The clarion call

When shall we rise

against the agitation 

and power struggles

That engulfs our nation state?

When shall we rise

to build our capacities and values

As a great nation?

When shall we rise

to recognise and tap the potential

Within our nation state?

When shall we rise

to appreciate the beauty

And brilliance of our land?

When shall we rise

to protect, and harness

The abundance of resources in our land?

When shall we rise

to instigate and urge our people

to think beyond tribe and religion?

When shall we rise

To serve our country wholeheartedly

and be recognised for our efforts?

When shall we rise

to seize the helm of our nation state

and steer it to stability?

When shall we rise

To fight corruption and bad leadership

crumbling the unity of our nation state?

When shall we rise

to emancipate our people

from tyrannical subjugation

Stunting our evolution?

When shall we rise

to oppose demeaning acts 

of inhumanity against us?

When shall we rise

to break the gripe of our oppressors

and bridle the excess use of power

That intimidates the people?

When shall we answer 

the clarion call for action?

They have used us as cat’s-paw for long

Crises have tossed us like waves 

in a storm, for ages.

Are we not fed up with 

Their banquet of deception?

Are we not tired of eating 

The bread of adversity?

Drinking the water of affliction?

It is time to rise against evil subjection

and be combat-ready for the ejection

Of wicked rulers out of the land.

© By Ngozi Ebubedike.

THE PRINCE AND THE WITCH

A powerful king captures Prince Ebuka while on his way to bring home the Ikenga, the village symbol of power. 

After working as a slave on the king’s farm for a while, the king decides to set Prince Ebuka free on one condition.

The prince must tell him within a year what he will do to make his wife happy or forfeit his head.  

In his search for the answer, he visits an ugly witch who tells him he has to marry her to get the answer. 

And so, Prince Ebuka finds himself between a rock and a hard place, and time is ticking away. 

How To Handle Betrayal In A Relationship

 

Betrayal in a relationship is the breaking of trust through dishonesty, infidelity, or a breach of commitment. It is a painful and challenging experience that causes hurt, anger, and disappointment. Betrayal is a bitter experience that shakes the foundation of relationships and kills the ability to trust and without trust, relationships cannot function.

A relationship is a bond created out of mutual trust. We engage in some forms of relationships. It can be with friends, partners, family or intimate relationships. All these relationships are based on trust; when one breaks that trust, the other person gets shattered. Some relationships are never forever, however, when the reason for severance is betrayal, it causes emotional distress and trauma. 

Romantic relationships are one part of social acceptability which everyone craves, they give a sense of belonging. As a result, when betrayal occurs, there is a sense of loss and emotional shock that make one vulnerable to heartbreak, depression, mental disorder, and even suicide. 

Causes of Betrayal

A variety of factors, both internal and external causes betrayal in a relationship. Here are some common causes of betrayal:

High Expectations: 

High expectations and unmet needs can lead to frustration. When one or both partners feel unheard or neglected, and when their expectations or needs are not realised in the relationship, they may seek connection or fulfilment outside, resulting in betrayal.

Infidelity: 

One of the most prominent forms of betrayal is infidelity. When one partner cheats by engaging in a romantic or sexual relationship with someone else, it shatters trust. Cheating in a relationship is caused by dissatisfaction, a desire to try something/someone new, a lack of contentment or personal issues like excessive ambition, greed, lust or passion.

Emotional dissatisfaction: 

When a person feels emotionally unfulfilled in a relationship, they may seek emotional support or intimacy with someone else. Sharing deep emotional connections with someone other than your partner can lead to a breach of trust and a sense of betrayal.

Unresolved conflicts: 

Unaddressed conflicts and unresolved issues can create resentment, frustration, and emotional distance between partners. If these conflicts are not effectively addressed, one or both partners may become more vulnerable to seeking validation or emotional satisfaction elsewhere, resulting in betrayal.

Individual factors: 

Personal issues such as low self-esteem, greed, lust, unresolved past trauma, or a tendency towards impulsivity can contribute to the likelihood of betrayal. These factors can lead individuals to seek excitement or escape from their current relationship, often without considering the consequences.

External influences: 

External factors, such as peer pressure, societal expectations, or the influence of friends or family, can play a role in betrayals. Sometimes, people succumb to external temptations, and social or family pressures which encourage them to act against the values and commitments they made with their partners. 

