Review of Building Intimacy By John Chinaka Onyeche

Romantic love has a hidden desire and is possessive. With time, feelings such as jealousy, impatience, misunderstanding, lust, discord, and strife rock the relationship. Because physical qualities and desires are the foundation, it topples. When the chemistry and attraction dry up, love shrinks, and we notice and point out negative things and hold grudges." - Ngozi Ebubedike. Building Intimacy. 

Picking up this book written for Love, I have often asked myself a thousand and one questions as to know if I should read the book or just let it be because it is for love/lovers which I can only see myself out of the entire story of love/loving to an extent. 

Ngozi's insights on love and intimacy expanded my understanding of what love should be. Each chapter prompts introspection and provides answers that come like a powerful gust of wind.

How else should a work of art hold you bound, I leave such a question from this wonderful book for you to answer after reading it. 

Starting from the first chapter to the last, Ngozi held her readers with care and helped them walk through the lanes and lens of a retrospective moment to know from where they have fallen from this emotion called love/loving. 

I - intentionally

N - nurture 

T - traits 

I - inclined to 

M - motivate 

A - affectionate 

C - comradeship 

Y - your partner 

This is her definition of intimacy and if you truly go through it, you will believe me that many of us are nowhere to be found in this thing called love/loving. 

I think I should be using "Loving", instead of love. 

From its forward, there was this scenario that was created to depict what most of us call intimacy or love in short. 

'The sales girl gave us a different taste of each with disposable plastic mini cups to help us choose. We sipped, trashed the cup, and waited to sample the next one. That is how modern-day relationships have reduced the integrity of love.' 

Pictures upon pictures of what deplorable condition our human world has left love to and the aftermath of this negative impact of everyone tasting and not for the sake of maintenance but 'since it is plenty in the market, let me see the next one' mindset is wracking havocs already. 

"in today's world, genuine love is in short supply, and intimacy is a lesser travelled route. People no longer have long-term plans for relationships. They are after the here-and-now thrills."  

For me, this is a must-come-back-to-read book of all time and I will be glad to recommend it to you if you have anything to do with finding and maintaining an intimate relationship with anyone. Add this book to your shelf and thank me later. 

Finally, in her exact words, "We put much stock in finding a partner for a relationship. But after a short while, we forget why we are in a relationship and discard all the show of care and affection exhibited at the beginning." 

Go get your copy of this book today and find out more than I can write here. 

https://selar.co/16i3w0

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CD125J4L

Review of Secret and Deception, books by Remi Togun-Akinola

The Secret is the heartwarming story of Dr. Teniola and Adeife's journey to love and marriage. However, the book starts with the love story of Adeife’s parents, Lucas and Princess Tife. Their romance begins at the University of Ibadan and ends in marriage after obtaining their Master's Degree in Finance. Adeife is their only child and was raised in a controlled academic environment because his father was grooming him to take over his multimillion-naira realtor's business.

The story shifted to the parents of Teniola, Ambassador Jaiyeoba, a retired Nigerian Ambassador to France and his French wife Susan, who died later in the story. Teniola got pregnant at fourteen while still in SS2. They withdrew her from school and flew her abroad to have the baby.

Twelve years later, she became Dr. Teniola, a General Practitioner at Rubik Medical Centre at Lekki. It was at this medical facility that she crossed paths with Adeife, who had come in for a routine checkup. Her compassionate care towards him served as the catalyst for their connection, and their love blossomed. Their families were delighted with their union, realising that they had been longtime friends.

Dr. Teniola and Adeife were both successful in their chosen careers. Adeife inherited his father’s realtor business while his father went abroad with his wife to enjoy their old age. Teniola also inherited her late mother’s assets worth millions of dollars. She used part of it to build a maternity hospital in honour of her mother.

They eventually get married and live happily. However, there is a dark cloud in the skyline of their marriage. Three years later, the cloud becomes denser and tears them apart. Teniola left the country back to France and stayed away for five years. A divorce letter from Adeife and the news of another woman going after her husband brought her back. On her arrival, the secret of her previous life, her concealed pregnancy, and the truth about her child was disclosed, leaving everyone, including Teniola, astounded. 

The story is a captivating narrative, full of suspense that grips the reader until the very end. While it excels as a romance tale, certain scenes lack the emotional finesse required to evoke the desired impact to help readers better understand the setting and create a more immersive experience. And some plotlines appear feeble. 

Deception

Deception is a story that captures the sad consequences of betrayal, lack of trust and acts of immaturity. Michael Johnson and Itunu Ayodele meet and fall in love and coincidentally enrol in the same school and department. Itunu got pregnant and was afraid to tell Michael because he would ask her to abort the baby since they were still in school.

Their love story takes a harrowing turn when Itunu confides in her friend. Lara, being Itunu's closest confidante, becomes privy to her pregnancy and her apprehension in revealing it to Michael, a secret entrusted solely to her. Fuelled by jealousy, Lara clandestinely betrays her friend by disclosing this secret fear to Michael. Filled with anger and betrayal, Michael abruptly terminates their four-year-long relationship.

Left emotionally shattered and carrying a three-month-old pregnancy, Itunu turns to her uncle, her sole relative and benefactor since her parent's demise. Her uncle supports her decision to keep the child and reaches out to his wife's junior sister, Dr Mrs Jones, a lecturer at Legon University in Ghana. Dr. Mrs. Jones extends her home to Itunu and facilitates her continued education in Ghana.

As Michael eventually realises his grave mistake and embarks on a quest to locate Itunu, she has already departed from the school. Itunu's uncle thwarted all Michael’s attempts to find out about his niece's whereabouts and vehemently refused to welcome him into his home. Later, through Lara, Michael learns of Itunu's tragic demise during childbirth. For years, the weight of his grief and the repercussions of his heartless actions haunt him, rendering him emotionally incapacitated and unable to pursue romantic relationships.

