Concepts of love

CHAPTER ONE

The Institution of Love

We cannot talk of love without going way back to the very beginning of it; the creation of man in the Garden of Eden; for man was created out of love and for love.

The concept of love begins with God. When God breathed on man, he breathed not only life but love as well. That is the double L. that makes up a man; Life and Love.

God initiated the first institution of love when he created Adam and Eve. After He created Adam, He discovered it was not good for man to be alone, so He made Eve as a companion. From then, the concept of love and togetherness came into existence.

Therefore, since the beginning of man, love has existed and will continue to exist and be the recurring decimal in any relationship, especially that between a man and a woman.

The same awe and astonishment Adam felt when he first beheld Eve, is still being re-enacted in every relationship today. Because, even though love is an old phenomenon, it will be forever new. People fall in love every day and when it happens, you feel its freshness, its newness and the euphoria that goes with it.

What is the true definition of love?

What is love or what is the true definition of love? I went out to sample opinions and discovered that the definition of love is as varied as the number of individuals I asked.
At the end of my research for the true definition of love, I came to acknowledge there has never been and will never be a consensus on the appropriate definition of love. The definition of love could be likened to the story of the six blind men and the elephant. Six blind men were taken to the zoo to feel an elephant. On their return, they described the elephant from the angle each was able to touch and their interpretations of what they felt an elephant is, were neither wrong nor right.

Let’s just say people define love based on their feelings, beliefs, experiences and even intellectual perspectives. For instance, Anthropologists, Sexologists, Philosophers, psychologists, Psychologists, Social behaviourists, Social scientists, Sociologists, etc., all have defined love from their disciplinary perspectives and have all put forward arguments to support their definitions. Well, they are neither wrong nor right too.

Even Poets, and great Scholars, both ancient and modern, have written wonderful and glowingly things about love. In addition, Love has been and is been celebrated in songs daily.
Scientists are not left out at all, they put love into the test tube and came up with the term ``Chemistry of love`. They argued that love and loving are because of a certain chemical reaction in the body. They talk of hormones, testosterone, progesterone etc., but to date, they are yet to discover the exact chemical that induces or breeds love between two people to the exclusion of others. Well, we are still waiting for that breakthrough in the scientific study of love.
All I am trying to say in essence is, love is not limited or confined to one definition. The truth about love is, it is a feeling and so defiles one accepted definition. All the same, I can still add my own definition to the myriad of others already propounded.

WHAT IS LOVE? Love is a feeling, an emotion, a passion, a state of mind, and a condition of the heart, which seeks expression and interaction with someone else.

WHAT IS LOVE? Love is a feeling of great passionate intensity directed towards another person. At the height of it, the emotion of passion is so very intense, so fierce, even to the point of jealousy. Yes, what is mine is mine alone, a monogamous feeling.

WHAT IS LOVE? Love is an emotive expression of our humanity, our inner self, and our heart desires.

WHAT IS LOVE? Love is a feeling, which involves the passion for pleasure and the passion of pain.

I can go on and on because the definition of love is inexhaustible. However, one established fact about love is that it is a feeling within us, that we extend to another through the act of loving. And loving comes with expression, acting and action.

Therefore, loving is shown through expression. It’s through action and acting that you create awareness of your love. It’s only through the means of loving you reveal your emotion and passion. Someone will not be aware you love them except through demonstration with actions and words.

People fall in love the ways they conceive love to be. Before going further let us explore the various perceptions of love for love can be felt from different perspectives.

LOVE AS A FEELING
we feel things. When we feel hungry, we eat; when we feel thirsty we drink water, when we feel sleepy we sleep. `FEELING` is a stimulus that arouses some form of action. Love is a feeling of emotional hunger which we satisfy through companionship with another.

We feel love in the heart, that's why the heart is used to symbolise love. So when love goes sour we experience heartbreak figuratively because we don't see the heart to know if it's actually broken or not, we just assumed it is.

Anyway in the beginning when the feeling comes over you, you cannot understand, explain or define what you are feeling. You just know it’s love because you feel it in your heart.

Such a feeling comes with tenderness, affection, caring, sharing, etc. These are soft but powerful emotions that go with love. These emotions are deep-sited in us. They are feelings we want to give out and have the same returned back to us.

LOVE AS A PASSION
Love as a passion is an intense and irresistible urge to communion with another human. It is not just a mere feeling now but a compelling impulse, hard to ignore or resist. There is a difference between feeling hungry for food and having the urge to eat a particular kind of food.

It is a strong desire you have for another person, there is that inclination to explore, the quest to conquer, and the zeal to possess. Therefore, love as a passion is a force that at times is dangerous, when not contained; it can push a person to the brink of emotional insanity.

LOVE AS A STATE OF MIND.
At times, your mindset and your conception impinge on your attitude towards love. To some people, love is neither a feeling nor a passion, but something they have to accept or reject based on their state of mind. When their minds tell them is time to get someone into their lives, they go for someone, most often someone that has been around for long as a friend and they don't have to confess love.