It's important to note that while these factors can contribute to betrayal, every situation is unique, and the causes of betrayal can vary significantly from one relationship to another. Understanding and addressing these underlying causes can be crucial in rebuilding trust and healing a relationship after betrayal occurs.

How to Handle Betrayal in Relationships: 

Acknowledge what has happened: 

Do not avoid the situation. Accepting difficult conditions and the emotions that come with them will help you calm down your internal turmoil. You may feel anxiety, stress, sickness, grief and other emotions.  Air them out and do not feel ashamed. You must work out ways to help you recover from the trauma faster and get your life back on track.

Take time for self-care: 

Betrayal will make you feel hurt or angry. Allow yourself to experience and process your emotions without judgment. 

Focus on self-care and self-healing. Engage in activities that give you joy, reduce stress, and promote well-being. It can include exercise, hobbies, spending time with friends and family. Turn to others for support. Many people just shut their doors of trust and thus do not tell anyone. This attitude can cause depression and emotional stress. Talking with your family or friends is always a good option.

Open Communication: 

When ready, have an open and honest conversation with your partner about the betrayal. Share your feelings and concerns, and allow them to explain their actions. Effective communication is crucial for understanding each other's perspectives and working towards a resolution if the possibility exists.

Seek support: 

Going through betrayal is a distressing experience. Seeking support from trusted friends, family members, or even a therapist is necessary. They can provide a listening ear, offer guidance, and help you navigate the healing process.

Set boundaries: 

Rebuilding trust after betrayal requires establishing clear boundaries. Determine what is acceptable and what is not in the relationship. It may involve discussing expectations, commitments, and behaviour that both partners will abide by.

Counselling or therapy: 

Seeking professional help can be beneficial if the betrayal deeply affects your emotional well-being and the relationship. A therapist can guide you through the healing process, provide tools for communication, and facilitate the rebuilding of trust.

Rebuilding trust: 

Rebuilding trust takes time and effort from both partners. It requires consistent honesty, open communication, and a willingness to work through the pain together. Setting goals and making mutual commitments to rebuilding trust while remaining patient with the process may be helpful.

Evaluate the relationship: 

While healing from betrayal, it's essential to reflect on the relationship, assess whether it’s healthy, and if both partners are genuinely committed to making it work. Sometimes, rebuilding trust may not be possible or in the best interest of both individuals.

Handling betrayal in a relationship is a personal journey. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to it. The important thing is to prioritise your well-being, take care of yourself and make decisions that align with your values and needs.

Betrayal is a painful experience that causes the person betrayed to lose their ability to trust again. It destroys self-confidence and causes the betrayed to question their judgment in the relationship. 

Let us not lose our confidence or our ability to trust others because of some people’s behaviour. When betrayal occurs, do not feel pressured. Take time and allow yourself to think and heal, then move on. Focus on your goals, what you need and the process to achieve your goals.

Create a path to your success.

Success is not accidental. You must work and create a path for your success. Also, it is not an overnight achievement but a process that involves ideas, plans and actions.

I met this young lady, Chika, at a function and was amazed at her success as a fashion designer, and she is planning to lunch her clothing line soon. According to her, she had a passion for fashion and started designing clothes as a little girl. Her dream was to own a big fashion house and a clothing line. 

Yes, everyone has a dream, and it takes courage and determination to achieve it.  Chika didn’t just dream but backed it up with action and hard work. After completing her higher education in computer science, she decided to follow her dream but not without an action plan.

She knew starting a fashion business required a lot of effort and input. So, first, she did her research, studied the fashion industry, followed fashion blogs, and attended trade shows and networking events. She also sought advice from successful fashion designers.

With the knowledge gained, Chika created a business plan, which included a detailed marketing strategy, financial projections, and a production and distribution plan. She also identified her target audience to design her clothing line accordingly.

To fund her business, Chika applied for a business loan from a bank. She also reached out to family members. With her business plan and funding secured, Chika built her team, hired experienced designers and production managers and worked with them to create her collections. The overwhelming response to her design encouraged her to work harder. She invested in her brand's online presence by creating a website and social media accounts to showcase her designs and reach more customers.