Meanwhile, amid Itunu's trials and tribulations, Dr. Teni Jones, her uncle's sister-in-law, adopts her as her own, renaming her Mariam Ayodele-Jones. Itunu, now Mariam, gives birth to twin boys and finds a loving home with her adopted mother.

However, fate, the master orchestrator, has more in store for these star-crossed lovers. A twist of destiny reunites Michael and Itunu when he accepts a career opportunity in Ghana through his American company, where Itunu works as an engineer. His decision is fueled by the need to reconcile his dreams with reality, aiming to extricate Itunu and their twins from his haunting past.

Their love rekindles, but Michael remains oblivious that Itunu and Mariam are the same girl he mourned as dead. On the other hand, she guards this secret closely, torn between revealing the truth and the overwhelming power of their love.

Deception is a captivating romance narrative that takes readers on an emotional odyssey of abandonment and survival. The novel reveals the intricate facets of love and the indomitable resilience of the human spirit, proving that love can defy even the most formidable odds to flourish.

The author

Remi Togun-Akinola was born in Osun State,Nigeria. She is an accomplished Educationist and Seasoned School Administrator.

She worked for the Lagos State Government as a Secondary School Teacher for almost thirty-five years and retired as a Principal and a Director.

She is also an Emotional Health Manager and Counselor.

She lives in Lagos State, Nigeria, with her husband and Children.

She is the author of Greater Love, Enduring Heart and Bittersweet.

One-sided relationship

What Is a One-Sided Relationship?

Are you putting more effort into your relationship than your partner? Are you investing more energy and time into making the relationship work? Are you always the one reaching out, doing all the texting, calling, and planning of dates? If the answer is yes, you're probably in a one-sided relationship. 

A one-sided relationship is a situation where one partner is carrying most of the responsibilities; financially, physically, emotionally, and mentally. It is also a situation where one partner has strong feelings or affection for someone who does not share those feelings with them. 

An imbalance in action, emotional investment, and mutuality of feelings between partners characterised a one-sided relationship. 

It is emotionally challenging and potentially toxic for one partner in a romantic relationship to shoulder most of the shared activities, or take care of most of the duties the couple should share equally. For a relationship to be healthy and balanced it requires effort from both partners. 

Because of this imbalance, the person doing all the work often feels resentful, which can be emotionally and physically draining. 

A mutual, and satisfying relationship provides stability and security. But a one-sided relationship lacks the healthy balance required for stability. 

When one partner works harder than the other to keep the relationship afloat, with time the connection, the amount of effort, energy, communication, emotional, or financially input will dissolve because the imbalance is only sustainable for a while. Loneliness, frustration, resentment, anger, insecurity and other emotions will surface with time.

Twelve signs that show you're in a one-sided relationship:

Unequal Effort: One partner always puts in more effort, starts contact, plans activities, or shows more affection, while the other partner shows little emotion and put no effort to make the relationship vibrate. When the other person doesn’t seem to care or doesn't put in much effort, you feel you're forcing a connection. It leaves you doubting their intentions, commitment, and investment in the relationship. 

Lopsided Communication: One partner dominates conversations, and always dismisses or ignores the other's opinions, feelings, and interests. Or one partner is constantly initiating activities and communication because the other partner expects you to start interactions, and make plans for what you do together. Though some people are better at communicating and planning than others it doesn’t mean you should be the only one putting effort to keep the relationship alive. Your partner should at least put in some effort and show commitment.

Lack of Reciprocity: One partner consistently seeks emotional or practical support, but rarely provides the same level of support when the other partner needs such. Also, when affection, care, or support is mostly or entirely one-sided, with little or no reciprocation from the other partner. When you constantly crave their attention and care and never get it. 

In a balanced relationship, you don’t need to work for time and attention from your partner. Instead, both should want to connect physically and emotionally if the interest is mutual. 

One-Way Sacrifices: One partner consistently makes sacrifices or compromises to accommodate the other's needs or desires, while the other is indifferent. You sacrifice everything to make your partner happy; you ignored your wants and needs just to hold up the relationship and you make excuses all the time to exonerate your partner’s behaviour. That's a sign you are compromising and sacrificing too much for someone who doesn't value you or the relationship as much as you do. 

Emotional Unavailability: One partner is emotionally distant, avoids sharing feelings, or minimises the importance of the relationship, leaving the other partner feeling unsupported. Or where your partner uses your emotions or feelings to manipulate you to their advantage, without genuine care or commitment. They are never emotionally available.

Self-Centeredness: One partner primarily focuses on their own needs, goals, and interests, while disregarding or undermining the other partner's aspirations. They rarely initiate anything that would be to your benefit. If the other partner is insecure, they try to control the other by limiting their contact with family and friends and dictating how they should live their life.

Limited Time and Attention: Your partner consistently prioritises other activities, hobbies, or friendships over spending quality time with you, making you feel unimportant and unwanted in the relationship. They never have time enough for you or pay attention to your feelings and moods.

Lack of Appreciation: Your partner rarely acknowledges or expresses gratitude for the efforts and contributions you made in the relationship. They show a lack of interest, disinterest, or indifference toward your feelings or well-being.

Decision-Making Disparities: Your partner consistently makes important decisions without consulting or considering your opinions, leading to feelings of exclusion. This often leads to emotional distress, insecurity, and frequent fluctuations between hope and disappointment. Or maybe you are the one to make most major relationship decisions while your partner doesn’t care either way or shrug off the responsibility of making important decisions altogether. So you carry the weight of almost all the important decisions on your shoulder with little or no input from your partner.

Weaponised Incompetence: Your partner intentionally put up actions designed to burden you with responsibilities they don’t want to deal with. It is a situation where your partner feigns an inability to perform basic tasks and so shifts the burden of responsibility to you and conveniently gets out of contributing or investing their time and effort in the relationship.

Making Excuses: You are the one to apologise, whether or not you are at fault, after a conflict or argument, in other to keep the relationship going without your partner taking responsibility for their actions. If your partner is always twisting your words or making you feel guilty for expressing your feelings or resentment, you're most likely in a toxic, one-sided relationship. 

