Toxic relationship

 

The lockdown because of COVID-19 pandemic also had a devastating effect on relationships. The sudden inactivities and depression brought out the beast in some people and many found themselves in a toxic relationship.

Probably, the union wasn't warm and cosy any more. There had been cracks and rumbles which the couple had tried to hide from family and friends' view.

Every relationship experiences difficulties, But when things start to fall apart when your partner stops giving you your due respect when trust is no longer there, or you feel entrapped or suffocated, then the relationship may have turned into a toxic one.

Toxic relationships, also called abusive relationships, is about an abuser and the one abused. Also, toxic relationships give rise to domestic violence which has led to the death of so many.

However, not all toxic relationships are physically violent, there is verbal and psychological abuse as well. No matter the form of the abuse, it erodes the victim’s self-esteem and makes the victim feel a sense of worthlessness in the relationship. While women are more commonly subjected to physical abuse, men suffer more of verbal and emotional abuse from their partners.

What is a toxic relationship?

 A toxic relationship is a relationship in which one partner exhibits dysfunctional or abusive behaviours that are emotionally, physically or mentally harmful to the other partner.

These abusive behaviours arise out of a feeling of insecurity or character traits such as self-centeredness, selfishness, irresponsibility, domineering attitudes. Being hot-tempered or ill-tempered and being excessively jealous and possessive.

A toxic person is capable of physical violence such as punching, yelling, slapping, beating, kicking, biting and even strangling when the person is out of control.

The person is equally prone to sexual violence where the partner is forced into a frequent sex act that is not pleasurable but a brutal claiming of marital rights. And in some cases, forced to perform degrading sexual acts.

The signs of a toxic relationship

• Your partner has an unpredictable temper, gets annoyed or angry easily. This makes you fearful and dreadful of your partner much of the time that you walk on eggshells around the person.
• Your partner humiliates, criticises, puts you down and embarrasses you before friends or family members.
• Your partner sees you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person of value and deserving of respect.
• Your partner is a complete control freak who wants to control where you go, what you do or who you talk to.
• Your partner nit-picks or finds fault in anything you do or say most of the time.
• Your partner turns every situation or mistake, no matter how trivial, into a fight.
• Your partner is always sarcastic and disrespectful towards you.

Toxic relationship often starts from threats and verbal abuses and escalates to physical violence and even murder sometimes. While physical injury may be the most obvious signs, the emotional and psychological consequences can lead to serious debilitating health issues. The uses of demeaning statements, innuendos, and sarcastic words are psychologically unhealthy,

A toxic partner will belittle you in public, in front of your friends or family. They use fear, control, manipulation and intimidation to wear you down to leave if they want you out of the relationship or they use it to keep you under their thumb.

People endure toxic relationships for many reasons— low self-esteem, for the sake of the children, or because of what people will say. The fear of starting afresh. Some tolerate it with the false hope that there will be a miraculous change in the partner’s behaviour. And so, they remain in a psychologically unhealthy and toxic relationship. 

A toxic relationship is not a safe and secure relationship. To say a toxic relationship is damaging is an understatement. Besides, no one deserves to be abused, humiliated or bullied by another human being.

Stop living in denial and see the relationship for what it really is. Decide to walk away from a partner’s relentless toxicity, bully and a vicious circle of suffering. It’s best to get out of a toxic relationship and give your life a fresh start.

It is better to walk out than be carried out of that relationship. You deserve better, a good life and the freedom to be you.

Strategies to Improve Self-Management skills

 

To improve your self-management skills, you have to actively focus on ways you can direct, test, and enhance your daily activities. How to work smarter and not harder.

 Here are a few ways you can improve your self-management skills:

Self-Evaluation/Self-reflection- 

Assess your strengths to determine what you’re best at, and focus on ways to use your abilities in these areas. Understanding your strengths helps you manage your career and steer your life path in a way that is most beneficial.

Evaluate the progress you’ve made toward your goals by tracking your accomplishments to see if you’ve met them. Don’t be too hard on yourself and always acknowledge your successes, reward and praise yourself for your efforts and achievements.

