ODE TO AN AUTHOR NGOZI EBUBEDIKE... by Dr. Dream

Ode to Ngozi Ebubedike, the Wordsmith Extraordinaire

Oh, Ngozi Ebubedike, a creator of poetic ecstasy,

With the stroke of your pen, you dance with the divine.

Your words ignite worlds, your verses set souls free,

Dear author, your brilliance forever shall shine.

In each chapter you weave, a new tale is born,

Characters spring to life, their stories come alive,

With lyrical grace, you unveil worlds torn,

Guiding us through emotions, both tender and thrive.

Your prose, like a symphony, resonates in our minds,

Melodies of truth, wrapped in the garments of art.

Through your stories, wisdom and beauty bind,

As we immerse ourselves in the depths of your heart.

With every word you write, your power unfolds,

Painting pictures with phrases, bringing dreams to light.

Your pen, a magic wand, transforming the old,

Oh, Ngozi Ebubedike, a champion of the write!

What worlds we have explored, thanks to your quill,

From distant lands to mystical realms unknown.

You invite us into your tales, hearts trembling, hearts still,

Taking us on journeys that are uniquely our own.

Your voice, like a whisper, echoes through the pages,

Whispering truths that leave us forever changed.

In your words, we find solace, like ancient sages,

A sanctuary of knowledge, beautifully arranged.

Ngozi Ebubedike, your words are a gift,

A symphony of emotions, a window to the soul.

Through your stories, our spirits you uplift,

In each word and verse, you make us whole.

So, dear author, we raise our pens in tribute,

To a literary genius, bringing light to our days.

Your words, like ink, forever cherished, absolute,

Ngozi Ebubedike, your legacy forever stays.

By Dr. Dream... literature review...

REMEMBER (Poetry) By Dr. Dream

In the land of ancient wisdom,

Where the sun's kisses embrace,

Rises the spirit within you,

A descendant of a sacred place.

Remember, O child of Alkebulan,

That your roots run deep and strong,

Inheritors of a heritage,

That sings a timeless song.

From the Nile's gentle caress,

To the rolling plains of Serengeti,

Your soul is etched with stories,

Of a rich history.

Remember, O child of Africa,

The drumbeat of your ancestors,

Echoes in your very being,

Every step, a dance of kinship and solidarity.

Beneath the canopy of ebony skin,

Lies the resilience of a thousand tribes,

Woven together like a tapestry,

United in the heartbeat of their vibes.

Remember, O child of the motherland,

In your veins, flows the spirit of kings,

Courageous warriors and wise queens,

Whose legacy in your soul sings.

With the strength of the lion,

And the grace of the gazelle,

You carry the essence of Africa,

With a heritage no words can quell.

Remember, O child of Alkebulan,

In your diversity lies your strength,

For within its borders reside,

Countless languages, cultures, and faiths.

So, let your pride be a beacon,

Guiding you through life's warbles,

Embracing the beauty of your heritage,

As it shines through like a thousand marbles.

Remember, O child of Africa,

You are a story waiting to be told,

Your voice, a symphony of resilience,

A testament to the spirit of old.

Embrace your motherland's embrace,

With love, honor, and dignity,

For you, dear African, are a treasure,

A symbol of eternal unity.

Remember, O child of Alkebulan,

In your journey, you are never alone,

Connected to a tapestry of souls,

Whose spirit in you has always shone.

By Dr. Dream...Literature review...

Review of Building Intimacy By John Chinaka Onyeche

Romantic love has a hidden desire and is possessive. With time, feelings such as jealousy, impatience, misunderstanding, lust, discord, and strife rock the relationship. Because physical qualities and desires are the foundation, it topples. When the chemistry and attraction dry up, love shrinks, and we notice and point out negative things and hold grudges." - Ngozi Ebubedike. Building Intimacy. 

Picking up this book written for Love, I have often asked myself a thousand and one questions as to know if I should read the book or just let it be because it is for love/lovers which I can only see myself out of the entire story of love/loving to an extent. 