It is a docile acceptance of love. They don`t lose control, no push, no urge. It's more 'let me go into a relationship because it's the right thing to do or what is expected of the person. They are neither hot nor cold towards love.

LOVE AS A CONDITIONING OF THE HEART
This is setting your heart tuned to certain attributes in another person. It's only when these attributes are present that you are incited to love. It is an induced kind. of love.

In most cases, these attributes are physical, for it is what the eye sees that impresses the heart and sets it in motion. In this kind of love, the impression is of utmost importance. Some like them big, slim, fair, or black. Like a guy who met a girl, he liked so much but couldn’t fall in love with her because she was busty and he never liked busty ladies.
He couldn`t strike a relationship with her even though the attraction was there but just because he has conditioned his heart against busty ladies it became a problem he couldn`t surmount.

However, if your love comes as a result of feelings or passions or it is based on your state of mind or induced by the conditioning of your heart, the basic fact is, if you believe it`s love then it is love. Love is what you believe it is and it is what two people accept it to be.

STYLES OF LOVING

We show love by loving. The way we fall in love reflects the way we express that love to others. Therefore, the degree of loving differs from one individual to another. Some people are more passionate and romantic when they are in love. A passionate lover is `crazily or madly in love, this state of mind shows the degree of his/her emotional involvement. While some are not highly emotional; and are not easily moved by passion, they are calm and cool about it and some others even appear emotionless.

That doesn’t mean they don’t love, they love in their own ways and only exhibit love through actions rather than flowerily expressions.
The different ways people express love form the different styles of loving. Often, one's concept of love determines the person’s style of loving.


EROTIC LOVERS
Erotic lovers believe in love, at first sight, they are not interested in getting to know their partners well before they seek intimacy. Eros lovers lack patience and control, so when they are in love they want immediate intimacy and rapport. To them love is a passion, they are always passionately involved with someone.

Erotic lovers are fascinated with beauty, which is why they easily fall in love; they are susceptible to physical attractiveness. Eros lovers are characterized by two things; immediate physical attraction and a belief in adventurous sex. They are erotomania hence the name, their sex impulse is always on the high side.

And often they are good lovers and good in bed also. But one defect is, they love intensely, and when offended or betrayed, they hate intensely as well.


LUDIC LOVERS
Ludic or game-playing lovers have two characteristics, hedonism and lack of commitment. They are the types that take love to be a playful game in which obtaining pleasure is their main aim. To them, sex is not a consummation of love but another form of amusement.

They are usually lustful and their love affairs never last because they shun any kind of situation that would make them be seriously committed to any person. They move from one affair to another in search of good times and variety. They are passionate also though not with love but with passion itself.


FRIENDSHIP LOVERS
Love that develops between friends; it is a relationship that evolves from friendship. In the beginning, there was no falling in love; rather with constant interaction, they develop a love for someone they have been friends with for a long time. To friendship lovers, passion does not count; all they seek is affection and companionship - a friendly type of love relationship. Love as a state of mind, the person has been around; I have known him/her for a long time, so we can as well hit it off.

The fact that they are not passionate about love, account for the reason such lovers take time in choosing a partner and are slow in seeking intimacy in any new relationship. They allow the relationship to grow to maturity before they become committed. However, they make lasting partners whenever they find an ideal mate, one they admire very well.

MANIA LOVERS
The strongest and the most dangerous type of lovers, love is a dangerous obsession for them. Because they are passionate to a higher degree, they are highly possessive and jealous. Mania lovers love to almost the point of insanity; they are often dangerous to themselves and their loved ones.

Mania lovers are prone to extremes; they are either in a high state of excitement or in a high state of nervous agitation over their relationships. Therefore, they often swing between blissful joy in the presence of their lovers and anxiety in their absence. Because manic lovers love to the extreme, they suffer enormously in the event of separation or break up. Some go as far as attempting suicide or manslaughter.

SHOPPING LIST LOVERS
Called shopping list lovers because they choose partners cautiously and according to a preconceived notion of what they want in a lover. In their mind, they have a list of what they want in a partner and they try to adhere to that list. Love as a conditioning of the heart, they have a preconditioned notion of what they want and they look for that.

They are realistic and practical, not easily moved by passion, sentiment or physical attributes if it’s off the list. Their heads govern them not their hearts, what they seek in a relationship is compatibility. They believe in showing their love in practically reasonable ways rather than talking about it.

GIVING LOVERS
They are duteous, faithful, patient, supportive and selfless in their loving. They are called Agape lovers, they are altruistic; they are known to put the happiness and comfort of others first, most often to their own inconveniences without complaining.

To them, love is a feeling within them they want to share with someone else without any ulterior motive or attributes of the other person. They just love to love and to give selflessly out of the abundance of their hearts without any self-effacing motives, In addition, though they are the ones often hurt easily in relationships, they forgive easily.

These are the six types of ways people express their love. So we fall in love differently and we express it differently as we feel it based on our personalities and individualities.