Ask someone closest to you for help to assess your behaviour, and to get a well-rounded appraisal. you may not like what you hear, the truth hurts. So when you seek others' opinions, try to be calm and neutral, don’t go all defensive about what they say of your character rather use the feedback to improve and build your self-awareness. 

While self-evaluation is about appraising yourself, your strength, your experience and your performance to better improve your life.  Self-reflection is used to gain insight into your action, behaviour and values.

Self-reflection is key to self-awareness. It enables you to be aware of yourself and to look objectively at your thoughts, emotions, actions, and feelings. It can be a time to reflect on your mistakes and areas of improvement. 

It can also be time to acknowledge personal accomplishments and celebrate progress. Remember, if you don’t reflect on your past, you will have a harder time understanding where you are going.

Self-reflection will give you the time to step back and try to view things with an impartial eye. Avoid bottling up or repressing your feelings, but look for healthy ways to deal with what you are feeling, it will help you respond more effectively to your emotions. Things don’t always work out as planned, but with self-reflection, we can seek feedback, ask for help and get things back on track.

Self-motivation/Initiative

Self-motivation is the ability to start and finish a task or activity without external inducement. When you’re self-motivated, you plan for potential tasks because you’re driven by a desire to succeed and not by outside factors. 

Self-motivation is the side of self-management that pushes you forward to take initiative and succeed with your projects and activities. Self-motivation is one of the most powerful forces that drive people to do things and to achieve success in business and personal life. 

Initiative is the ability to plan, take action and make decisions without being told what to do. You can show initiative by thinking for yourself, planning and taking action when needed. It means using your head and having the drive to achieve something. Initiative requires self-belief because you need resilience and motivation to solve problems or do things without being reminded or asked.

Self-confidence/Self-Control  

To be self-confident means to like and respect yourself and believe in your own abilities and strengths. People that are self-confident have a positive mindset and can face their fears head-on.

Self-confident people are some of the most successful people in life and business, they trust and believe in their skills and abilities and have a sense of control

Self-control is the ability to remain stable when in difficult situations. When you lose self-control, you delegate control of your emotions to others. Self-control allows you to take charge of your thoughts, behaviour and impulses. Your ability to manage and control your needs, desires, actions, and emotions is vital to achieving success in life and business. Self-control is also about discipline and restraint, if you are disciplined you will control the controllable's in life. Being disciplined goes a long way to enhancing every aspect of your life, including your health and wellness.

Take care of your health and wellness. 

When your health falls apart, every other aspect of your life follows suit. It’s important to keep both the mind and the body healthy. Engage in physical activity like exercise. Regular exercise keeps you physically fit and is also great for the mind. It relaxes the mind and helps your brain to recharge and improves your ability to focus. You also have to observe personal hygiene and eat nutritious meals that will nourish your body,   

You should have adequate sleep, at least seven to nine hours of sleep every night. Getting better sleep will help your mind become more alert, focused, and balanced.  

You should learn to relax and take your mind off your stress, Have fun, laugh as often as your can and rest as regularly as possible, Take holidays and go on vacations, engage in a hobby and take time to do things you love the most. All these will help to improve your physical and mental health.

Your physical health. The essence of good sleep and regular exercise is to bring stress under control. If you’re unable to manage your emotions, you are likely not in control of your stress level. Uncontrolled stress can lead to serious health problems like weight loss and high blood pressure, which can suppress the immune system and increase the risk of heart attacks and strokes. Uncontrolled stress can speed up the ageing process. 

When you exercise and do activities, your brain releases endorphins known as serotonin, which helps you feel good and fight negative emotions.

 Living a healthy lifestyle and eating a balanced diet is crucial to your overall health and will give you mental power and body energy 

Your mental health. Uncontrolled emotions and stress also affect your mental health and render you vulnerable to anxiety and depression. If you cannot understand, take control or manage your emotions, it will affect your self-confidence and your ability to form strong relationships. You become isolated and filled with negative thoughts that will eventually affect your mental health. Your emotional and social well-being also how you handle stress and relate to others, affect how you think, act and feel.

