Success-driven life

I was once counselling a young man who had become delinquent. And I asked him, “What do you want to be in future? He told me he wants to be successful.  “Good,” I responded. “But successful in what?” He gave me a blank stare and no response. I’m not surprised, being successful in life is everyone’s dream but few people have set down goals that will propel them toward being successful.

But then. Success is subjective because success is whatever you define it to be for you. Also, your reason for wanting to be successful in life will be personal to you. Your family, parents, and friends may have their own definition of success. But their definitions may not tally with yours. 

Success is not always equated with being rich or winning awards, it can be about personal fulfilment of goals.

Yes, genuine success is the achievement of your set down goal(s)

Whatever that will make you feel fulfilled and happy is what you need to focus on while working towards becoming successful. Determine which aspect of your life you want to achieve success. Is it in your career? In your business? Or spiritual life?  First, you make the decision that you want it, then you strive for what you want.

You want to achieve success in life?  Dream big always, think positively, don’t settle for half measures and then, read, study and learn from successful people. Back up your dream with constant action, never give up, believe in yourself and be proactive. Success will come when you’re committed. 

LOVE AND TEMPERAMENT

Concepts of Love 2

Your perception of love and your style of loving are all rolled up with your temperament. Your personality, your disposition and natural inclination make up who you are and determine the attitude you portray and the vibes you exude in your love and sexual relationship. Everything about your personality is rolled up into a mould termed temperament.


Temperament is your fundamental nature and mood. It is the way you respond to challenges and restraints, and to stimuli like fear, irritation, anxiety, etc. It is also about your emotion, attentiveness to details, attention span, and sensitivity to love and sexual activity.

There are four basic temperaments, Sanguine, Choleric, Phlegmatic and Melancholy. Each of these four temperaments exerts influence on the way a person exhibits love and seeks sexual gratification in a relationship.


THE SANGUINE LOVER

The Sanguine people are fun-lovers, playful, entertaining, easily amused, and easily bored, too. They have an optimistic nature and are enthusiastic and animated about life and the activities around them. Yes, they’re affectionate, generous and open-minded. They have sociable manners; being approachable and trusting of others, they build relationships effortlessly in contact with others. Sanguines have personable personalities; engaging smiles, smooth talkers, and are very fluent with words.

Sanguines want to be involved in everything going on around them because they hate solitude and boredom. Their attention span is short-lived if the activity or person is not excitable. They can change their focus or interest in an instant if they become bored.

The Sanguine lovers are emotionally versatile and so can adapt to almost any relationship situation. Because of their adventurous nature, a relationship with a Sanguine person can be a rollercoaster of fun.  They’re free-spirited and don’t desire to control others, but don’t try to clip their wings.

Sanguine lovers are good listeners and very attentive to their partners... Though talkative, Sanguine people find self-expository difficult, though they can talk about themselves or their attitude in a jocular, non-serious manner.

They don’t store their thoughts and emotions nor hide their feelings; if they think it or feel it, they express it. They bear their hearts out without restraint or conscious thought to their partner’s feelings.

Sanguine people have a relaxed attitude towards sex. Most sanguine doesn’t link sex to love; to them, sex is a recreation and a fun ride. They can engage in a one-night stand just for the fun of it. They can be both erotic and ludic lovers.


THE CHOLERIC LOVER

Choleric people are extroverts with independent minds and good analytical skills. They are bold, strong-willed, self-confident, self-sufficient and ambitious. In their dealings with others, they are firm and direct to the point when communicating with others. Cholerics can be ruthless and decisive. They lack empathy for the feelings of others and show no compassion when they decide to take action, especially when offended.

They are domineering, opinionated and controlling freaks, so they tend to enjoy being in charge and always want to have their way in everything. They enjoy discussing and planning activities upfront, they don’t like surprises. They’re purpose-driven and goal-oriented in nature.

People with a choleric temperament don’t play shenanigans in a relationship as sanguine people. They don’t easily fall in love; Choleric people approach a relationship in a calculative and analytical manner. They’re Shopping List Lovers, It’s important to them that their potential partner shares the same aspirations and interests with them and so they choose partners cautiously. But once they find someone who they think is worthy of their time and effort, they will focus intensively on that person. They can be very romantic and deeply committed to their partners. They don’t easily change their minds. they are not so expressive of their emotion with words rather they use actions and acts of kindness, care and attentiveness to show their love. They are tenacious and can hold on to a relationship even if it wasn’t going in their favour.

