Right and wrong motives for a relationship

 At the heart of every human being is the need for companionship, partnership, care, attention, affection, and love. No one really wants to be alone. Ideally, the essence of a relationship is finding that special someone to share your needs, desires and the burdens of everyday life. 

Relationships are a NEED meeting mechanism. That’s for real. We all have needs to satisfy and meet which alone we can not satisfy or meet. The only way to get them fulfilled is through interaction with others when we relate with them.

Relationships provide avenues for solving different human needs. There are as many kinds of relationships as there are different human needs to meet. 

When circumstances connect two people, there is always a motive behind the union, defined or undefined. Each is bringing into the relationship a Need, they hope to be fulfilled. It is only when people openly and clearly put out their needs and there is an understanding of what each partner needs that the relationship moves on without many games or tricks. 

However, games and tricks arise when people hide their motives or rather their needs behind a facade of affection and love. When the purpose of a thing is not well defined or known, resentment and abuse are inevitable. When the needs or desires of partners in a relationship are not well defined, it would be steeped in games, tricks and emotional exploitation. 

In every relationship, the motive behind the show of affection determines the direction the relationship would go, and this propels every action and decision people make or take in the relationship. People come together to form intimacy for different motives, which might be for love, fun, pleasure, companionship, social benefits, comfort, as a placeholder, “take hold body”, situationship and so many other reasons.

But relationships for pleasure, for the benefit, for comfort, or based on the emotions of true love and affection are the four basic ones. Others are anchored on these.

Whatever be the motive for the relationship, love is always a word used to cover a variety of feelings, needs and emotions, but believe me, love in its truest sense is far from the core of most relationships. 

Relationships based on pleasure. 

Passion and sexual gratification spur this type of relationship. One partner is only interested in the sexual thrills, fun, and the idea of being in a relationship. No real deep emotional attachment and the personal attributes of the other person are of very little importance. Such relationships have no deep roots. Any slight wind of discord disintegrates them. Some are usually short-lived.

Sometimes, one partner regards the other as a placeholder unknown to them. What the other desires is someone around for sexual satisfaction. They call when they require your service and compensate you with cash gains and gifts.

For sure, this type of affair is manipulative and demanding. Here, people give to get something in return even if they don’t admit it. 

When a young girl becomes a side chic to a married man, often, love isn’t the main course, probably a side dish to sweeten the affair. The woman needs social benefits, or comfort financially. And the man wants pleasure and sexual satisfaction out of the bargain. When both of them maintain their lane and play their roles adequately, the relationship lingers for a time.

Relationships based on benefit 

These types of relationships depend on the usefulness of one partner to the other and what they stand to gain from each other. This type of relationship is based on personality and possession.

The inner personal constitution of the other person is of little or no importance. The outer personality is more important and valuable.

This is because the primary concern is the benefits to be derived from the liaison based on the person’s outward clout. 

Materialism and social benefits are the bedrock on which this type of relationship is built. What runs through the mind of people in such a relationship is what personal satisfaction, business ties, social benefits, connection, or financial increase they stand to gain?

The guy has money and social clout and you went into the relationship for the tapping that comes from dating him.

The lady is beautiful, from a very influential and affluent family, and dating her adds some financial and social values to your status.

Fine girl, he uses you for ego-stroking. when he sees a girl more beautiful or more valuable to him, he dumps you. The guy is loaded, a cash cow or the goose that lays golden eggs for her. When she meets another guy with more money than you, she follows the money. Some people go after higher winds and status elevation.

A guy once told me he would not marry a girl he would struggle with or be responsible for her family's needs. He wanted a girl who has made it or from a wealthy family. To him, love is overrated, wealth and comfort first before love. For years, he searched and found his ideal wife. When he thought his wife’s family would take care of his needs, he discovered that once married; he had to fend for himself and his wife. All the promises made to him never came through. With time, resentment set in because the union did not meet his expectations and needs. The marriage collapsed after a few years.

A relationship based on benefit or pleasure has money, sex and connection as key factors for the union. Many people confess love to have access to sex, while some confess love for money and other trappings of wealth. The word, “I love You”, has no weight and value in such relationships.

The fact the word “love” is thrown around doesn’t make it a genuine love relationship. Love is not the binding cord, nor is it the motive for the relationship. Feelings based on personal pleasures and gains of the moment and never true love and affection regulate these relationships. 

