Wednesday 9 August 2023

Dr Ejiro Joyce Otive-Igbuzor(Author/Scientist/Researcher)


Author's Hangout with Zizi

When you talk about women of substance in Nigeria, she is listed in the top position. When you mention women with the passion to help other women unleash their potential and grow, her name is on top too. Dr Ejiro Joyce Otive-Igbuzor is an achiever of high repute, a woman who excels in whatever field or endeavour she dabbled in.  

Dr Ejiro Joyce Otive-Igbuzor is also a Gender Equality and Social Inclusion Specialist. An Amazon, a motivator, mentor and philanthropist. She is the initiator of Gals Global Hangout, a Facebook group that has gone beyond visual meetings to physical get together in some major cities of the country, connecting women from different spheres of life to interact, learn from each other for growth and skill acquisition.

Tell us about yourself? 

My name is Ejiro Joyce Otive-Igbuzor. I hold a PhD in Microbiology with a speciality in TB/HIV coinfection and tuberculosis bacteriology. I am a Gender Equality and Social Inclusion Specialist and a Monitoring and Evaluation practitioner. I worked previously as the Nigeria Country Director of the Centre for Development and Population Activities (CEDPA) and as the Gender and HIV/AIDS Programme Coordinator for UNIFEM (now UN Women) covering Anglophone West Africa.  I was also a Research Fellow at the Nigerian Institute of Medical Research and a Lecturer at Ramat Polytechnic, Maiduguri, among other assignments.

I am the Managing Director/Chief Executive Officer of Emerald International Development Services (EIDS) Limited, a development consulting firm that provides services for local and international clients in several thematic areas. 

In addition to the above, I am a Pastor and the Assistant General Overseer of the Palace of Priests Assembly (PPA). I co-founded the Priests, Peace and Justice Initiative, the social arm of PPA that implements the MacArthur-Foundation- funded SHUN Corruption Project. I also coordinate a GESI and M&E Community of Practice, coaching and mentoring women to strengthen their professional skills and to achieve competitive advantage in the workplace and business arena. 

I am a seasoned writer with several academic and other publications to my credit. My book, Monitoring and Evaluation Demystified is making waves in the development sector. I have developed several training manuals, including Gender and Social Inclusion Training Manual (commissioned by SCALE/ACLSD) (2022); GESI Modules for Training of Master Trainers, SFH (2021); Training Manual on Gender, Rights and Sexuality, for International Planned Parenthood Federation (IPPF), Nairobi, Kenya, (2009); Training Manual on Gender and HIV/AIDS, Training Manual on SGBV, HP and SRHR for Men and Boys, and a Facilitators Handbook. I recently completed a Gender Based Violence Manual for Religious Leaders, commissioned by ACLSD/ChristianAid. On the spiritual side, I write the Sunday School Manual for our church, Palace of Priests Assembly. It is titled, Possessing the Nations through Sunday School.   I also write the Daily Devotionals. 


You recently launched two books, Trophy Husband and The Travails of Omotejomo. How does it feel to be a published author of two novels? We know you have other published works.

It is a dream come true…actually, it is destiny fulfilment and my joy is full. This for me is a divine calling which I have delayed for too long. Thank God that at last, I have picked up the courage to obey. I have received lots of cheques for my consultancy work but none of those can pay for the joy I feel as the author of two romance novels.


You’re a Microbiologist with an impressive profile and a busy schedule as a consultant, add that you’re a pastor too, how do you find the time to write?

Part of my life philosophy is that every human being has 24 hours in a day. Whatever you consider important you create time for. My husband, Dr Otive Igbuzor always preaches that excuses, no matter how genuine can never replace delivery. Writing is my calling. It took me a long time to accept that and embrace it fully; so, when I wake up early in the morning, I do the strategic thing. I write the devotional for that day, say my prayers and write a Chapter or episode of my novels. I wake up super early, at about 3:00 am. My brain is wired to function at its peak at that time. Once I set the tone early in the morning, I can write throughout the day, when commuting, when in a boring meeting, when waiting at the bank, etc.


When did you first realise you wanted to be a writer?