You should never have to apologise or feel ashamed for seeking support, especially from your partner.

Lack of Intimacy. How do you connect intimately with your partner? Does your partner shower you with physical affection like cuddling or holding hands? Do you share an intellectual connection over books or movies? Intimacy is not just sexual. If your partner is not interested in sharing intimate moments with you, it means the relationship is probably a one-sided one.

Causes Of One-Sided Relationships

Sometimes relationships are one-sided because one partner is manipulative or toxic. In other cases, however, a variety of factors can contribute to a relationship becoming one-sided.

Poor Communication Skills

One or both partners struggle with sharing their feelings, needs, and preferences. Practising and improving communication skills can help increase clarity, and proffer solutions, responses, and opportunities to repair and rebuild the relationship if that is the desire of both partners.

Insecurity

One partner is afraid of losing the relationship if they don't take care of everything themselves. This leads to them taking on an imbalanced share of responsibility in the relationship.

Conflicting Expectations

Each partner has a set of ideas about what a relationship means and what they hope to get out of it. If you are more committed and dedicated to the relationship than your partner is, it is bound to feel one-sided. Sometimes one-sided relationships occur because of a lack of communication and clarity about expectations, hopes, and feelings.

Personal Problems

If one partner is dealing with stress or battling symptoms of a mental health condition, it can play a role in how they act in a relationship. They may not give their partners the attention they need because they are grappling with personal issues.

Attachment Syndrome

Attachment syndrome can play a role in how people behave in romantic relationships. Someone with a serious attachment problem may worry that the other person does not feel as strongly as they do.

This can lead to one partner becoming clingy and enmeshed in the relationship while the other tries to get away from it as best as possible. In romantic relationships, this type of behaviour often leads one partner to become emotionally dependent on the other.

Impact of One-Sided Relationship

One-sided relationships are toxic, especially when one partner is intentionally taking advantage of the other. Some of the damaging effects of this type of relationship include:

Increased stress: The stress of being in this type of relationship takes a toll on both your physical and mental health. While healthy relationships act as protective buffers against stress, research has found that some relationships create stress that is harmful to your health. Issues like insomnia, anxiety, depression, and decreased immunity are a few of the potentially detrimental effects of excessive stress. 

Feelings of loneliness: Besides the stress of doing most of the work in the relationship, the lack of mutual effort can leave one partner feeling isolated. They might not be able to talk to the other partner about their feelings or the problem they are dealing with.

Low self-esteem: The disappointment one partner experiences in a one-sided relationship leaves them feeling rejected, unsupported, and unloved. This can make it hard for them to feel confident and secure in the relationship. Constantly pursuing someone who does not reciprocate your feelings can take a toll on your self-esteem, leading to feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness.

Unhealthy Obsession: Disproportionate preoccupation, and investing a significant amount of time and energy into someone who does not feel the same can be detrimental to your well-being. You may unintentionally neglect other relationships or essential aspects of your life while obsessing over unrequited love.

Frequently worrying about the relationship, and craving more connection but accepting the crumbs of affection your partner offers, diminishes your worth in the relationship.

Inability to Move On: Finding it hard to let move on from the person, even when it is clear they do not share the same feelings, shows a toxic attachment.

Emotional Dependency: Relying heavily on your partner for happiness or emotional fulfilment, rather than finding it within yourself contributes to a one-sided relationship. If you find yourself in a toxic one-sided love situation, prioritise your well-being by distancing yourself from the person and focusing on your growth and happiness.

How your relationship makes you feel is the most important red flag. In one-sided relationships, you’re likely to feel anxious, empty, lonely, misunderstood, insecure, or resentful. If you feel you are more committed to your relationship or investing more time, energy, or effort, do an honest assessment of the situation, look at your options, and decide if the relationship is worth saving or moving on with your life. A one-sided relationship isn't healthy for either partner. 

Relationships require give and take and compromise to achieve balance and function correctly. 

Everything mustn't be shared equally to create a balance in the relationship, but if you are striving harder to make your relationship work, you need to address the issues with open communication or seek professional guidance to determine the best course of action. A lack of communication and clarity about expectations hopes, and feelings sometimes foster one-sided relationships. Open communication also allows you to work through barriers or conflicts to grow stronger as a team. A loving relationship with shared values and commitment makes you feel safe, loved, confident, connected, understood, and secure. 

Ifeanyi Okenwa, Poet and Copywriter

Author's Hang-Out with Zizi

If you don't give up on your dream, your dream will come to pass.

Ifeanyi Okenwa is an author, writer, copywriter, deep thinker and Poet. I followed his writings on Facebook with interest because, despite his physical disability, he churns out engaging content that shows his intellectuality and creative brilliance.

He has proven that physical disability does not equate to an inability to dream, chase your dream and live it. Ifeanyi Okenwa's successful furore in creative writing demonstrated that as long as you are not mentally retarded and as long as you’re focused and determined, you can break limitations to achieve your goals. He set out to be a writer and today he is, with a published poetry book and many yet to publish books in his name.

Ifeanyi is an inspiration to many especially Persons Living with Disabilities, as a Disability Rights Advocate, he has been featured on Solid FM 100.9 Enugu to discuss the Rights of Persons Living with Disabilities. He is a member of the Human Rights Volunteer Corp (HRVC) He was recently honoured by The Super Achiever Foundation with the Staff Matter Business Award 2023. 

Ifeanyi Okenwa with his achievement changed our perception of how to treat Persons with Physical Disabilities in society. He aptly writes in one of his poems in his book: PARADOX OF A DREAM AND OTHER POEMS, that he should not be pitied but encouraged because there's always ability in disability. He always ends most of his writings with “no life is without compensation.”

Tell us about yourself.

