How to Avoid Abusive Relationship

 

A reader inbox me and asked me to do a detailed article on how to avoid abusive relationships. Though single, she is getting scared of the rising tide of abuses in marriages. She didn’t want to be a victim and wanted to know how to avoid toxic people in her relationship.

I agree with her. To be forewarned is to be forearmed. Before getting into a relationship, it is wise to know how to tell if you are getting involved with someone who will abuse you.

Abuses in relationships come in many ways: physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, economic, and psychological. 

Why are some people abusive in their relationships? The answer is power, control, dominance, and submission.

One partner wants to influence or control the other partner and when they couldn't achieve that, they get resentful, and being abusive is the only way to unleash these emotions. They use coercion, manipulation, or force to get what they want. Though it is more common for women to be the victims of relationship abuse, men also experience abuse in relationships too.

Below are hints on how to dictate and avoid abusive people. 

Take your time: 

If you meet someone you are interested in, take your time. Allow yourself to get to know the person before you decide the direction of the relationship.

 

Before you jump in, figure out if this is what you want, and figure out if this is leading where you think it’s leading. If it is, then take time out to study and understand the person. Is he/she what you want in a partner?

Don’t allow yourself to be pushed too fast or coerced into a hasty decision. Take things slowly, take time to think and assess the person. 

You don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who is going to be pushy, jealous, or possessive. You want someone who will respect your boundaries, value you the way you are and loves you for real.

Most women, when they fall in love, become blind and will put up with anything. Especially those that need to get married desperately for one reason or the other. They succumb to a whirlwind romance, become engaged, live together with the man and then end up in regret afterwards.

If you walk carefully and take your time to get to know the person and are honest with yourself, you will not fall into the hand of an abuser. 

Avoid quick physical involvement.

Don’t sleep together, don’t move in, and start being a couple. Don’t get emotionally attached before you have time to figure out the person. 

I ran into an old friend recently; we got talking, she just fled from her marriage due to domestic abuse from her husband. 

I asked if she didn’t see the red flag while courting the man? She did, but pregnancy happened and she married him hoping marriage would change him, but he got worse after they were married. After five years of insult, embarrassment, and brutality, she left with three kids. The trauma left her emotionally and mentally damaged. She is in therapy now.

That is the danger of getting physical so early in a relationship. Only get physical when you’re sure the man is the real deal. Getting physical at the beginning of a relationship muddles a woman’s thinking. When you fall in love, make sure you land into the relationship with both feet. Don’t tumble into it, heart first.

Listen to Your Intuition

Listen to your intuition, not to your friends or relations, but to the message that comes from within you. Neither your parents nor your friends or relatives know the person better than you do.  You are in a better position to decide what's best for you than those around you. 

What does your intuition tell you about the person you are dating or living with? If your gut feeling is telling you, something is not right about the man or the relationship. Have a rethink.

 

Let your intuition be your guide. If you have nagging feelings about any aspects of the person or the relationship, understand your hunches or get out. Listen to that still, small voice inside you. When you put that voice first, above any voice in your head, you can’t go wrong.

If you have doubts, anxiety, persistent nagging thoughts, suspicion, apprehension or hesitation about going into the relationship or continuing with the person, listen to your intuition and act on it. 

Pay attention to his/her words or remarks

Don’t play blind and deaf. Observe the person’s actions and words. Pay attention to remarks and comments and how the person speaks to you. If their words are subtly insulting, belittling, humiliating, disrespectful, or intimidating, then beware, that’s verbal abuse. When your partner makes insulting remarks about you in public and embarrasses you in front of your family or friends, that is verbal abuse.

Verbal abuse is any kind of demeaning, degrading, insulting comments or remarks from your partner that hurts you. If your partner calls you lazy, stupid or senseless, probably under the guise of a joke and laughs it off and you feel hurt about it, that is abuse.

If the person can accept the same comments from you without getting offended, then fine. But if the person cannot take the same joke from you, then it’s a red flag. Beware.

Mr Nice and Charming is not always Mr Good

Meeting a charming and handsome man doesn’t mean you have met a good man. The man may be gentle, kind, and probably attentive, but behind all these good attributes, may lie a baser side hard to detect in the beginning. Be cautious and observant. Do not allow his gentle attitude to disarm you. 