Links:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07L8KCQ4K

https://okadabooks.com/user/ladyzizi

Why Regina Daniels married Ned Nwoko

Recently there has been an uproar about Regine’s Daniels marriage to Ned Nwoko, a man old enough to be her grandfather. Some congratulated her on her bold step, while some are contemptuous of her greed step. Some believe its love; but the question is; on whose part, his or hers?

Many of her fans, youths especially are outraged on her behalf and they believed she didn’t enter into the marriage with clear eyes. She was ‘jazzed’. So they say, as I listened to a group of young guys, her agemates discussing it, and in conclusion, one declared that time will prove if the bedrock of the marriage is pure or shrouded in lust and greed.

And some had wondered. What will make a promising young girl, with fame and money cleave to an elderly man in the name of marriage? And they asked. At seventeen going to eighteen, is she matured enough to take that lifetime decision or is it that those who are supposed to guide her misguided her? The mother who consented to such marriage, was it for her daughter’s sake or for her own benefits?

Well for whatever reasons, willingly or unwillingly, she is now Mrs. Nwoko and for all the negative press and innuendos, it might prove to be a marriage made in heaven. When Bianca and Ojukwu started they came under public attack too, but they prove detractors wrong and lived happily ever after.

Life has a way of getting around, for Regina, a girl who grew up without a father figure, would definitely not find it hard to marry a man like Ned, she needed a man - a father, a husband, a lover - rolled together and so to her Ned Nwoko was a phantasy come true, we should not cast inauspicious remarks at her for wanting to live out her dreams.

My prayer for her. May it continue to be a sweet dream, may she live in her dreamland and many she never wakes up from that dream to face realities.

Every Child Has A Destiny

Every child is created for a purpose, so there is a reason for your life, as a child you’re created and wonderfully made by a good God. You’re created with rights, not just your human rights as a teenager but your natural rights, the one that comes from God which is a right to a great destiny.

The coming of age is a coming into awareness and discernment of what God has created you for. As a teenager, your primary task is figuring out who you are, your individuality, your autonomy, your rights, your belief and your identity, for it is only when you get these into correct perspective that you will know your destiny.

As a child, Jesus was able to answer these questions about himself so he knew what his path in life was at that early stage and followed it through. (Luke 2 vs 42-43, 48-49). What about you? Do you know where you’re heading with your life? Because if you know where you’re going, then you will know how to get there.

Life is a journey from one point to another until you get to your destined port and where that would be is in your hands. All along as a child, you were being led by your parents but now as a teenager, you’re in the driver’s seat, ready to zoom off with the rest of your life. The way you take charge, the way you take control determines how far you will go and how fast you will get to your destination/destiny.

Yes, life is a journey but a short one indeed, and so beware, a person on a tight schedule doesn’t tarry or play around, he makes haste to get to his destination and on time. In this journey, you don’t just set out without an idea of where you’re going or you become a wanderer; you need a master plan, you need a map, and this is where dreams and visions come to play.

What are dreams? Dreams are the tiny seedlings of reality and every teenager has got a dream. But for your dream to come true you need vision to propel you, and without vision, your dreams perish (Proverb 29 vs18).

Vision is like a beacon, it leads you on and shows you all the road maps and signposts to keep you going in the right direction towards the attainment of your dream, which is your destiny. A writer put it, “If you have a dream, don’t sleep until you realise it, then you can catch up on your sleep.” A dream not realised is a talent wasted.

Vision keeps you going even when the road is tough and rough; you persist because you definitely know where you’re going but if you don’t have a vision, you will miss the way or be discouraged along the way. A person who misses his/her way ends up in frustration and goes through like a wanderer (Proverb 27 vs 8).

What is between you and your right to a great destiny is you and the choices you make in life. You’re the one that determines which way to row your lifeboat. You choose which direction to go by choosing the type of values you assimilate and the companies you keep. You should constantly ask yourself what values and beliefs to embrace or reject, what kind of people do I make friends with, who are my role models and why did I choose them as role models?

If you hang with people who don’t share the same values and ideologies or people who are not going in the same direction or destination with you, the tendency to miss your way is assured. Don’t flock with people that are not your own kind.

It’s essential your rights are not trampled upon, it’s necessary you don’t give up your rights to grate future or exchange it with something less than its worth. It’s your right but you have to position yourself to obtain it, achieve it, enjoy it and be glad in it. So, whatever you do, whatever you have passion for, build your life around it for that is your destiny, begin to nurture it now.

Sinful Desire- A novel

Chapter 1

Vetty Nwadialor pulled up with a screech behind her office staff bus at Yaba Market garage. Taking a deep breath to quell the excitement bubbling in her stomach, she opened the car door and got down. Her two back doors opened simultaneously. Three ladies and a young man alighted and stood beside the car to wait. 

She went to the bus, pulled the door open, stepped aside, and watched the occupants alight. Ten of them, seven women and three men; all dressed like her, in a white monogrammed T-shirt over black trousers. 