My name is Ifeanyi Samuel Okenwa. I hold an OND and HND in Mass Communication From Osisatech Polytechnic Enugu. I'm a freelance copywriter.  I help businesses to make money, by crafting copy that helps power their business to make sales. As a person whose heart beats for Persons Living with Disabilities, I'm a Disability Rights Advocate. I have spoken on a radio station on Solid FM 100.9, Enugu, as a guest to talk about issues on People living with disabilities.  I'm a registered member of the Human Rights Volunteer Corp (HRVC)  I am a Creative Writer, Poet, Author and Deep Thinker.  I am the author of PARADOX OF A DREAM AND OTHER POEMS, My recently published work. I have other unpublished books.

 How and when did your writing journey begin?

My writing journey begins as something of introspection. Let me explain. I'm the kind of person who reflects a lot. One day, I was reflecting on my habits of reflection, and I told myself I wanted to be a writer. Looking inside me I know I have what it takes to write a book and become a published Author. After that thought, I swung into action and started writing. The first book I wrote was a novel. I have not published the novel. I wrote that novel in my Secondary school. So my writing journey started in secondary school.

 What genre do you write?

My writing genre varies, I have dabbled in writing Prose and poetry. I have an unpublished novel. It might interest you to know I have written a non-fiction book, a motivational book precisely. Though the book is yet unpublished. So I'm a fiction and non-fiction writer.

 Where and how do you get ideas for your writing?

The ideas that inspired my writing come from so many avenues. Sometimes from my Quiet moment, and sometimes, I got the idea for my writing while taking my bath. Let me share a brief story to show you how I got the idea to write one poem in PARADOX OF A DREAM AND OTHER POEMS.

The title of this poem I'm talking about is DO NOT PITY ME ENCOURAGE ME!

I got the idea to write that poem while listening to the radio. It was one radio station in Anambra state, I can't remember the name of the station. There is one bus that conveys visually impaired students. In one school like that, the bus has an inscription written on it “DO NOT PITY ME ENCOURAGE ME.”

The words appealed to me, so I picked it up. Before then, I wanted to write a poem that would convey the challenges people living with disabilities are passing through, but I was looking for a suitable or catchy title that I would use. So immediately I heard about that inscription, I had to take it up, to write a poem using that inscription. Just like Chinua Achebe's immortal book Things Fall Apart was inspired by W.B Yeats's poem titled The Second Coming. So I get my ideas from the happenings in society, reading books and meditation.

 Is there any author or book that influenced you either growing up or as an adult?

I have read a couple of books ranging from fiction and non-fiction books. But talking about the books that influenced me, I will say Chinua Achebe books. Most especially Things Fall Apart. That book will forever remain a classic. Other authors are Cyprian Ekwensi, Wole Soyinka and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.

 What are the challenges you encountered in getting your first book published?

The challenges are merely finance. Initially, the book I wanted to publish was my novel. I aborted the idea because of a lack of funds at the time to publish the book. Even while I was in secondary school, and after I was through with Secondary school. While in high institution, I tried to publish my poetry collection, but the publisher I met at that time gave me a fee I couldn't afford which was in 2017. All efforts to seek assistance from people to raise the money to publish the book didn't work out. In 2019, I made another effort to raise the 260,000 Naira charged by another publisher, but still, I couldn't raise the money. All this while, I wanted to publish the book as a hard copy but the fund to do that was not there. So I have to leave it. It was in 2023 that I finally published my book PARADOX OF A DREAM AND OTHER POEM as an E-book even though it took me time to raise the money to publish the book as an e-book.

 Tell us about your recent poetry book, PARADOX OF A DREAM AND OTHER POEMS and what inspired the collection of poems in the book.

PARADOX OF A DREAM AND OTHER POEMS is a fourteen-poems collection that's well crafted and arranged for easy understanding and comprehension.

It is a collection of poems with thought-provoking and highly philosophical poetry that will leave you deep in thought.

Like a thread, the poems in the book touch on many aspects of life that are of utmost importance to man.

Some poems will make you smile.

Some poems will make you think and ponder. 

Some poems will make you see this life from a new perspective

Some poems will make you think about legacy and let you know that all our achievements, wealth, and what have you only ended here on earth. 

PARADOX OF A DREAM AND OTHER POEMS is a mixed-grilled collection of poems that will set you up for deep introspection.

Many things inspired the Poems in the collection. Like Societal injustice, reflection on the moral decadence in the world. Reflection on this very Earth that we are living in. Like the poem in the collection titled, The Gluttonous Earth. When you read that poem, you will see the reason I said the Earth is gluttonous.

 How long does it take you to write a poem?

To write a poem takes me up to 5- 7 days at a maximum. I don't rush my writing. I like to take my time to craft a piece that would interest readers. My poems are long, maybe that informed the reasons it takes me up to 5 -7 days to come up with one. I have to think deeply and critically about whatever I'm writing.

 What are the most important lessons you’ve learned in your writing journey?

In my writing journey, the most important lesson I have learnt is that it pays to have a perseverance spirit inside of you and never give up on your dream of whatever you want to achieve. I’m saying this because I remember when I wanted to publish my poetry collection, and there was no money, I contemplated selling the manuscript out of frustration. But I have to say No. I promised myself to publish this book no matter how long it took me to achieve it. Today, I'm a published Author. If you don't give up on your dream, your dream will come to pass.

 Give us an interesting fact about the writing of your poetry book, PARADOX OF A DREAM AND OTHER POEMS.

Hmm, interesting fact. I started writing this poetry book immediately after I finished secondary school. I completed my secondary school in 2009. Between the period I was writing JAMB and looking for admission to a high institution. I was writing the poetry book, and by the time I got admission in 2015 to Osisatech Polytechnic Enugu, the book was ready to be published. Just like I narrated my attempts to get the book published in 2017 and 2019 all failed, the book was finally published in 2023 through my perseverance.

 As a copywriter, how do you get your content?

As a copywriter, I get my content from reading other people's content as it pertains to copywriting, reading books on copywriting and reading articles from Quora. All these serve as inspiration that enables me to craft my content.

 How has being a writer helped your personality growth, and where do you see yourself in the coming years with your writing?