Often we meet a guy or a gal and get carried away with their external fineness, and surface appeal and forget to take cognizant notice of other aspects of them. This mentality makes us ignore all the warnings and glaring signs that will help us avoid a toxic relationship. 

Do not jump to conclusions about if he is the one. But take one step at a time. This way, you will be far less likely to get into an abusive relationship.

Though the man is kind towards you in the beginning, don’t let down your guard. Watch how he interacts with those around him. That will give you an inkling of the person he is.

Watch how the person treats others. Abusive people are often very self-absorbed, unkind, or disrespectful to others, especially those they consider to be beneath them. How they treat others is a warning sign that they will eventually treat you the same.

Jealousy 

Jealousy can be flattering at the beginning of a relationship because it will appear like the other person cares so much about you and can’t bear to let anyone else be interested in you. However, jealousy, when in excess, differs from caring and has nothing to do with love. It is a sign of insecurity, possessiveness, and a lack of trust.

Excessive jealousy is a common character trait of an abusive person. If you’re in a relationship and your partner is jealous, it is a warning sign he/she is possessive, which is not healthy in the long run. If you are serious about a person who is excessively jealous, you better set boundaries from the beginning of the relationship.

If your partner resents the time you spend with your family or friends or questions you about the people you talk with or accuses you of flirting when he sees you with other men, watch out because that is a sign of possessiveness.

If your partner frequently calls to check on you, to find out where you are, who is with you and what you are doing? Don’t see this as a sign of love or care, but as a sign of jealousy.

Low self-esteem 

People with low self-esteem are always hypersensitive. They are quick to lose their tempers and react aggressively to normal criticism or commentary. A lot of abusers have low self-esteem and see any kind of critique as a threat. But they are quick to criticise and insult others.

If you feel sad, hurt, humiliated, or frustrated with your partner’s words or actions, this is a sign you are not in a healthy relationship. 

Also, if your partner uses outdated gender roles to keep you subservient, he or she may be an abusive person.

When a man uses an implied gender role to make you obey his orders, or subjugate you to a certain treatment, he is an abuser. Many male abusers see women as being inferior to men and use this philosophy as an excuse to batter or abuse them.

Some, because of their low self-esteem, try to keep their partners under them because they feel threatened by the lifestyles of their partners. A person with low self-esteem has feelings of inadequacy about him/herself and feelings of insecurity about their partners. 

 

Authoritative Behaviour

Authoritativeness and controlling character traits are other signs of an abusive person. 

If your partner becomes angry when you do not take his or her advice. If he attempts to control your movement, your life or your finances, or make personal decisions for you. You may be in an abusive relationship. 

A partner who is controlling undermines your integrity and shows a lack of respect for you. Men who are controlling are more likely to become physically abusive.

In one group I belonged to on Facebook, a lady wrote her sister died giving birth without revealing the father of the child. The responsibility of taking care of the child, a baby girl, fell on her. For eight years she took care of the girl as a daughter, sent her to the best private school in her area and made sure she dresses well and nicely. Then a man came into her life and proposed to marry her, but with conditions. He complained she buys expensive clothes for the girl. To please him, she went for cheaper clothes for the girl. Next, he asked her to withdraw the girl from the private school she attends and put her in a public school. She did. Last, the guy said he would not allow the girl into his home when he marries her. He told the lady to give up the girl for adoption or send her to someone who would take her in as a housemaid. She is frantically looking for who will take the girl off her hand. 

At the end of her post, she said no one should blame her or advise her otherwise. She is 37 years old and desperately needs to get married and the guy is the only one who is serious about marrying her.

This has the stamp of a toxic relationship, but she is too blind to see it. Probably, she is seeing the man’s behaviour as an act of concern for her. He has not yet married her but is controlling her life and she is allowing it. It will get to a point where the man controls what she wears, where she goes, and who she spends time with.

Isolating Behaviour

If your partner isolates you from your friends and family, forbids you to see other people or expresses anger when you spend time with friends on your own. It’s a sure sign of an abusive partner. Isolation is often the first step an abusive person uses to segregate their partners from social interaction with others.

A jealous and controlling person may often try to undermine family or friends with veiled concern for you. An abuser sees a close-knit family or friends as potential enemies and threats to his or her way of life. 

Some abusers even stop their partners from attending school or work, isolating them further from others and increasing their dependence on them for companionship and social acceptance.