Most have a high sex drive and so are sexually active, but they don’t hop from one partner to another; once they are in a committed relationship, they constantly demand sex from their partners. They’re full of energy and passion.


THE PHLEGMATIC LOVER

Phlegmatics are introverts, calm, unemotional, passive, easygoing, indecisive, accepting, receptive, kind, self-content and faithful. They’re curious, observant, persistent and consistent at whatever they do. Because they are slow and indecisive, they don’t make quick decisions and tend to procrastinate easily.

Phlegmatics are not outgoing or pushful in whatever they do. They don’t make things happen; they are the laid-back types that just let things happen. They are shy but warm and affectionate in their response to others; They don't have a large network of friends but are possessive of their friendships and very loyal to their friends. When they choose lovers, it is always within their circle of friends, someone on the same emotional ground as them. They’re friendship lovers; they tend to choose partners within their circle of friends, someone who has been around them for some time.

They find it difficult to break long-standing relationships regardless of the odds because they always go for a long-term commitment where they seek bonding, nurturing, and intimate attachment. However, once a relationship is broken, they seldom return. They can hold a grudge.

Phlegmatics lovers are very sensitive and can be deeply hurt by rejection, though they usually hide their true feelings behind their stoic expressions. Phlegmatics are slow to warm up to people or things but will be accommodating once they do and they will truly give themselves and work on maintaining intimacy with their significant others. They will avoid conflicts and confrontations; they will likely make adjustments and sacrifices to keep their relationships going.

They prefer a relaxed and routine life, free of anxieties and stresses. The real Phlegmatic will avoid getting too involved with people and life in general. They don’t want anything that will rock their lifeboat.

Of the four temperaments, they’re the most romantic. They fall in love most often and want a romantic and cosy relationship. They plan romantic evenings and weekends. The types that send you romantic cards or write love letters, and send romantic love messages to your phone. They're affectionate, love to cuddle, hug, to give gifts and will not be abashed to confess their love. To them, sex and love are interconnected and sexual activity has to take place in a romantic setting and style, though they don’t seek sexual activity early in a relationship and when they eventually engage in sex, they will expect that a meaningful relationship will develop because they like to uphold tradition.



THE MELANCHOLIC LOVER

Melancholies are introverts, reserved, timid and moody. Though they have logical, analytical minds and are quality-oriented individuals. Melancholies are perfectionists. This tends to make them conscientious, cautious, anxiety-prone and sensitive to others' opinions of them.


Melancholies fear taking risks, making wrong decisions, and being criticised, so they take time to think about their options before deciding. Also, they need enough information, time alone to process the information, and a detailed plan of action to function well in whatever they do.

They are creative, gifted and capable people. Because of their creative nature, they can be oversensitive to details, for they always want to do things right.


Melancholic lovers are more pragmatic and down-to-earth in their relationships. They don’t choose their lovers impulsively rather, they do it cautiously, based on common sense and compatibility. Also, Melancholics choose their life partners considering the opinions of their friends and family members. Because they’re loyal to family and care much about people’s opinions of the choices they make, they tend to need friends and relatives to approve of their partners before they make a commitment to them.


Intimacy with Melancholics develops slowly, however; they can be very romantic and passionate when in love. Sex for Melancholics is for relaxation but not as a playful adventure in the case of sanguine people. Because they are reserved and suspicious of people’s intentions, they usually have fewer sexual experiences before marriage. they are the least sexually active of the four temperaments.

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Soup for the Soul

Often, we lay more emphasis on our body, we try to please it and make it look attractive much to the neglect of our soul. What we fail to realise is that what we do with our body impinges so much on our souls; to the point of distress, All the bad decisions, all the mistakes and all the worries trouble not our body but our soul. When the soul is ill and distressed, it definitely affects the body. There is a synergy between the body and the soul that we can not afford to treat one well to the neglect of the other.

To live a balanced lifestyle, you need to feed your body as well as your soul. The beauty of life is in living it and living it in a simple way that it will not impound so heavily on your soul as to weigh it down.