Ngozi's insights on love and intimacy expanded my understanding of what love should be. Each chapter prompts introspection and provides answers that come like a powerful gust of wind.

How else should a work of art hold you bound, I leave such a question from this wonderful book for you to answer after reading it. 

Starting from the first chapter to the last, Ngozi held her readers with care and helped them walk through the lanes and lens of a retrospective moment to know from where they have fallen from this emotion called love/loving. 

I - intentionally

N - nurture 

T - traits 

I - inclined to 

M - motivate 

A - affectionate 

C - comradeship 

Y - your partner 

This is her definition of intimacy and if you truly go through it, you will believe me that many of us are nowhere to be found in this thing called love/loving. 

I think I should be using "Loving", instead of love. 

From its forward, there was this scenario that was created to depict what most of us call intimacy or love in short. 

'The sales girl gave us a different taste of each with disposable plastic mini cups to help us choose. We sipped, trashed the cup, and waited to sample the next one. That is how modern-day relationships have reduced the integrity of love.' 

Pictures upon pictures of what deplorable condition our human world has left love to and the aftermath of this negative impact of everyone tasting and not for the sake of maintenance but 'since it is plenty in the market, let me see the next one' mindset is wracking havocs already. 

"in today's world, genuine love is in short supply, and intimacy is a lesser travelled route. People no longer have long-term plans for relationships. They are after the here-and-now thrills."  

For me, this is a must-come-back-to-read book of all time and I will be glad to recommend it to you if you have anything to do with finding and maintaining an intimate relationship with anyone. Add this book to your shelf and thank me later. 

Finally, in her exact words, "We put much stock in finding a partner for a relationship. But after a short while, we forget why we are in a relationship and discard all the show of care and affection exhibited at the beginning." 

Go get your copy of this book today and find out more than I can write here. 

https://selar.co/16i3w0

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CD125J4L

Review of Secret and Deception, books by Remi Togun-Akinola

The Secret is the heartwarming story of Dr. Teniola and Adeife's journey to love and marriage. However, the book starts with the love story of Adeife’s parents, Lucas and Princess Tife. Their romance begins at the University of Ibadan and ends in marriage after obtaining their Master's Degree in Finance. Adeife is their only child and was raised in a controlled academic environment because his father was grooming him to take over his multimillion-naira realtor's business.

The story shifted to the parents of Teniola, Ambassador Jaiyeoba, a retired Nigerian Ambassador to France and his French wife Susan, who died later in the story. Teniola got pregnant at fourteen while still in SS2. They withdrew her from school and flew her abroad to have the baby.

Twelve years later, she became Dr. Teniola, a General Practitioner at Rubik Medical Centre at Lekki. It was at this medical facility that she crossed paths with Adeife, who had come in for a routine checkup. Her compassionate care towards him served as the catalyst for their connection, and their love blossomed. Their families were delighted with their union, realising that they had been longtime friends.

Dr. Teniola and Adeife were both successful in their chosen careers. Adeife inherited his father’s realtor business while his father went abroad with his wife to enjoy their old age. Teniola also inherited her late mother’s assets worth millions of dollars. She used part of it to build a maternity hospital in honour of her mother.

They eventually get married and live happily. However, there is a dark cloud in the skyline of their marriage. Three years later, the cloud becomes denser and tears them apart. Teniola left the country back to France and stayed away for five years. A divorce letter from Adeife and the news of another woman going after her husband brought her back. On her arrival, the secret of her previous life, her concealed pregnancy, and the truth about her child was disclosed, leaving everyone, including Teniola, astounded. 

The story is a captivating narrative, full of suspense that grips the reader until the very end. While it excels as a romance tale, certain scenes lack the emotional finesse required to evoke the desired impact to help readers better understand the setting and create a more immersive experience. And some plotlines appear feeble. 