Finally, after years of hard work, Chika is set to launch her fashion line. Her success is not accidental. She created a path for her success by 

Doing her research.

Creating a solid business plan.

Securing funding.

Building a talented team.

Investing in her brand's online presence. 

With determination and hard work, Chika turned her dream into a successful reality. She didn’t gain her success overnight or by wilful thinking but by planning and taking action. Chika’s story proves that anyone can achieve success. Identify your passion, your dream and work to bring it to reality.

Do things that will create a path to success in your chosen career.

She positions herself for success.

 

If you don’t push yourself to stand out, you remain obscure. A sister who is a science teacher in a secondary school narrates how one female student met her and said, “aunty, I like you and will want you to mentor me.” She laughed and took the girl’s word as a compliment.

However, she noticed that anytime she had a class with the students in the lab, this girl would return to tidy up the lab and always ensure the lab was neat and well arranged before going home for the day. She was touched by the girl’s gesture and created time to talk and encouraged her to study and improve her academic performance. She told the student she could rise to the top of the class if she put more effort into her study.

Months later, a medical group invited the school for a quiz competition. The science teacher selected two of her best students and added the girl as a support member as a reward for her good gesture.  While preparing the student for the quiz, the girl showed brilliance and boldness. On the day of the quiz, she picked her, and the girl considered the best science student in the school to head the team. At the quiz competition, the girl answered more of the questions correctly than the one regarded as the best student, and their school won the second position.

Overnight, the girl became a hero and a star student. She positioned herself for success, pushed herself positively, got noticed by her teacher and worked to improve academically, and became a winner. 

With strategic positioning, determination, dedication, and patience, anyone can create a path to success. Her story serves as an inspiration to all who desire success.

To be a winner: 

Position yourself for success.

Put yourself before people who would impact your life. 

Do things that would attract people to notice your talent. 

Work to improve yourself daily.

7 ways to build a healthy relationship

 Building a healthy relationship requires effort and communication from both partners. Being in a relationship is not always an all-around positive, happy feeling. It also has many adverse psychological effects, especially when you’re in the wrong relationship.

However, a relationship can also have a positive and beautiful side. When you're in a healthy relationship, it brings about a unique feeling that adds value to your existence and plays a central role in your search for happiness.

Here are some tips to help you build a strong, healthy relationship:

1. Communication: 

Open and honest communication is key to building a healthy relationship. Be willing to share your thoughts, feelings, and concerns with your partner, and encourage them to do the same. Communication should be respectful, non-judgmental, and focused on finding solutions to problems.

2. Trust: 

Trust is a crucial component of any healthy relationship. Trust your partner, and be trustworthy in return. Keep your promises, be reliable, and avoid engaging in behaviours that could damage the trust you've built.

3. Respect: 

Treat your partner with respect, even when you disagree. Respect their opinions, feelings, and boundaries, and expect the same in return.

4. Compromise: 

Relationships require compromise. Be willing to give and take, and work together to find solutions that benefit both of you.

5. Quality time: 

Spend quality time together, doing things you both enjoy. Make time for each other, and prioritize your relationship.

6. Independence: 

While spending time together is important, it's also important to maintain your own interests, hobbies, and friendships. Encourage your partner to do the same.

7. Forgiveness: 

No one is perfect, and mistakes will happen. Be willing to forgive your partner when they make a mistake, and ask for forgiveness when you make one.

Remember, building a healthy relationship takes time, effort, and commitment from both partners. By prioritising communication, trust, respect, compromise, quality time, independence, and forgiveness, you can build a strong, healthy relationship that lasts.

Transparency in relationships.

Relationships are crashing faster these days than before. We are shocked at stories flying around, the outrageous things people endure, and the unimaginable experiences they go through in each other’s hands, all for the sake of being in a committed relationship. 

If you must be in a relationship, create a toxic-free environment through transparency to enjoy the benefits of a healthy union. Most causes of mistrust and insincerity are due to a lack of transparency. When people are not outrightly sincere and forthcoming with their emotions, feelings and actions from the onset, their relationships get immersed in games and intrigues that undermine their sustainability.