WAYS TO LIVE A SIMPLE LIFE

Curb your inordinate desires. It is a heavy clog on your soul when you have an unhealthy and insatiable desire for material things; especially those that are not necessities. Desire gives rise to a lot of soul-wrenching emotions like greed, jealousy, covetousness and avarice.
Inordinate desires and lack of contentment deplete your finances. You went shopping for a dress or a shoe and end up leaving the shopping mall with several unplanned and unbudgeted stuff because you couldn’t control your covetousness. Everything stuff there call to you and you couldn’t resist the clarion call, you purchase them, only to get home and realised you don’t actually need them.

Because a friend brought it and you said why not you. Then you went extra miles, cut corners to get it. Sometimes, people plot and lie just to acquire things that feed only their vanity and make their soul remorseful down the line. Whatsoever that feeds your vanity and does not uplift your soul is not worth having.

You hear of people going on binge buying when they’re unhappy just to improve their emotion. Don’t torment yourself with the belief that the acquisition of material things means happiness and a fulfilled life, stuff will never make you happy, the feeling you get is instant and fleeting, it vaporizes and you’re back to the starting point again, wanting more, seeking more, it becomes a circle that turns into a habit.

Take a breath and slow things down. Always we’re on full throttle, chasing things, doing heroic things to please people. Being the hub of everything around you just to be counted among the Jones’s. What do you get out of it at the end of the day? Empty recognitions, attract a crowd of friends that will further drain your time, resources and energy, for sure you will want to keep up the act. What does your soul gain from all these avarice of goody-goody? The stress of course!.

Stress is a killer and it affects so many parts of your life. Forgo things that don’t serve any useful purpose in your life; focus on what is important to you. It will reduce your stress level and improve your health and make your body looks better, less worry lines and premature wrinkles. Be firm and decisive in making choices and accepting responsibilities

Dejunk your life. Too many possessions clutter up our life. I have a friend, to dress for any occasion is a search party to agony land. Her wardrobe was stuffed to the hilt, her shoe rack has overspilled. She had to burrow and scatter to get out a single dress to wear. All that energy and time wasted just to get dressed isn’t really necessary. If she had fewer clothes dressing up wouldn’t be such a stress. some clothes there have not come anywhere near her body for years.

Some people are so committed to a lot of activities and social engagement that they exist on autopilot and adrenaline rush to get through.. Stop and ask yourself, is it really necessary to exert yourself and deplete your strength and weaken your soul vital energy? Anything that doesn’t add to your overall well-being is a junk, be it friends, material possessions or what you eat.
Learn to live a decluttered life, have fewer possessions and lesser commitment.

Work on your relationships. Having the wrong types of friends is a soul killer. When you have so many friends, you have many discordant clatters around you. When you are in a wrong intimate relationship it eats away your soul, it washes away your person and drained your emotional strength.
It’s time to take stock of your friends. The people you call friends, that are around you, do they buoy your soul up, what values are they adding to your life? In your intimate relationship with your partner, is your love and affection reciprocated in equal measure? Is there mutual respect? Above all, are you free to be you? And not hiding your true self to please your partner?
If your answers are not positive, then it’s time to weed out the grass from your life. Grass takes up space, absorb the soil nutrient and produced nothing at the end of the day, and if left unchecked for long they choke up the crop. Exactly the same way wrong friends do, they will be the death of you if you allow them to clutter your life.
Do away with toxic friends, they are more harmful than helpful. Create more meaningful friends, true friends accept you the way your are, you don’t need to exhaust energy or time trying to impress them or trying to get them to like you.


Eat healthy food. Nothing deplete our souls like unhealthy food and poor eating attitude. Unhealthy food is any food that does not sit comfortably with your system, Any food that bloats you out or gives you indigestion. Our body system is built up to know what it needs and what is right for it. God has created all things well for the good of mankind. Eat natural food of any food class and your soul will be healthy and your body will benefit from it. Avoid organic and processed food, they are filled with so many unhealthy ingredients.
Eat in a simple way, eat what your body needs, the right food, the right quantity and at the right time.