Being a writer has helped my personality grow in so many ways. It has made me more reflective about things, calmer in how I relate with people, and take personal development seriously. Where I see myself in the coming years with my writing, I would like to see my work in the hands of many readers, and I would also like to earn money from writing.

 What are your other interests besides writing?

Outside Writing, I would like to venture into the real estate business one day. Everything about real estate investment interests me a lot. Another interest is entertainment. Let me not divulge my plan for this entertainment idea. 

 What challenges do you face as a writer with a physical disability?

As a writer with a physical disability, I face so many challenges like inaccessible environments; it is not every place that my wheelchair will access. People’s attitude and lack of understanding, some see physically challenged people as beggars. Unemployment is higher for people living with disabilities. I graduated in 2019 and tried looking for a job but there was none. I wrote a letter to the Ministry of Gender Affairs and Social Development and Enugu state Government in 2021, I submitted the two letters by myself to the Ministry of Gender Affairs and Social Development and Government House. Till today, I have not gotten any response from the Government House or the Ministry. I have a copy of the letter I wrote to the Government House, specifically to the Governor. 

 As a Disability Rights Advocate, what would be your advice to people with physical challenges in life?

My advice to People Living with Disabilities is that they should be strong in the mind, even though they are weak in the body. Wherever they find themselves, they should allow their innate abilities to shine forth. Show more abilities even when people see more of your disability. Let me say it, your disability does not in any way cancel your innate skills. You can succeed despite your physical disability. Don't permit anyone to tamper with your self-esteem.

 You’re a member of the Human Rights Volunteer Corps (HRVC). What is it all about?

Yes, I am a registered member of Human Rights Volunteer Corp(HRVC) the organization founded by Larry Oguego to educate people on their Fundamental Human Rights and how to defend themselves using the instrumentality of the law as their weapon. You know not many people know their rights in this country, even when their rights are enshrined in the Constitution. That's why you will see the police intimidate people, lock people up unnecessarily, and later collect money for bail. When you enter the police station, you will see the bold inscription BAIL IS FREE. We all know how police in this country have turned that assertion upside down. But to get bail for free, you need to know your rights and be steadfast in defending them. When you come to HRVC, the organisation will equip you to know, and defend your rights. I have learnt so many things since joining the organisation. You know the law enforcement officers use intimidation to subdue people because most Nigerians do not know their rights. Even those who know their rights do not have the patience to defend themselves in the eyes of the law. 

 What’s your family's reaction to your writing career?

My family's reaction to my writing has been a positive one. Even though they are not that financially buoyant to finance my writing dreams, their moral support has been encouraging. They give me a conducive environment to write whenever I want to write.

 What else are you great at that few people know about?

On this very question, I will say that I am very quick-witted, in a flash, I can come up with thoughts that can wow you. I can come up with thoughts that are highly philosophical and make sense to anyone who listens to it. If you read my Facebook posts, you will attest to that. My username on Facebook is Ifeanyi Okenwa, in case you want to check me out on Facebook. I'm highly philosophical in my conversation. One of my friends gave me the nickname Philosopher. I can wax philosophical at times.

 What’s your favourite music/film?

I love music and film very much especially interesting and educative film and music. I love Tuface music, Asa music, highlife music, Rhythm and Blues music and Jazz music. I love action films and historical films. 

 How do you relax, and what are your hobbies aside from writing?

I relaxed by listening to cool songs, watching football, and wrestling. Some of my hobbies include reading and playing Ludo.

If you want to get a copy of my book, here are the links.⬇️

SELAR:

https://selar.co/Paradox

OKADABOOKS:

https://store.okadabooks.com/book/about/paradox_of_a_dream_and_other_poems/54401

How I Survived Kidney Failure: My Testimony

How I Survived Kidney Failure: My Testimony. 

This book is an emotional tale of unwavering strength, resilience, determination, hope, and faith. It is meant to inspire, encourage and also build up faith in everyone in the face of adversity, it is meant to let everyone know that everything is still possible with the creator of the universe because I am an example of that with all I have gone through and still standing strong.

-Bilari Michael Etukudoh (nee Kwajaffa)

 As you turn the pages of this book, you will be transported into the heart of a life defined by challenges and triumphs, setbacks and victories, all intertwined in a dance of resilience that resonates with the beating of a steadfast heart. Bilari’s story is not merely a chronicle of her own experiences, but a universal tale that touches the lives of anyone who has faced adversity and clung to the thread of hope.

With a pen guided by authenticity and a heart that spills out onto every page, Bilari opens up her world to us.

From the moment her path intertwined with the diagnosis of sickle cell disease to her aspirations, dreams, and the monumental junctures of life, we journey alongside her. We witness the struggles, both visible and hidden, and the unbreakable bonds of family and love that form the foundation of her strength.

This memoir is unique in its narrative structure. Through the voices of Bilari, her husband, sisters, brother (whose remarkable gift of a kidney shines as an emblem of love), mother, and the skilled doctors who guided her journey, you will experience a symphony of perspectives. Their words join together in harmony, creating a multilayered tapestry that captures the essence of each moment, each emotion, and each prayer uttered in the depths of darkness.

In the face of adversity, Bilari’s faith emerges as the unshakable anchor. Her faith in God is the cornerstone upon which her journey rests. It’s a beacon that lights the path even when the way seems obscured, a torch that guides her through the labyrinth of uncertainty. Her miraculous recovery from kidney disease is not just a medical phenomenon – it's a testament to the power of belief, the embrace of community, and the divine touch that weaves miracles into the fabric of life.

As you read, you’ll find yourself intertwined with Bilari's journey. You’ll share in the laughter, the tears, the moments of doubt, and the flashes of hope. You’ll witness the unbreakable bond between family members, the selflessness of a brother’s gift, and the unwavering love that sustains Bilari and those around her.

Dear reader, in your hand, lies an invitation – to walk alongside Bilari as she navigates life’s unpredictable terrain, to witness the storms that test her spirit and the victories that emerge from the depths of struggle. Prepare to be moved, inspired, and reminded that within the human experience, there exists an unquenchable flame of resilience, a radiant light that darkness can never fully obscure.