They are transitory and have no depth and no future because when the motives for forming them are no longer realised; they crumble. When one’s desire is fulfilled and the other is unfulfilled, then there is no fair play. The one with unfulfilled desires would feel cheated and would want out of the relationship.

Relationships based on comfort

Here, what brought the partners together are the little niceties of life that bring material comfort at the moment.

Women are attracted to men who have what it takes to make them comfortable. Most women love to live in luxury and have all expenses paid by a wealthy partner.

And so are some men these days. They are after women that are capable of providing them with material comfort. Like a young man of twenty-five years telling me to connect him with a woman of my age grade who has money, so she would take care of him financially.

In relationships, people settle for many average things because they’re conveniently comfortable at the moment, forgetting that the wind of change might blow such conveniences off the shelves tomorrow. When the need for comfort is no longer foreseeable, which is the bedrock of the relationship, what then happens?

Comfort is not just about material things alone. It can be an emotional release from stress and stressors. Emotional comfort is one reason most men keep side chicks according to a man. He said he has a troublesome wife at home, so he has a girlfriend by the side who makes him happy. The emotional comfort he drives from staying with her helps keep his sanity intact. In return, he keeps her financially comfortable.

In this type of arrangement, things could only go topsy-turvy when each party’s different expectations for the relationship are not met.

Relationships based on the emotion of love.

 Here, love and affection pour forth from one to the other, irrespective of personality or possession. When two people love each other greatly that it does not matter who the other is or what he/she possesses, then they are in a state of love.

A psychoanalyst, Harry stack Sullivan defines the state of love as: “When the satisfaction or the security of another person becomes as significant to one as one’s own satisfaction or security, then the state of love exists.”

A relationship based on the state of love, similarities of emotion and affection for each other are the best and most lasting motive for a relationship. When some couldn’t get this level of connection, they settle for what is available. This is because believing in the illusion of love is better than not being loved at all. 

In a true love-based relationship, to love is more important than being loved. If the other person truly loves you as well, they will reflect the same feelings towards you. It becomes a union of love, where love is given for love. However, any time each party feels he/she is not getting enough of that love, the relationship is in jeopardy of disintegration, too.

When the need is love and affection and is being given in an equal exchange, where both are givers and receivers, the relationship flourishes and both partners are happy.

Intimate relationships based on love have no bounds, no restrictions and are not limited by conditions. In a true love-based relationship, everything should be given and done unconditionally, without the expectation of reward or manipulation of feelings. Genuine love asks for nothing but the reciprocation of love. 

Your partner gives you love and attention; does things for you without asking for anything in exchange. The person gives from the abundance of love in his/her heart. The person doesn’t want to use you to secure some of their desires. By giving and doing, the person is also meeting his/her needs. It is an overflowing sharing of their heart with their partners.

Loving another person is a selfless act. When you love someone, you put them first and work towards understanding their wants and needs and how to help the person get them. Very imperative if you want the relationship to work with less stress.

Honestly ask yourself what is the motive behind the relationship you are into presently? The answer you get is the binding cord of your relationship.

Beyond Dreams(Romance)

Tonia is a strong and independent woman who is insecure about love and commitment. She meets Duke, a young, handsome billionaire, and the siren whisper of love blows through her heart like a warm breeze. But all she wants from him is pleasure without promises, no strings, no emotional commitments.

Duke never commits to a woman. His Modus operandi is; Meet. Get in. Have fun. Get out. One night of fiery passion with Tonia and Duke is breaking some of his rules for her and will break more with gusto to get to her icy heart.

Tonia is on the run, to protect her heart, afraid if she opens her heart to Duke, she would wake up to an empty dream.

Foundations for a healthy marriage.

Every weekend and some weekdays people celebrate marriages. Every day, marriages are collapsing around us. As more people are rushing in, more people are rushing out. Marriage is going extinct, so some say and one wonders, is it the dead or dread of marriage that brings about the disintegration of the institution of marriage?

Marriage is instituted for a happily-ever-after, that is the concept, that is what every couple has in mind as they take the vows. However, the dreamy eye brides soon discover that the bed of roses they envisioned has thorns in it and the prickle soon shocks them to wakefulness. What they see and the experience becomes different from their expectation and perception. All because people go into marriage with the wrong impression.

Some people enter the “marriageship”, for unhealthy reasons. This is where the problem lies because before they finish saying I do, the marriage is already heading toward an iceberg that will shatter and sink it. It’s just a matter of time.