Spend quality time with yourself. Some people sometimes mistook aloneness for loneliness. And in this fast-paced world, having free time to oneself is becoming very difficult. We’re cluttered and weighed down with a lot of things that are not really of great importance to our soul. We’re being kept busy with lots of props and pageantries especially on social media, we waste precious hours glued to phones and devices.
Simply because some people are afraid to spend time alone and hear their soul speak out to them, they plugged in the earphone, up the volume and shake their heads in seemly enjoyment. They prefer to clatter their head with noise rather than hear the ministration of their soul. Some surround themselves with people, stuff and possession that keep them on spin always and away from the important things and the important person in their life.
The most important person in your life is you. Spend time with yourself without the many distractions you allow into your life, when you do, you will find there is more space to get to know the real you, to assess, to reflect, rebuild and be grateful enough to say, thank you God for all the great things you have that He has given you.

Take time to live your life. Have relaxation moments, when you put your feet up, watch a good movie, read a good book, probably with your favourite drink in hand. A good life does not come from possession and commitment, most of the times it comes from having peace around you, peace of mind. Peace in your heart, peace in the soul and being surrounded by laughter and love. Without the balance of being true to yourself, you can never achieve what you need to be you, to live a simple life that will gladden your soul and uplift your spirit.

Beyond Repair

 Chapter one

“Stella, wake up and live.” Bola’s voice was full of indignation.

“I’m alive, I’m living.” Stella glared at Bola but mentally cringed inside. She dreaded hearing her girlfriend, or rather girlfriends, talk about her decision to remain unattached.

“No, you’re not,” Bola said in her pithiest voice.

“Come on, Bola; spare me this sermon for today. For God’s sake.” She sounded exasperated.

“No, I will not. I will talk until I get a positive reaction from you.”

“I once had a man in my life; the only good that came out of it was my daughter.”

“That was in the past; over six years now. You don’t have to let the past continue ruling your present.”

“Bola, I wish you will stop pestering me. Having a man will not solve all my life problems, rather it will compound them.” She felt a relationship could be a big boulder in her life and she wasn’t ready to climb it; not again.

“At least you will have someone to share the problems with, someone to share emotional moments with.”

“I can’t put my heart at stake again, it’s risky.”

“Nothing in life is risk-free. If you have never been hurt before, then you have never truly been living. Believe me, you can’t live a normal life without heartaches. It’s all part of the package called life. Give it up, learn to live and love again, that’s the only way to expunge the pain.” Bola was ready to knock some sense into her friend.

“Bola, please….”

“The guy has moved on with his life, why won’t you do the same?”

“God!” Stella muttered and stood, poised to go.

“Running away again?” Bola raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, each time we sit to talk, you bring up the same old song.”

“Then make me sing a new song.” Bola’s eyes sparkled with mischief.

“Listen Bola, I can’t just go out there and pick a man randomly because my friend said I needed a man in my life, for whatever reasons you’re propounding.”

She pursed her lips and her cheeks puffed out in frustration. She had more responsibilities to take care of than trying to connect with a man for whatever purposes a man could serve a woman.

“There you go again, Stella. You and I know you need a man in your life not because I said so but because it is the truth.” A slight smirk curved Bola’s lips.

Stella released an ironic half-laugh. “Bola, you and I know that I have a daughter. Being a mother and a breadwinner is time-consuming. Now tell me, when do I have the time for a man?”

“Do you need time to have a man in your life?” Bola asked silkily.

“Definitely!” Stella scowled at her, hating that she had a point.

Bola barked out a laugh. “Then create the time.”

Exhaling slowly, Stella said in a low voice, “yes, girlfriend.” Picking her bag off the table, she strode to the door, her back ramrod straight.

Stella would always become uptight whenever her relationship or lack of relationship was broached up by any of her friends.

****

In the sanctuary of her bedroom, Stella remembered her discussion with Bola, and her fury rekindled. “Why won’t she leave her alone?” She fumed. “Why would she cry more than the bereaved?” It’s her life. If she wants to be alone, her friends should respect her decision.

Must she be in a relationship for people to consider her normal? She shook her head. No, she’s not lonely, and she’s not alone. She has a daughter as a companion. Living and raising her daughter was enough stress without adding relationship issues into the mix.

She had lived her life so far, avoiding men and not depending on someone to take care of her.; not again. She wanted to live her life free and not caged in or forced to live to please a man. Her freedom and her independent lifestyle, she wouldn’t want to compromise. It left her uncluttered to live her life in peace, pursue her goals and dreams; she didn’t want any man to mess up her life again. She didn’t need a man to live happily. Or did she?

Not that she was without feeling or that her emotion was dead, just that she had become an expert at hiding her feelings and ignoring her loneliness.