Well, I realised I could write as early as secondary school. My Mum had a unique love and marriage experience that looked like something out of the movies so I started documenting the part of her story I knew. I wrote several notebooks-full and lost them because I never took myself seriously. I was a science student and had been prepped or brainwashed by my parents that I would be a Medical Doctor. Writing those stories was fun but I never imagined that they could ever be published until my husband came asking for my hand in marriage during my Youth Service in Maiduguiri. I had written a new chapter, and I gave him to read. He loved it, was excited, and said it would make for a good book. Despite that, I still did not see the Novelist in me. I am a Scientist with no degree in the Social Sciences, let alone literature. I had a mental block that lasted too long. I did not stop writing, though. I wrote a drama titled Deadly Paradise. My husband encouraged me to submit it for an NTA Maiduguri Script Writing competition and it won the third prize. That boosted my ego, and through my husband’s support, I published Deadly Paradise as my first literary work in the year 2000.

Where do you get ideas for your two books?

Experiences of people around me and some personal experiences; then there is inspiration from the Holy Spirit, my biggest source.


How long did it take you to write the books?

67 days for the Travails of Omotejomo and 42 days for Trophy Husband.


Did you experience writer’s block while writing your books?

None. Whatsoever. And maybe, that was because members of the Gals Global Hangout were reading and discussing episodes daily, and that kept my motivation alive.


What is your work schedule like when you're writing?

Because I have commitments to various clients, I quickly get a chapter or two out of the way first thing in the morning, and if I find space within the rest of the day, I fill in.


Is there any author or book that influenced you in any way either growing up or as an adult?

Chinua Achebe and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. I was in Juba, South Sudan for a Gender Audit Consultancy with UNOPS when, one evening, I sat in front of the TV and saw Chimamanda featured. I loved her instantly and was reminded in a bitter way, how I had failed to release the novels in my head to the public. I cried my eyes out, just admiring her and lamenting about my own ‘failure’ in this regard. Interestingly, after that outburst, I continued living my life and did not pay much attention to literary writing. 


What are the challenges you encountered in the process of publishing your books?

First, there was a tremendous delay on my part. Being a perfectionist, I always felt that there could be one more improvement that could make the book better. For these books to be released in my birth month, June 2023, my husband had to wade in. He gave me the needed encouragement and push. He even paid the deposits.

When the first set of book covers arrived, I set up a creative heads’ team to review them. The team did not like any of them. I had to embark on a huge search for appropriate covers. Here we are. The covers are beautiful and they pass across important messages.



Tell us about your upcoming book?

I have two other written romance novels, Tacking the Rainbow and My Ex-Boyfriend Happens to be My Boss.


Tacking the Rainbow is the true-life stories of trafficked women woven into romantic fiction with ecclesiastical flair. Life's twists and turns lead Don from spending nights in a motor park in Nigeria to an unexpected life in Europe. It is a tale of the Japa syndrome and how many people end up being worse off in unknown terrain. Like Don, Kevwe had a huge crush on a fine young man. Her first sex led to a pregnancy. She dropped out of school. Somehow, Don found and married her for all the wrong reasons. The story is an emotional roller coaster ride! According to a commentator, ‘Discover the power of second chances and the resilience of the human spirit in Kevwe and Don’s captivating story!’


In My Boss Happens to be my Ex-Boyfriend, a past relationship resurfaces unexpectedly. The protagonist finds herself working in an establishment owned by an ex.  She faces this unexpected situation with integrity and professionalism, setting and respecting boundaries in and outside the workplace. Her husband’s insecurity takes a toll and causes tension highlighting the need for trust and effective communication. The novel highlights the patriarchal ideologies and traditional gender roles that can cause conflict in a relationship and how the parties involved can work through this to find common ground. The story explores the power of forgiveness and the ability to move forward in difficult situations to nurture a healthy relationship.


Is anything in your books based on real-life experiences or purely all imagination?

Real-life experiences inspire the imagination.


Did your work as a gender expert and advocate have any colouration on the writing of your books?

Certainly! All my novels inspire respect for human rights. They are empowering stories of how everyday people, especially girls and women who navigate life in difficult circumstances, break out of their limitations and fulfil their destinies. 

What messages do you want readers to take away from your books?

My novels break the silence on sexuality. They delve into realms of intimacy to discuss topics that parents are too embarrassed to discuss with their children. Some religious leaders consider these topics taboo. So, girls and women tend to wallow in ignorance. Unsuspecting persons take advantage of them, and their lives are ruined. My novels give a ray of hope. I present possibilities and the stories of ginger members of society to become destiny helpers. The God factor comes through in all my stories.


As a woman championing the cause of women in Nigeria and worldwide, what are your plans to reach more women and impact their lives?