Before you propose or say yes, first ask yourself some relevant questions like:  

Am I ready for marriage?

Is he/she who I want to spend the rest of my life with? 

What are my beliefs about love? 

Not many people marry for happily-ever-after or marry for true love. Marriage is meant to be a lifelong partnership.

There are those who enjoy their partners- and by extension their marriage and those who endure their partners and by extension their marriage,

Whether you enjoy or endure your partner depends on the foundation on which your marriage was planted. As the saying goes. “What you sow is what you will reap.”

Did you accept the marriage proposal for the right reason or for the wrong reason?

Accepting a proposal for the wrong reasons included:

Pressure from friends and family.

Don’t ever be with someone because you’re pressured to accept the person. The only reason you should ever consider marrying the person is simply that you love being with the person. 

Often friends and family pressure you to get married because you have reached the age of getting married. Everyone is on your neck, to please them and ease the pressure you succumb to it and marry the first person that comes your way or the one recommended for you.

To live happily-ever-after, marry because you have found the right person to settle down with. Someone you feel you can share your life and personal space with.

Single and desperate.

Because you’re single and feel the time is no longer on your side, and you see yourself as a soon-to-be expired commodity, you settle for the first person that comes along. All you want is to be married, to who is of no great consequence to you. 

But the consequences of your hasty action will come eventually and make you regret the marriage. In the end, you feel your partner is not good enough, which leads to resentment and insecurity.

 As the saying goes, marry in haste and regret at leisure.

 Marrying for image or family name. 

The marriage will look good on paper, will bring business dividends, will unite the family, and the roll call of the attendees is the cream of the society. It’s everything considered good, but not because the two people involved actually love and admire each other.

Remember, it’s all in the photo, pictures that will become memorabilia, guests that will go home to their lives. 

You end up with the butt of a family scheme as a partner. This isn’t a script for a happily-ever-after but a one-way ticket to a toxic relationship in marriage. You will wake up every day to ask yourself how you ended up in such a marriage. 

Being naïve and hopelessly in love.

A marriage based on love, at first sight, has a greater risk of ending in disappointment than a marriage built on mutual respect and understanding. 

Some believe that once you’re in love it solves everything. That’s not true at all.

Being in love is a process that takes time and patience to build sensual and emotional connections. Most people never reach this deep connection in love. They get addicted to the ups and downs of romantic love, where feelings rule their life. And when the feelings run out, so do they.

Feelings end on your wedding day, the morning after, you will understand the difference between a wedding and a marriage because you’re about to get into the nitty-gritty of what marriage is all about. 

And those who get into it for the feelings alone get disappointed. The feelings generally last for a few years at most, and then you’re down from the dizzying high of romantic love. 

Once you’re married, and with time, romance goes out of love, you’re left with a human being with faults and imperfections whom you have to genuinely love and respect to enjoy living with. Otherwise, things are going to get rough.

Someone to complete you.

 

Some people get into marriage as a way to compensate for something lacking in their life. Some feel without marriage they’re incomplete. You marry and expect the person to fulfil your expectation of love and happiness. Love and happiness come from you; nobody gives you that.

Invariably, you will love your partner only as long as they help you feel better about yourself. You will give to them only as long as they give you what you want. You will make them happy only as long as they make you feel happy. This is a recipe for a bad marriage and a breeding ground for domestic abuse.

Do you want a vibrant, healthy, and happy marriage?

A healthy and happy marriage requires two healthy and happy individuals. The keyword here is “individuals.” That means two people with their own identities, their own interests and perspectives, and things they do by themselves, and on their own time and mutually acceptable to them.

“Happily Ever After” is not a piece of cake, all icing and sweetness. No! It’s work and a walk in endurance, patience, compromise, and intentionality.  You have to constantly remind yourself every day you wake up to love your partner – the good, the bad and the ugly part of them. And then, to love your life, for both go together. Remaining steadfast in your marriage is an intentional decision you make every day.

Some days, you feel like the world is at your feet. And some days it’s a struggle to keep to that vow, on such bad days, remind yourself why you love your spouse and why you’re in the marriage.

A love that’s alive and healthy is constantly evolving. It expands and contracts mellows and deepen. Just as life never remains static, so is your love for each other. It’s not going to remain the way it used to be in the beginning. 

The key to happiness in marriage is when you marry a partner whose values align with yours, whom you respect, love and accept, and vice versa. Another is sustaining a genuine connection by working through the everyday struggles and challenges to make your marriage work. 