She wouldn’t deny it or lie to herself that she never thought of having a man in her life. There were days, and periods she craved for a man’s presence, days she felt like the world was on top of her, and she wouldn’t mind being cuddled, and sweet words whispered into her ear. Days she would want to be all soft and weak and have a strong hand holding her up or a strong chest to lean on.

Yes, at times she longed for a physical and emotional companionship with someone mature, but would she dare let go of her fear? She took a deep breath and exhaled to blow off the weight of her frustration.

At her age and a single mother to boot, how would she compete with younger girls in the game of fishing for the perfect man? She’s what? After One, Tokunbo or whatever the society labelled people like her. Who would want her?

She examined her sexless and unromantic life. Her friends were not helping matters. They barged her at every encounter, stuffing words into her head. They were making her feel like she was committing a faux pas by not being in a relationship with a man.

Not that she had not shown up at the blind dates her friends arranged for her. After some disastrous dates, she had given up on that. It’s either they were not suitable or they came with the wrong expectation. Of the men who tried to hook up with her, the ones she despised most were the married ones who saw her as an easy lay, or rather a standby generator in case of passion failure at the home front or for variety’s sake; to spice up the dull monotony of making love to one woman all the time, as one man had the audacity to tell her.

Did she stand to gain anything from any liaison with a married man? No! If she must go into a relationship, she would need a man who would be there for her all the time, not at an appointed time; be with her at any place, not at an appointed place. Clandestine relationships were a waste of time, a waste of energy, a waste of emotion, and then add the fear of being caught to the equation. The picture was grim enough for her to decide she wasn’t ready for such games and had no time to play emotional Yo-Yo with her heart.

And she’s too old to play the side chick. At her age, she should look forward to a rewarding and fulfilling relationship; not go on a passion rollercoaster.

She had seen what reckless passion did to some women, and she wanted none of that. She preferred living in a protected bubble of loneliness, to plunging into the turbulent sea of a relationship just because she needed the fun a man was supposed to bring into her life. She preferred being single to dwelling in the doldrums with a man because she wanted to be ‘normal’ and ‘fulfilled’.

To her, men were overrated and more troublesome than their worth in a woman’s life. Severely, she had been tempted to go for a Battery-Operated-Boyfriend, code-named; Bob. Most single women are embracing Bob because looking for the real thing has become emotion-wracking and energy-consuming. But with the ever-faithful Bob, there’s no game-playing.

After Obinna’s betrayal, she had sworn off men. She gave a frustrated sigh. “Obinna, wherever you are, may your life be a bundle of frustration and pain.” She cursed. And damned her friends for trying to wear out her resolve to remain celibate for life.

She had been foolish when she married Obinna and lived as a grass widow for six years; she would not be foolish over a man ever again.

Concepts of love

CHAPTER ONE

The Institution of Love

We cannot talk of love without going way back to the very beginning of it; the creation of man in the Garden of Eden; for man was created out of love and for love.

The concept of love begins with God. When God breathed on man, he breathed not only life but love as well. That is the double L. that makes up a man; Life and Love.

God initiated the first institution of love when he created Adam and Eve. After He created Adam, He discovered it was not good for man to be alone, so He made Eve as a companion. From then, the concept of love and togetherness came into existence.

Therefore, since the beginning of man, love has existed and will continue to exist and be the recurring decimal in any relationship, especially that between a man and a woman.

The same awe and astonishment Adam felt when he first beheld Eve, is still being re-enacted in every relationship today. Because, even though love is an old phenomenon, it will be forever new. People fall in love every day and when it happens, you feel its freshness, its newness and the euphoria that goes with it.

What is the true definition of love?

What is love or what is the true definition of love? I went out to sample opinions and discovered that the definition of love is as varied as the number of individuals I asked.
At the end of my research for the true definition of love, I came to acknowledge there has never been and will never be a consensus on the appropriate definition of love. The definition of love could be likened to the story of the six blind men and the elephant. Six blind men were taken to the zoo to feel an elephant. On their return, they described the elephant from the angle each was able to touch and their interpretations of what they felt an elephant is, were neither wrong nor right.