To stay mentally healthy, think positively, learn how to cope with stresses if life, connect with others, believe in yourself, be physically active, and get enough sleep. Above all, learn and put into practice all the self-management skills.

Learning it's a continuous process, it goes beyond formal education. If learning should end with the completion of a degree, you could not cope with today’s fast-changing and evolving world.

Keep learning to keep up with new ideas that will enable you to take proactive actions. Challenge yourself, move out of your comfort zones, and learn how to improve yourself to get the best out of life.

The importance of Self-Management

Logically self-awareness comes before self-management. When you are aware of your thoughts and emotions, you will probably act consciously and make informed decisions.
Self-management builds upon self-awareness, you can only act on your emotion if you are aware of its existence. Being aware and in charge of your emotions during difficult situations, it will help you be calm under pressure and act positively and proactively rather than buckle under challenges.
Self-awareness is important, but I choose to write more on the concept of self-management because it is what you do with your emotional awareness that makes the difference in life. The awareness of your emotions aids you to consciously choose what you will or will not do.

To achieve your goals, be responsible and successful in life, you need to cultivate the art of self-management skills.

Self-management skills will help you manage your activities, enables you to hold yourself accountable for your work and words. Without self-management, many of us may lose sight of our goals or cannot prioritize our activities. self-management skills are a crucial and necessary set of skills to build a productive and efficient lifestyle in professional and personal relationships.

 What Are Self-Management Skills?

Self-management skills are those abilities that help you to control your feelings, emotions, and actions. They play a major role in your personal and work life because those abilities aid you to become more productive and proactive in decision making. With Self-management skills, you can improve on how your communication with others, plan your time more effectively, handle responsibility efficiently and make better choices that will improve both your personal and professional life.

Self-management skills

Accountability/Responsibility skill

Accountability is the act of being responsible for your thoughts and actions. When you say yes, you should mean it and work in a committed way to deliver what you have accepted to do.

Accountability and responsibility are similar but they don’t mean the same thing. If you say to yourself that you are accountable, it means you’re answerable to your actions and decisions.
Being responsible means doing what is expected of you and accepting whatever mistakes that come from your action. There is nothing wrong with making a mistake, it is meant to teach you a valuable lesson, accept it, learn from it and moved forward. When you take responsibility for a task, it means you’re in charge and have to determine the best way to proceed.
Taking responsibility for your actions is a bold step towards true self-management.

Goal setting skill

Goal setting is the ability to determine what you want to achieve in a clear and well-defined manner. Goal setting helps you to decide on what’s important and how to create action plans that will align your goals with your values. This skill is necessary because it enables you to manage your time, actions. physical space, energy and mental capabilities towards achieving success in the future.

Self-management will only go as far as your personal goals allow it. Set long-term and short-term goals and plan your day-to-day to revolve around activities that can help you achieve these goals.

Time management skill

Time is a finite resource that can never be recovered once used. It’s important you learn how to use it wisely. Because time is valuable you have to learn how to distinguish between Urgent and Important things in your life..

Effective time management skills allow you to prioritize tasks, avoid distractions and maintain focus. Managing your time is an essential part of managing yourself. Find effective methods that help you manage your time, streamline your daily activities and effort efficiently. Learn to say no to unreasonable request or activities.

Focus your time, energy and abilities on a single activity. Don’t clutter your life with so many tasks at the same time. Complete each task fully before moving on to another.

Proper planning and time management are the keys to getting the most out of your day.

Good time management helps you to set and prioritize your goals, it also enables you to balance your work and leisure time.

Organizational Skill

Organisational skill means planning your time and the things you have to do. Creating a schedule of what is most important and what is not. It’s also about being prepared and having ready the things you need when you need them to implement a plan or complete a task.

To become an organized person, you have to pay attention to details, be an active listener, set a goal and work consistently towards the achievement of your goal.

Organizational skills are valuable and important for success, especially in the business world.