With a file folder in hand, Vetty waited for her group to assemble. When all their attention focused on her, she appraised them for a moment and then raised her voice a notch to carry over the noise and clatters at the garage as she addressed them.

“Okay, ladies and gentlemen, here we are, on the first day of our campaign. Go out there, enter the market, the shops, the stalls, and talk to them, convince them, confuse them, whichever, but get them to open an account with us. The target for today is fifty customers for each person.”  

At their gasps, she flashed her winsome smile, revealing gapped white teeth. “Good luck.” She watched them go. She had flagged off the campaign and expected nothing but success, as usual.

Turning to those beside her car, she opened the file folder and gave each a sheet of white paper with the names of six companies. They studied the names on their papers. 

“Any question?” 

“Must we go to all six companies today, ma?” The question came from one of the females.

She looked at the intelligent and eager faces of her small group of new employees. They would deliver. She knew she picked them specifically to penetrate the big companies and talk to the top people.

“If possible, yes. If not, tomorrow is another day. We have one week to comb this area.”

 They nodded.

 “Remember our agreed time and make sure you are back here. I don’t want to wait for anyone, and...” she looked at them with a firm glint in her eyes. 

“Concentrate on the job; talk to everyone from the top person to the least, even the cleaners should not be left out.”

"Yes, ma."

“Okay, good luck.”

Her broods were out for the chase, and she had no doubt. In the end, another feather would be added to her success cap. A giddy feeling washed over her, and her face glowed with joy.

Vetty opened her car, took her handbag, locked up the car, and instructed the bus driver to take care of both cars. She checked her file, noted the address of the first company on her list, not sure of the location. She enquired from a passer-by; satisfied with the direction she left the park with bouncing, confident steps.  

Vetty loved her work as head of the Marketing Department of Omega bank, Yaba branch, but she itched to get to the head office as the General Marketing Officer, and with this vision in mind, she worked assiduously in her present position.

Full of intelligent and innovative ideas, Vetty devised alternative methods and plans to increase the bank’s customer base every year. This year’s campaign, she tagged Neighbourhood Awareness, a one-week intensive marketing outreach to organisations, companies, and shops within their vicinity. 

When she unveiled her plan during a general management meeting, it received instant approval based on her past performances. Last year alone, the daily contribution, Esusu, she introduced for market people and small-scale business owners, yielded financial success to the bank and earned her an award.

At the company's gate, she greeted the security man and stated her mission. He opened the gate and directed her to the lobby. 

"Thank you, sir." She switched on her customer's smile. "You can open an account with us, sir."

"Haa, madam, I never get enough money to feed my family, not to talk of seeing leftovers to put for bank." The middle-aged man said with a self-conscious laugh. 

“Oga, it is good to save small-small money for tomorrow.”

"I know, madam, but where do you see the money to save?" He shrugged. "I get wife, I get children that go to school, and my salary no reach to do anything."

“But you don’t need plenty of money to open the account. With five hundred naira, you fit open account with us and add small money inside, and you fit withdraw all the money anytime you want too.”

“That one is good, I think say I need plenty of money to open the account.”

She laughed. “No sir, this one is a special account; we want everybody to save money with our bank.” She opened her file, brought out forms, and gave one to him.

He took it and looked at it. “Okay, ma, make I go through it, then think about it and tell you my mind.”

“I will help you fill the form if you want.”

 “Emmm, when you come out.”

She gave him a nod and an acquiescing smile as she left. She walked into the lobby. A young girl sat behind a desk, pressing a phone. "Excuse me."

“Yes, how can I help you?” She dropped the phone faced down on her desk.

“Please, I want to see the Managing Director of the company.”

“Do you have an appointment with him?”

“Not really. My name is Vetty Nwadialor, I’m from Omega Bank, and I’m here to discuss bank formalities with your MD.” 

"Our chairman is around and is having a meeting with the MD; maybe you should see the accountant."

“Well, that’s okay.” Vetty smiled at her. “Do you have an account with us?” “No, madam.”

“This is a good opportunity to do so; we are having a special customer account campaign.”

"Thank you, madam, but I already have an account with another bank."

“Of course, I know, but nothing stops you from opening another account. Besides, we’re in the same neighbourhood, so you don’t have to go far for your banking services.” She opened her file and gave her a form. “It will only cost you five hundred naira to open an account with us.”

She attended to each person according to their level of income. Of course! She wouldn’t ask the managers to open an account with five hundred naira; this type of account was meant for junior workers and students.

The receptionist took the form, gave it a cursory glance, and dropped it on her desk. “I will go through it later.” She pointed forward. “Go straight down this passage to the end. The last door on the right is the accountant’s office.” “Thanks so much.”

As she turned, the receptionist opened her drawer, dropped the form inside, closed it, picked her phone and resumed her chat on WhatsApp.

Vetty knocked on the door. 

“Yes, come in.” A cheerful voice said within.

She opened the door, strode in with a wide smile. “Good morning, sir.” She stretched forth her hand.

The accountant, mouth agape, stood up and took the proffered hand. “Good morning, madam.” He indicated for her to sit down.