Deception

Deception is a story that captures the sad consequences of betrayal, lack of trust and acts of immaturity. Michael Johnson and Itunu Ayodele meet and fall in love and coincidentally enrol in the same school and department. Itunu got pregnant and was afraid to tell Michael because he would ask her to abort the baby since they were still in school.

Their love story takes a harrowing turn when Itunu confides in her friend. Lara, being Itunu's closest confidante, becomes privy to her pregnancy and her apprehension in revealing it to Michael, a secret entrusted solely to her. Fuelled by jealousy, Lara clandestinely betrays her friend by disclosing this secret fear to Michael. Filled with anger and betrayal, Michael abruptly terminates their four-year-long relationship.

Left emotionally shattered and carrying a three-month-old pregnancy, Itunu turns to her uncle, her sole relative and benefactor since her parent's demise. Her uncle supports her decision to keep the child and reaches out to his wife's junior sister, Dr Mrs Jones, a lecturer at Legon University in Ghana. Dr. Mrs. Jones extends her home to Itunu and facilitates her continued education in Ghana.

As Michael eventually realises his grave mistake and embarks on a quest to locate Itunu, she has already departed from the school. Itunu's uncle thwarted all Michael’s attempts to find out about his niece's whereabouts and vehemently refused to welcome him into his home. Later, through Lara, Michael learns of Itunu's tragic demise during childbirth. For years, the weight of his grief and the repercussions of his heartless actions haunt him, rendering him emotionally incapacitated and unable to pursue romantic relationships.

Meanwhile, amid Itunu's trials and tribulations, Dr. Teni Jones, her uncle's sister-in-law, adopts her as her own, renaming her Mariam Ayodele-Jones. Itunu, now Mariam, gives birth to twin boys and finds a loving home with her adopted mother.

However, fate, the master orchestrator, has more in store for these star-crossed lovers. A twist of destiny reunites Michael and Itunu when he accepts a career opportunity in Ghana through his American company, where Itunu works as an engineer. His decision is fueled by the need to reconcile his dreams with reality, aiming to extricate Itunu and their twins from his haunting past.

Their love rekindles, but Michael remains oblivious that Itunu and Mariam are the same girl he mourned as dead. On the other hand, she guards this secret closely, torn between revealing the truth and the overwhelming power of their love.

Deception is a captivating romance narrative that takes readers on an emotional odyssey of abandonment and survival. The novel reveals the intricate facets of love and the indomitable resilience of the human spirit, proving that love can defy even the most formidable odds to flourish.

The author

Remi Togun-Akinola was born in Osun State,Nigeria. She is an accomplished Educationist and Seasoned School Administrator.

She worked for the Lagos State Government as a Secondary School Teacher for almost thirty-five years and retired as a Principal and a Director.

She is also an Emotional Health Manager and Counselor.

She lives in Lagos State, Nigeria, with her husband and Children.

She is the author of Greater Love, Enduring Heart and Bittersweet.

One-sided relationship

What Is a One-Sided Relationship?

Are you putting more effort into your relationship than your partner? Are you investing more energy and time into making the relationship work? Are you always the one reaching out, doing all the texting, calling, and planning of dates? If the answer is yes, you're probably in a one-sided relationship. 

A one-sided relationship is a situation where one partner is carrying most of the responsibilities; financially, physically, emotionally, and mentally. It is also a situation where one partner has strong feelings or affection for someone who does not share those feelings with them. 

An imbalance in action, emotional investment, and mutuality of feelings between partners characterised a one-sided relationship. 

It is emotionally challenging and potentially toxic for one partner in a romantic relationship to shoulder most of the shared activities, or take care of most of the duties the couple should share equally. For a relationship to be healthy and balanced it requires effort from both partners. 

Because of this imbalance, the person doing all the work often feels resentful, which can be emotionally and physically draining. 

A mutual, and satisfying relationship provides stability and security. But a one-sided relationship lacks the healthy balance required for stability. 

When one partner works harder than the other to keep the relationship afloat, with time the connection, the amount of effort, energy, communication, emotional, or financially input will dissolve because the imbalance is only sustainable for a while. Loneliness, frustration, resentment, anger, insecurity and other emotions will surface with time.