I solicit your support to disseminate this book across the globe. An investment in this work writes your name in gold as we continue to uphold this daughter of Zion.

Pastor (Dr) Ejiro Joyce Otive-Igbuzor

Assistant General Overseer

Palace of Priests Assembly

Abuja.

https://selar.co/m/bilari-michael-etukudoh1

https://store.okadabooks.com/user/BilariMichael

The Travails of Omotejomo and Trophy Husband. A Review.

 

The Travails of Omotejomo and Trophy Husband, Romance Novels by Ejiro Joyce Otive-Igbuzor: A Review

By

James Ugochukwu Okpe

Human and Gender Equality Advocate

Executive Director

African Centre for Entrepreneurship and Information Development-ACEIDEV

 

I have not read a book page to page for a long time till I attended the book launch of the duo masterpieces, “The Travails of Omotejomo and Trophy Husband” by Ejiro Joyce Otive-Igbuzor.

She brought to fore and poured her experiences as a mother, mentor of many young women and gender parity advocate, the challenges faced by the female gender in a patriarchal society. Through compelling story telling skills and word smithing she brought to life the optimism that being a female does not constitute a barrier to achieving one’s aims in life.

The Travails of Omotejomo

Reading Ejiro Joyce Otive-Igbuzor's novel "The Travails of Omotejomo" was nothing short of an emotional journey that touched my heart in ways I hadn't anticipated. The novel's powerful narrative brilliantly depicts the struggles and triumphs against all odds of Jomo, a brave young girl born into a culture where female children are undervalued compared to their male counterparts.

From the very beginning, I was drawn into Jomo's world, feeling a deep sense of empathy for the loss of her virginity in her quest to meet the deadline for the registration of West Africa Senior School Certificate Examination (WAEC). Her innocence and determination to pursue her dream were exploited by the very person that ought to guard and protect her, her school teacher, Mr. Jacob. Ejiro Joyce Otive-Igbuzor, here painted in detailed description, sexual exploitations young girls are capable of facing in learning institution.

Jomo continues to face a society that sought to limit her potential based on her gender. Her refusal to accept an early forced marriage to Mazi Ibe, a man old enough to be her father and her determination to pursue her dream of becoming a medical doctor showcased her unwavering spirit and strength of character.

One of the most poignant aspects of the novel was Jomo's journey to the city of Ibadan to pursue her dreams, with the loving support of her maternal aunt, auntie Kohwo. This part of the story beautifully captured the complexities of leaving home and venturing into the unknown in pursuit of one's aspirations. As a reader, I found myself rooting for Jomo, hoping she would find the success and happiness she so rightly deserved under Dr. Ufuoma, younger sister to Ochuko the husband of Auntie Kohwo.

Ejiro’s introduction of Tega, Jomo's loving and protective boyfriend, added a tender layer to the novel. Tega's untiring support and dedication to shielding her from harm highlighted the true essence of love and the power of standing by someone through thick and thin. Their relationship became the emotional anchor of the story, and their love story will resonate deeply with many readers.

However, the novel took a harrowing turn when Jomo fell victim to the despicable actions of Kola Kadiri, a.k.a KK, who took advantage of her vulnerability. Ejiro brought to bear her feminist advocacy here to fearlessly delve into the sensitive subject of sexual assault, date rape and drugging for sex, another challenge young girls are confronted with frequently, addressing it with sensitivity and authenticity. Jomo's strength and resilience in the face of such traumatic experience showcased the power of healing and the importance of a support system. The bulk of her support came from Tega, a victim of boy-child rape, having being raped by his nanny at a tender age of eight years.

As the story unfolded, Jomo's journey towards becoming a medical doctor and the challenges she overcame made her transformation even more inspiring. The depth of character development was commendable, and I found myself emotionally invested in her growth and triumphs.

"The Travails of Omotejomo" is a testament to the endurance of love and the strength of the human spirit. Jomo and Tega's eventual marriage and graduation as medical doctors painted a beautiful picture of love prevailing over adversity and dreams coming true despite all odds.

In conclusion, Ejiro Joyce Otive-Igbuzor has crafted a touching and heartrending tale of resilience and love in "The Travails of Omotejomo." The novel beautifully navigates sensitive themes while highlighting the power of determination and the importance of firm support from loved ones. This is a novel that will stay with me for a long time, serving as a reminder of the strength that lies within us to overcome life's trials and embrace the power of love and self-discovery.

 Trophy Husband 

"Trophy Husband" a captivating romance piece that weaves a tale of heartbreak, betrayal, and the indomitable spirit of a young Nigerian woman named Isio. Set against the backdrop of Nigeria and London, this novel takes readers on a rollercoaster of emotions as Isio navigates the treacherous waters of love, deception, and self-discovery. Ejiro Joyce Otive-Igbuzor showcased her versatility of native and foreign culture of Uhrobo tribe in Nigeria and metropolitan culture of the English people in London England.

 

At the heart of the story lies Isio, whose life is shattered by the heartbreak caused by her unfaithful partner, Dafe, who betrayed her with her own best friend, Afoke. The pain of this betrayal is palpable and sets Isio on a quest for retaliation and healing.

In a bold move, Isio opts for an arranged marriage with Okeme, the charming and supposedly wealthy heir-apparent to the Irikefe dynasty, through his influential mother, Mama London. Despite knowing very little about Okeme, Isio embarks on a journey to faraway London, fueled by hope and determination to find a new beginning.

However, upon meeting Okeme in London, Isio is confronted with yet another shocking revelation - he has a live-in lover, Elena. To protect her own interests and preserve the illusion of being Okeme's cousin, Isio resorts to deceit. This adds layers of complexity to the story, as Isio grapples with her emotions and the desire for a genuine connection.