She sat and favoured him with her customer smile. “I’m Vetty Nwadialor, from Omega Bank; it is our Neighbourhood Awareness Campaign week. We want to know our neighbours and tell them about our special bank services.”

“Welcome madam, I'm Mr Omotayo. But this T-shirt you're wearing is good o, I hope you will give me one as part of your awareness services.”

 Vetty laughed. “It's for staff and not for customers, except you want to join us in the bank work.”

Mr Omotayo weaved his hands, face scrunched in horror. “Haaa! No, bank marketing? Count me out, if it is to sit and count money, fine, but to walk the street for customers.” He shook his head sideways. “I don’t have the anointing; I’m not good at convincing people.”

“Tough job, right?

“Yes o, very tough.” He admitted. “And it requires patience too. I don’t have that virtue as well.” He laughed.

“Yes, patient, you're right, people are eccentric. We put up with a lot just to meet up with our targets; we swallow insults and smile through rejections.” She grimaced, and Mr Omotayo smiled in sympathy.

"The banks are wiser now, they send out pretty women to do the marketing. A look at the woman's beautiful face and shapely contour will compel a man to fill the form and bring out his chequebook." He laughed at his remark. 

“We are not out to entice men but to do our job and earn a living.” She knew many men reasoned like him. They felt female marketers were entrapment for them. When she got the job, her husband didn’t allow her to take it. According to him, bank marketing was nothing short of prostitution in disguise. It took a lot of convincing before he relented.

To her, everything boarded on ethics and character. Though, to succeed in the job, you have to spread some charms to get the customer’s attention and make them listen. But that doesn’t mean you must spread your legs too, except for a person with a loose moral attitude.

“Like you, for example.” Mr Omotayo continued. “If I can keep you here all day, just to look at your beautiful smile and admire your gapped teeth, I will do that.” He winked.

Vetty knew a lewd man when she came across one. Better to cut short the pleasantries and get back to business. "You are a very funny man. If we do that, we will fail in our duties to our employers." She opened her file. "This is our form; you can open an account for yourself, your organisation..."

The door opened. She craned her neck backwards and watched as two men entered the office. One stocky with a protruded stomach that stretched his shirt and a chubby smile on his round face, the other, slim, tall, dark, strong jaw, clean shaved and a broad shoulder encased in a dark suit. 

And eyes deep and penetrating bored into hers for a brief second. She felt an aura of power around him and narrowing her eyes; she studied him through her lashes. 

Mr Omotayo stood up. “Good morning sirs.”

"Good morning Mr Omotayo, it seems you have a visitor." The man in the dark suit said. 

“She is from the bank. Madam, meet my chairman.” He stretched his hand towards the man in the dark suit. 

“And my MD.” His eyes went to the stocky man beside him.

 Vetty stood up.

"No madam, sit down." The man in the dark suit said courteously. 

“Thank you, sir, but if I am sitting while the rest of you are standing I will feel dwarfed and unable to talk properly.”

“If you’re not done with him yet, we can come back later.” His eyes flickered over her, taking in nothing more than a general impression of her.

“Incidentally, you are part of the people I want to see.” She switched on her pre-packaged smile.

“What can we do for you?” Mr Bello butted in. 

"I'm Vetty Nwadialor, from Omega Bank; we are having a week-long campaign tagged Neighbourhood Awareness...,"

As she rattled on, a bored expression came over Tonye’s face, but he inclined his ear and waited for her to end the introduction. “Madam, thank you, but already we have banks we deal with.”

"Of course sir, I wouldn't expect an organisation this big not to have a bank, but then, it is not good to put all your eggs in one basket."

“You’re right, madam; we have banks that handle our accounts.”

“Sure sir, but there is still no harm in spreading your eggs to several other baskets.” She noted a faint smile in his eyes. Encouraged, she went on. “We have lots of services to offer to your company.”

The men were silent.

Her fixed smile broadened. “It doesn’t necessarily have to be the company’s account; it can be your personal accounts too.” Her eyes met Tonye’s and held for a second.

“Madam, I think you’re doing a good job, but I have banks I use and so is everyone here.”

"I already have an account in your bank." Mr Omotayo chipped in. 

“Good.” She favoured him with a sweet smile. “Then, you can open for your children too.” She looked at the two men to include them. “We have wonderful and friendly account packages for children and young adults. And for all our kids and youths account holders, we organise a quarterly get together tagged ‘Catch Them Young’; an interactive section that teaches them the gains of saving for the future.”

"Madam, good idea, but I don't believe in all these new generation banks and their ways of conducting business. I don't trust them too, so I use the old reliable banks I started the business with." Tonye told her. 

“The new generation banks are more flexible and innovative, with good customer relationships, aside from a strong capitalization base.” She looked straight into his eyes. “You have nothing to fear, sir.”

Tonye knew she wouldn't relent if he continued with the argument. For the first time, his eyes lost their indifference. He looked at her with interest, noticing details, the slender frame, the short wavy hair, the fair skin and the sharp eyes that stared back, daring him.  