Mood swing

Explosive anger and constant irritability are both warning signs of an emotionally unhealthy person. Mood swing is a form of emotional instability often caused by mental or behavioural disorders that trigger abusive tendencies in a person. Most abusers experience frequent mood changes, that’s why they have multiple personalities. Abusers are prone to explosions of rage when least expected, some days they will react differently to the same situation, it all depends on their mood at the time. Someone with such frequent mood changes and explosive character traits is unpredictable and so very hard to trust.

If you walk on eggshells around your partner, or constantly watch your words or actions around the person to avoid mood triggers, then you are in an unhealthy relationship.

Shifting blame.

Abusive people don’t accept responsibility for their actions. They rather blame others for their feelings and actions they commit. They shift the blame for the consequences of their action to others. “You made me angry. That's why I beat you.” Some will say, “You refuse to take my instruction, that’s why I’m mad at you.” It becomes the fault of the person they have abused. They make the person feel guilty and responsible for their words or actions.

If your partner refuses to accept responsibility for the mistakes they make in their lives and constantly blames others for his or her problems, the person has an abusive trait.

Abusers typically blame others, especially their partners, for almost anything that goes wrong in their lives.

Someone is always doing them wrong or out to get them, his/her wicked uncle, his/her village people, not the bad choices or mistakes they made. They will never accept it was their fault and will always insist they were right.

Unhealthy perfectionism. 

People with unrealistic expectations from others. People who want things to be done in a certain way or who want their partners to conform to their particular standards. Such people are toxic, you will never please them. They are always unreasonably angry over minor difficulties or challenges in their life and are not open to changes.

They are not flexible and when their partners do not meet their unrealistic expectations, they may become explosive, resentful, angry, and abusive. Though not everyone with perfectionist tendencies is an abuser, however, when it becomes extreme, it becomes toxic.  

A friend of mine on his Facebook wall posted this advice for ladies. I find it succinctly.

"Single girls, read these statements carefully and very well." 

1. Change your number after marriage.

2. Quit your job after marriage to take care of the kids.

3.  Stop keeping friends, no visitors, including family members after marriage.

You see these three statements, once you hear any of them or what loosely sounds like any of them from a man you are dating, no matter what stage the relationship is, even if you are getting married tomorrow, END IT!!!

These are the biggest red flags you can ever get in a relationship in Nigeria today. And it will not end well. They are a typical example of what you expect from a textbook narcissist. Like I said before, it will definitely end in tears. 

I’m just revealing this secret to you. 80% of single ladies that will read this will still go ahead to make the same mistake thinking, “he loves me,” while forgetting that me that is telling you this is also a man that knows how men reason more than you know.” 

Ifeanyi Omeni, The Tale Weaver and A.C.E professional

Author's Hangout With Zizi

What piqued my interest in her was her doggedness as a writer. I followed her through many groups' writing contests and watched her emerge at the top. She knows her worth and place as a writer and never shies away from boldly staking her talents with ease and enthusiasm that showcases her love for the written words.

Ifeanyi Omeni is a multi-talented and prolific creative writer, book editor and motivational writer/speaker, as well as a Christian writer too. She has birthed many interesting and educating books, both fiction and non-fiction, in her fifteen years writing career.

She is indeed a tale weaver, reading any of her books, gets you hooked into reading others.

Tell us about yourself.

My name is Ify Omeni, also known as the Tale Weaver and ACE(Author, Communication coach and Editor) professional. I’m a graduate of English and Literature from the University of Benin and a holder of a master’s degree in Media and Communication from Pan-Atlantic University in Lagos.

How did you become a creative writer or did writing come to you?

I have been writing since primary school. I used to rewrite every story I read in a storybook. Then I began to write animal stories and my own imaginative stories about young children. I progressed from there to writing adult stories. 

Is there any author or book that influenced you either growing up or as an adult?

There are several authors that influenced me. Zulu Sofola made me love playwriting. I read her plays, King Emene and Wedlock of the Gods and Wole Soyinka’s The Lion and the Jewel, and began to write plays. During my university days, I was taught by two lecturers - Professor Egudu and Professor Yesufu, who made poetry develop wings and fly. Poetry came alive as they taught. Creativity exploded within me. I composed some poems under their tutelage. Wole Soyinka and JP Clark also made me love poetry. Years later, I met someone, Ben Ijeoma Adigwe, whose poetry made me revise my poetic pieces. Chimamanda Adichie and Chinua Achebe influenced my prose writing, while Francine Rivers and Karen Kingsbury made me discover my love for Christian Fiction and become a Christian Fiction Writer.