Let’s just say people define love based on their feelings, beliefs, experiences and even intellectual perspectives. For instance, Anthropologists, Sexologists, Philosophers, psychologists, Psychologists, Social behaviourists, Social scientists, Sociologists, etc., all have defined love from their disciplinary perspectives and have all put forward arguments to support their definitions. Well, they are neither wrong nor right too.

Even Poets, and great Scholars, both ancient and modern, have written wonderful and glowingly things about love. In addition, Love has been and is been celebrated in songs daily.
Scientists are not left out at all, they put love into the test tube and came up with the term ``Chemistry of love`. They argued that love and loving are because of a certain chemical reaction in the body. They talk of hormones, testosterone, progesterone etc., but to date, they are yet to discover the exact chemical that induces or breeds love between two people to the exclusion of others. Well, we are still waiting for that breakthrough in the scientific study of love.
All I am trying to say in essence is, love is not limited or confined to one definition. The truth about love is, it is a feeling and so defiles one accepted definition. All the same, I can still add my own definition to the myriad of others already propounded.

WHAT IS LOVE? Love is a feeling, an emotion, a passion, a state of mind, and a condition of the heart, which seeks expression and interaction with someone else.

WHAT IS LOVE? Love is a feeling of great passionate intensity directed towards another person. At the height of it, the emotion of passion is so very intense, so fierce, even to the point of jealousy. Yes, what is mine is mine alone, a monogamous feeling.

WHAT IS LOVE? Love is an emotive expression of our humanity, our inner self, and our heart desires.

WHAT IS LOVE? Love is a feeling, which involves the passion for pleasure and the passion of pain.

I can go on and on because the definition of love is inexhaustible. However, one established fact about love is that it is a feeling within us, that we extend to another through the act of loving. And loving comes with expression, acting and action.

Therefore, loving is shown through expression. It’s through action and acting that you create awareness of your love. It’s only through the means of loving you reveal your emotion and passion. Someone will not be aware you love them except through demonstration with actions and words.

People fall in love the ways they conceive love to be. Before going further let us explore the various perceptions of love for love can be felt from different perspectives.

LOVE AS A FEELING
we feel things. When we feel hungry, we eat; when we feel thirsty we drink water, when we feel sleepy we sleep. `FEELING` is a stimulus that arouses some form of action. Love is a feeling of emotional hunger which we satisfy through companionship with another.

We feel love in the heart, that's why the heart is used to symbolise love. So when love goes sour we experience heartbreak figuratively because we don't see the heart to know if it's actually broken or not, we just assumed it is.

Anyway in the beginning when the feeling comes over you, you cannot understand, explain or define what you are feeling. You just know it’s love because you feel it in your heart.

Such a feeling comes with tenderness, affection, caring, sharing, etc. These are soft but powerful emotions that go with love. These emotions are deep-sited in us. They are feelings we want to give out and have the same returned back to us.

LOVE AS A PASSION
Love as a passion is an intense and irresistible urge to communion with another human. It is not just a mere feeling now but a compelling impulse, hard to ignore or resist. There is a difference between feeling hungry for food and having the urge to eat a particular kind of food.

It is a strong desire you have for another person, there is that inclination to explore, the quest to conquer, and the zeal to possess. Therefore, love as a passion is a force that at times is dangerous, when not contained; it can push a person to the brink of emotional insanity.

LOVE AS A STATE OF MIND.
At times, your mindset and your conception impinge on your attitude towards love. To some people, love is neither a feeling nor a passion, but something they have to accept or reject based on their state of mind. When their minds tell them is time to get someone into their lives, they go for someone, most often someone that has been around for long as a friend and they don't have to confess love.

It is a docile acceptance of love. They don`t lose control, no push, no urge. It's more 'let me go into a relationship because it's the right thing to do or what is expected of the person. They are neither hot nor cold towards love.

LOVE AS A CONDITIONING OF THE HEART
This is setting your heart tuned to certain attributes in another person. It's only when these attributes are present that you are incited to love. It is an induced kind. of love.

In most cases, these attributes are physical, for it is what the eye sees that impresses the heart and sets it in motion. In this kind of love, the impression is of utmost importance. Some like them big, slim, fair, or black. Like a guy who met a girl, he liked so much but couldn’t fall in love with her because she was busty and he never liked busty ladies.
He couldn`t strike a relationship with her even though the attraction was there but just because he has conditioned his heart against busty ladies it became a problem he couldn`t surmount.