Twelve signs that show you're in a one-sided relationship:

Unequal Effort: One partner always puts in more effort, starts contact, plans activities, or shows more affection, while the other partner shows little emotion and put no effort to make the relationship vibrate. When the other person doesn’t seem to care or doesn't put in much effort, you feel you're forcing a connection. It leaves you doubting their intentions, commitment, and investment in the relationship. 

Lopsided Communication: One partner dominates conversations, and always dismisses or ignores the other's opinions, feelings, and interests. Or one partner is constantly initiating activities and communication because the other partner expects you to start interactions, and make plans for what you do together. Though some people are better at communicating and planning than others it doesn’t mean you should be the only one putting effort to keep the relationship alive. Your partner should at least put in some effort and show commitment.

Lack of Reciprocity: One partner consistently seeks emotional or practical support, but rarely provides the same level of support when the other partner needs such. Also, when affection, care, or support is mostly or entirely one-sided, with little or no reciprocation from the other partner. When you constantly crave their attention and care and never get it. 

In a balanced relationship, you don’t need to work for time and attention from your partner. Instead, both should want to connect physically and emotionally if the interest is mutual. 

One-Way Sacrifices: One partner consistently makes sacrifices or compromises to accommodate the other's needs or desires, while the other is indifferent. You sacrifice everything to make your partner happy; you ignored your wants and needs just to hold up the relationship and you make excuses all the time to exonerate your partner’s behaviour. That's a sign you are compromising and sacrificing too much for someone who doesn't value you or the relationship as much as you do. 

Emotional Unavailability: One partner is emotionally distant, avoids sharing feelings, or minimises the importance of the relationship, leaving the other partner feeling unsupported. Or where your partner uses your emotions or feelings to manipulate you to their advantage, without genuine care or commitment. They are never emotionally available.

Self-Centeredness: One partner primarily focuses on their own needs, goals, and interests, while disregarding or undermining the other partner's aspirations. They rarely initiate anything that would be to your benefit. If the other partner is insecure, they try to control the other by limiting their contact with family and friends and dictating how they should live their life.

Limited Time and Attention: Your partner consistently prioritises other activities, hobbies, or friendships over spending quality time with you, making you feel unimportant and unwanted in the relationship. They never have time enough for you or pay attention to your feelings and moods.

Lack of Appreciation: Your partner rarely acknowledges or expresses gratitude for the efforts and contributions you made in the relationship. They show a lack of interest, disinterest, or indifference toward your feelings or well-being.

Decision-Making Disparities: Your partner consistently makes important decisions without consulting or considering your opinions, leading to feelings of exclusion. This often leads to emotional distress, insecurity, and frequent fluctuations between hope and disappointment. Or maybe you are the one to make most major relationship decisions while your partner doesn’t care either way or shrug off the responsibility of making important decisions altogether. So you carry the weight of almost all the important decisions on your shoulder with little or no input from your partner.

Weaponised Incompetence: Your partner intentionally put up actions designed to burden you with responsibilities they don’t want to deal with. It is a situation where your partner feigns an inability to perform basic tasks and so shifts the burden of responsibility to you and conveniently gets out of contributing or investing their time and effort in the relationship.

Making Excuses: You are the one to apologise, whether or not you are at fault, after a conflict or argument, in other to keep the relationship going without your partner taking responsibility for their actions. If your partner is always twisting your words or making you feel guilty for expressing your feelings or resentment, you're most likely in a toxic, one-sided relationship. 

You should never have to apologise or feel ashamed for seeking support, especially from your partner.

Lack of Intimacy. How do you connect intimately with your partner? Does your partner shower you with physical affection like cuddling or holding hands? Do you share an intellectual connection over books or movies? Intimacy is not just sexual. If your partner is not interested in sharing intimate moments with you, it means the relationship is probably a one-sided one.