His instinct aroused, he took a mental note of his observations. Though he didn't like overconfident women, he respects intelligence and appreciates commitment. 

A discreet cough from Mr Bello broke the silence.

Tonye glanced at his wristwatch. He had spent too much time in a sale talk that would lead nowhere with a tenacious woman that wouldn't let go.

“I can see you’re passionate about your job, maybe we should reschedule this meeting for the next time.” He brought out his wallet and gave her his call card. “My number is there. Call me anytime within the week. I will be in this office for two weeks, four hours a day.”

Mr Bello's mouth dropped open. Tonye never gave out his card to a woman this easily. Vetty took the card, opened her file and dropped it inside without a glance at it. 

“Well, madam, it's been nice speaking with you.” Tonye glanced at Mr Bello. He moved towards the door.

Vetty knew a polite dismissal. "Thanks, sirs, for giving me an audience." With a smile hovering over her face, she turned and walked out with measured, confident steps as the men watched her.

She left with the conviction she would get a result on her next visit; the man in the dark suit didn't give her his card for the fun of it. Somehow, he looked familiar. In her mind's eyes, she went over his face again, but couldn't place him.

Book Review-Broken

A REVIEW OF NGOZI EBUBEDIKE’S ‘BROKEN’- By ABDULWAHEED OLANIYI

Life is full of challenges. Life is full of happiness. It is like the ocean where everyone swims. It takes much courage to avail the ordeal of the waves of the ocean of life, such wave is like the predicament that one faces in the world. The knot in one’s life requires patience. Perhaps when one is not fortunate to get assistance, patience is the only key to success in life, especially during a difficult time. In such a situation, children and women are always vulnerable, people take advantage of them while looking for a swift solution to their quandary in life. If patience is not applied, another problem may come in and one will not have a choice than to accept the fate, either good or bad. This is why Ngozi Ebubedike, in her novel, encourages youths, especially the vulnerable ones, to remain patient and stay with God during a hard time.

Sometime predicament showers like morning dew in one life, when one is desperate to embark on a life journey without a plan, it will lead to one’s chagrin. ‘Broken,’ a factual novel centres on the life of a character called Calista, who is unfortunate to be borne into a poverty-stricken family. She grows up with her parents in the village whose main occupation is farming, an occupation Calista detest with a passion. Her hatred for farming often results in a misunderstanding between her and her parents. One day, after engaging in a war of words with her mother and hurling insults at her father, the mother throws her belongings out. unrepented she picks her things and leaves her parents’ home in the village and heads to Owerri to begin a new ‘independent’ life. Arriving at the motor park in Owerri, She hangs around doing odd jobs to survive until a seemingly good Samaritan, Sunday rescues her and takes her home to his one-room apartment with a promise to help her.
Sunday’s words shower hope in her life. After living together for a month, Sunday begins to take advantage of her and she perseveres the ordeal because she believes there is no other home for her in Owerri. Besides, Sunday is the one feeding her and people believe she is Sunday’s sister. After a few months, she becomes pregnant but Sunday refuses to be the father of the fetus. Although Calista does not agree initially, she aborts the fetus as advised by Sunday. While in the hospital for the abortion, Sunday has packed all her belongings outside his home and flees. Calista is shocked to see this when she gets home. While blood is still coming from her, as a result of the abortion, she sleeps outside for some days to confirm whether Sunday has fled or truly travelled to see his ailing mother in the village. Although she eventually sees him, after threats and counter threats, he gives her some money to take her to Lagos as she requests.

Getting to Lagos, Calista goes straight to her sister’s house, who does not welcome her because of her past wrong against her and her disobedience to their parents. Eventually, she ends up living on the street doing petty trading as a source of income. This goes on for a while until she is robbed and raped while sleeping under the bridge in the night. While she was being raped, there was no one to rescue her or sympathise with her. She was neglected at the time of ugly incidence because everyone fears the hoodlums. After the incident, the only person that shows her sympathy is Kate, a lady who also lives on the street. Kate then introduces her to prostitution.

Calista takes to prostitution with the intent to raise money and go back to her petty trade. But she becomes hooked and settles into the business of harlotry until she coincidentally meets her primary schoolmate, Chioma. Chioma who does not remember her face or name accepts her claim and listens to the story of her life and takes it upon herself to help her live a better life. After serious efforts by Chioma with the support of her husband, Calista becomes a changed person.

The author performs excellently in term of the use of language in the novel. The novel, ‘Broken,’ is written in a simple language, accessible to a common man on the street. The author uses the language to differentiate the characters, the one who is educated and illiterate. While the educated ones speak English fluently, the uneducated ones speak ‘pidgin' English.

However, the author does not maintain gender balance as she creates pity for one sex, female, while the other, male, is seen as the one that creates problems for the former. For instance, Calista's father is seen as a man who is not responsible for the family. Then Sunday who is supposed to be her saviour ends up compounding her problem. Consequently, Chioma is given a good role to be a saviour while her husband is only supportive. Is this the true reflection of reality?