However, if your love comes as a result of feelings or passions or it is based on your state of mind or induced by the conditioning of your heart, the basic fact is, if you believe it`s love then it is love. Love is what you believe it is and it is what two people accept it to be.

STYLES OF LOVING

We show love by loving. The way we fall in love reflects the way we express that love to others. Therefore, the degree of loving differs from one individual to another. Some people are more passionate and romantic when they are in love. A passionate lover is `crazily or madly in love, this state of mind shows the degree of his/her emotional involvement. While some are not highly emotional; and are not easily moved by passion, they are calm and cool about it and some others even appear emotionless.

That doesn’t mean they don’t love, they love in their own ways and only exhibit love through actions rather than flowerily expressions.
The different ways people express love form the different styles of loving. Often, one's concept of love determines the person’s style of loving.


EROTIC LOVERS
Erotic lovers believe in love, at first sight, they are not interested in getting to know their partners well before they seek intimacy. Eros lovers lack patience and control, so when they are in love they want immediate intimacy and rapport. To them love is a passion, they are always passionately involved with someone.

Erotic lovers are fascinated with beauty, which is why they easily fall in love; they are susceptible to physical attractiveness. Eros lovers are characterized by two things; immediate physical attraction and a belief in adventurous sex. They are erotomania hence the name, their sex impulse is always on the high side.

And often they are good lovers and good in bed also. But one defect is, they love intensely, and when offended or betrayed, they hate intensely as well.


LUDIC LOVERS
Ludic or game-playing lovers have two characteristics, hedonism and lack of commitment. They are the types that take love to be a playful game in which obtaining pleasure is their main aim. To them, sex is not a consummation of love but another form of amusement.

They are usually lustful and their love affairs never last because they shun any kind of situation that would make them be seriously committed to any person. They move from one affair to another in search of good times and variety. They are passionate also though not with love but with passion itself.


FRIENDSHIP LOVERS
Love that develops between friends; it is a relationship that evolves from friendship. In the beginning, there was no falling in love; rather with constant interaction, they develop a love for someone they have been friends with for a long time. To friendship lovers, passion does not count; all they seek is affection and companionship - a friendly type of love relationship. Love as a state of mind, the person has been around; I have known him/her for a long time, so we can as well hit it off.

The fact that they are not passionate about love, account for the reason such lovers take time in choosing a partner and are slow in seeking intimacy in any new relationship. They allow the relationship to grow to maturity before they become committed. However, they make lasting partners whenever they find an ideal mate, one they admire very well.

MANIA LOVERS
The strongest and the most dangerous type of lovers, love is a dangerous obsession for them. Because they are passionate to a higher degree, they are highly possessive and jealous. Mania lovers love to almost the point of insanity; they are often dangerous to themselves and their loved ones.

Mania lovers are prone to extremes; they are either in a high state of excitement or in a high state of nervous agitation over their relationships. Therefore, they often swing between blissful joy in the presence of their lovers and anxiety in their absence. Because manic lovers love to the extreme, they suffer enormously in the event of separation or break up. Some go as far as attempting suicide or manslaughter.

SHOPPING LIST LOVERS
Called shopping list lovers because they choose partners cautiously and according to a preconceived notion of what they want in a lover. In their mind, they have a list of what they want in a partner and they try to adhere to that list. Love as a conditioning of the heart, they have a preconditioned notion of what they want and they look for that.

They are realistic and practical, not easily moved by passion, sentiment or physical attributes if it’s off the list. Their heads govern them not their hearts, what they seek in a relationship is compatibility. They believe in showing their love in practically reasonable ways rather than talking about it.

GIVING LOVERS
They are duteous, faithful, patient, supportive and selfless in their loving. They are called Agape lovers, they are altruistic; they are known to put the happiness and comfort of others first, most often to their own inconveniences without complaining.

To them, love is a feeling within them they want to share with someone else without any ulterior motive or attributes of the other person. They just love to love and to give selflessly out of the abundance of their hearts without any self-effacing motives, In addition, though they are the ones often hurt easily in relationships, they forgive easily.

These are the six types of ways people express their love. So we fall in love differently and we express it differently as we feel it based on our personalities and individualities.

