CREATIVITY. ROMANCE. BOOKS. RELIGION. EVENTS. LIFESTYLE. RELATIONSHIP. HEALTH.
My heart erupts
Like a molten magma
My eyes jiggle
Tears drip like droopy jelly
I hear not like a man
But the tiniest of sounds
Hit the caves of my ear,
Voiceless voices,
Of mendicants,
Beseeching
Sadaqah sadaqah,
For what to eat
They slide down defenselessly
With hands tied haplessly,
Agape, we watch helplessly.
Their blurry vision
And drying vital vitality,
Dying in a blaze of agony out in the open
Asking again and again
Sadaqah.
A Poem by Muhammad Muddathir Salihu
Emptiness clouds my mind
The world disappears before my eyes
My soul and body disintegrates
The worst version of me appears
Even as life darkens before my eyes,
The pain in my sight
Incomparable to the agony.
Pain,
intense and powerful
Send shivers down my spine.
Shaken, broken, my thoughts drift
Scattered pieces of shattered vessels
Ruins of a lost city.
A myriad of options
Run through my head.
Even as I seek asylum
From reality.
I grasp on to whatever sense
Or sanity left of my thoughts.
Bargaining with emotions
A fire beams inside me
igniting temper with passion
Wistful and invading.
The yearning zeal
To rise,
Seek help.
But my soul is trapped.
My mind overwhelmed.
I’m diagnosed with schizophrenia.
But the best of our intentions are intentional. Make an intentional decision to be intentionally good to others.
How does one survive when a country unleashes its whole military might on him? The fugitive was on the run!
The ministry of defence went into code red, and the army marched into battle. Tanks rolled out and surveillance planes filled the skies like swarms of insects. The pilots kept their eyes peeled for the slightest reason to call in jet fighters that will blast the targeted upstart to kingdom come.
From one end of the nation to another, the search was intense and carried out methodically with a fine toothcomb. There was no escaping the threat. The wannabe must die!
The story of the man on the run was an ironic one. He had appeared out of nowhere and used outlandish methods to dismantle a gigantic challenge plaguing the leadership of the country. The feat had catapulted him into the limelight and also triggered an avalanche of the king's wrath.
Not to be outdone by rival brands, the media houses outdid themselves to increase their ratings and sell their wares. They filled the airwaves with exaggerated exploits of the young man. This infuriated the president, who was suffering from myriad issues inclusive of split personality and depression.
The incumbent's self-esteem would not fill a thimble. Hence, he surmised that all the media attention was a sign that the hunted man (now state enemy number 1) was conniving to unseat him in the coming elections.
"He is nowhere to be found,'" he told his aid. The President's voice was laden with frustration as he gave the younger man the binoculars. The aid swept through the countryside with the glasses, came up short and shook his head.
Unbeknown to them, the man on the run was a few meters away. He was wearing camouflage that blended wholesomely with the foliage.
The president and his troops moved on. That day, the savagery of the Mediterranean sun was more than usual, so they took shade under a large umbrella tree. Bringing out a flask of whiskey, he quaffed to his heart's content as some of the drink ran down his chin. He was soon snoring under his presidential tent.
The fugitive, silent as a shadow, disappeared deeper into the forest. His existence was like a partridge's with a pack of pointer dogs doggedly pursuing it. His life became a chain of narrow escapes from unrelenting traps. He knew the slightest slip meant death, therefore; he devised uncommon methods of slipping through nets and sought safety in unfamiliar deserts and caves among a legion of other fortresses.
From the wilderness of Ziph, the strongholds of Engedi to the Cave of Adullam (here, he trained his elite security detail), David escaped against impossible odds. Of course, when one becomes an expert at skipping through such a sophisticated network of death snares, we should listen to him when he talks about security.
Surprisingly, when he detailed his safety options, he didn't mention a nuclear bunker, the scraggy hills of Judea or the impregnable cave of Adullam. I would have expected him to talk about unnavigable terrains and thorny forests that made chasing him difficult.
Instead, David wrote that the greatest secret of his survival was: Thou art my hiding place; thou shalt preserve me from trouble; thou shalt compass me about with songs of deliverance. Selah. Psalm 32:7.
