each other while feeling no fear of judgment from their partner. Their relationship will flourish because of this and grow stronger over time.
Friendship in marriage is cultivated and nurtured through years of married life. If you feel emotionally and physically apart, you can still nurture your friendship to desired levels.
The benefits of cultivating friendship in marriage?
1. Increased marital satisfaction
Research shows that having your partner as a great friend in marriage significantly increases marital satisfaction.
The benefits of marital friendship are long-term and last well into the mature years.
2. Improved intimate communication.
Being a good listener promotes intimacy in relationships helps build clarity and avoids marital conflicts.
3. Increased emotional and physical intimacy.
You build intimacy through the sharing of personal information.
You achieve intimacy when you open up to the other person and let them into your life.
The key to achieving intimacy is trust– you must be comfortable with the other person to share intimate information.
Intimate relationships are more fulfilling when built upon a strong friendship. Great relationships enhance physical connection and emotional intimacy.
4. Increased forgiveness for your mistakes.
Being mindful of your manners can help to promote peace in your relationship.
As humans, making mistakes is in our DNA. The important thing is to apologise and make amends sincerely when you make mistakes. It shows you’re taking responsibility for your actions and are willing to change.
Have a forgiving heart to accept apologies from your spouse in your relationship.
5. Increased trust in your marriage.
Building a friendship with your partner helps to build trust and respect.
Friendships in marriages help couples discover each other’s personality and interests, fostering a strong connection. It also allows spouses to weather their difficult seasons together.
You build a healthy marriage on mutual trust and respect. Couples who cultivate these qualities in their relationship have a better chance for happiness and longevity.