Stress management skill

At times stress can overwhelm you and override your best intentions, it is hard to think clearly or make a rational decision. When you are overstressed, your ability to think clearly and accurately becomes compromised.

With stress management skill you can stay emotionally calm, to control impulsive feelings and behaviours, manage your emotions in healthy ways, take initiative, follow through on commitments, and focus on your goals and make choices that allow you progress forward in the workplace and in your relationships. you need to learn how to overcome stress in order to remain emotionally balanced.

Managing stress helps you self-manage your emotions and maintain a healthy lifestyle. To relieve stress, use humour and laughter, they are natural antidotes to stress. They lessen your burdens and help you keep things in perspective. Laughter brings your nervous system into balance and calms you down. Stress can make you lose control of your emotions and rob you of the ability to act thoughtfully and reasonably.

Stress management skills are among the most important in self-management skills. It is impossible to find a completely stress-free work and life environment, stress situations are everywhere. Learn to manage pressures and to cope with problems when they pop up in life and not allow them to overwhelm you,

Unmanaged stress can increase your blood pressure and affect your health and wellness. To improve your emotional intelligence you must learn how to manage stress.

Communication skill and conflict management skill

No man is an island. Your ability to exist, to grow and to live harmoniously with others depends on your capability to communicate effectively with them. This means being able to articulate what you have in mind concisely. People are not mind readers, nor can they guess what’s in your mind based on your behaviour. Tell them exactly what you need or expected of them. Good communication foster a stronger relationship. Effective communication will save you a lot of misunderstanding that can lead to conflict.

Disagreements are certain to arise in every human relationship from time to time. People don’t have the same values, needs, opinions, and expectations at all times. Conflict management skill helps you resolve such disagreements in healthy and constructive ways that will build trust and strengthen your relationship. When conflict is resolved amicably, it creates stronger bonds in relationships. Learn to see conflict as an opportunity to get closer to others.

When conflicts arise try to maintain a sense of calm so you can think clearly and objectively. Do not give people, places or situations the power to knock you off your emotional footing.

 

Self-management skills will help set your heart, thought and action in the right direction and other things in your life will follow suit.

Understanding Emotional Intelligence or Emotional Quotient (EQ)

Laughter and relationship. (Social benefits)

“I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it’s the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It’s probably the most important thing in a person.” — Audrey Hepburn

We love people who make us laugh. We tend to gravitate towards people with a cheerful disposition. A smile attracts people like magnets and makes them feel comfortable. most companies encouraged their customer care representatives to always have smiles on their faces when dealing with customers because of it social benefits. Over the years standup comedy has morphed into a money-spinning venture. People are ready to pay to have a merry laugh. The ability to laugh, play, and have fun not only makes life more enjoyable but also helps solve problems, connect people, create bonds and strengthen relationships. People who incorporate laughter and humour into their daily lives find that it renews them and harmonise their social relationships.

 

  Social benefits of laughter Laughter strengthens relationships 

All emotional sharing builds strong and lasting relationship bonds but shared laughter is one of the most effective tools for keeping relationships fresh and exciting. Sharing laughter adds joy, vitality, and resilience to any relationship. Laughter and humour are powerful and effective ways to heal resentments, disagreements, and hurts. Laughter and humourous communication strengthen relationships by triggering positive feelings and fostering emotional connection. When you laugh with others, it creates a positive bond. This bond acts as a strong buffer against dispute, disagreements, and disappointment. Laughter is a non-negotiable for all relationships. You’re more likely to laugh around other people than when you’re alone. And the more laughter you bring into your own life, the happier you and those around you will feel. It has been proven that couples who laugh together enjoy quality relationships. 

   Laughter attracts others to you Laughter connects you with others, as with smiling and kindness, people find laughter contagious. So, if you add more laughter into your life, you invariably make others around you to laugh more. By elevating the mood of people around you, you reduce their stress levels as well as improve the quality of your social interaction with them. The more you laugh each day with those around you, the less effort it takes you to maintain a good relationship with them. You can’t enjoy a laugh with others unless you take the time to really engage with them. People are attracted to those they regarded as jolly good fellows, people that are lively and fun to be with.. 