Ejiro skillfully delves into the clash of cultures and traditions, highlighting the struggles faced by Isio in her new environment. Her experiences in London mirror the challenges many individuals encounter while trying to adapt to a foreign country and its norms. Most millennial with “Jappa syndrome” mentality have the illusion that the streets of western countries are paved with gold, and everything work with a flip of the fingers.

Amidst the trials and tribulations, Isio encounters Madam Bose, a sex trafficker, who nearly lures her into prostitution. This dark encounter serves as a stark reminder of the vulnerabilities faced by vulnerable individuals in foreign lands. As a mentor of many young ladies in her Gals Hangout group, I am sure she has had course to guide young ladies to weigh their option explicitly before falling to the allure of jappa syndrome and landing themselves in more complex trouble than they are running from.

Throughout her journey, Isio finds solace in the company of Maxwell, a Scott and church member who develop feelings for her. Their blossoming relationship adds a touch of warmth and tenderness to the story, as they navigate the complexities of love and the heart's desires.

The strength and resilience exhibited by Isio in fighting against all odds to build a life with Okeme are commendable. As a metaphor for many young women and their struggles in the dating game, Isio's character resonates with readers on a deeply emotional level.

Ejiro Joyce Otive-Igbuzor's storytelling prowess shines through in "Trophy Husband," crafting well-rounded characters and a captivating plot. However, some aspects of the narrative could have been further developed, such as the backstories of secondary characters like Elena and Madam Bose.

In conclusion, "Trophy Husband" is a compelling romance novel that explores the complexities of love and the resilience of the human spirit. Ejiro Joyce Otive-Igbuzor's portrayal of Isio's journey of revenge, self-discovery, and eventual redemption is sure to leave readers enthralled.

Believe me, when you start with the first paragraph, you will be so addicted to the stories, plots, and adrenaline pumping suspense till the last page. If caution is not applied, you may skip your lunch or dinner. It took me less than 48 hours to read  these books.

“The Travails of Omotejomo and Trophy Husbands” by Ejiro Otive Igbuzor are a must-read. Having gone through them, I hereby recommend this masterpiece for parents, young adults, mentors and anyone seeking a thought-provoking and emotionally charged tale of love, romance and survival.

Dr Ejiro Joyce Otive-Igbuzor(Author/Scientist/Researcher)

Author's Hangout with Zizi

When you talk about women of substance in Nigeria, she is listed in the top position. When you mention women with the passion to help other women unleash their potential and grow, her name is on top too. Dr Ejiro Joyce Otive-Igbuzor is an achiever of high repute, a woman who excels in whatever field or endeavour she dabbled in.  

Dr Ejiro Joyce Otive-Igbuzor is also a Gender Equality and Social Inclusion Specialist. An Amazon, a motivator, mentor and philanthropist. She is the initiator of Gals Global Hangout, a Facebook group that has gone beyond visual meetings to physical get together in some major cities of the country, connecting women from different spheres of life to interact, learn from each other for growth and skill acquisition.

Tell us about yourself? 

My name is Ejiro Joyce Otive-Igbuzor. I hold a PhD in Microbiology with a speciality in TB/HIV coinfection and tuberculosis bacteriology. I am a Gender Equality and Social Inclusion Specialist and a Monitoring and Evaluation practitioner. I worked previously as the Nigeria Country Director of the Centre for Development and Population Activities (CEDPA) and as the Gender and HIV/AIDS Programme Coordinator for UNIFEM (now UN Women) covering Anglophone West Africa.  I was also a Research Fellow at the Nigerian Institute of Medical Research and a Lecturer at Ramat Polytechnic, Maiduguri, among other assignments.

I am the Managing Director/Chief Executive Officer of Emerald International Development Services (EIDS) Limited, a development consulting firm that provides services for local and international clients in several thematic areas. 

In addition to the above, I am a Pastor and the Assistant General Overseer of the Palace of Priests Assembly (PPA). I co-founded the Priests, Peace and Justice Initiative, the social arm of PPA that implements the MacArthur-Foundation- funded SHUN Corruption Project. I also coordinate a GESI and M&E Community of Practice, coaching and mentoring women to strengthen their professional skills and to achieve competitive advantage in the workplace and business arena. 

I am a seasoned writer with several academic and other publications to my credit. My book, Monitoring and Evaluation Demystified is making waves in the development sector. I have developed several training manuals, including Gender and Social Inclusion Training Manual (commissioned by SCALE/ACLSD) (2022); GESI Modules for Training of Master Trainers, SFH (2021); Training Manual on Gender, Rights and Sexuality, for International Planned Parenthood Federation (IPPF), Nairobi, Kenya, (2009); Training Manual on Gender and HIV/AIDS, Training Manual on SGBV, HP and SRHR for Men and Boys, and a Facilitators Handbook. I recently completed a Gender Based Violence Manual for Religious Leaders, commissioned by ACLSD/ChristianAid. On the spiritual side, I write the Sunday School Manual for our church, Palace of Priests Assembly. It is titled, Possessing the Nations through Sunday School.   I also write the Daily Devotionals. 

You recently launched two books, Trophy Husband and The Travails of Omotejomo. How does it feel to be a published author of two novels? We know you have other published works.

It is a dream come true…actually, it is destiny fulfilment and my joy is full. This for me is a divine calling which I have delayed for too long. Thank God that at last, I have picked up the courage to obey. I have received lots of cheques for my consultancy work but none of those can pay for the joy I feel as the author of two romance novels.

You’re a Microbiologist with an impressive profile and a busy schedule as a consultant, add that you’re a pastor too, how do you find the time to write?

Part of my life philosophy is that every human being has 24 hours in a day. Whatever you consider important you create time for. My husband, Dr Otive Igbuzor always preaches that excuses, no matter how genuine can never replace delivery. Writing is my calling. It took me a long time to accept that and embrace it fully; so, when I wake up early in the morning, I do the strategic thing. I write the devotional for that day, say my prayers and write a Chapter or episode of my novels. I wake up super early, at about 3:00 am. My brain is wired to function at its peak at that time. Once I set the tone early in the morning, I can write throughout the day, when commuting, when in a boring meeting, when waiting at the bank, etc.