Through my books, I show the possibilities; From the pulpit and several touchpoints, I fan the flames of their faith in God, the unchangeable changer;

In the Gals Global Hangout, we share experiences and learn from one another;

On my GESI and M and E Community of Practice, 5 train mid-level professionals, only females, to achieve competitive advantage.

My husband, Dr Otive Igbuzor and I have the Ejiro and Otive Igbuzor Foundation. We give seed grants to businesses to expand. We also give scholarships, especially to primary school and University students.


What’s your family's reaction to your writing career?

Oh, my goodness! They are my biggest supporters. My hubby is my greatest cheerleader, my daughter, Rukevwe, ‘Rukky’ is my first line Editor and my son is all over the place developing creative and fun adverts for my books.   


As a scientist and researcher, how would you describe your entry into the world of literary writing?

Smooth so far. I also defied people who tried to discourage me. I know that more people are rooting for me and I choose to focus on them.

What’s your word of advice to women who would want to toe your line? 

Be decisive! Take the bull by the horns. Do not delay like I did. Again, a delay is not denial. No matter where you are in life, pick that skill and run with it.


Friday 4 August 2023

The clarion call

When shall we rise

against the agitation 

and power struggles

That engulfs our nation state?

When shall we rise

to build our capacities and values

As a great nation?

When shall we rise

to recognise and tap the potential

Within our nation state?

When shall we rise

to appreciate the beauty

And brilliance of our land?

When shall we rise

to protect, and harness

The abundance of resources in our land?


When shall we rise

to instigate and urge our people

to think beyond tribe and religion?

When shall we rise

To serve our country wholeheartedly

and be recognised for our efforts?

When shall we rise

to seize the helm of our nation state

and steer it to stability?

When shall we rise

To fight corruption and bad leadership

crumbling the unity of our nation state?


When shall we rise

to emancipate our people

from tyrannical subjugation

Stunting our evolution?

When shall we rise

to oppose demeaning acts 

of inhumanity against us?

When shall we rise

to break the gripe of our oppressors

and bridle the excess use of power

That intimidates the people?


When shall we answer 

the clarion call for action?

They have used us as cat’s-paw for long

Crises have tossed us like waves 

in a storm, for ages.

Are we not fed up with 

Their banquet of deception?

Are we not tired of eating 

The bread of adversity?

Drinking the water of affliction?

It is time to rise against evil subjection

and be combat-ready for the ejection

Of wicked rulers out of the land.


© By Ngozi Ebubedike.


Monday 31 July 2023

THE PRINCE AND THE WITCH

A powerful king captures Prince Ebuka while on his way to bring home the Ikenga, the village symbol of power. 

After working as a slave on the king’s farm for a while, the king decides to set Prince Ebuka free on one condition.

The prince must tell him within a year what he will do to make his wife happy or forfeit his head.  

In his search for the answer, he visits an ugly witch who tells him he has to marry her to get the answer. 

And so, Prince Ebuka finds himself between a rock and a hard place, and time is ticking away. 

Tuesday 25 July 2023

How To Handle Betrayal In A Relationship

 

Betrayal in a relationship is the breaking of trust through dishonesty, infidelity, or a breach of commitment. It is a painful and challenging experience that causes hurt, anger, and disappointment. Betrayal is a bitter experience that shakes the foundation of relationships and kills the ability to trust and without trust, relationships cannot function.

A relationship is a bond created out of mutual trust. We engage in some forms of relationships. It can be with friends, partners, family or intimate relationships. All these relationships are based on trust; when one breaks that trust, the other person gets shattered. Some relationships are never forever, however, when the reason for severance is betrayal, it causes emotional distress and trauma. 

Romantic relationships are one part of social acceptability which everyone craves, they give a sense of belonging. As a result, when betrayal occurs, there is a sense of loss and emotional shock that make one vulnerable to heartbreak, depression, mental disorder, and even suicide. 

Causes of Betrayal

A variety of factors, both internal and external causes betrayal in a relationship. Here are some common causes of betrayal:

High Expectations: 

High expectations and unmet needs can lead to frustration. When one or both partners feel unheard or neglected, and when their expectations or needs are not realised in the relationship, they may seek connection or fulfilment outside, resulting in betrayal.

Infidelity: 

One of the most prominent forms of betrayal is infidelity. When one partner cheats by engaging in a romantic or sexual relationship with someone else, it shatters trust. Cheating in a relationship is caused by dissatisfaction, a desire to try something/someone new, a lack of contentment or personal issues like excessive ambition, greed, lust or passion.