© Ekpo Ezechinyere 2021
I stumbled on his story on his Facebook page and became a captivated fan. His stories were thrilling. At that time I was toying with the idea of writing a Bible-based Christain story and reading his writing on Bible-based characters really pushed me to take the step that gave birth to my first Christain romance story, Decoration of Faith.
He is so full of talents; I have followed the trail of his writing and have often wondered how he coordinated the many parts that makeup who he is?
Who is Dr Ekpo Ezechinyere?
I am a medical doctor and a passionate writer (different genres of writing), but my focus is majorly faith-based. I am also one of the writers of Strain, a Nigerian movie that won the Best International Movie award at the Urban Film Festival, Miami in 2020.
I founded the Facebook groups, Christian Writers and Authors Network (CWAN) and Heaven’z Muzik with some friends. CWAN is a nest for Christian writers who want to sharpen the swords of their crafts. We employ Solomon’s iron sharpens iron concept. HM is for lovers of gospel music.
I am also a consultant, counsellor, and coach.
I blog at https://drekpo.com/.
How did you become a writer?
I had always dabbled in writing. Starting with romantic poems in secondary school, I graduated into writing for the press of my medical school. Ultimately, I became the Editor of the NCCMDS (Nigerian Christian Conference of Medical and Dental Students) Press of my university. However, it was after I became a doctor that I got the call to go the whole nine yards and write for God.
What lured you into becoming a Christian writer?
I had an epiphany. Dr Luke was also a huge inspiration. He wrote two of the biggest books in the Bible, and the artistry of his documentation was stratospheric!
Furthermore, one of the best ways of preserving generations is through storytelling, and I realized if we don’t bring our Christian stories to life, they might become fossilized for our children.
The Bible is the greatest story resource ever and unfortunately, in my book, A Guide to Christian Writing, I mentioned that with the holy writ, many Christians are like a Jedi Knight who doesn’t know what to do with a light-sabre. Woe is us (in Paul speak) if we don’t tell our stories. Stories not told are at the risk of being hijacked. Last, I wanted to tell biblical stories in ways that will resonate with the next generation. Same content, but contemporary methods of delivery.
Any interesting fact about your book/script you want to share with us?
My book, A Guide to Christian Writing, is a cocktail of many things, but the message is about why, and how to become a Christian writer/author. Strain is a movie on sickle cell disease, but the entire essence of it is hope.
How do you get information or ideas for your stories?
Praying, reading voraciously (the Bible especially), meditations, observation, mostly.
What does your family think of your writing?
Lol…It’s an accepted way of life now.
What was one of the most surprising things you learned in writing your books/scripts?
I knew nothing, absolutely nothing. Writing is a universe of its own.
Is there any author or book that influenced you either growing up or as an adult?
Plenty. Wilbur Smith, Dean Koontz; however, the most influential ones were Charles Swindoll and Max Lucado.
What do you consider your best accomplishment as a writer?
Stepping out to be used despite all my fears and inadequacies.
How many books have you written? What are the challenges you faced in writing and publishing them?
I have written two, but only published one: A Guide to Christian Writing. Traditional publishing is like reaching for the stars. Navigating the bends of the digital world can frustrate sometimes. All in all, it has been a significant learning experience.
How do you market your work? What avenues have you found to work best for your genre?
Social Media and Amazon mostly.
How do you combine being a doctor, a storyteller and a scriptwriter?
I learnt to multitask like a juggler. I recently took a break from medicine, though. But presently gearing to wade back into its pools.
What is your best script so far?
I am working on one which I want to produce.
What are the challenges of being a writer in Nigeria?
Unlike in more developed worlds, making a career of writing in Nigeria is still like climbing a branchless, smooth tree with greased palms.
What measures are you taking to promote your books and are they yielding fruits?
Social Media and Amazon. It has been slow so far (drip, drip), but every day, I am learning and applying the skills that will stoke the flames of momentum.
What are the feedbacks from your readers like?
Encouraging, mostly. They fuel my passion.
Where is the best channel to reach you and learn more about your books?