When did you first realise you wanted to be a writer?

Well, I realised I could write as early as secondary school. My Mum had a unique love and marriage experience that looked like something out of the movies so I started documenting the part of her story I knew. I wrote several notebooks-full and lost them because I never took myself seriously. I was a science student and had been prepped or brainwashed by my parents that I would be a Medical Doctor. Writing those stories was fun but I never imagined that they could ever be published until my husband came asking for my hand in marriage during my Youth Service in Maiduguiri. I had written a new chapter, and I gave him to read. He loved it, was excited, and said it would make for a good book. Despite that, I still did not see the Novelist in me. I am a Scientist with no degree in the Social Sciences, let alone literature. I had a mental block that lasted too long. I did not stop writing, though. I wrote a drama titled Deadly Paradise. My husband encouraged me to submit it for an NTA Maiduguri Script Writing competition and it won the third prize. That boosted my ego, and through my husband’s support, I published Deadly Paradise as my first literary work in the year 2000.

Where do you get ideas for your two books?

Experiences of people around me and some personal experiences; then there is inspiration from the Holy Spirit, my biggest source.

How long did it take you to write the books?

67 days for the Travails of Omotejomo and 42 days for Trophy Husband.

Did you experience writer’s block while writing your books?

None. Whatsoever. And maybe, that was because members of the Gals Global Hangout were reading and discussing episodes daily, and that kept my motivation alive.

What is your work schedule like when you're writing?

Because I have commitments to various clients, I quickly get a chapter or two out of the way first thing in the morning, and if I find space within the rest of the day, I fill in.

Is there any author or book that influenced you in any way either growing up or as an adult?

Chinua Achebe and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. I was in Juba, South Sudan for a Gender Audit Consultancy with UNOPS when, one evening, I sat in front of the TV and saw Chimamanda featured. I loved her instantly and was reminded in a bitter way, how I had failed to release the novels in my head to the public. I cried my eyes out, just admiring her and lamenting about my own ‘failure’ in this regard. Interestingly, after that outburst, I continued living my life and did not pay much attention to literary writing. 

What are the challenges you encountered in the process of publishing your books?

First, there was a tremendous delay on my part. Being a perfectionist, I always felt that there could be one more improvement that could make the book better. For these books to be released in my birth month, June 2023, my husband had to wade in. He gave me the needed encouragement and push. He even paid the deposits.

When the first set of book covers arrived, I set up a creative heads’ team to review them. The team did not like any of them. I had to embark on a huge search for appropriate covers. Here we are. The covers are beautiful and they pass across important messages.

Tell us about your upcoming book?

I have two other written romance novels, Tacking the Rainbow and My Ex-Boyfriend Happens to be My Boss.

Tacking the Rainbow is the true-life stories of trafficked women woven into romantic fiction with ecclesiastical flair. Life's twists and turns lead Don from spending nights in a motor park in Nigeria to an unexpected life in Europe. It is a tale of the Japa syndrome and how many people end up being worse off in unknown terrain. Like Don, Kevwe had a huge crush on a fine young man. Her first sex led to a pregnancy. She dropped out of school. Somehow, Don found and married her for all the wrong reasons. The story is an emotional roller coaster ride! According to a commentator, ‘Discover the power of second chances and the resilience of the human spirit in Kevwe and Don’s captivating story!’

In My Boss Happens to be my Ex-Boyfriend, a past relationship resurfaces unexpectedly. The protagonist finds herself working in an establishment owned by an ex.  She faces this unexpected situation with integrity and professionalism, setting and respecting boundaries in and outside the workplace. Her husband’s insecurity takes a toll and causes tension highlighting the need for trust and effective communication. The novel highlights the patriarchal ideologies and traditional gender roles that can cause conflict in a relationship and how the parties involved can work through this to find common ground. The story explores the power of forgiveness and the ability to move forward in difficult situations to nurture a healthy relationship.

Is anything in your books based on real-life experiences or purely all imagination?

Real-life experiences inspire the imagination.

Did your work as a gender expert and advocate have any colouration on the writing of your books?

Certainly! All my novels inspire respect for human rights. They are empowering stories of how everyday people, especially girls and women who navigate life in difficult circumstances, break out of their limitations and fulfil their destinies. 

What messages do you want readers to take away from your books?

My novels break the silence on sexuality. They delve into realms of intimacy to discuss topics that parents are too embarrassed to discuss with their children. Some religious leaders consider these topics taboo. So, girls and women tend to wallow in ignorance. Unsuspecting persons take advantage of them, and their lives are ruined. My novels give a ray of hope. I present possibilities and the stories of ginger members of society to become destiny helpers. The God factor comes through in all my stories.

As a woman championing the cause of women in Nigeria and worldwide, what are your plans to reach more women and impact their lives?

Through my books, I show the possibilities; From the pulpit and several touchpoints, I fan the flames of their faith in God, the unchangeable changer;

In the Gals Global Hangout, we share experiences and learn from one another;

On my GESI and M and E Community of Practice, 5 train mid-level professionals, only females, to achieve competitive advantage.

My husband, Dr Otive Igbuzor and I have the Ejiro and Otive Igbuzor Foundation. We give seed grants to businesses to expand. We also give scholarships, especially to primary school and University students.

What’s your family's reaction to your writing career?

Oh, my goodness! They are my biggest supporters. My hubby is my greatest cheerleader, my daughter, Rukevwe, ‘Rukky’ is my first line Editor and my son is all over the place developing creative and fun adverts for my books.   

As a scientist and researcher, how would you describe your entry into the world of literary writing?

Smooth so far. I also defied people who tried to discourage me. I know that more people are rooting for me and I choose to focus on them.

What’s your word of advice to women who would want to toe your line? 

Be decisive! Take the bull by the horns. Do not delay like I did. Again, a delay is not denial. No matter where you are in life, pick that skill and run with it.