Everything that makes a marriage “work” not just on the surface but a real deep connection between partners requires a genuine, deep and mutual affection for each other. Without that mutual affection, everything will be a walk in endurance.

Another writer puts it that, “relationships exist as waves–people need to learn how to ride them.”  

According to Jon Kabat-Zinn, “You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf them.” 

There are constant waves of emotion going on in a marriage. Some waves last for hours or days, and some last for months or even years. Understand that the key to successfully surfing these waves lies the foundation of a healthy marriage. 

The only thing constant in life is change. People lose jobs, lose family members to death, couples relocate, switch careers, some make money, and some lose money. All these have both emotional and physical effects on people and how they handle them affects the dynamism of their marriage and their relationship with their spouses.

You can work and walk through any issue in your marriage, be it emotionally, physically, financially, or spiritually, as long as there is understanding and healthy communication between you and your partner. You can surf the waves together and come out stronger.

Marriages are imperfect relationships, sometimes messy and complicated. Simple because they are made up of imperfect, messy, and complicated humans. People want different things at different times in different ways, at times in ways you can’t even comprehend. Always remember you’re sharing a life with someone else, so you need to plan on how to accommodate each other’s needs and wants. 

When you have a finger on the pulse of each other’s needs, you will probably grow together in the marriage rather than grow apart.

The girl with a saucy mouth(children's book)

 

About the book

Isioma is saucy and unafraid of anything or anybody, always up to one mischief or another around the village. 

“If you are angry, excrete bees,” is her standard answer to anyone who gets angry with her. One day she said it to someone who actually excreted bees.

Chapter one

“Isiiiii... oma, Isiiiiiii…... oma oooo.”

Isioma hissed and hit the palm fruit nut on a stone slab hard with the round stone in her hand. The shell and the kernel inside shattered into pieces.

Her mother’s voice shouted her name again.

“Mtcheew! Mama should leave me alone, biko.” She put another palm nut on the stone slap and hit it. With less vigour. The shell cracked, another soft hit, the shell shattered. She picked out the kernel and added it to the growing number in her left palm.

“Isioma, is it not you mama is calling?” Chioma, her younger sister’s voice, asked from behind her.

Isioma turned and looked at her. “If I get you there, I will twist your mouth.”

“Come and twist my mouth now. Mama has been shouting your name since and you didn’t want to answer her.”

“I say get out of here.”

“You only know how to insult somebody.”

“If it is paining you, excrete bees.” Isioma eyed her and turned to continue cracking the palm fruit nuts. She would teach her a lesson later. For now, cracking enough palm kernels to use and drink garri was her primary concern.

“So, Isioma, you are in this backyard, and I have been shouting myself hoarse calling your name?”

Isioma dropped the stone in her hand and stood up. When she saw the fury in her mother’s eyes, her eyes darted around in search of an escape route 

“Mama, I told her you were calling her, and she said she will twist my mouth if I disturb her,” Chioma reported.

“Mama, I’m hungry, I’m looking for something to eat,” Isioma said mutinously. 

“The hunger blocked your ears that you didn’t hear me shouting your name. O kwn ya? Every time you are hungry and after all the food you consume in this house, you still look like a broomstick.”

Isioma stared at her mother with defiance. “Is it my fault I look like a broomstick?”

“No, it is my fault. When you expand all your energy, fighting around the village and climbing trees. How will you have flesh? Ajor nwa, bad child, I don’t know where you got your bad manners from. Go and fetch water. Let’s start making the evening meal before your father comes back from the market.”

“I have not finished cracking the palm nuts. I want to drink garri. I said I’m hungry.” Isioma twisted her face in anger.

“I said I’m hungry,” her mother mimicked. “Try my patience this afternoon and I will break your skull for real.” Her mother took a threatening step toward her, and Isioma took to her heels. 

A Few minutes later she came out of the house.  With a swollen face and a water-can held firmly in her armpit, she walked with brisk strides toward the pathway that led to the village stream. 

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Bonding with in-laws

​

I received an email from a woman who asked for advice on how to gain the love of her in-laws. Her boyfriend is planning on taking her to see his family for them to begin their marriage rites.

I appreciated the fact she asked for advice on such a sensitivity issue before taking that big step in her relationship. When you are on the threshold of becoming part of a new family, the fear of acceptance is real, especially from prospective in-laws. We always approach the unknown with trepidation. Fretting over meeting in-laws to be is agonising because you will want them not just to welcome you but to accept you as part of the family. 