Did your environment & upbringing colour your writing? 

My upbringing did not colour my writing. My parents did not encourage me to write. Most parents of the era I grew up, were more interested in their children studying professional courses like Law, Accountancy, Medicine and others, so talents like writing were seen as a distraction. 

As for my environment. Maybe the few authors I have mentioned made me delve into the world of writing.

What is your writing process(es) like? 

My preferred place of writing is my library, seated in front of my laptop. And my preferred time is late at night, usually from 1 p.m to the early hours of the morning. My inspiration is at its peak, at these times. Like the scriptures state in Psalm 19:2, ‘Day unto day uttereth speech and night unto night showeth knowledge.’ I believe there’s something about the night season that oils creativity.

You write different genres, what’s the secret of your versatility as a writer? How did you choose the genre to write?

I don’t know the secret. I think my being able to write different genres is a divine gift. I just discovered that I’m interested in several genres and can write in those areas.

What inspired you to write motivational/Christian books?

I’ve been a Christian almost all my life, and this has made me interested in that area of life. I read books by Bishop David Oyedepo and began to write my own Christian books, which I call Christian literature. Years after, a friend gave me books by Francine Rivers and I got interested in that genre. Then I discovered Karen Kingsbury’s creative spread and dived into the world of Christian Fiction writing.

How do you gather information and ideas for your books?

For my non-fiction books, I get information from the Internet, other books, discussions with people and stories I hear.

For my fiction books, I get divine ideas that are dropped in my spirit. I get inspired through books I read, watching television and films, stories I hear and discussions I engage in. It got to a point that people were scared of discussing with me because I can turn practically anything into a story. That’s why I’m called The Tale Weaver. Because I can weave a tale at the drop of a hat.

You are a graduate of English and Literature. How did you get into banking before retracing your step back to the literary world?

I guess it was the desire for survival that pulled me into the world of banking. I tried to turn an idea into a business venture and when it didn’t work; I took up an offer for a job in the bank, rather than become a financial burden on anyone.

What were the challenges in writing and publishing your first book while still working in the bank?

I didn’t have any challenges. I had already written the book before I became a banker. All I had to do was create the time to edit and prepare it for publication.

Do you consider any genre more difficult to write than the other? 

Yes! I find fiction more difficult to write. For non-fiction, the writer gathers materials together and a book is born. But fiction is spun from the imagination, which makes it more taxing to create. There is also that need to ensure the story makes sense, so the writer has to put in intrigue, suspense and other elements that will keep the reader engaged till the last page.

God has given me the creative ability to write novels, short stories, poems, creative essays, songs, screenplays, drama, documentaries, memoirs/biographies/autobiographies, operas, proverbs & wisdom verses, children’s fiction, teenage fiction, Christian literature, motivational books and textbooks.

How many books have you written? Which is your favourite?

I have written eight books. Pearls are not For Pigs and Footprints of Note are motivational books, Letter to Thilda, Wind of Change and Song at Sunrise are novels, The Ship of Dreams is a memoir, Tales of Our Time Volume One is my first collection of short stories and Spring of Life Book One is my first collection of articles which I call creative essays. 
Do I have a favourite? Not exactly. I love all of them but prefer my fiction books.

How do you promote your books and are they yielding dividends?

I do the book promotions mainly on Facebook. I advertise my books and post my write-ups on my Facebook Timeline. I take part in writing contests and spread my writing on various Facebook groups, both those created by Nigerians and by foreigners, to create an awareness of my writing skills. I also pay for special adverts on Okada Books, to give the books I have published on the platform more visibility. 

Dividends are trickling in. I still have not discovered my tribe of readers, who will buy whatever I write, but I refuse to let low patronage of my books discourage me. I will keep writing until Jesus comes.

What do you consider your best accomplishment as a writer and a writing coach?

As a writer, being able to release the writing gift God gave me, to bless a waiting world. 

As a writing coach, mentoring people to become better writers. I teach adults and children how to write, for a fee. I also look through manuscripts of upcoming writers who reach out to me and show them how to write better, without charging a dime.