Links:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07L8KCQ4K

https://okadabooks.com/user/ladyzizi

Why Regina Daniels married Ned Nwoko

Recently there has been an uproar about Regine’s Daniels marriage to Ned Nwoko, a man old enough to be her grandfather. Some congratulated her on her bold step, while some are contemptuous of her greed step. Some believe its love; but the question is; on whose part, his or hers?

Many of her fans, youths especially are outraged on her behalf and they believed she didn’t enter into the marriage with clear eyes. She was ‘jazzed’. So they say, as I listened to a group of young guys, her agemates discussing it, and in conclusion, one declared that time will prove if the bedrock of the marriage is pure or shrouded in lust and greed.

And some had wondered. What will make a promising young girl, with fame and money cleave to an elderly man in the name of marriage? And they asked. At seventeen going to eighteen, is she matured enough to take that lifetime decision or is it that those who are supposed to guide her misguided her? The mother who consented to such marriage, was it for her daughter’s sake or for her own benefits?

Well for whatever reasons, willingly or unwillingly, she is now Mrs. Nwoko and for all the negative press and innuendos, it might prove to be a marriage made in heaven. When Bianca and Ojukwu started they came under public attack too, but they prove detractors wrong and lived happily ever after.

Life has a way of getting around, for Regina, a girl who grew up without a father figure, would definitely not find it hard to marry a man like Ned, she needed a man - a father, a husband, a lover - rolled together and so to her Ned Nwoko was a phantasy come true, we should not cast inauspicious remarks at her for wanting to live out her dreams.

My prayer for her. May it continue to be a sweet dream, may she live in her dreamland and many she never wakes up from that dream to face realities.

Every Child Has A Destiny

Every child is created for a purpose, so there is a reason for your life, as a child you’re created and wonderfully made by a good God. You’re created with rights, not just your human rights as a teenager but your natural rights, the one that comes from God which is a right to a great destiny.

The coming of age is a coming into awareness and discernment of what God has created you for. As a teenager, your primary task is figuring out who you are, your individuality, your autonomy, your rights, your belief and your identity, for it is only when you get these into correct perspective that you will know your destiny.

As a child, Jesus was able to answer these questions about himself so he knew what his path in life was at that early stage and followed it through. (Luke 2 vs 42-43, 48-49). What about you? Do you know where you’re heading with your life? Because if you know where you’re going, then you will know how to get there.

Life is a journey from one point to another until you get to your destined port and where that would be is in your hands. All along as a child, you were being led by your parents but now as a teenager, you’re in the driver’s seat, ready to zoom off with the rest of your life. The way you take charge, the way you take control determines how far you will go and how fast you will get to your destination/destiny.

Yes, life is a journey but a short one indeed, and so beware, a person on a tight schedule doesn’t tarry or play around, he makes haste to get to his destination and on time. In this journey, you don’t just set out without an idea of where you’re going or you become a wanderer; you need a master plan, you need a map, and this is where dreams and visions come to play.

What are dreams? Dreams are the tiny seedlings of reality and every teenager has got a dream. But for your dream to come true you need vision to propel you, and without vision, your dreams perish (Proverb 29 vs18).

Vision is like a beacon, it leads you on and shows you all the road maps and signposts to keep you going in the right direction towards the attainment of your dream, which is your destiny. A writer put it, “If you have a dream, don’t sleep until you realise it, then you can catch up on your sleep.” A dream not realised is a talent wasted.

Vision keeps you going even when the road is tough and rough; you persist because you definitely know where you’re going but if you don’t have a vision, you will miss the way or be discouraged along the way. A person who misses his/her way ends up in frustration and goes through like a wanderer (Proverb 27 vs 8).

What is between you and your right to a great destiny is you and the choices you make in life. You’re the one that determines which way to row your lifeboat. You choose which direction to go by choosing the type of values you assimilate and the companies you keep. You should constantly ask yourself what values and beliefs to embrace or reject, what kind of people do I make friends with, who are my role models and why did I choose them as role models?

If you hang with people who don’t share the same values and ideologies or people who are not going in the same direction or destination with you, the tendency to miss your way is assured. Don’t flock with people that are not your own kind.

It’s essential your rights are not trampled upon, it’s necessary you don’t give up your rights to grate future or exchange it with something less than its worth. It’s your right but you have to position yourself to obtain it, achieve it, enjoy it and be glad in it. So, whatever you do, whatever you have passion for, build your life around it for that is your destiny, begin to nurture it now.