Emotional dissatisfaction: 

When a person feels emotionally unfulfilled in a relationship, they may seek emotional support or intimacy with someone else. Sharing deep emotional connections with someone other than your partner can lead to a breach of trust and a sense of betrayal.

Unresolved conflicts: 

Unaddressed conflicts and unresolved issues can create resentment, frustration, and emotional distance between partners. If these conflicts are not effectively addressed, one or both partners may become more vulnerable to seeking validation or emotional satisfaction elsewhere, resulting in betrayal.

Individual factors: 

Personal issues such as low self-esteem, greed, lust, unresolved past trauma, or a tendency towards impulsivity can contribute to the likelihood of betrayal. These factors can lead individuals to seek excitement or escape from their current relationship, often without considering the consequences.

External influences: 

External factors, such as peer pressure, societal expectations, or the influence of friends or family, can play a role in betrayals. Sometimes, people succumb to external temptations, and social or family pressures which encourage them to act against the values and commitments they made with their partners. 

It's important to note that while these factors can contribute to betrayal, every situation is unique, and the causes of betrayal can vary significantly from one relationship to another. Understanding and addressing these underlying causes can be crucial in rebuilding trust and healing a relationship after betrayal occurs.

How to Handle Betrayal in Relationships: 

Acknowledge what has happened: 

Do not avoid the situation. Accepting difficult conditions and the emotions that come with them will help you calm down your internal turmoil. You may feel anxiety, stress, sickness, grief and other emotions.  Air them out and do not feel ashamed. You must work out ways to help you recover from the trauma faster and get your life back on track.

Take time for self-care: 

Betrayal will make you feel hurt or angry. Allow yourself to experience and process your emotions without judgment. 

Focus on self-care and self-healing. Engage in activities that give you joy, reduce stress, and promote well-being. It can include exercise, hobbies, spending time with friends and family. Turn to others for support. Many people just shut their doors of trust and thus do not tell anyone. This attitude can cause depression and emotional stress. Talking with your family or friends is always a good option.

Open Communication: 

When ready, have an open and honest conversation with your partner about the betrayal. Share your feelings and concerns, and allow them to explain their actions. Effective communication is crucial for understanding each other's perspectives and working towards a resolution if the possibility exists.

Seek support: 

Going through betrayal is a distressing experience. Seeking support from trusted friends, family members, or even a therapist is necessary. They can provide a listening ear, offer guidance, and help you navigate the healing process.

Set boundaries: 

Rebuilding trust after betrayal requires establishing clear boundaries. Determine what is acceptable and what is not in the relationship. It may involve discussing expectations, commitments, and behaviour that both partners will abide by.

Counselling or therapy: 

Seeking professional help can be beneficial if the betrayal deeply affects your emotional well-being and the relationship. A therapist can guide you through the healing process, provide tools for communication, and facilitate the rebuilding of trust.

Rebuilding trust: 

Rebuilding trust takes time and effort from both partners. It requires consistent honesty, open communication, and a willingness to work through the pain together. Setting goals and making mutual commitments to rebuilding trust while remaining patient with the process may be helpful.

Evaluate the relationship: 

While healing from betrayal, it's essential to reflect on the relationship, assess whether it’s healthy, and if both partners are genuinely committed to making it work. Sometimes, rebuilding trust may not be possible or in the best interest of both individuals.

Handling betrayal in a relationship is a personal journey. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to it. The important thing is to prioritise your well-being, take care of yourself and make decisions that align with your values and needs.

Betrayal is a painful experience that causes the person betrayed to lose their ability to trust again. It destroys self-confidence and causes the betrayed to question their judgment in the relationship. 

Let us not lose our confidence or our ability to trust others because of some people’s behaviour. When betrayal occurs, do not feel pressured. Take time and allow yourself to think and heal, then move on. Focus on your goals, what you need and the process to achieve your goals.


Friday 16 June 2023

Create a path to your success.

Success is not accidental. You must work and create a path for your success. Also, it is not an overnight achievement but a process that involves ideas, plans and actions.

I met this young lady, Chika, at a function and was amazed at her success as a fashion designer, and she is planning to lunch her clothing line soon. According to her, she had a passion for fashion and started designing clothes as a little girl. Her dream was to own a big fashion house and a clothing line. 

Yes, everyone has a dream, and it takes courage and determination to achieve it.  Chika didn’t just dream but backed it up with action and hard work. After completing her higher education in computer science, she decided to follow her dream but not without an action plan.