Give us an interesting, fun fact about the writing of any of your books.

Writing The Ship of Dreams was a lot of fun. I went on a boat cruise and started out by writing a report of the trip, which was a dream voyage. What started as a report turned into a book and I soon had my first memoir in my hands. That book made my dreams come true and I believe that people who read it will walk into their cherished dreams.

What were your aims of setting up Touch of Gold Media? And so far, have you achieved it?

Touch of Gold Media is my dream company. I set it up to fulfil my writing dream of polishing my many manuscripts, to create the next generation of writers by teaching upcoming writers the rudiments of English grammar and writing, and to ensure that writers produce error-free manuscripts, through my proofreading and editing services.

I have achieved it to some extent, but there is still room for improvement.

What impact has your company made in the literary world?

I have helped several writers fulfil their dreams of being authors through my book-editing services. I partnered with a company, Poise Nigeria, to train lots of young graduates and professionals in English Grammar and writing. 

As a writing coach, who coaches people on how to write, are writers made or born?

I believe writers are both made and born. For me, I was born a writer. I started writing as early as the time when I could hold a pen. Writers are made by the people who coach them. People have testified about how my coaching made them skilled writers. 

I have also met people who studied the writing styles of others and taught themselves how to write.

You’re referred to yourself as A.C.E professional. (Author. Communication coach. Editor) besides being the C.E.O of a company, a poet, and a public speaker. How do you juggle these responsibilities? 

I have learnt how to organize my time. I believe people can accomplish what they want if they create time for it. In the year 2015, I gave myself a target to finish four novels whose ideas were swimming in my head. I set an alarm for one hour every day and before I knew it, I finished all four within that year. Two have been published, one is in the final stages of publication and I will publish the other next year. I did the same when my workload became almost overwhelming. I found myself in a situation where I was helping people publish their books, while my book ideas were gathering dust. I took a swift decision. I work better in the early hours of the morning, so I chose the early hours of Saturday, Sunday and Monday and settled down to type manuscripts on my laptop. The volume of stories I churned out when I created this schedule stunned me. I tell people who want to write, to create schedules or timetables. It works wonders.

What advice will you give to aspiring writers, especially those who would want to toe your footsteps?

I will tell aspiring writers to go for training, to become better writers and utilise the services of editors, who will help them produce error-free manuscripts. I am saddened by the level of mediocrity around because many people are not ready to take time to produce well-written and professionally edited books.

I will tell aspiring writers not to give up. The publishing landscape in Nigeria especially can be discouraging. Lots of writers have told me they want to stop writing because of lack of patronage, but I always encourage them to hold on. No one achieved anything by giving up. 

What is your assessment of the Nigerian creative landscape today, compared to years ago?

I think the reading culture has dwindled, but this era has the advantage of e-books that the previous generations did not have. People say Nigerians don’t read, but I think that statement is too absolute. There is a generation of Nigerians who feel uncomfortable till they have read a book. The growth of Okada Books and Bambooks is proof that some Nigerians read. Though not as much as they used to, but I believe the reading culture will keep getting better.

What are your other interests outside literature and writing? How do you relax?

I read books and watch television/films. I attend events like class reunions, music concerts, church programmes, weddings, book club events & book presentations, birthday parties and the likes. I love travelling and shopping. 

What feedback do you receive from your readers about your books?

The feedback is always encouraging. The words encourage me to keep writing. I once received negative feedback about a book I wrote, and I still took the advice of the person, even though it was from a place of spite. I believe one can learn a lesson from anything and anyone.

How and where can readers learn more about your books?

Five of my books, Pearls are not For Pigs, Letter to Thilda, Footprints of Note, Wind of Change and Song at Sunrise, are in hard copy format. People can get copies by emailing ifysbooks@gmail.com. Though Pearls are not For Pigs is out of print. The other three, The Ship of Dreams, Tales of Our Time Volume One and Spring of Life Book One, are in e-book format, available on Okada Books and Amazon. Wind of Change and Song at Sunrise are also in soft copy format and are available on Okada Books and Amazon.  

Looking back these fifteen years, what are the setbacks and challenges of being a writer?

On 9th December 2021, was exactly 15 years I published my first book, Pearls are not For Pigs. It was a nostalgic journey, looking back at all the steps I took to become a writer. I look back and have no regrets that I chose the writer’s path. The path has been littered with thorns and there were times I thought of giving up, but I persisted and will continue to persist.