‘Broken' is a didactic novel that everyone has to read especially the youth. It shows that life is full of challenge and patience is the tool to encounter any challenge in life. For instance, if Calista had remained patient with her parents, in the village, she might not have encountered the predicaments she suffered in life.

Before You Lust

A friend walked into my shop one afternoon with a cutie and introduced him as her cousin. He was a hunk of a guy, tall, muscled biceps, dark-skinned, a thrust out chest, full sensual lips and a handsome face to boot. When he spoke, there was a huskiness to his voice that triggered certain hormones in my body. And when he smiled, I was caught, hook, line and sinker. His smile would melt any woman's heart and the guy knew it. I was combusting and melting inside.

He knew I was caught on the allure of his gorgeous body. My friend talked, joked, and we laughed but all along I was lost to lust. I ogled his macho build, his hairy arms sent me to delightful fantasies. I practically undressed him with my eyes and my hands itched to follow my eyes. How my friend never caught the heat that oozed out of me beats me. But the guy knew he got me pant's down. I was willing to explore and experiment; he was too, and we spoke volumes with our eyes over my friend's head.

An hour later they left, and I watched his behind with longing until he disappeared out of sight. I sighed heavily, got up and increased the speed of the ceiling fan, to cool off.

“You're melting for a guy you don't even know.” My head said.

“It doesn't matter, the guy is a lady slayer.” My heart announced.

“I need just one night with him, or rather some time with him whether night or day makes no difference.” My body whispered.

Like I knew he would, he came back alone later in the day. We greeted, I held his hand, trialled my hand down his hairy arm and looked deep into his eyes, my intent clearly pooled in my eyes. The guy smiled, the smile of a spider that had caught a fly in its web.

But then we had to sit and chat, connect and make plans for a suitable rendezvous. I wanted to have him, to quench the fire he had ignited in my body. I fired off a lot of questions, occupation, hobbies and likes. After thirty minutes of talking with him, my lust froze, all my pent-up heat turned cold. He tried to use his smile to still win his way into my heart, but his smile had lost its potency as far as I’m concerned.

What happened? I discovered the guy had nothing upstairs. He wasn't educated, wasn’t the problem, he couldn’t speak fluently or express himself wasn’t why I backed off. These are non-issues, he was just a buffalo, nothing upstairs, that's what pissed me off. He was a bouncer at a club in one African country; I was not surprised, that’s the job I knew he would excel in. we had no meeting point apart from lust. And after we satisfy our lusts, what next? Character-wise, I don’t know how nice he would be when he switched off his charming smile. 

You have to look and look well before you lust after that man. Do not succumb to lust. Make sure the man has values and will add values to your life. Do not allow your body or your arousal to dictate for you. Listen to your head and not always follow your heart or your body.

The packaging might be enticing and beautiful but what's inside should be far better than the ornamental outside. It's not about having a good body, a beautiful/handsome face but building your inside to be as good as your outer wrappings. The guy could have been a total package, if he took time to develop himself, instead of just settling as a bouncer alone.

And don't fall for anybody because of outward appearances alone, except you don't have a standard. Or all you wanted is just FUN. But if you have a standard and love yourself, aspire for more in your relationship.

Women who do not care about whom they fall into bed with may wake up feeling hurt, worthless and used. Meeting a charming and nice man does not guarantee you have met a good man. You may think you are going in for a one-off affair, certain variables may come to play, and you end up with a regret.

Lust is a very transitory emotion, it is more like a reaction to a want not necessarily a need. Lust distort your thinking, it makes you lose control. The emotions of lust if not contained makes you act like an animal in heat.

Be aware; do not allow an inordinate desire for sex or money to push you to blindly act physically on your lust. Lust is a powerful desire, a destructive monster. You deserve so much better. You are worth so much more. 

Fighting Emotion (3)

Chapter 3

Ifeoma suddenly found Fred dogging her heels; it was most likely for him to fall into step with her on her way back from lecture most evenings, or for him to suddenly appear with his own plate of food and sat opposite her in the cafeteria. He became underfoot to the point of annoyance.
The more she tried to dodge him, the more he pursued her. Even when she refused to talk to him, he would keep on talking as if he’s enjoying her stoic silence. It got to an extent her friends started mocking her over his constant presence around her. They christened him her ‘lover boy’.
One evening she came out of the female hostel gate to see him loitering around, waiting for her, incensed, her blood boiled over, and her temper erupted, she walked up to him. "Why are you stalking me?"
He saw the anger brimming in her eyes as always and smiled to douse it. “Actually, I was waiting to see you, since you banned me from coming to your room….” He shrugged. She had almost chewed him raw the day he visited her without invitation, in front of friends and roommates she told him off in a not so pleasant manner. He had to respect her privacy; there should be a limit to his foolishness.

“Now what, can’t you take a no from a girl and push on?”
“That’s not the way to talk to a guy who is trying so hard to court you.”
"Haven't it occur to you that I don't want to be courted, especially by you?" she retorted.