She knew starting a fashion business required a lot of effort and input. So, first, she did her research, studied the fashion industry, followed fashion blogs, and attended trade shows and networking events. She also sought advice from successful fashion designers.

With the knowledge gained, Chika created a business plan, which included a detailed marketing strategy, financial projections, and a production and distribution plan. She also identified her target audience to design her clothing line accordingly.

To fund her business, Chika applied for a business loan from a bank. She also reached out to family members. With her business plan and funding secured, Chika built her team, hired experienced designers and production managers and worked with them to create her collections. The overwhelming response to her design encouraged her to work harder. She invested in her brand's online presence by creating a website and social media accounts to showcase her designs and reach more customers.

Finally, after years of hard work, Chika is set to launch her fashion line. Her success is not accidental. She created a path for her success by 

Doing her research.

Creating a solid business plan.

Securing funding.

Building a talented team.

Investing in her brand's online presence. 

With determination and hard work, Chika turned her dream into a successful reality. She didn’t gain her success overnight or by wilful thinking but by planning and taking action. Chika’s story proves that anyone can achieve success. Identify your passion, your dream and work to bring it to reality.

Do things that will create a path to success in your chosen career.


Tuesday 6 June 2023

She positions herself for success.

 

If you don’t push yourself to stand out, you remain obscure. A sister who is a science teacher in a secondary school narrates how one female student met her and said, “aunty, I like you and will want you to mentor me.” She laughed and took the girl’s word as a compliment.

However, she noticed that anytime she had a class with the students in the lab, this girl would return to tidy up the lab and always ensure the lab was neat and well arranged before going home for the day. She was touched by the girl’s gesture and created time to talk and encouraged her to study and improve her academic performance. She told the student she could rise to the top of the class if she put more effort into her study.

Months later, a medical group invited the school for a quiz competition. The science teacher selected two of her best students and added the girl as a support member as a reward for her good gesture.  While preparing the student for the quiz, the girl showed brilliance and boldness. On the day of the quiz, she picked her, and the girl considered the best science student in the school to head the team. At the quiz competition, the girl answered more of the questions correctly than the one regarded as the best student, and their school won the second position.

Overnight, the girl became a hero and a star student. She positioned herself for success, pushed herself positively, got noticed by her teacher and worked to improve academically, and became a winner. 

With strategic positioning, determination, dedication, and patience, anyone can create a path to success. Her story serves as an inspiration to all who desire success.

To be a winner: 

Position yourself for success.

Put yourself before people who would impact your life. 

Do things that would attract people to notice your talent. 

Work to improve yourself daily.


Friday 19 May 2023

7 ways to build a healthy relationship

 Building a healthy relationship requires effort and communication from both partners. Being in a relationship is not always an all-around positive, happy feeling. It also has many adverse psychological effects, especially when you’re in the wrong relationship.

However, a relationship can also have a positive and beautiful side. When you're in a healthy relationship, it brings about a unique feeling that adds value to your existence and plays a central role in your search for happiness.

Here are some tips to help you build a strong, healthy relationship:

1. Communication: 

Open and honest communication is key to building a healthy relationship. Be willing to share your thoughts, feelings, and concerns with your partner, and encourage them to do the same. Communication should be respectful, non-judgmental, and focused on finding solutions to problems.

2. Trust: 

Trust is a crucial component of any healthy relationship. Trust your partner, and be trustworthy in return. Keep your promises, be reliable, and avoid engaging in behaviours that could damage the trust you've built.

3. Respect: 

Treat your partner with respect, even when you disagree. Respect their opinions, feelings, and boundaries, and expect the same in return.

4. Compromise: 

Relationships require compromise. Be willing to give and take, and work together to find solutions that benefit both of you.

5. Quality time: 

Spend quality time together, doing things you both enjoy. Make time for each other, and prioritize your relationship.

6. Independence: 

While spending time together is important, it's also important to maintain your own interests, hobbies, and friendships. Encourage your partner to do the same.

7. Forgiveness: 

No one is perfect, and mistakes will happen. Be willing to forgive your partner when they make a mistake, and ask for forgiveness when you make one.

Remember, building a healthy relationship takes time, effort, and commitment from both partners. By prioritising communication, trust, respect, compromise, quality time, independence, and forgiveness, you can build a strong, healthy relationship that lasts.


Essential Emotional Needs In Marriage

One of the most important things you can do to improve your family relationship is to understand and meet each other’s vital emotional needs...