There are many challenges to being a writer, especially in Nigeria. I refer to Nigeria because that is where I live and where the people I’m familiar with also live. One challenge is the funds to publish books. Lots of writers have to self-publish their works because, sadly, most traditional publishers are not eager to take on new writers. It costs a fortune to publish a book in Nigeria, with the cost of printing, because of too much reliance on importation. The cost of organising a book launch to create visibility for a book is also a challenge. Few can afford it.

Thankfully, there is the e-book variant, where people publish on platforms like Okada Books, Bambooks and Amazon, which is cheaper, but the writer still needs money to pay for the ISBN, cover design and e-book formatting. An average cover design that will appeal to the readers(because people have become very visual these days, especially when dealing with authors they don’t know. They usually have to like what they see, before they buy) is N30000, which is costly for most people. 

Another challenge which to me is major is patronage. It’s frustrating to finish writing a book(sometimes I have stayed awake till past 5 a.m with my joints and fingers aching, to finish a manuscript) and no one will buy. People typically ‘look at faces’ when purchasing books, so no matter how excellent your book is, if they don’t consider you an influencer or none of the people they regard as influencers recommend your book, they will not buy. You can advertise on Facebook, do book launches, and your Facebook followers will give you praises like ‘wow,’ ‘congratulations,’ ‘keep soaring.’ ‘You’re doing well,’ but withhold their patronage. They will buy a book that costs N2000 with a less appealing cover design and probably swimming with grammatical errors, written by an influencer who pulls the crowd on Instagram and ignores your book that is as cheap as N200. Some writers have reduced their cover prices and yet did not get patronage. During a Black Friday Okada Books sale, I saw an e-book that was reduced to N75 and no one bought it. It can get that bad! Imagine what that can do to a writer. ‘Frustrating’ is putting the feeling mildly. Despite this bleak writing horizon, there are remedies. For one, I believe if writers buy each other’s books, they can help to cushion this frustrating aspect of writing.

Another challenge is the way society(I use this in a generic sense to refer to the world) looks at writers. You mention you write for a living and those you tell that to, ask you to go and get a job as if writing is not a job. I usually have a ready assignment for such people. I tell them to write a one-page essay and send it to me, to mark. By the time I use my ‘editor’s red biro’ on the essay, they refuse to talk to me. Since they think writing is a walk in the park. They don’t think of Wole Soyinka, Chinua Achebe, Chimamanda Adichie and others who have made Nigeria proud through their writing pens.

If people can patronize writers, stop treating the writing profession with disdain and create an enabling environment for writers to thrive, writing will be a profession that many will strive to be a part of.

Qualities of a good husband

 

Every woman wants a good husband. Most mothers with grown-up daughters spend hours in prayer at home or in churches, praying for their daughters, not just to marry, but to marry a good husband.

What are the ‘goods’ in a man that qualifies him as a good husband? 

Does a good son make a good husband? Not always. And there is a difference between being a good man and a good husband.

For a man to be a good husband, he has to be intentional and knowledgeable about what it takes to build a peaceful and lovely home for his family.

Marriage is a beautiful relationship if you understand the tenets of handling your ‘marriageship’ and exhibiting qualities that will make you a good husband.

Qualities of a Good Husband?

An emotionally matured man.

It takes an emotionally intelligent man to confront conflict in marriage constructively while remaining resilient and supportive of his wife. The difference between a good husband and a bad one is the management of conflicts.

It takes a man who is emotionally mature, well-grounded and with a sense of balance to control his impulses and respond to challenging issues sensibly, rather than reacting impulsively.

A mature man should have the capacity to deal with the challenge, disappointment, and stress of marriage. That is why it is said that marriage is for men, not for boys.

A cheerful man: 

Women love men who are witty and have a sense of humour. A husband who knows how to make his wife smile at the right time; is a good husband. 

A man who comes home with a cheerful face despite having a bad day at work is a husband to hold on to. Women love men who could differentiate between the office environment and their homes. A good husband leaves the mean and grumpy face at the door and put up a cheerful disposition as he crosses the threshold of his home. 

Try to enter your home as cheerful and light-hearted as you can, even if you had a bad day at the office or are physically exhausted after driving through traffic.

There’s nothing a good husband loves more than making his wife and family happy. 