His eyes gazed at her lovingly, a look that drove Ifeoma crazy and chipped at her resistance. Fred watched the play of emotion in her eyes and knew her hostility was thawing; just a matter of time, and his man-hunt or rather his woman-hunt bait would catch its prey. A fleeting wisp of a smile appeared on his face.

He wondered how long she would continue to deny the spark kindling between them. It’s being three months now since they met and he had been going after her. Can a woman be this obstinate?
“How about we go to the student centre for a drink and a talk?”
She shook her head. "I don't think there is anything else you will say that will make me change my mind," she said with thinly disguised anger.

“Probably so, but for the sake of civility just humour me.” A brooding look replaced his smile.
“If I oblige, will you promise to stop stalking me?”
"You will have your wish fulfilled soon because I'm going to be away for a month."

A startled look jumped into her eyes. Fred noticed and tried to arrange his face into a benign expression. She could fight him all she wanted, but he knew she would miss him.

“Where are you going to be for a whole month?”
“Can we sit down and discuss it over some bottles of drink?”
“Okay,” a grudging acceptance as she let down her guard a notch and followed him to the centre.

The moment they sat down, she faced him. "So, you will leave school for one month to do what, what of classwork and assignments?"

“Calm down, I told you over some bottles of drink, and the drinks haven’t arrived yet.”

She flicked her hand in the air impatiently. “I don’t like waiting for information.”

“You have to wait and you have to be friendly and smile to get the information.”

Indignation flared in her eyes, Fred smiled. “So, what will you drink?”
“A soft drink will do.”
He went to the counter and came back with a soft drink and a melt; he uncorked them and handed the soft drink to her. After a few sip, she eyed him wearily.
He beat her to the question. “How hard have you been banging the typewriter and decoding the shorthand?”
Her lips tumbled into an unrestrained smile, “Not easy, but my quiz scores are not bad.”
“I’m happy to hear that, but I will be happier if you smile more when you’re with me and be a little friendlier.”

Anger flickered in her eyes, Fred held up his hand. “Calm down Ify, I just want us to be friends; there is no harm in friendship. It will be more fun for you to relax around me, smile and be cheerful than to be constantly on your guard, I’m not an ogre, just a guy who happens to like you so much and trying so hard to let you know that.”

She raised her eyes to the ceiling in silent exasperation. “Can’t you understand? I don’t want you! I don’t want to be hurt; I don’t want any man trampling on my heart.”

“Why? Something I did or didn’t do or from past experiences?”
He listened as she explained her reasons for not wanting an intimate relationship with any man yet.

“Okay, we can take it one step at a time. I’m not hot on commitment too.”

"Yes, so I have heard through campus grapevine, you're the type of guy I have been warned not to get close to or I will be stung for life."

“You’re too intelligent to judge me based on what you heard about me. Why not keep your biases aside and get to know the real me.”
"Really? You mean there is more to you than the stories flying about campus as the crowned prince of heart breaker."

His mouth lifted in a sexy smile. “I don’t break hearts.”
Ifeoma swallowed and looked away. He looked so dashingly handsome and rakish, her heart and brain cells quivered, a part of her wanted to shred her sanity and be adventurous, go wild and follow her heart desires.

She was melting and didn’t like it, of all guys to fall for; it has to be one with a reputation, one who had left a trail of girls heartbroken. She had fought so hard to keep her distance from him. “Honestly Fred, I like you as a person -", before the smile could completely take over his face, she added quickly. “But I don’t want a relationship with you.”

He looked deeply into her eyes; he could see the fears, the uncertainties, and the struggles. “Ify, what are you afraid of?”
She stared at him, a contemplative look on her face. He leaned toward her a little. “Life is a risk you have to combat with and it requires lots of mobility and dexterity don’t let fear keep you static and steamroll you out of the joy, the happiness and the fun of living and loving. You deserve that much in your life. Give yourself a break and embrace love.”

A smile cracked through her frosty face. “You’re big grammars and psychobabble talk will not melt my heart. I don’t want to be hurt; I don’t want to put my heart in the hand of a Romeo who will make mincemeat of it.”

“Trust me. Give me a chance to prove to you that I’m not really a Satyr as girls made me out to be.” For once his confident smile was replaced by an earnest plea that cut to her heart.

She studied him through narrowed eyes; for how long would she keep fighting her emotion and hiding it behind anger at his audacious pursuit. It would be foolish to keep pretending he didn’t appeal to her. From the first day she laid eyes on him, her heart had never been at rest, and she knew he would never give up. She realised for some time now she had stopped seeing him as simply a man pestering her life, but a possible relationship in bloom.
As the thought rolled through her head, her stomach became a ball of jumbled quivering nerves, lifting her drink she took a sip. "Well, your one-month absence will give me enough time to categorise and analysis my true feelings for you."

The smile that waltzed through his face snuck past her last defence, and she knew she had lost the battle when her cheeks dimpled convulsively into a smile.

“Not before then?”

"Nah, remember, one step at a time."