My website https://drekpo.com/
Christian Writers’ and Authors’ Network (CWAN)
Heaven’z Muzik
Facebook: Ekpo Ezechinyere
Facebook Page: Christian Writing with Dr Ekpo
Instagram: @docekpo
Twitter: @docekpo
Amazon
Do you have any advice to give to aspiring writers, especially in your genre?
I would advise them to develop grits and tenacity more than anything else. It’s a marathon and not a sprint. It is he who endures to the end that will be saved.
For the Christian Writer, inspiration trumps all. If not, all that we will give our world will be enticing words of men’s wisdom that lack the power to inspire and transform. We would be chefs cooking insipid meals. The letter kills, but the spirit gives life.
What else are you great at that few people know about?
Lol… speaking, leadership, people skills, teaching, coaching, etc.
How do you relax?
Movies, Music, reading, watching football and wrestling, playing video games, taking walks…
What’s your favourite music/film?
Difficult choice o. Very. But for movies, I’ll choose anything from the Star Wars and James Bond franchises.
I will go with Anchor by Hillsong for music.
Book link for those in Nigeria:
https://drekpo.com/christianwriting/
Amazon link: http://mybook.to/Guide2ChristianWriting
I wrote a book on relationship titled, Concepts of Love, before I started writing, I went out to sample opinions on what love is. I discovered the definition of love is as varied as the number of individuals I asked. People defined love based on their feelings, beliefs, experiences and even intellectual perspectives.
One definition of love I gave in the book is: Love is an emotive expression of our humanity, our inner self, and our heart desires. To love and be loved is unavoidably a human phenomenon. We all need love, we want to love. The feeling to love, to give love has been there since creation.
Before my mother’s generation, people didn’t marry because of their feelings for one another. Feelings didn’t matter in the olden days. Families arranged marriages, it was an economic or political arrangement designed to promote the survival and prosperity of clans and families.
It was a duty, not something you engage in for personal fulfilment or emotional pleasure. Sex was a biological function, engaged in for procreation. However, along the line, you’re expected to develop trust, understanding, and intimacy, with each other to make the marriage work.
It wasn’t until the industrial age that things changed. When romance was added as a prerequisite for a relationship/marriage, it changes the dynamism of love and also our perception and reception of love. That is when the term Real love and Romantic love came into existence.
In one of my earlier articles titled, Is love enough to sustain a relationship, I talked of real love and romantic love and some people asked me to differentiate between the two, hence this month’s topic.
Characteristics of Real love
Real love is a constant commitment to a person regardless of present circumstances. It’s a constant commitment to a person no matter their quirks, character traits, emotional baggage and flaws. A person who will rely on you, just as you will rely on them.
A person who will not always please you or make you feel good. It’s dealing with another person’s insecurities and fears even when your own issues are just beside you.
Real love is not temporary, it is deep, abiding, a love impervious to emotional whims or caprices. It is a fusion of two hearts to share a life of togetherness.
Real love is beyond conditions, cons and pros. It’s all-encompassing.
Real love is making your partner’s happiness your priority. It is not about finding your happiness in them, rather, it’s sharing your happiness with them.
Real love is an exotic flower that requires hard work to keep it from withering and dying off. It requires work to keep it in bloom and fresh.
Work hard every day, to shape yourself, appear attractive, and become a better you.
Work hard to improve your feelings, and be affectionate, this will draw you closer to your partner.
Work hard to become wiser, for sound judgement and stronger to bear the unbearable sacrifices that come with truly loving a person.
Real love is learning to adjust yourself and be in sync with your partner. She or he does the same. Real love will not require obligatory sacrifices, cajoled or forced changes. All the changes should be out of affection and real love for your partner.
Real love incorporates other similar feelings such as sincerity, trust, understanding, intimacy, the desire to help each other, mutual feelings, and mutual sympathy. It is the ability and willingness to go into a relationship with someone with no fear of being rejected, ridiculed, or judged.
Love is natural and involuntary because it is a feeling that one cannot stop. Real love is when you don’t know the reason you love a person, there is no reason for loving someone. Real love is unconditional. Real love is beyond jealousy, hatred and insecurities.
Real love is without expectation, it is not tied to time, seasons or moments. It is something that grows over time, not a fleeting feeling to be thrown around, handed out or tossed aside when it no longer suits.