   Laughter enhances teamwork Humour and laughter, when engaged in teamwork, can be used to resolve disagreements, arguments and tension during deliberations and brainstorming sessions especially when temper or emotion becomes high. Sharing heartfelt laughter with friends or co-workers can enhance teamwork, it can forge a strong bond among members which can have a profound effect on all aspects of the team’s relationship as well as improve their mental and emotional health. During tense moments, laughter can help rebalances the nervous system and forestall defensive responses. This can create an enabling environment for effective and efficient growth in an organisation. 

   Laughter helps defuse conflict Nothing defuses anger and conflict faster than a shared laugh. Laughter lightens confrontations, bitterness or resentment. Looking at the funny side of things can help shift perspective, allowing you to see problems in a more realistic and less threatening way. A humorous perspective can help you avoid feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, anxious, angry, or sad at situations. Laughter is a powerful tool for defusing conflict and reducing tension when emotions are running high. Learn to use laughter and humour to smooth over disagreements and lower people’s tension level. Whether with romantic partners, friends and family, or co-workers,

Make laughter part of your life 

Laughter is your birthright, a natural part of life that is innate and inborn, though at times the vicissitudes of life bury our natural inclination to laugh. But then you can exhume it; by seeking out people who like to laugh and make others laugh. By spending time with fun, playful people. Those who can laugh easily–both at themselves and at life’s absurdities–and those who find the humour in everyday activities. People with a playful point of view and laughter are contagious. 

  Get more laughter in your life with the following strategies: 

   Laugh with friends Avoid negative people and try to keep away from news stories, or conversations that make you sad or unhappy. Seek the company of lively friends Laughing with friends is a great way to get more laughter in your life. Inviting friends over for a party or hosting a game night for friends is also a great setup for laughter and other good feelings. 

   Going to a movie or show Invite friends or co-workers out to a movie or a comedy show. Every comedian appreciates an audience. Making time for this kind of fun is as important as any other health habit, and probably more enjoyable than most health habits we undertake and less strenuous too. Movies and shows are easy ways to get laughter into your life whenever you need it. During the show, the contagious effects of laughter will make you laugh more than you would otherwise. 

   Feign laughter Instead of complaining about the unfairness of life, try to laugh about them. If you can’t find laughter in your life, then feign it. Just as people feign smile to cover up unhappiness, feign laughter too to cover up life’s unpleasant situations. Feigned laughter can be just as beneficial as the real thing. It will still produce the same positive effects on people. Also, your body can't differentiate between feigned laughter that you did on purpose and genuine laughter. The physical and social benefits are exactly the same.

 Incorporate humour and laughter into the fabric of your life. There is no shortage of laughter opportunities from the entertainment industries, lots of movies and T.V. comedies have hilarious scenes designed to make you laugh. Because laughter is contagious some TV sitcoms use laugh tracks to make their audience laugh as well. Laughter is a potent drug with contagious power and lots of benefits for the mind and body.

Physical and Emotional Benefits of Laughter

“A sense of humour… is needed armour. Joy in one’s heart and some laughter on one’s lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life.” — Hugh Sidey

Laughter is a potent medicine with so much power to heal and to rejuvenate your body. Your ability to laugh easily and often is great for overcoming problems and enhancing your physical and emotional health.
Laughter is a priceless medicine,  totally free, infused with  fun, no overdose but with an overload of benefits

Laughter is a stress-reducer.

Laughter works like an antidepressant Laughter increases the level of health-enhancing hormones, like endorphins and also increases the number of antibody-producing cells. When you laugh, it activates the release of the neurotransmitter serotonin in the brain and thus reduces the level of stress hormones like cortisol, adrenaline and dopamine.
A good, heartfelt laugh relieves physical tension and stress thereby easing up your muscles. Laughter helps you relax and recharge. It increases your energy, enabling you to stay cheerful and focused.

Laughter boosts the immune system.