Foremost, individuals differ and come with their own unique baggage. So, there is no one-size-fits-all advice on how to have a perfect relationship with the in-laws. What works for one may not work for the other, but there is always a bottom line that you can change to suit your situation.

Everyone craves acceptance, especially with people you will spend the rest of your life with. However, know that acceptance isn’t an automatic ticket you will receive on arrival. It requires time and effort to earn it. Reason? Differences. We are all born into different cultural, religious, geographic, or social backgrounds. These differences inhibit our relationships with others. These hurdles you have to overcome through interaction and friction. How you interact and handle the fall-out frictions with the in-laws is the yardstick for your acceptance or rejection in the family.

How to relate with your in-laws.

1. Talk with your partner

If you’re about to meet your in-laws for the first time, you need to be well informed on what to expect. This information you can get through your partner, who knows his family better than you. 

Your familiarization interrogations should start with him. Ask questions that will give you insights into their beliefs, attitudes and culture, if both of you are from different cultural backgrounds. You will not want to commit a cultural faux pas on your first encounter with your in-laws.

Checking with your spouse on what works and what will not work with his family is a step in the right direction. He is the best person to help alley your fear and shows you how to relate with his family. It’s better you know them before you tie the knot to understand what you’re walking into.

2. Don’t put on a show. 

Never ever put up a show just to earn their approval. These are people you will spend the rest of your life with, be open, show them your real self from the onset. This will help reduce friction and acrimony in the future. If you try to show off as something or someone you’re not, it will only cause everyone problems down the line because you cannot keep on the pretence for long. 

Also, don't remake yourself to fit into the wife mould your in-laws want for their son. Don’t accept what you can not tolerate from them. Be yourself, your real self. To allow your in-laws to use you as a foot mat is not a guarantee they will love and accept you.

Be yourself. Show them how you want to be treated.

And eventually, it will work out. Project to them who you are and not what you have.

Again, do not try to over please them and fall into trouble. Show basic courtesy, be a good human being, respect them for what they are, and be helpful to them. 

3. Listen and learn

Remember, your in-laws are an integral part of your spouse's life. Understand they have loved your spouse much longer than you. They have been there throughout his life. To worm your way into their heart, make them a crucial part of your life as well. 

Remember also, you are competing with his family for his affection and attention and he has a biological connection with them already. This is another source of friction you have to handle with wisdom because jealousy is invertible. 

Fret not, all you need to do is listen, pay attention to their words and action and you will learn how to deal with your partner’s family. Be open and ready to learn about the family dynamism and how to adjust to fit into the family. Share who you are with them, and this will help develop your relationship with them.

Do not be confrontational with them until you establish a good rapport with them, which will increase your understanding of some actions. Before then, confrontation often spoils relationships that are tender and yet to have a strong root.

4. Give it Time. 

Every relationship takes time to build. It’s a gradual process, a journey of discoveries. There will be fights and arguments, but that does not mean they don’t like you. You are different, with your own set of principles and ideology, so are they too. It will take time and effort to understand and accept another’s viewpoint with love and, since they don’t know you well yet, they would be judgmental.

 Don’t give up. Always be kind. Give it time. 

You don’t need to rush the process. To make this work, learn to give in to their opinion to lessen the friction. It will show them you care about their opinions, and you are ready to accept them as a family, too.

Every relationship is like a plant that needs special attention and care in the nurturing stage. Give your best to your partner’s family, knowing you’re in it for the long haul.

5. Understand your in-laws.

 Understanding your in-laws will give you leverage on how to relate to them in the future. If you get to know them well, you will set limits and boundaries on how to interact with them. But no matter how they are, try to show them love and respect for raising up the man you found worthy to spend your life with.

Often, you hear wives complaining, “my parents will not treat me the way my in-laws are treating me. Is it because I married their son?”

Your parents’ love comes with your birth package. But your in-laws are not your parents, so don’t expect them to love you wholly. No matter how much you desire their love and affection, don’t expect it to be the same as your parents. Though there are exceptions.

Don't expect your new family to treat you exactly the way your family treats you. Love is earned. Try as much as possible to earn their love, trust, and respect. 

6. Build a Friendship. 

Love them, show them you care. Build a friendly relationship with them and include them in your life as part of your family. Chances are, they are just as nervous about connecting with you as you are about connecting with them. 