When you truly love someone, you expect nothing from him/her besides loving you back.
Real love is a bond with another that goes deeper than affection, attraction, lust, or friendship. It's a mutual expression of respect, trust, honesty, integrity, intimacy, connection, and togetherness. Real love is not a gesture, but something best experienced through commitment, devotion, loyalty, and faith,
Real love is a connection between two souls; it connects the souls to a deeper level. Real love is in your subconscious, in your soul. Real love can not be restricted, it flows from the inside between two souls, not between two bodies.
Real love is getting used to someone knowing their shortcomings, their knacks, idiosyncrasies and flaws and still wanting to be there for them, caring for their wellbeing, their success, grieving with them when they're sad, celebrating with them when they're happy. Real love is respecting your partner after knowing their not-so-glamorous past life.
Real love is consistent, grounded, unwavering and has more to do with a deep sense of conviction than mere feelings. Real love won’t waver or wither because your partner made a mistake or commit what you considered a social faux pas. It forgives wrongs and mistakes. It’s generous and has genuine intentions.
Real love is a complete acceptance of a person including flaws and loving them for what they are. You love the person as they are without changing them. You love the person for what they are and not for any single quality.
Real love does not need a reason(s) to end a relationship. Whenever hurdles or problems arise it finds reason(s) to continue and make it last forever. That’s real love. It is not an emotion or feeling; it is an act of will. Real love is beyond material and physical boundaries. It doesn’t need any external force to make it work.
Real love is like pure water, (not our sachet water) it is not sensational, it is not sentimental; it is not intoxicating; you don’t get high from drinking pure water. Real love is simple, pure, transparent, and life-giving like pure water.
Love is not always simple or exciting, but it's beautiful, satisfying and meaningful. It brings true happiness, not just a series of highs as in romantic love.
Romantic love is when romance is added to love. What is romance? According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary.
Romance: to try to influence or curry favour especially by lavishing personal attention, gift, or flattery.
Romanticise: to glamorise, glorify, idealise
Having no basis in fact: Imaginary.
Impractical in conception or plan: Visionary.
Marked by the imaginative or emotional appeal of what is heroic. Adventurous, remote, mysterious, or idealised.
It shows that we use the word romantic for something that is unrealistic. That’s why romantic love is most times unpractical and unrealistic. People are not so realistic when they’re in the throes of romantic love, they idealise love and their partner. An apotheosis no one can live up to. When the glittery, the appeal and the vision wear off and the reality check sets in, the relationship goes up in smoke.
Romantic love is an instant attraction that craves physical affection. It is a fall for the body, not the soul, as in real love. Attraction is about admiring the person, being struck by someone's physical appearance, some feature or superficial quality. Loving the person for his/her beauty and how he/she makes you feel. Once that romanticised quality or feeling is gone, the love goes too.
In the beginning, romantic love is intense and makes one act irrationally, or ‘crazy.’ like someone high on drugs or alcohol. It is always associated with thrill, pleasure, excitement, and exhilaration. But these intoxicating feelings are ephemeral. Romantic love is a deciduous relationship.
Romantic love has a hidden desire and is possessive. With time, such feelings as jealousy, impatience, misunderstanding, lust, discord and strife take over the affair. This is because romantic love is all about physical qualities and desires that fade with time.
Romantic love holds grudges, simple mistakes or misunderstandings can break the relationship. Negative things are easily seen and pointed out. In romantic love, a person’s flaws will make you rethink your decision about the relationship.
Romantic love comes with huge baggage of expectations, the reason it requires an outward expression and gestures like an exchange of gifts, flowers, or dinner at intimate places. That’s why Valentine’s Day is important to romantic lovers.
In romantic love, “I love you” is a common phrase with no deep meaning. Romantic love is like a fairy tale, we all crave the ‘happily-ever-after fantasy.
Once the excitement and exhilaration wear off, and we’re back to reality, we want out.
These are clear discrepancies between real love and romantic love, some people mistake one for the other. Many people prefer romantic love to the reality of real love; it’s more glamorous to appear connected to someone than to actually feel connected to them.
One of the most important things you can do to improve your family relationship is to understand and meet each other’s vital emotional needs...