Causes Of One-Sided Relationships

Sometimes relationships are one-sided because one partner is manipulative or toxic. In other cases, however, a variety of factors can contribute to a relationship becoming one-sided.

Poor Communication Skills

One or both partners struggle with sharing their feelings, needs, and preferences. Practising and improving communication skills can help increase clarity, and proffer solutions, responses, and opportunities to repair and rebuild the relationship if that is the desire of both partners.

Insecurity

One partner is afraid of losing the relationship if they don't take care of everything themselves. This leads to them taking on an imbalanced share of responsibility in the relationship.

Conflicting Expectations

Each partner has a set of ideas about what a relationship means and what they hope to get out of it. If you are more committed and dedicated to the relationship than your partner is, it is bound to feel one-sided. Sometimes one-sided relationships occur because of a lack of communication and clarity about expectations, hopes, and feelings.

Personal Problems

If one partner is dealing with stress or battling symptoms of a mental health condition, it can play a role in how they act in a relationship. They may not give their partners the attention they need because they are grappling with personal issues.

Attachment Syndrome

Attachment syndrome can play a role in how people behave in romantic relationships. Someone with a serious attachment problem may worry that the other person does not feel as strongly as they do.

This can lead to one partner becoming clingy and enmeshed in the relationship while the other tries to get away from it as best as possible. In romantic relationships, this type of behaviour often leads one partner to become emotionally dependent on the other.

Impact of One-Sided Relationship

One-sided relationships are toxic, especially when one partner is intentionally taking advantage of the other. Some of the damaging effects of this type of relationship include:

Increased stress: The stress of being in this type of relationship takes a toll on both your physical and mental health. While healthy relationships act as protective buffers against stress, research has found that some relationships create stress that is harmful to your health. Issues like insomnia, anxiety, depression, and decreased immunity are a few of the potentially detrimental effects of excessive stress. 

Feelings of loneliness: Besides the stress of doing most of the work in the relationship, the lack of mutual effort can leave one partner feeling isolated. They might not be able to talk to the other partner about their feelings or the problem they are dealing with.

Low self-esteem: The disappointment one partner experiences in a one-sided relationship leaves them feeling rejected, unsupported, and unloved. This can make it hard for them to feel confident and secure in the relationship. Constantly pursuing someone who does not reciprocate your feelings can take a toll on your self-esteem, leading to feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness.

Unhealthy Obsession: Disproportionate preoccupation, and investing a significant amount of time and energy into someone who does not feel the same can be detrimental to your well-being. You may unintentionally neglect other relationships or essential aspects of your life while obsessing over unrequited love.

Frequently worrying about the relationship, and craving more connection but accepting the crumbs of affection your partner offers, diminishes your worth in the relationship.

Inability to Move On: Finding it hard to let move on from the person, even when it is clear they do not share the same feelings, shows a toxic attachment.

Emotional Dependency: Relying heavily on your partner for happiness or emotional fulfilment, rather than finding it within yourself contributes to a one-sided relationship. If you find yourself in a toxic one-sided love situation, prioritise your well-being by distancing yourself from the person and focusing on your growth and happiness.

How your relationship makes you feel is the most important red flag. In one-sided relationships, you’re likely to feel anxious, empty, lonely, misunderstood, insecure, or resentful. If you feel you are more committed to your relationship or investing more time, energy, or effort, do an honest assessment of the situation, look at your options, and decide if the relationship is worth saving or moving on with your life. A one-sided relationship isn't healthy for either partner. 

Relationships require give and take and compromise to achieve balance and function correctly. 

Everything mustn't be shared equally to create a balance in the relationship, but if you are striving harder to make your relationship work, you need to address the issues with open communication or seek professional guidance to determine the best course of action. A lack of communication and clarity about expectations hopes, and feelings sometimes foster one-sided relationships. Open communication also allows you to work through barriers or conflicts to grow stronger as a team. A loving relationship with shared values and commitment makes you feel safe, loved, confident, connected, understood, and secure.