A Faithful man. 

Loyalty and faithfulness are prime qualities of a good husband. A man who has a sense of honour and duty remembers the sacred vows he took on his wedding day and respect them. 

A good husband knows that no matter how many beautiful women he meets in a day, there is only one woman who owns his heart, and that is his wife. 

A good husband is loyal to his wife. He never let her feel she is not good enough for him. If you love your wife, be loyal to her. Never make her feel you are not true to her, else it will break her heart.

A Responsible man. 

Biblically and culturally, it is the duty of a man to provide for his family. A good husband takes his marriage as his responsibility and is responsible for his financial obligations in the house. A good husband knows his family needs must always come before his own and, as such, use his money wisely.

Even if your wife works, it is an act of irresponsibility for a man to depend on his wife's salary. Good husbands prefer to have that as a backup rather than a major part of their family expenses.

A reliable man

 Every woman wants a man she could rely on. A good husband is there for his wife when she needs him. He provides her reassurance when she stumbles or is feeling down. He is available for her when she needs a shoulder to lean on when life hits her.

A good husband is never too busy for his wife. When it matters, he drops everything to give her attention and affection.

When a husband does what he says; when a husband does not lie; when a husband is consistent with positive qualities, then he is dependable and a husband a woman can rely on.

A supportive man.

A good husband supports his wife in all stages of her life. He does not belittle her or hurt her ego. If she is a working woman, understand she has work pressures too. Understand when she needs to stay late at work and give her your support. 

A good husband supports his wife by taking some weight off her shoulders and helping her with housework. Never leave your wife to handle the smooth running of the household alone, even if she is a stay at home mom.

A good husband is proud of his wife’s accomplishments and compliments her. A good husband supports his wife, even when the going gets tough, he always sees the good things in life and stays positive when faced with adversity to cheer the wife up. Support from a good husband challenges the wife to put in her best efforts and grow as a person. 

If a man is supportive, values you as his equal and loves you just the way you are, you have a good husband or a good husband material.

A sensitivity man. 

Be sensitive to the needs of your wife and try to meet them. Not just physical needs but emotional needs as well. Do not let your feelings toward life's changes affect your feelings toward your wife. A good husband needs to be sensitive to the requirements of his wife, treat her as an equal.

 If your wife has a goal she wants to work towards, do everything that you can for her. Don’t laugh at her dreams because that will break her spirit. 

You are the one man in the world she feels will understand her when the rest of the world thinks she is silly. Women appreciate men who make an effort to like things she does, either hobbies or passions. 

As a good husband, stand up for your wife, make her believe she can do anything she wants to do. She will love you even more for that.

A respectful man: 

A good husband speaks lovingly to his wife and refrains from using harsh words. A good husband never chooses to belittle, strike, humiliate or harm his wife in private or in public. A good husband watches what he says and thinks his thoughts through before speaking because he wouldn’t want to offend his wife in words or actions. 

A good husband treats his wife with respect in front of others and at home.  A good husband considers his wife’s opinion when making important family decisions. 

A good husband never makes his wife feel silly for what she believes in, if you don’t believe in the same, respect her beliefs.

Understanding, accepting and respecting the fact your wife is a separate being, who has different ideas, dreams, and opinions, is important in a marriage. 

A good husband respects his wife’s wishes and her needs. A good husband does not force his wife to give up on her dreams to follow his, but talks things out and sees what works for both of them.

A non-judgmental man. 

A good husband never judges his wife for her flaws. A golden rule in life is that you need to walk in someone else’s shoes to understand what they are going through before you judge them. Marriage is part of life. The rule is applicable here as well.

Avoid judging every action or opinion of your wife. A good husband understands his wife differs from him and that her experiences and likings differ from his, too.

If your wife did something or said something you didn’t agree with, show understanding by applying the golden rule, rather than making her feel she does not measure up or has goofed big time. People have their flaws and faults. A good husband accepts the bad with the good of the woman he married. 

A man with excellent communication skills: Communication is the key to a healthy marriage. A man who has healthy communication skills makes a good husband.

A man with excellent communication skills does not bottle up his feelings or emotions, it’s unhealthy and could lead to conflicts. 

A man who shares his thoughts and feelings with his wife without reservation; a man who talks things out with his wife; a man who discusses difficult subjects with his wife; they can disagree or argue, and yet still come to some kind of resolution later, is a good husband.