Love them, respect them and let them know your best side. It will increase family dynamism and reduce friction if you can get along with your in-laws.

Remember, your partner is equally special to them, as your relationship with him is to you. Whatever the case may be, it is important you respect them, even if you don’t like them. Engage with them, and work towards establishing a cordial relationship with them.

As human beings, we can’t do without relationships, so learn to maintain a good relationship with your in-laws. Building relationships is difficult. Attempt to spend valuable time with your in-laws, and be kind and generous towards them. The return you get on your effort will last the rest of your married life.

7. Communication is key

Communication is a key ingredient in every successful relationship. Learn how to communicate with your in-laws. If something bothers you, address it as soon as possible to clear any misunderstanding that will arise and smear your relationship with them or your partner.

Don’t bottle up anger, it leads to resentment in the future. Resentment is poisonous. It eats away the core of a relationship. Resentment also erodes trust, reliability, affection, and commitment and replaces them with negative emotions like disappointment, bitterness, and hard feelings. 

Learn to be expressive without being insulting to your in-laws.

As a new member of the family, open communication is the only you can break barriers and insert yourself into the family.

8. Treat Them Like Family. 

Your in-laws may not be blood-related, but because of marriage, they are now extended family members. They cannot replace your parents or family, but you have become an addition to the family, work to integrate yourself into the family. It’s not always easy, but no matter what, work on your relationship with them. They will only drop their guards when they see you.

Love them and treat them like family. Remember, they are part of your spouse's life before your entrance; they come with the marriage package. Treat them like family.

Respect and common courtesy go a long to make you part of the family. Even if your spouse has parents from hell or you consider his mother as a monster in law, you owe them respect and tolerance. 

 

Understand that your partner has a bond with his parents and siblings. Try not to bring strife into their relationship. Rather, maintain a good relationship with your in-laws, and be at peace with them.

9. Drop all conceived stereotypes.

Purge yourself of the stereotypes that all mothers-in-law are monsters or that there is no pleasing an in-law, no matter what you do. Try to be open-minded, adjust your thinking and adapt to the reality of the situation you meet on the ground. Yes, there will be contestation and conflict, handle it with maturity. There are people who are genuinely difficult to please or love. It’s in their DNA. Accept that and find a way around them.

See your partner’s parents as humans, imperfect, with strengths and weaknesses, good side and bad side. Treat them as you will want your future daughter-in-law to treat you.

It may not be easy to get total acceptance from every member of your partner’s family, but try to live in harmony with them all where possible. Your effort will probably pay off in the long run.

Bleaching (poetry)

Okafor, Akin, Shehu,
Names of our ancestors,
Lugard, Usman, Richardson,
Names of terrible strangers,
Intruders through our palm frond fences,
Desecrators of African sanctity,
Destroyers of our peaceful serenity.
Our seeds spoke in their tongues,
Their words are fluent without faltering,
Our seeds can no more speak Africa,
Kofi, Diarra, Khumalo, they can’t rightly say,
Ancestors, close your ears to this,
Your eyes are already shut, am glad!
Vile deeds are done,
At home and diaspora wide.
Black souls and skins are bleached,
Thanks to cosmetic concoction,
No thanks, the gods are angry,
Our tongues, our skins are gone,
Our names are dying too,
We now bear the foreigner’s name,
Abandoned rich cultures for cheap ones,
Relinquished invaluable norms and values for folly,
Abomination, the land cry!
Our ancestors are angry,
Their faces smoke in rage,
They seek rebirth as appeasement.

Darlington.

The masquerade dance (Poetry)

Google image

They blazed into the arena, 

Routing previous bleak and gloom, 

With their spectacular apparel,

Creatively crafted with colourful raffia strands.

They embraced the gong's rhythms,

In the back and forth motion dance, 

With raffia heads pounding the dusty ground,

Back and forth to the throng's amazement. 

The metal and wooden gongs synergize,

Partnering osha, udu and kongas,

Making rhythms that lifted our hearts, 

As was the splendid dancing spirits.

The anchorman restrained them with ropes, 

Aptly checking their unpredictable rage,

As they gyrate in the kingly dance, 

With a majestic stutter and swagger. 

Offspring of Umunneoha ,

Where ebony cultures are still alive,

And our dance, the lovely export,

Which took our people far and wide. 

@Akakuru Darlington.