Laughter strengthens your immune system. It increases infection-fighting antibodies, give you a stronger immune cell which invariably improves your resistance to disease.  and protects you from the damaging effects of stress.

Laughter protects your heart

Laughter protects your heart. Laughter has an anti-inflammatory effect that improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow which can help protect you against a heart attack and other cardiovascular problems. It also provides a good workout for the heart.

Laughter builds Confidence

Laughter can provide you with a full-body wake-up call that will energize and refresh your body. Laughter boosts your oxygen intake and releases endorphins; the feel-good hormones, this will keep you happy, make you feel confident.  And with confidence, you will have the courage and strength to face challenges.

Laughter helps in Internal workout: 

Laughter stimulates your body. A good hearty laugh exercises the diaphragm, contracts the abs, works out the shoulders, leaving muscles more relaxed afterwards. It also exercises the face muscles, making you to glow and look younger.

Adds joy and zest to your life

Laughter makes you feel good and produce positive vibes which remain with you even after the laughter subsides. It gives you a positive and optimistic outlook when faced with disappointments, and loss. Laughter can inspire hope during difficult situations. It can boost your mood and help diminishes your pain, Using laughter to overcome challenges enhance your life

During the most difficult of times, a laugh or a smile goes a long way toward improving your feelings and adding zest to buoy up your life.

Do not let a day go by without you laughing. Find something that will make you laugh. Take it up as a challenge, like an exercise and make a conscious effort to laugh. Laughter may help you to live longer.

Laughter, Good Medicine

“Always laugh when you can, it is cheap medicine.” — George Gordon Byron

I stood on my balcony one Sunday morning staring sightlessly at the outside world with a heart heavy with worries. Sounds of laughter drifted to my ear, I blinked and looked towards the next compound. I saw a group of young children laughing, and I watched them as they played mommy and daddy. The imitation of their parent’s mannerism was hilarious.

Playing comes naturally to children. They’re wonderful actors/ actresses without scripts. Unlike adults, they turn their problems into a game; they take life lightly and laugh at ordinary things that baffle them. No wonder the Bible tells us that we have to be like children to enter the kingdom of God. we have to pay attention to children and try to emulate them.

I joined in their laughter and laughed so much I forgot about my worries. Even when I left the scene, the worries were not so oppressive. Because I laughed, I was able to release a lot of tension and felt lighthearted.

It brought home once more the truism that laughter is the best medicine for me. We always forget this especially when we seem to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. No matter how heavy the load, how dark and long the night or how gloomy the day, we should learn to take a breath and laugh to release the tension. Laughter helps you stay mentally healthy.

At times, life brings challenges that can weigh you down but remember every cloud has a silver lining. Learn not to take things too seriously, When something negative happens, try to find the humorous side of it, humour lightens burdens and makes you feel lighthearted.

Laughter is an all-time stress management therapy, it's free, convenient, and beneficial in so many ways. Laughter provides a physical, emotional and mental release.

Laughter can take the focus away from anger, tension, and negative emotions making them less threatening.









Laugh at your stupidity
Laugh at your quirk
Laugh through your dreadful days
Laugh away your sorrow.
Laugh at situations rather than bemoan them.
laugh at your own mistakes and foibles.
Laugh at the absurdity of life.
Look for the humour in an unpleasant situation.


While some events in life come with an overwhelming sense of sadness and when you’re in a state of sadness, it blocks out opportunities for laughter. Admittedly, many things in life are beyond your control, but the power to laugh and be happy is within your palm, So laugh whenever you can and look at the brighter side of life.

If possible, count your blessings. Considering the good things in your life will help minimise your negative feelings. Approach life’s challenges with gaiety and you'll find you're less stressed about negative events. Don’t dwell on the negative for a prolonged time. it’s unhealthy.

Laughter triggers physical and emotional changes in the body. Nothing like a wonderful hearty laugh to bring your mind and body back into balance after a stressful day or moment. Stress releases chemicals into your body that decrease your immunity and make you prone to sickness. A pleasant laugh will help infuse your immune system with disease-fighting energy that recharges your body and help you stay healthy.