A good husband is a good listener, too. He listens when his wife talks and listens to his wife's complaints and empathises with what's going on in her life. Good communication helps in building trust and strengthens marriage. 

An honest man. Trust is paramount to a healthy marriage, and what builds trust in a relationship is honesty. A good husband is a man who is open to his wife at all times and does not keep her in the dark about what is going on in his life, business or workplace.

Being a trustworthy man is a proactive role. It requires a conscious effort, affirmed continuously by the decision and actions the man takes.  

A good husband ensures he gains the trust of his wife. He never gives his wife a chance to doubt him or feel insecure. He never gives her any reason not to trust him. And he let her know she can trust him with anything.

An honest man makes a good husband. Telling your wife the truth, not hiding things from her and involving her in every aspect of your life will earn her trust and will ensure you gain respect and honesty right back from her.

A Loving and affectionate man. 

Nothing trips a woman like when her man shows her love and affection as often as possible. Women are a sucker for affection. Every woman likes to be pampered.  A good husband pampers and appreciates his wife and notices her at all times. And compliments her when she spots a new hairdo or dresses up nice and cute.

Most women love romance and like it when their husbands’ shower love on them, so remember to be romantic with your wife once in a while. A good husband knows how to pamper his wife and indulge her in the things she loves. It shows her how much you care about her and will win you some points with her, and she will indulge you in the things that you love as well.

A good husband is mindful. It's important for a man not to neglect his woman. A good husband never forgets the special days in his wife’s life, like birthday and wedding anniversary.

A Protective man: 

A woman needs to feel secure around her man. A good husband makes his wife feel that when she is with him, no one can harm her. You don't need to be Mr Macho, but at least when you are with her others should not take advantage of her or insult her. 

A good husband is protective and never abusive to his wife. A good husband doesn’t tolerate others disrespecting his wife. He never allows someone to insult or say mean jokes about his wife. He let people know he is always at his wife’s side, come what may.

An understanding and appreciative man. A good husband understands his wife has a life other than being his wife. She has her parents, friends and colleagues who are part of her life too. She may have hobbies or passions outside you. Don’t expect her undivided attention. Don’t stop her if she wants to go out and hang out with her friends sometimes, engage in a hobby or spend some time with her parents.

A good husband understands everything about his wife- her thoughts, ambitions, opinions, her friends, her job. He doesn’t make her feel bad about her life circumstances, and he appreciates the person she is and the choices she has made.

As a good husband, be warm, kind, positive, and understanding to everyone around you, and appreciate your wife. 

A selfless and kind man

Kindness in a man is a very appealing quality to women. It assures a woman that the man will never hurt her and will always do what is best for her and the family. 

Kindness towards others makes a wife proud of her husband enough to brag about it to all her friends. Nobody likes an arrogant man. A good husband is pleasant and kind to friends and family. 

A good husband is up and doing and helps his wife with housework. As her husband, your wife will appreciate it so much if you were more active in the home, cleaning up after yourself and helping out with some chores. 

Just because your wife doesn’t work doesn’t mean her work at home is less strenuous. She might have struggled with children and housework all day.

A sexually capable man: 

Sexual intimacy is essential to marriage. Good sex helps to strengthen your emotional and physical attraction to your wife. A good husband satisfies his wife in bed and is faithful to her. Good sex plays a vital role in a satisfying and healthy relationship. Sexual frustration makes a nagging wife and can cause conflict at home.

A good husband is not just passionate when it comes to the physical aspect of marriage, but he is also passionate about small things that concern his wife and family. 

A compassionate man.

A man who can feel for others is very appealing to women, so be a compassionate man and show you care. It can be towards your wife and others as well. The more compassion you show, the more of a hero you will be to your wife.

Your marriage vows, in sickness and health, should not be taken lightly. A good husband would do anything to look after his wife in sickness and in health and do his best to look after his wife’s needs.

A Good Team Player

A good husband is also a team player. As a husband, you must realise you and your wife are a team. Being a good team player is vital in a marriage. It shouldn’t always be about you, you need to think about your wife as well. 

A good husband never undermines the decisions of his wife in front of the children or his relatives. If she errs, he talks to her in private. Showing people that the two of you are a team will prevent them from disrespecting your wife or taking advantage of her.