Transparency in relationships is when partners willingly share feelings, fears, concerns, ideas, thoughts, hopes, ambitions, aspirations and expectations with each other. The keyword is a willingness to share and communicate openly, even when they find it uncomfortable. It also means being honest about your actions, even when you make mistakes or have disagreements. Transparency is vital to the growth of every relationship, whether romantic, friendship or professional.

The Importance of Transparency In Relationships.

Transparency builds trust and credibility, especially in romantic relationships. Being transparent about your actions, decisions, and processes can foster dependability, a feeling of believability and acceptance from your partner. And where both partners practice transparency in their communication and actions, it creates a safe environment where they can feel secure. Being transparent about your experiences, feelings, and goals can help your partner understand you better and build a stronger connection and support system for both of you. 

Honesty is an integral part of transparency, but there is a difference between the two. Honesty simply means you’re not dishonest or lying to your partner. It does not come willingly, like transparency, which requires a willingness to be open and not withhold information or thoughts from your partner to make them suspicious of your intention. Trust and transparency complement and supplement one another in a romantic relationship.

The secret to having a successful relationship is transparency, and it creates stronger bonds. For instance, being open about your feelings and intentions prevents misunderstandings and miscommunications with your partner. Transparency builds intimacy. When partners are transparent, it enhances intimacy and understanding and strengthens their emotional connections. 

Transparency in relationships shows how much you trust your partner. How transparent you are with your partner is proportionate to your trust quotient with them. Partners who trust each other feel safe enough to share things about themselves. They will share their deepest fears, secrets, darkest thoughts and feelings, knowing their partners will not judge them or their actions. If you don’t trust your partner entirely and they don’t trust you, that willingness, desire or sense of security to be open will not be there.

Benefits of transparency in a relationship

1. Emotional intimacy:

The more emotionally intimate two people are, the more likely transparency will occur. Emotional intimacy involves sharing personal thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

When partners build trust and non-judgmental, positive affirmation of each other, they experience a deep comforting sense of support and security. When there is a deep, intimate bond, you find it easy to share everything about your personality, the good, dark, and bad sides, with your partner.

2. Open communication:

We build healthy romantic relationships on mutual respect, trust, and open communication. When partners openly communicate with each other, it ushers in transparency, and this will strengthen the relationship. 

Trust leads to acceptance, non-judgmental behaviour, and understanding. It also reduces the potential and opportunities for miscommunication and misunderstanding.

3. Strengthens trust:

Transparency strengthens trust and reduces misconduct or suspicious attitude or behaviour in the relationship. Having a non-judgmental attitude towards your partner also strengthens confidence, builds intimacy and makes them feel secure. 

4. Spiritual intimacy:

Transparency in romantic relationships paves the way for spiritual intimacy with your partner. It creates an enabling environment for you to share everything with your partner willingly. It will include all those overwhelming or deep emotions you try to suppress and those disturbing memories or thoughts you are afraid to share with someone.

5. Kills fear of vulnerability:

It is instinctual to have one’s guard up, especially at the beginning of a relationship because of the fear of appearing vulnerable. But when you establish healthy boundaries and build trust, open communication, understanding, and respect will bring transparency. So, lowering your guard becomes possible, and the fear of vulnerability will vanish.

How to improve transparency in a romantic relationship?

Openness in relationships is necessary because the lack of transparency in a relationship can have unfavourable outcomes that may affect the sustainability of your relationship.

Building transparency in a relationship is one of the most effective ways to have a secure, supportive, healthy, and fulfilling romantic relationship.

To improve transparency in your relationship, start by building emotional intimacy with your partner. It involves sharing personal stories, discussing feelings and desires that will deepen your emotional connection.

Transparency doesn’t mean you should share everything with your partner without a filter. You don’t just blurt out anything and everything you feel or think in its raw form. Although transparency entails openness and accessible communication, how you frame the words and how you express them to your partner is important. Using discretion is essential for transparency to thrive in a relationship. 

Practical ways to cultivate transparency in a relationship:

Start by sharing feelings, ideas, and thoughts that are easy to share and try to be honest with your partner.

Work on establishing healthy boundaries with your partner from the start so that the standards for transparency become clear.

Cultivate emotional intimacy by sharing your feelings, both pleasant and unpleasant.

Remember to use discretion when you’re open and do not hide or withhold information from your partner.